₦airaland Forum

if they ask you to come with money, it is a scam.
quote kufreabasi
please can i know if it is the same micro finance bank that has sent me a message last night that my name has been shortlisted for the recruitment and that that i should come with cv, 1 passport and N1000 on monday 15th sept 2008 at Artcle complex

jedi jedi is a misnomer.
to some people, it is PILE otherwise called HAEMORRHOID, to some it is BACKACHE, while to others is IMPOTENCE.
some take ANAL PRURITUS to be jedijedi while to others it is RECTAL PROLAPSE.
some take it to be ANAL FISSURE, to some it is ANAL FISTULA.
So let us know what is wrong with your boy then we will know the english name of your own jedijedi

...

An Ibo boy was registered for GCE by his father who thought the boy was a genius. his first paper was commerce and the father promised him a lot of goodies if he could pass it in flying colours.
the first question was; DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN WAREHOUSE AND SHOP.
the boy thought the question was too simple and he wrote in his answer book; WAREHOUSE IS AT IDUMOTA WHILE SHOP IS AT ALABA.
when he got home, he told his father that he was embarrassed by the simple question they were asking.
imagine asking me to differentiate between warehouse and shop.
So what did you tell them? asked his father
I told them warehouse is at IDUMOTA and shop is at ALABA
Is that all? his father asked
Yes daddy? the now perplexed boy replied.
You must be stupid, his father retorted.
Common, go back and put our PHONE NUMBER ON THE ADDRESS

during the strike that followed VAT increase by the federal govt, an IBO man was bitterly lamenting at the newspaper stand.
He said, What is wrong with this country self? they are just increasing everything. why should they increase VAT again.?WHY? I AM TIRED OF THIS YEYE COUNTRY, HE LAMENTED.
He was so enraged and passionate that people were wondering why he was so bitter about the VAT increase. I even thought he must be an importer.
when the lamentation was too much, a primary school pupil that was around became so curious that he asked, Sir, PLEASE, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF VAT?
Guess the answer?
He said, I DONT EVEN KNOW THE MEANING BUT WHY MUST THEY INCREASE IT? WHY?

quote carmelily
let's vote to expel joshjosh from school!
WHY ARE YOU FEELING THREATENED MY DEAR THAT YOU NOW WANT TO EXPEL A FELLOW STUDENT?
MAY BE YOU ARE FAST DISCOVERING THE FLAWS AND FALLACY YOU PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATING AS A GOOD THREAD.
INFACT, IT IS THE DUMBEST SHIT OF THREAD IVE EVER READ ON THIS FORUM.

quote carmelily
God save your patients!

AMEN! FROM LUNATICS LIKE YOU

quote Kunle
@Joshj
As i said in my earlier post it is not only in Nigeria we have holy business men, infact the most success ful holy business men are base in America and some of the Nigerian ones ae receiving tutelage under them. i am sure you haveholy business men in Ghana too ( at least we have read about the problems a popular Nigerian Holy business is having with the erstwhile Managing Director bishop of their ghanian branch. It was the ghanian bishop that alledgly swindled the parent company church. As i said earlier, please don't let us personalize issues because it would only end up distorting the thread. The issue at stake is not native to Nigeria
you are not even ashamed to call them succesful holy businessmen.
At least they are succesful in their chosen profession and that means they must be smart.
Can you please tell me one area where you are succesful?
if you have ever tried to start a business, you will know that it takes both Gut and God to make it in a highly competitive area like your so called church business.
my only advice for you is from MTN, GO START SOMETHING TOO rather than criticise others

quote Gamine
Abi ooh, my sister!, Thank God for His grace n wisdom
which is available to all!
I look at my old sermon notes and wonder how!

People will be rich or poor, regardless of what Religion they practice.

Christ didnt come to make us Rich in worldly possessions

He came to make us Rich in grace and to save our souls.

