₦airaland Forum

budaatum:
You have assumed she is "such women" instead of considering you yourself might be such man who just pisses people off.

I have just one bit of advice for you. Two, in case a picture won't do.

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my advice for you is this.....if she can tolerate her own siblings then is common sense she know you have tolerate your husband siblings too.

In yoruba land you can't disrespect your in-law as a woman infact you dare not call the one you older than by name.

ImaIma1:
You want to kill your younger ones? Why would you have such thoughts?

It seems you have comprehension problems or you are just set in your thinking.

Does having younger ones mean they must cause problems in their elder ones marriages? No sir!

I am a younger one that lived with an older one and I didn't have entitlement mentality or cause any issues in my older one's marriage.

Abeg read to understand and discuss like an intelligent human. You are just talking with so much bitterness and narrow minded mindset, that has blinded and clouded your judgement.

READ TO UNDERSTAND AND THINK IT THROUGH AND REASON..DON'T BE A ONE WAY TRAFFIC.

Just use your brain that all.......my siblings can't give me wife problem but if they do I will deal with them....common sense.
But can my wife send my siblings out of my house or tell me they can't come......them no born her papa.


No one will give you problem if you are Patience....

budaatum:
If you want to have good relationship with the family perhaps you would nyot do anything to piss off your brother's wife so she does not throw you out in the first place.

It is an option, don't you think?

You don't need to do anything to piss such women off.... seeing him in that house have already made her Angry.

You can never please someone who doesn't like you no matter how good you behave she will still have issh.

ImaIma1:
Hahahaha...for one, I don't have any younger ones. My husband even talks more with my brothers than I do.

All my siblings even if they are older than my husband respect him and they hardly visit.

Everyone is busy with their lives to have time to chook nose in another person's business. They only know what we want them to know.

May God provide for us all and keep us busy so that we don't have time to trouble another person.

So we that have younger one still looking up to us should kill them or disown them because we are married.

At this point I can see you just irrational......how does me having my younger one visiting me means they are putting mouth in my business.

Abeg use your brain a lil now.

ImaIma1:
If only we had the full story. Only a wicked inlaw will make life difficult for a wife in her own home.

I hope you do same to your own brother if he makes life difficult for you...lol

wicked people will never do such to there own even he/she did worst.

ImaIma1:
They just want to believe that she hates her husband's family just like they believe most wives do. They don't care to find out the root of the matter. How these wives are treated by their husband's family.

Someone on this thread was already planning how he will make life difficult for his brother's future wife. That is someone that plans to be jobless in future to have time to make another human's life difficult.

abi ooo.....is only the husband family that are always wicked, the wife family are always nice.

Like the wife family don't put there burden on the man too.....you are just biased.

Men tolerate there in law alot that why we hardly complain.

ImaIma1:
Sweetheart relax. Stop getting worked up. Whether you think it is an intelligent question or not, it happened.

And it happened that the wife who just had a cesarean was the one climbing bikes to the market and cooking for her husband's mother and younger sisters till they left.

When the wife now has her second child and insists that she wants her own family, someone that doesn't have sense will say she doesn't like her husband's family.

I am not someone who is partial or does eye service. I will pick who makes my life easier over who makes it harder. And I will have my strong reasons and evidence before doing so in such a way that even the dumbest person will understand and agree.

Whatever choice you want to make that you and your man business.....As for me whatever reason that makes my family not to have free access to my house yours too can't come period.

You can't tolerate mine ....I can't tolerate yours.

in between only a wicked woman will support a wife throwing is husband brother out....no matter what she has no right to do that.....she only trying to bring hatred btw them.

budaatum:
I think you are far too intelligent for this thread. Some want to think the wife was insane and acted without provocation when the brother-in-law who opened the thread was obviously economical with the truth.

Op, please, don't marry so you are your siblings can enjoy your house and pot of soup in peace.

