₦airaland Forum

A girl living[i] “in abroad”[/i] probably has her own car, lives her own place and has a job. Men don’t want that, they want a girl who will come and ask them for money for Sanitary Towel, so they can tell her she should buy tissues instead, since Sanitary towel is a luxury and not a necessity.

Ah ahn! What sort of men are you dating.  That sweeping generalization is so not true.  I love a woman who can work to support the family.  I find it sexy!

I’m not saying these girls are suegbes, it’s because they don’t have a choice. They can’t work because they have no papers, they can’t drive because they have no papers, they can’t travel because they have no papers. I’ve seen it so many times, women brought to America by their hubbies…for the first year or two (even longer) these women are completely dependent on their husbands for everything. They get weekly allowances and if they happen to run out before the end of the week, too bad!

in this situation you are speaking of women who have no way of making ends meet.  we are including all genre of Naija women here.  Money does not give a woman the right to tower over her man.

One woman I know cried like a baby when she found out her husband used to buy her clothe from thrift stores. When she was in Nigeria, she was a tailor. . . an up and coming designer, she came to America and started wearing thrift store clothes. She saved enough money and got herself a sawing machine. . . one of those you’ll find in a Home Economic class. She started sawing and pretty soon, she had her own income. . . went from doing nasty, ratty looking hair to doing really good hair. She, as the Yoruba say, [i]tu ran se [/i]and you can guess what happened, suddenly her husband started to complain that she has become Americanized. Seriously, looking clean, well-dressed and presentable is now Americanized? Her business really took off and the issue of getting a place where she can have a showroom came up and this guy said NO. She begged and begged, brought elders to the house to house to help her talk to her husband and the idiot said, she can do anything she wants as long as she's ready to move out of the house. He accused her "changing" from the girl he married and just basically rubbished her dreams, she didn't get her showroom and just stopped sawing all together. She walks as a Teacher's Aid at a daycare center, she is way more intelligent than the teacher she's aiding but the beauty or best part of this is. . . She HATES him with every fiber of her being. She can't stand him, when he travels, she jokes about being free from bondage for however long he is away.

Those two are simply incompatible.  The guy is an inconsiderate dolt.

Sisikill:
Intimidation pure and simple!

It is not as simple as that

If it’s their preference to go to Nigeria to get married, then it is their preference! How then it is “Abroad living girls” fault?

Why you take style dey ask me ? If the girl living overseas does not display the familial chracteristics he finds appealing to him, he can look elsewhere.

Ruby_Pearl:
@baxilexi
ttyl.

and HCH,
control yourself, man.


^{not waiting around for his reply}

If you like wait if you like no wait, i don talk wetin i go talk.

Uche2nna:
I wish it was that simple.

Most times where we come from makes all the difference

Yes it does.

baxi the bedroom was created after your suggestion.

Pataki:
Ehie, you are leaving without giving your contact details?

Please do not go yet.

LOL  

Queenisha:
You don't get it do you?
you told us you were born and raised Anglican,same here
did you read about marriage in the Bible from the teachings of paul ?
all those women lib stuff will only lead you to multiple marriages.
If you're not ready to play by the rules of marriage then remain single.
marriage is afterall not compulsory.

churchgoers are not necessarily true christians osisi, don't forget.

ibkaye:
Lol not submission as in slavery!!

Husband: Ok darling, you are now allowed to talk

Wife: Thankyou dear

Husband: Ok darling, you are now allowed to eat

Wife: Thankyou dear

Husband: Ok darling, you are now allowed to sleep

Wife: Thankyou dear

Hehehehehehehehehe

hahahahaha    

ehie:
@Pataki   am just a lone voice in the wilderness,
Am just tired of all these aggresive attititudes some chicks pull.

the numbers of degreess and doughs and visa stamps don't make u a better person just a flashy one, it is wha u think, how u act, what u do

I must marry you.  

onyinye, you can learn from her.