The Christian walk is indeed not an easy one, but by His grace, we will make it.
if you must be enlightened, people don't rush to churches because they are told they will be rich but because they are given back lost hope. ever wondered why suicide rate in america is more than that of nigeria?
the hopeless nigerian situation makes suicide an attractive option.
people like you can't contribute anything meaningful to the society yet you will criticise others.
you would criticise jesus anyway were he  to be living now so stop that shit about you being a christian

carmelily
i hope you feel better after yelling and letting off steam? now you may proceed to see a psychiatrist.

thank God i am a medical doctor and in a better position to recommend you to a psychiatrist.

[quote author=Gamine link=topic=166499.msg2774729#msg2774729 date=1220959446]
Josh,

Who is a Thief?

Yes, I was brought up listening to Those men.

I have since turned to only the Living Word for Direction.

The way we should live as Christians is in The Bible

and it is CRYSTAL CLEAR.

I am nothing by Myself.

If you call me a gem, its by the grace of God.

keep shut! are those books you claim to read written by angels?
No, God used people like these men of God you are criticising to write those books especially the bible.
And if you only want to follow the bible, why not do the same thing that David did by killing to hide his crime.
Does that make him a criminal? No, he was rather named a man of God. if you are looking for a perfect pastor then you can't claim you only read the bible because it is full of imperfect people like you

sorry for the break in transmission, i don come real show

an ibo man, a yoruba man and a hausa man were asked to come and pay the bride price of a lady for  marriage. the bride price was 1million. the yoruba said he would go and meet his people so that they can raise money to pay the pride price.
the hausa man said they should give him time to go and work to raise money for the price.
the ibo aked the father of the BRIDE, YOU FIT HELP ME FIND A MAN TO WOO  MY WIFE TOO. I ONLY PAID 50,000 NAIRA AS BRIDE PRICE. I NO NO SAY MY INVESTMENT DON APPRECIATE REACH THAT LEVEL.

why is it that doctors handwritten are always poor except in one condition, when they are writing discharge bill for patient!

dr Billy Graham is a very popular american preacher.
one day, he thouht that EVEN though he had up to 5 lincon navigator he was yet to drive any by himself. he was always been driven by his driver.
he told his driver that day to sit at the back that he wanted to see how it feels to drive somebody instead of being driven. reluctantly, the driver agreed. when they got to the checkpoint, a police man waived them down and by the time he saw billy graham at the wheel, he was surprised and quickly asked him to go.
when the police man was asked to write down the report for the day at the station.
he said he waived down an important personality that he didnt know but SINCE BILLY GRAHAM WAS THE DRIVER, THE PERSON MUST BE JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF

dr Billy Graham is a very popular american preacher.
one day, he thouht that EVEN though he had up to 5 lincon navigator he was yet to drive any by himself. he was always been driven by his driver.
he told his driver that day to sit at the back that he wanted to see how it feels to drive somebody instead of being driven. reluctantly, the driver agreed. when they got to the checkpoint, a police man waived them down and by the time he saw billy graham at the wheel, he was surprised and quickly asked him to go.
when the police man was asked to write down the report for the day at the station.
he said he waived down an important personality that he didnt know but SINCE BILLY GRAHAM WAS THE DRIVER, THE PERSON MUST BE JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF

have you heard this joke before?
in hell, every country get its own corner. nigeria corner, american corner, london corner.
the moment you die, you will identify your country and they will post you to that corner to continue your suffering.
it was soon discovered that every new arrival in hell started claiming they are nigerians.
oyinbo go say im be nigerian. nigeria corner soon became overpopulated.
devil now set up a committee to find out the reason and it was discovered that in nigerian corner, all the demons that were suppossed to be torturing people have been bribed. if you can drop something, no punishment for you. also, the electricity was epileptic so the electric chair they use to torture people are most of the time without electricity.
also, hell fire in nigeria corner was not hot because there was no fuel or kerosine to keep them burning.
so, nigerian corner became a delight in hell

have you heard this joke before?
in hell, every country get its own corner. nigeria corner, american corner, london corner.
the moment you die, you will identify your country and they will post you to that corner to continue your suffering.
it was soon discovered that every new arrival in hell started claiming they are nigerians.
oyinbo go say im be nigerian. nigeria corner soon became overpopulated.
devil now set up a committee to find out the reason and it was discovered that in nigerian corner, all the demons that were suppossed to be torturing people have been bribed. if you can drop something, no punishment for you. also, the electricity was epileptic so the electric chair they use to torture people are most of the time without electricity.
also, hell fire in nigeria corner was not hot because there was no fuel or kerosine to keep them burning.
so, nigerian corner became a delight in hell

so u never see black condoms before? go white garment church. as black candle dey, na so black condom dey.