So if he provoked her the next thing is to throw the boy out can she throw her sibling out

So my bro wife throw me out of is house and I will have good relationship with the family going forward

ImaIma1:
You don't seem to read to understand. I did not mention her mother. Read my question again:

When you get married and your wife puts to bed especially through cesarean section that need care and lots of healing. YOUR mum and YOUR sister are the ones who come to do the omugwo. Who do you think should be doing the cooking for everyone to eat at that time?

Like this isn't an intelligent question at all.

What is the meaning of omugwoif you no the meaning then you have your answer
.
She needs there help that why they came.

ImaIma1:
I see that you still didn't understand. But I will let that go. But let me ask you a question.

When you get married and your wife puts to bed especially through cesarean section that need care and lots of healing. Your mum and sister are the ones who come to do the omugwo. Who do you think should be doing the cooking for everyone to eat at that time?

I don't have any issh with her mother coming to take care of her sofar she doesn't try to impose her family in my house
if she tells me my mum can't come her mother can't come aswell.

Why have anyone talked about Tyler Perry series titled SISTAS
The series is cool currently on S2

Chii59:
I gave you a comprehensive breakdown from a Christian standpoint, even put it in bold, that the lady went to the extreme. But that's not enough for you. I'll tell you why. You have a preconceived notion about women, and that alone blindims your eyes and beclouds your reasoning. And the only thing that'd appease you is if I join you to bash a woman who's side of the story we haven't heard.
When you marry, if you do, do whatsoever pleases you.

Christian stand point that makes my family intruders in my house while are own aiin't.

which extreme she should stay in her father house now.....like marrying a man now is a favour??
A woman throws her husband bro things out is totally unacceptable no matter what he did....ask your mom if she smile if your bro wife do that to one of your siblings.

Chii59:
Before marriage, a man's first duty is to his family, but once he's married, his first duty is to his wife, then his parents and siblings. God knows how hard you men find LEAVING and CLEAVING that's why Jesus emphasised "For this cause shall a MAN leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" Mark 10:9

The lady in question, the brother's wife went to the extreme, true, but then the man's brother didn't honour the woman of the house.
And everyone knows a woman's office is the kitchen.
Hence he knew she doesn't like him, nor him, her, why then did he enter her kitchen (which is hers by right of marriage) to cook without obtaining her permission?

By virtue of marriage, the house is hers, the kitchen is hers and the food is hers, because "the two shall become one"
If you're married and yet you don't see your wife as a co-owner, a partner in that home, that's not the Biblical way.

"we struggled together" yes it can be quite painful but IT IS WHAT IT IS.
We don't know the woman's story, if she struggled or not before getting married, but we know that a woman, upon getting married, leaves her family, changes her father's name and adopts the man's.

l
Look, op, this is God's way. You can choose to obey or not, but if you don't, prepare for a peace less home.

But her own people will want to come to my house abi
I swear you don't no me.....non of her People will step my house

Slynation:
I can imagine the embarrassment...I have been in that scenario before when I travelled Enugu but my own case was that I already made arrangements to sleep in a hotel....I only wanted to visit my Uncle's wife so I can give her children the goodies I bought for them,but to my greatest surprise this woman kept on telling me stories of how they went to church since 10am I said no probs, I would check back later, when I was done with what brought me to abakpa, I called her, she said they are still at the church and the program is ending soon (that kinda silent church) Then I noticed it was a game and decided to play along just for fun, At 7pm...I stopped by her gate, it wasn't locked, I called her again, this time around she said the program ain't ending soon that they are likely to sleep over but I picked the light voice of her most stubborn son at the background saying "but mummy we didn't go to any church naw" My only annoyance was that this was someone I gave a week notice before my visit, someone I normally gist with in the villa during the yuletide period, I was very fund of her son's, one was even my namesake, she deprived me of seeing them, perhaps she thought I was coming over to stay or what, me that cherish my privacy....The last time we met at the villa, I shun her like bad habit, I don't promote nonsensical behaviour

Can you imagine.... this just wickedness.