There is no arguement about this when aman love/treats a woman very well sbmission come naturally

hope you're taking notes.

Ruby_Pearl:
@HCH
Get lost with her

I will save your punishment for the bedroom.  We shall see who is dictating in our home  

onyinye2:
I was born and raised in the Anglican Church so you can't tell me nothing about the Will of God. im just saying is that why can't we both lead? Two is always better than one.

u are a lost cause.  

onyinye2:
Last i heard, a marriage was a partnership not a dictatorship.

It is a partnership with a God-chosen dictator.  How dare you disobey the will of God.

onyinye2:
Yeah but he can control the kids but as for me, mba.

So let him go find a woman in Nigeria who understands that the man is the head of the household.  As an American chicka, you no get that understanding.  Doesn't mean he's intimidated; it's just that you have different views on marriage.

$$Rhino:
Anything with 2 heads is called monster.

When monsters collide disaster strikes.  Divorce is the disaster.

Queenisha:
My dear,with this stand,you may not be married for too long.
Go and mark my words.
There can never be 2 captains in a ship

LOL Even you agree.  You are a naija woman to the core.  

Nne you got it all wrong. You see i understand that the man is the leader of the household but not over me. Of course i would take of my husband's every need and so will he do the same. But submission, mba

Are you not inhabiting the same household  

Queenisha:
ch3coo3 sounds like the girls over here never came from Nigeria and the ones they marry from Naija will be living in a cocoon when they get here.

LOL . . . by the time they change (if they ever do), it will be too late.

Keep kidding yourselves.
A good woman is a good woman no matter where she lives.

I AGREE

A market woman is a market woman whether in Leeds,NYC or Ikorodu road

More market women in Yankee than Naija.  Nairastatistics show that 4/5 of Yankee women are market women, while 1/10 of Nigerian women are.  Which odds do you prefer  

ehie:
the husband is the head, that is what the bible said, submission, when u go out of God's will ,
well the rest is history
if u don't respect your husban how will your kids respect u and the world they are to enter.
selflessness is not foolishness

ehie, you're turning me on o.

they are surely not refering to nigerian borvas, because a brother will want to walk behind u to assimilate all he got in you and raise his shoulder to show off the sista and tell all want to be to keep off.

abi o.  women of nowadays are not content.  always looking for ways to walk in a man's shoes.

onyinye2:
I would of course cook for my family. That is a priority. But sometimes when i come home, i am tired, i would like to see a nice little meal waiting for me.Oh

Make sure it is "SOMETIMES" .  

so you want your wife to walk behind where ever you go??

no. i would much rather hold her hand, but if she feels safer back there, why not

ehie:
not my number   oh! am not starting a blogfight oh

I am not talking of blogfight my friend.  I meant networking  

rubi:
The problem here is most naija guys in abroad wants a woman who will walk behind them and not beside them

how you take know this    playing the gender card again? that's another thing about yankee girls: feminist brigades.

onyinye2:
Tell me what mentality you are talking about. cause clearly we have different answers.

the one below.

Yeah gurlie, i  mean if i spent a whole day discussing economy plans and world affairs, the last thing im fittin na do is cook for no body. in fact im the one who should come home to a meal.

ehie, how do you qualify this statement?  A girl who is standoff-ish and pompous, who refuses to cook for her husband because she's the president of her company?    See why I say a lot of these girls don't share our similar interests.  ehie, I might need your number soon. you're a rare gem.    .  If my wife's work gets in the line of her homely responsibilities, she must find a job that honors the safety of our marriage.

agaba123:
But truth remains that some of those who come over from naija may still come and make friends with those born here and at the end of the day become worse.

That's the risk you take. But the older they are, the harder it is for that to happen.

onyinye2:
Oh quiet you.