a woman was mourning her late husband and  refused to be consoled for several months.
after 3 years, her daughter introduced her to a nice man with the aim that she would remarry and they got off together immediately. after some weeks, the man took her to his house and after the preliminaries, the man undressed her only that to see she was wearing a black undies. the lady told him that: my breast is for you to handle, my body for you to romance, my lips for you to kiss but down there,  i am still mourning my late husband.
the man knew that luck was against him that day and he let go.
the following day, the same thing happened and it continued for a month.
one day after undressing the lady, she gave her usual sermon and said she was still mourning with her black undies and the man removed his own trousers only to reveal a black condom.
the woman said: what are you doing with a black condom ?and the man replied her that since she had been mourning since all these days with black undies,  HE WANTED TO OFFER HIS OWN CONDOLENCES TOO WITH THE BLACK CONDOM

A MAN GOT TO THE PHARMACY AND WAS TOLD THAT THERE WAS A MACHINE AT THE PLACE THAT COULD DIAGNOSE ANYTHING BY USING THE PATIENT BODY FLUID.
HE HAD A SWOLLEN LIMB AND AND HE POUR HIS URINE INTO THE MACHINE. AFTER MAKING SOME NOISE THE MACHINE PRINTED OUT A PAPER WHICH SAID YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW, TAKE ANTIBIOTICS.
THE MAN WAS SO SURPISED. HE NOW DECIDED TO CONFUSE THE MACHINE. HE MIXED HIS SPERM WITH HIS DAUGHTER`S URINE AND ADDED HIS WIFE`S URINE TOGETHER AND POURED IT INTO THE MACHINE.
AFTER MAKING THE USUAL NOISE, THE MACHINE PRINTED OUT ANOTHER PAPER WHICH SAYS: YOUR SPERM IS WATERY, CHECK OUT THE PATERNITY OF YOUR DAUGHTER. YOUR DAUGHTER IS 8 WEEKS OLD PREGNANT, YOU MAY WANT TO ABORT IT. YOUR WIFE HAS GONORRHEA, SHE PROBABLY GOT IT FROM OUTSIDE SINCE YOU DONT SEEM TO HAVE. BY THE WAY, YOU ARE YET TO TAKE YOUR ANTIBIOTICS.

A DEPRESSED MAN WAS BEIGN COUNSELLED BY A DOCTOR.
THE DOCTOR SAID THAT ANYTIME YOU COME AROSS A PROBLEM, WRITE IT ON A PAPER AND TEAR IT.
ONCE YOU TEAR THE PROBLEM, YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT YOU WILL SOON FIND A WAY TO SOLVE IT .
LATER IN THE DAY, THE DOCTOR GAVE HIM THE HOSPITAL BILL AND THE MAN IMMEDIATELY TORN IT.
THE DOCTOR SAID WHY DID YOU TEAR MY BILL? THE MAN ANSWERED THAT HE WAS TRYING TO TAKE THE ADVICE THE DOCTOR GAVE HIM SEEN THAT THE MAJOR PROBLEM HE HAD AT THAT TIME WAS THE DOCTORS BILL

an ibo man was attacked by robbers who asked him, your life or your money?
the man said my money better. wetin i wan take life do? i beg take my life just allow me spend my money first

so is it true that lawyers are never found in heaven?
if it took peter 1000yrs to get a priest in heaven, how do you expect pathological liars, sorry lawyers to find there way to heaven. who come dey heaven sef

i need infinity fx 35 NOW, must be clean.
gold or siver preferably.
pls contact me if it is available