LadySarah:
When I read the thread I SMH and moved on, no comment. I have experienced that just bcoz I slept over at my bros house on emergency after arriving the city late cos of traffic.The wife was talking rubbish that I came without informing them.This is someone that has had holidays in my home for up-to a week. I left and went for the conference I came for.Almost all her 5 siblings have lived there at one point orthe other and the day I was leaving the sister brought 3 of her kids for hols. l learnt they stayed for a month .Imagine if it was from the husbands side.

more than a year now, my legs hasn't neared it.I have my own home which gives me peace. I'm still the one who invites my own in-laws.last yr she was talking about hols and I shut her up.Let her stay in her house let me stay on my own.

Useless things are what we bother about; my kitchen,my this and that.Nobody knows 2moro.There should have been other ways to settle the issue other than throwing him out unless he is challenging her.

God bless you my sister......you are a rare gem for speaking the truth...

like Yoruba people says.....the wicked one won't treat her own that way.

ImaIma1:
You already have your own mindset and you can't even open your mind to what I am saying. You filter what you want and capitalize on it.

I guess your mind refused to read and accept my last paragraph. Let me highlight it for you:

If my husband has a sibling that is agreeable and I relate with better than with mine, I will readily pick that one. I don't need my life harder but easier.


Whatever the case, the house is more of the wife's own than thw siblings whether it goes down well with you or not.

Only a foolish man will allow such.....no woman can pick her siblings over mine in my house.

if can't tolerate mine ,non of hers will step a foot in my house.

Chii59:
Take it or leave it. Peace out.

So because am married my siblings should sleep on the street anytime they need shelter.

I don't take nonsense.....any woman try such with me I swear to God she going back to her parent house.
Am not a foolish man who forget those who were there for me before I met her....if she isn't going to allow mine that non of her family members will step a foot in my house.

Womanizer:
Pray not to ever find yourself in a situation where you have to make a choice

bro am not a simp or sissy........ before I find myself in such a situation I no my choice.

I can never choose my wife over my family neither can I choose my family over my wife.

No wife can make me misbehave to my family....no family can make me misbehave to my wife.

Chii59:
Before marriage, a man's first duty is to his family, but once he's married, his first duty is to his wife, then his parents and siblings. God knows how hard you men find LEAVING and CLEAVING that's why Jesus emphasised "For this cause shall a MAN leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" Mark 10:9

The lady in question, the brother's wife went to the extreme, true, but then the man's brother didn't honour the woman of the house.
And everyone knows a woman's office is the kitchen.
Hence he knew she doesn't like him, nor him, her, why then did he enter her kitchen (which is hers by right of marriage) to cook without obtaining her permission?

By virtue of marriage, the house is hers, the kitchen is hers and the food is hers, because "the two shall become one"
If you're married and yet you don't see your wife as a co-owner, a partner in that home, that's no the Biblical way.

"we struggled together" yes it can be quite painful but IT IS WHAT IT IS.
We don't know the woman's story, if she struggled or not before getting married, but we know that a woman, upon getting married, leaves her family, changes her father's name and adopts the man's.

Look, op, this is God's way. You can choose to obey or not, but if you don't, prepare for a peace less home.

All what you wrote just proves more the fact you women are selfish.
can she do that to own sibling that my question....stop supporting evil.

Yusufisraelj:
Op


There are many sides to this, but it chiefly rest with the man on how he handles his house.

But as it concerns relatives, none should be treated more special and none should feel entitled. Simple

bro no matter the side to the story she can't do that to her own sibling.....it is wickedness.

ImaIma1:
You want me to respond as a man?

There's no competition as to whether it is husband or wife's family that has access. I can easily scold my sibling to wash his plate or take his legs off the chair or to go help me do the dishes.

But with my inlaw of the same age, I have to walk on pins not to offend him so that he doesn't have stories to tell the family when he gets home. He might expect me to serve him amd pack his plates.

So if you were to pick one, who would you pick? I am realistic not sentimental. If my husband has a sibling that is agreeable and I relate with better than with mine, I will readily pick that one. I don't need my life harder but easier.

