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Olakunlebaba:
BEDTIME HUMOUR

PLS GET A SEAT BEFORE READING THIS POST SO THAT YOU DONT FALL OFF

��REMEMBER AND LAUGH �

Anytime I told my wife this segment of the story of my life, she used to laugh to stupor.

It happened some twenty nine years ago yet it never looses it's comical attributes.

We were three close friend living on the same street. My two friends coincidentally were bearing same name Tolu. The first Tolu did something and it worked.

What was it?

Knowing quite well that his mother was watching, Tolu started tinkering with these Tiger Batteries, gathering the black powder into a nylon bag.

When the mother asked him what he wanted to do with the powder, he calmly told her that any day the mother made him angry by not aquescing to any of his request, he would swallow the powder and commit suicide. The mum was shocked and started panicking begging him to discard the idea. But it worked.

Tolu was getting all he wanted from his rich Mum. We saw the changes. Tolu spent more, he enjoyed more.

After a lot of hassles, he finally let us in of what he did. So we decided to copy and hoped it works too on our parents. Tolu's lifestyle was becoming oppressive to us.

When I got home, I made sure my Mum was around and so I started dismantling the battery casings. Of course, she asked what I was doing with the battery powder. I did as my friend said that I want to keep it to commit suicide if my Mum does not listen to me.

I never knew how my Mum covered the distance between us. The slap was deadening, the subsequent ones makes my cheeks bounced like skin of a beaten drum. It was sunny afternoon yet it seemed it was dark and it was about to rain. It was the slaps playing tricks with my vision.

She dragged me inside like a criminal and gave me a punishment that erased all suicide thought from my head. "Eedi fe di e abi?, Emi lo maa le edi Jade ninu aye e".

When my Dad came in the night, the punishment continued. He banned all my friends visiting or me getting out, said I was being influenced.

As if those were not enough, Mum invited her younger sister, my Aunt to talk "sense" into me. My Aunt?, her mouth was a razor blade, when she talked to you, you can even commit the suicide self. Like when she said "Anty mi, sheh won o paaro omo fun yin ni ward Sha?" She was asking if the wrong child was not given to my Mum at my birth!

I ended up begging and apologizing and that was when my Mum burst crying.

The way my sibblings now looked at me, it was if I was the devil incarnate. I was avoided like a plague. I felt sorry that I made Mum cried, especially when she started stating what she was passing through to put food on the table.

I really felt like Judas. But what happened to the second Tolu?

His own case was the worst. Indeed , he too did that same thing. When they asked him and he said he wanted to commit suicide, they didn't even behave as if they heard him. He didn't know his mother had given the elder brother signal to capture him.

They grabbed Tolu and lied him down, the mother said he should open his mouth so the powder would be poured in for him. My friend tightened his mouth struggling to get free. 'Ti o ba ku Alaye a shaye', (if you die those alive would go on living).

When Tolu finally struggled free, he ran like never before. He could not go home, he came to my house and I also told him my pathetic story. I told him to go before my Mum set eyes on him.

As he later told me, when he finally got home and was served dinner, he sniffed it, gave a spoonful to a dog and watched it before he could eat it.

We became gentlemen afterwards, there are some parents "madder" than you if you want to attempt madness.

Never stopped laughing.

Anytime the three jolly friends meet, we just remember and laugh...

The times are hard so laugh & let out the pressure�

#Copied

chatinent:
Hello father,

Did you say you don't know what to do?

My friend, will you c'mon go and start pricing and buying napkin and baby wears...you are here saying you don't know what to do.

If you don't know what to do, do what you know new fathers do.

Abstain from premarital sex, you no hear.

Shey you put mirror dey look your face when you were busy penising up and down in acrobats and during the climax baa? The imbecilic face? The akwukwu baa? The energy? Use am go price napkin for triplets.


What God cannot do doesn't exist.

Warrior14:
I will be getting married in 3 weeks time but I'm not happy
I'm getting married to a man who has beaten me two different times. I'm getting married to a man who is heartless and doesn't know how to love and treat a woman right. I'm getting married to a man who does not have a mind of his own.

I'm getting married but I'm already thinking of divorce. You should think twice before saying I do, this description sooo fit the father mlof my kids, almost taught he is the getting marrie

I'm overwhelmed! I'm physically strong but I'm weak.
Just don't want to wake up from my sleep so I won't have to continue with this marriage plans as I can't stand the shame of calling off the marriage at this time.

Pavore9:
Have you ever taken the children and drop them with their father for some time especially the 2 older ones, I believe he will not starve his own children nor refuse them schooling.

Jennyfha:
Hi, friends. November the 9th we are going to celebrate very happy occasion.  It is my daughter birthday, and I thought it would be fun to celebrate with a giveaway. I'm giving away 300k to 3 people 100k each to start businesses of their choice. Please tell me what type of business you are going to do with 100k. You must be in this category
1. Widow /widower
2. Student orphans under the age of 25
3. Single mother

I will required proofs before I release the funds.

I will announce the winners in November 9th at 12pm. Good luck .

Jennyfha:
Hi, friends. November the 9th we are going to celebrate very happy occasion.  It is my daughter birthday, and I thought it would be fun to celebrate with a giveaway. I'm giving away 300k to 3 people 100k each to start businesses of their choice. Please tell me what type of business you are going to do with 100k. You must be in this category
1. Widow /widower
2. Student orphans under the age of 25
3. Single mother
I will required proofs before I release the funds.

I will announce the winners in November 9th at 12pm. Good luck .

shupy:
*Nanny* ( Female Applicants only)
With at least ND certificate, neat, God fearing, child friendly personality and must have a good command of English language. For 50k, must be ready to reside in Abuja. Accommodation and feeding is free.
If you're interested, just post "interested" on this thread. I will contact you via your Nairaland email, when I do, please respond to the email with a full length recent picture and your CV.

IyaTola:
Good morning!

Easter is a time to reflect and celebrate, but unfortunately many are not celebrating because of the situation of things.

I want to help atleast 10 people who have genuine reasons to be assisted.

You must provide evidence

Happy easter

jmoore:
You have to repeat all the update processes plus uploads.

Candidate004:
Please I want to render my sincere apologies to everyone. My intention was to do my 3k giveaway each to 7 people but my account has been restricted due to trading crypto currency.

I am very sorry. Please don't be offended.

I am sorry. I am even really troubled about it.

Candidate004:
We are in the love session. Valentine is here.

I plan to show love to brothers and sisters.

You may be single or in a relationship, I plan to do give away for few people just to show love is for everyone. Let's share love

Drop aza

Squirrel01:
Una dey try ,14k ?how do you even survive?

pocohantas:
We have started crediting the guys. To the ladies, na me hold una. Network issues, but I’ll come through.

Toyade888:
Done
Merry Christmas

Toyade888:
Ur no