₦airaland Forum

onyinye2:
Maybe in California or New York but i know it aint slightly accepted where i am from.

But it is in some parts of America. See San Francisco for example . It's like Sodom and Gomorrah all over again.

onyinye2:
The Bible said that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, but look at the millions of people who do it. And not it is encouraged and some how praised.

Many do it, but do they do it by modifying/misconstruing scripture? No. They accept their sins without trying to incorporate it into our religion. They don't carry signs bearing "Fornication Church" .

onyinye2:
It is not praised here, accepted in some sense maybe.

Accepted and praised.  

When "Judge Not" was written in the bible, the intention was not to convey to you that it is okay to encourage erroneous sexual disorder.

onyinye2:
Why?? If they want to be gay, then that is their choice. You don't want anybody telling you how to live your life.

What do you mean why? I just answered your question. Why not. If they want to live that kind of lifestyle, let them do it in the U.S. where it is praised. Nigeria is basically a massive religious institution and our religions do not support thisdisgusting practice.

onyinye2:
Yes i know but let that person answer to God when their time comes.

I am not stopping them from answering to God when that time comes. But that doesn't stop me from vocally distinguishing right from wrong as was established by God.

onyinye2:
If you are not dodging, then answer it. Do you think you are God, if not, why are you judging these people??

I will take it up for him.
If we welcome your type of suspensive mentality not much will be left of tomorrow's world.  Refusal to judge doesn't/shouldn't prevent us from discerning between goodness and evil.

One man groping another man's butthole is a terroristic act frowned upon by our God.

tpia, juju is science with the mystery removed
Juju should never be mentioned in the same breath as science, until the day it coughs up something as extraordinary as the internet . . . . with solid proof too.

Feministic:
This would be fine if it were limited to their own personal household, but people, Nigerians in particular, have not yet learned how to separate their own religious beliefs and interpretations from the public,

These same people constitute the public.  They are the same ones going to church soaking in those religions taught to them.  It determines their public attitude. 

there have been women who have been denied jobs or higher positions in their workplace because the one in charge assumed that as women, they either weren't capable, deserving or entitled to the job, I will admit that sometimes between a man and a woman, the man has proven himself to be the better one for that particular job, but I think denying that women are looked upon by society as the "weaker sex" is unrealistic, not just because of religious views but because of history.

I don't believe women are the weaker sex.  I will not deny that women have been getting that "weaker sex" rep for what seems like eternity, but for the sake of argument have you questioned why?  According to the statistics published in 2001, in the World Almanac, there are 101.3 men for every 100 women.  So, with the ratio of men to women being approximately 50:50, what/who do you suppose is responsible for the misinformation that women are the weaker sex if not they themselves?   I justify this with the rationale that if women can succumb so easily to the brainwash that they are not as intelligent, strong, or as good as men, aren't they their own villains?  Those of you, or those educated among us, who now fight to erase that false impression are responsible for suppressing that stereotype.

I would understand that this could work in a family that actually wanted this, but in Nigeria, I find that women are not taken as seriously in the job market, this may be due to the fact that the idea is still pretty new ( American women were also treated with some resentment when they first entered the job market), and this contributes to the amount of women that have decent jobs, or were even encouraged to look for a job other than a nurse or a teacher. This is changing though, but I see so many Nigerian women with master degrees and no jobs, because they feel it is "not their place" to work or afraid that people, like the poster, will not see them as "suitable" wives, they are limiting their own progress more so out of fear than actual preference.

Yes, it is relatively new but you must remember that many Nigerian women are not as civilized as their Western others.  Not everyone has a chace at an education which not only builds their mind, but shaprens their logic.  Furthermore, they live in a country where tradition/religion actually dictates what governs the people.  Those teaching them at the schools are feeding them nonsense.  Since a lot of them live at/below poverty line and cannot afford the education to train their thoughts, they have no choice but to adapt to what has been in practice.    Is it fair?  No, but do you have a solution for it?
Basically, your fight is against religion and the odds are not in your favor.

Actually, there have been quite a few lawsuits over the matter, I'm not sure where you live but in America, lawsuits can be VERY pricey, especially when against a corporation or a business, and alot of these women can't afford it, for obvious reasons.

So you suggest they find other alternatives?  There are many jobs around, correct?

There are men that could not make their own food due to lack of interest, or being told that as a man they would not have to cause they wife was supposed to do it, and some women cannot cook due to their previous lifestyle or just never having interest in it. Honestly i think that everyone should learn how to cook , it always comes in handy,

I agree with you  - the part in bold - 500% .  But I am still by no means promoting the idea that those who can cook should starve those who can't, because they feel cooking is a sign of weakness.  That sort of punishment is cruel, especially when done to a person you love.

and its the only way you can have real control over what you and (possibly) your family eat in this McDiet of a world.

LOL funny you say that.   I saw an article recently which showed that far many years ago the products favored McFattening.  Funny how things change, huh ?

I can acknowledge that most Nigerian men just aren't taught how to cook, through no fault of their own and most Nigerian girls are, but the way we were raised is only a part of who we are, some men could make the effort to learn and yes, it may be hard but I see it as progress, I think both men and women need to know that helping around the house does not make you inferior, you're just being helpful.