But as the husband am expected to understand and accept you picking your siblings over mine

you aiin't sentimental but really selfish....so your siblings won't offend your husband, can he scold your siblings??
am expected to tolerate your siblings but you can't tolerate mine??

ImaIma1:
I am married and I don't have inlaws or my family staying with us. And when my inlaws come around, they ask when they need something. They won't just do anything because it's their brother's house.

My people tend to understand that aspect of marriage. Because even when we visit our brother's house, we all act like we are at the mercy of his wife. She's the one that now tells us to stop behaving like visitors and enter the kitchen and help ourselves.

When there's mutual respect for each other's place in the family, there will be peace and not competition.

you just talking about when you visit your brother place......

my question is do you treat your own people/siblings the same way when they visit you??...Do they ask your permission for everything

Martinez39s:
Don't bother arguing with any female or expecting her to hold her gender accountable and concede their fault and nature. They are full of śhit. I blame the weak and silly men of this generation.

That what I hate most about them they will never own up to there shit but will rather claim victim or shift blame.
You married a man and immediately his family are intruders while yours have free access to the house.

ImaIma1:
When a man gets married, that house becomes his wife's home more than his siblings'. But it is a hard pill to swallow by the family. They cannot just come in and do as they like anymore. It's common sense.

When I visit my brother's house then, I maintain my lane. I ask his wife's opinion on things before I do it. Even after I cook for the family, I still ask her to dish the food for me. It is her house.

If everyone is doing well financially, no one will have time to disturb their brother's wife because they will be busy with their own lives.

that the problem....am sure you will do same when you get married.
is her home meant for her relatives while the husband relatives are now intruders.

Well my mum is also guilty but I told her to her face it was wrong.

ImaIma1:
How do we know what the truth is? It didn't seem like it was the cooking in her kitchen and serving his friend that was the issue.

The OP was obviously economical with the whole truth. Someone who has such entitlement mentality about his brother's acquisitions.

Does he treat his brother's wife with respect or he treats her like a leech that came to take his place in his brother's house?

It is not news that some wives can be territorial especially with husband's family. Everyone should learn to respect each other's space.

All this husband's family fighting the wife is becoming old. Left to some, the won't allow their brother get married so that they can have his undivided attention.

typical woman response... respect which space

Her family will have free access to the space and mine won't??

MejiLoyon:
I'm not here to argue. I just enlightened you. Foolishness is a gift bestowed upon everyman. It depends on how you use it

True that bro...... I get you perfectly.

Slynation:
Bros thank you very much.... I was so upset when I saw that thread, especially when my fellow guys, sorry "Ladies with preeq" disguising as my fellow gender commenting rubbish because they got married....One even said his own brother is now an intruder in his house...like WFT!!

Most Men useless this days oO....

That was why I open this thread..... some men are just sissy this days.....how will my own blood be an intruder in my house.

My siblings that can stake anything for me.....I can't choose my wife over my family and I can't choose my family over my wife period.

I can only choose my children above them.

MejiLoyon:
A counter thread.
See bros you can't judge in family affairs.
You might see it from one perspective and another will see it from another. Also depends on the sibling's relationship. And temperament. And on how the man treats or handles his home. So many factors so don't judge. Every one on that thread is right. Based on their experience.

In my own opinion it can't even happen when the woman no chop winch. "In my opinion" because I value my family pass anything. It can't also happen because my brother can't even stay in my house in the first place. It can't happen because if my brother stays with me before wedding he must go. Shey you see? Something like this happened to me 22 years ago. Not to driving me out but she screamed and lied on me. Till date I don't even speak to my brother because of that issue. For I don't forgive. 22 years ago ooo. I don't know how my niece looks like or the wife. I do learn of her issues once in a while and I send anonymous azas to her but it ends there. So it depends. I hope you get the point

My question.....why is always an issue if is the husband relative

So because am married my family can't have access to my house anymore

Like I said is foolish men that takes such.