Nwoke, abeg go and do research.

that's the type of mentality i'm talking about.  
I believe I have better chances of  

ehie:
Its so easy to get divorced in America, "our marriage isnt working" so it ends,its like people don't put their hearts in it.
Nigerian culture knocks into u that u should stay a virgin and stay with your husband till u die,
bottom line is that the reason most guys marry Nigerian girls is that they are more patient,more in tune with their positions as wives and not as rivals.don't oversate their independence ie i earn a million dollars, blal bla bla,
Husband, first,Kids Second Yourself third, even if u are the president, u go home and cook for your husband
so far it has worked the divorce rate in most african countries is far less that those in the  west,

thank you sister.  that is the type of mentality missing in so many of the girls that are bred her, in my opinion.

madamkoko:
Yes, its a question of choosing to be compatible with someone. Yes, I agree with you.


BUT i think its intimidation, when it becomes a conscious decision when one purposefully opts not to date someone abroad just because they're abroad (at least try them out. give them a chance.) don't assume they're any less Nigerian,  ,  there's no difference in a WELL MANNERED, EDUCATed Niger babe abroad and a well mannered educated babe in Niger.  no difference. same lessons. same manners.

Well if someone opts to date someone abroad just because they're abroad, i agree i don't see the good logic in that, but it could still be a preference.   Stereotype or should I say prejudice is not against the law, it is just usually frowned upon.

What of Nigerians who choose not to marry blacks . . . is that not somewhat similar?

rubi:
Upbringing is like a seed planted in ones life which will not germinate that time but in the long run the effect of it will definitely manifest

Depending on what you mean by germinate, I will say I disagree with you for now.  Your upbringing does not necessarily everlast the marital beliefs you hold.

onyinye2:
So are you saying that me being brought up in ilu oyinbo, that i would run for divorce as soon as things are not peachy??

Not as soon as things are not peachy, but you're are more likely to - yes.  Those are some of the things I have observed.  I wish they publish reports on these things so I can back up my observations.

Queenisha:
preference
is that what they now call it?
so the fact that a girl relocated from Nigeria to the west makes her non preferred?
Please tell me something else

You don't understand what is meant by preference.  If it's the guy's choice to marry from home, he is not wrong for choosing to do so .  

Most of these men running home are underachievers.
They want a girl that'll see them as the "rescuer "
I live here you know
I've seen these men.

Those are terrible assumptions to make.  Underachieving what?
I personally cannot marry a woman who does not share similar marriage philosophy to mine.

A girl with her own home,car and means may not be particularly thrilled by a suitor that drives cabs
But a girl in Nigeria would see him as a dream come true
He'll tell her he's self employed.
I've seen things ma dear
but whatever you "prefer"

She's in a class different from his, so if she can't marry him let her marry someone within her social status.  I know many Nigerian men who drive cabs that marry the girls here.  You don't need to lie about your profession to gain a good woman.

madamkoko:
Thats not true, there are many, several, many OLDER NIGERIANS WHO GREW UP IN NIGERIA AND ARE DIVORCED, married, remarried, divorced, have cheated, and the list goes on,

his argument is that it happens more in obodo oyibo.

_{I don't where many of you are getting all these assumptions from.}

People just need to understand the fact that Marriage is a choice and both partners have to work and put in equivalant time and effort to make things work.  Marriage is NOT a bed of roses, if u're in india, japan, Nigeria, America, understand this and you won't go into marriage dreaming of perfection. You will be prepared.

so you agree with me that it's a question of compatibility.  if a man's preference is to marry from home because he feels more comfortable with that, why should you think he's intimidated?  What's wrong with playing ti safe?

Since my last post i'v bin thinkin and deeply too.Wldn't u guys agree with me that a naija babe bak home would endure more stress of marriage than a naija chick living abroad.Because it can't be rosy all the time.

most likely, yes.  because, the girls bred here would more than likely opt for the divorce option when the going gets tough . . . .

rubi:
It depends on up bringing

upbringing is usually not in favor of the ones here.