Yeah, but as a man who prefers some of the olden techniques of family structure, I would like to keep some of those intact because I believe it will work better in my house.  What's more important to me is a happy family.  If that can be done with me being a bread winner and my wife a housewife, I will gladly accept.  If it requires me to help more around the house while my wife also works to support the family, that's fine too.  If it includes asking my wife to take up the responsibilities of handling more of the household/motherhood duties while I work more, she shouldn't view that as me  negating from her humanity.  I can help around the house, help take care of my kids, etc . . . . . no problem.   This does not make the women who take charge of the responsibilities of being a sort of "housewife" inferior to me.   

If I had a husband that worked or worked more hours than me, then of course I would feel responsible for keeping up the house and feeding the children,it would be my part as the "at home partner" and i would expect that if it was reversed he would understand that it's his duty to help with that instead , (I think that some women think that doing so makes you inferior, because the two ideas have been linked for so long) you should mold yourself to the life you have, no matter what your gender is.

The part in bold . . . what if the life you have, as a result of the place you live, doesn't give you too much lee-way?
Believe me, only a worthless man with no shame would wait for his wife to come home from work to feed him and still not help around the house.  I do not wish that for any woman.  I don't know if men like that exist because I am yet to run into them, or hear about them.   Even traditional families that dump the title of "housewives" on women strongly expect the man to work hard and take charge of the family's upkeep.

I don't think that men should always be the ones working outside of the house more than women, like I said before, times are changing, but we are all entitled to our opinions; After all, I have met african women that got a degree with NO plans of ever working, simply because its what they wanted, they love to cook, keep a tidy house and want to have a bird's eye view of their children growing up, it had nothing to do with what society wanted or expected from them, they just didn't like the idea of being away from home and realized that the only way to maintain such a lifestyle was to find a partner that could support it. But some women love their children and families just as much, but find their passion lies in the workforce and may find themselves discontented if not working, since they will obviously putting a lot of time into their work, then who else would be expected to help with the housework/feeding but her spouse? That's just the way I see it.

In short, find someone you are compatible with who shares similar views as yours; otherwise, if you get stuck with a man whose brain is sewn in reverse there is no chance of you ever getting him to understand that you're "too tired to do laundry for the night". 

Ok, honestly? some men (and women) are lazy, usually the type that run from job to job, never do housework, also asking his/her spouses parent's for money, that kind of thing. But since I find that being a housewife is just as hard, if not harder, than being a part of the workforce, I would not consider a man that wishes to be a househusband "lazy".

Are there husbands who wish to be househusbands?  Maybe 1 in 10000?

work, huh? where do you work and what kind of job is it.
i'm just chillaxin . . . still waiting for you to cough up your name

Been great thanks for asking.

I guess this has transformed into our own private chatroom, huh?
What have you been up to . .

LOL
Yeah, just maybe.

I'm beginning to question your sanity

I don die o poster.

@OP
Very nice!

Gamine:
last time i checked

they wanted to marry a woman who holds a Phd in Lovemaking

nothing more

Aren't you also in search of a man with 50 Private jets?  I think he has earned the right to demand that degree from you by the standard you have set.

She clutches her teddybear and cries for a month or so . .

Feministic:
Please!!! People of all nationalities kill their wives all the time, I think that Nigerian/African men get much more focus while abroad because of the stigma against african men in general as domineering tyrants, which other men are also capable of being and isn't always true . Another thing i have noticed is that people assume african women that migrate here as "spoiled" back home, I do admit that leaving your home to go ANYWHERE will force you to widen your perspective and take on new ideas, but just because something is different does not mean that it is wrong, we have to learn how to grow beyond our own walls. This may have been the cause of the poor woman's death : built up frustrations in a man that couldn't or did not want to understand new ideas.

Aww . . this is one of the better posts I've seen from you. So unbiased and well-rounded.

the fact that you know you own man are abusive why do you even marry then i think Nigerian man should be gay,  they should marry each other period

. . . and you should learn to construct proper sentences with some coherence.  The part I quoted above doesn't make any sense.  

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-155401.0.html  .   Killing the one you love is not the most exciting way to express your love for her.

shylladear:
that's the kind of question i want and not all the long stories am getting

answer 

nalijah07:
@ michelin89

Absolutely not. She is so reserved with him. Actually she answers to his EVERY BECK AND CALL.

Personally I think this is where the problem lies. She has never presented him with any kind of challenge. Before he can get a request out of his mouth, she has the answer or solution. She does not argue, or voice her opinion with him in an assertive way EVER!!!!

Basically a puppy

what of me?

michelin89:
She is not. She is just encouraging her to have a friend---is his sex really that important?

The intent behind it was bad . . .did you miss the part about fighting "fire with fire" , because I'm sure she has some male friends already.

nalijah07:
I hate to fight fire with fire, but maybe I will suggest that she pick up a male friend to see if he likes the way it feels.

That's a bad suggestion. Why would you encourage cheating?

mohawkchic:
~ HCH3COO am curious . . . do you deleted records on purpose ?

Yes o . why do you keep them?

madamkoko:
I'm telling you that I'm not attacking anyone's beliefs but I am attacking religious institutions that EXPLOIT the thought process of the masses.

Your lack of involvement in a religious institution is exploiting your thought process.

stonehearted. tsk looking forward to the poppin.

eya . . . i have a few friends there as well.

me on the other side . . . . ntwk fb?

oh word. . that skoo's aight. party schl.
what major

ay now ah ahn . . besides, what school is it