Someone posted a thread on how his brother wife threw is things out because he cooked for a friend who visited and everyone was telling him to find a way to leave the house, is wrong for him to enter her kitchen bla bla bla..

This my question if it was her siblings that did the same would she throw his things out??

Most women are just wicked ,self centered and greed ....this happens in most home... women don't want there in-law visiting is only there people that are welcome.....they want to control the home.
Kitchen is only an issue when the in-law enter to pick anything but if is there own relative you won't hear anything.
My own older brother wife did same to our last born ....she always complaining anytime she visit for few days but her own bro/sis will visit for months without any complain.....my sis haven't step his house for like 3yrs now because of that issh.

Let always speak the truth when we give advise instead of being economical with the truth.....it wasn't because the guy cooked for his friend she threw is things out ....is just wickedness of most women... they don't want to see there in-laws....they want to cut the husband family off for there selfish reasons but if anything happens is still the same people they run to.
This things happens alot and very annoying..... Only a foolish man take such rubbish from is wife....
YOU THROW MY SIBLINGS THINGS OUT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR PARENT HOUSE.

Note :
I can never choose my wife over my family neither can I choose my family over my wife.

No wife can make me misbehave to my family....no family can make me misbehave to my wife.

same thing happened to me in 2018.....I learnt never to trust anyone with my money.

he should just move on because he can never get the money back infact he might even get insulted by her if he drag the issh too much.

Most are just ingrate....if it was the other way round trust me your friend will be in jail by now.

Yusufisraelj:
Sincerely appreciate your honesty my brother, it's not easy.

I will like to start by saying that both of you have to sit down and do a heart to heart talk sincerely this night.

Let her her tell you those things you are doing that is making her not feel loved (this is where her reaction is coming from), take time to listen to her and pass no blames or excuses, just listen to her. Then ask her what she she thinks you can do to make her happy?

Then tell her what you think she is doing that is causing you pain, what you think she can do to change the narrative and make you happy.

Pls and pls relationship is a platform for growth both of you must be getting better for each other and both of you should learn to accommodate each other and talk freely but respectfully so.

Just keep an open mind and make the necessary adjustments for your lady equally she should do same for you, both of you have been in love before, don't let little things come in between you both.

As regards your investment, you will have to go on with it, bkos if you spend that money on food, the days ahead will be terrible and with the way this country is going, we will need food down the year, so you should cash in big.

I wish is that easy..... having that heart to heart talk is the biggest problem.

bro she will throw emotion into it and
raise her voice which makes me mad.....I will try sha but I know it will lead to another fight.

Yusufisraelj:
My brother you just have to communicate with her on the burden she's putting on you, I couldn't safe either.

But my savings grace came when she decided to side with her parents on our union and let me be.

First things first accommodating any living thing will consume, be it pet or human being, if human being it's even more expensive. The truth is you gat to let her see reasons to get something doing to augment. You just have to make her see reasons that your current finance cannot sustainably cater for both of you under the current situation of one person working and other not. She won't like it but you have say it my brother, if not you will errupt on her on other issues and it won't be worth it,when what is disturbing you have not been addressed.

So my brother find ways to communicate this to her, especially on a happy mood or you get her a gift and land the new project of she needing to do something concerning her finances.

For me I'll advise if possible let her get her space and visit or you visit occasionally. You are an example to others and people may read wrong meaning to both of you staying together there by dragging your good integrity and sincerity aground.

Honestly I don't have issh with her staying with me and she also have something doing but the pay is nothing.
Just that D's days we have misunderstanding too often over things.... the money I make go off easily since am the one dropping 90% of wat we need financially.
She made a statement last week that people won't know how we are living in a detrimental way...If I talk she feels am transferring aggression to her so I decided to keep shut....am thinking alot of things....... I need to invest about 300k into the new farming year D's month which will make things tight financially for now.

So bro how should I go about it.... already am getting this feeling of she suffering with me which to her is my fault but I will rather invest my money than use it to eat.