A MAN BILLED TO BE OPERATED FOR APPENDICITIS WAS VERY ANXIOUS WHEN THEY GOT TO THE OPERATING THEATHRE THAT HE WAS SHAKING ON THE TABLE. THE DOCTOR ASKED HIM WHAT WAS HIS PROBLEM AND THE MAN SAID HE WAS SO SCARED BECAUSE THAT WAS HIS FIRST TIME OF BEING OPERATED.
THE DOCTOR REPLIED: I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME OF HOLDING THE KNIFE TOO. SO, WE ARE BOTH FIRST TIMERS.
NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT THE MAN SUDDENLY GOT UP AND SAID THAT THE APPENDIX HAD DISAPPERED. HE DIDNT WANT THE OPERATION AGAIN

AN IBO MAN HAD A SERIOUS ACCIDENT ON HIS WAY TO HIS SHOP AT ALABA AND HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS FOR DAYS.
WHEN HE FINALLY WOKE UP ON THE 7TH DAY AT THE HOSPITAL, HE SAW HIS WIFE BY THE BEDSIDE , MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY AND HIS APPRENTICE AT WORK.
WHERE AM I? HE ASKED. THEY TOLD HIM HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. THEN HE ASKED THE WIFE WHAT SHE WAS DOING THERE AND THAT ONE SAID SHE CAME TO SEE HIS HEALTH. HE ASKED HIS BROTHERS AND EVERYBODY PRESENT WHAT THEY WERE DOING THERE AND THEY TOLD HIM HE HAD BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR DAYS AND THEY ALL CAME TO SEE HIM?
HE STARTED CRYING AND SAID YOU PEOPLE DON KILL ME OH! CHINEDU DEY HERE, CHUKWU DEY HERE, CHINYERE DEY HERE, WHO COME DEY MY SHOP?

A BOY AND A GIRL WERE ALWAYS CONTESTING FOR SUPREMACY IN THEIR AREA.
ONE DAY THE BOY ASKED HIS MOTHER TO BUY HIM A POWERBIKE AND SHE LATER TOLD THE GIRL THAT ONLY BIG BOYS AND NOT GIRLS COULD HAVE SUCH BIKES.
SHE WENT HOME CRYING AND TOLD HER MOTHER. HER MOTHER BOUGHT HER THE BIKE AND SHE LATER SHOWED IT TO THE GUY WHO GOT ANNOYED.
THE BOY WENT TO MEET HIS MOTHER AND ASKED HER TO BUY HIM A DESIGNER JEANS AND LATER CHALLENGED THE GIRL.
THE GIRL WENT HOME AS USUAL AND CAME BACK WITH HER OWN JEANS.
THE BOY WAS SO ANGRY THAT HE PULLED DOWN HIS JEANS TROUSERS AND SHOWED THE GIRL HIS PENIS.
HE SAID TELL YOUR MOTHER TO GET YOU THIS. ONLY BIG BOYS AND NOT GIRLS HAVE PENIS.
THE GIRL WENT HOME CRYING AS USUAL.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, THE GUY ASKED WETHER  HER MOTHER WAS ABLE TO GET HER THE PENIS AND THE LADY PULLED DOWN HER BLOUSE TO REVEAL HER BREASTS. SHE SAID MY MOTHER TOLD ME THAT AS LONG AS I HAVE THIS PAIR OF BREAST, I CAN GET AS MANY PENIS AS I WANT.

a couple died the day before their wedding.
when they got to heaven, they met peter who asked them what they would like him to do for them and they asked him to help them look for a priest so that they could get married in heaven.
peter said they should give him some time. they waited the first year, second year, up to 500 years and peter did not come back. finally, peter brought a priest who married them after about 999years.
one month after their wedding they discovered things were not working between them and the asked peter to help them look for a lawyer so that they could divorce and peter was so worried.
He said, it took me 1000yrs to get a priest in heaven, how do you expect me to find a lawyer?

NIGERIA PERFORMANCE AT THE OLYMPICS IS A
GOOD LESSON FOR THE MIKEL OBI`S  OF THIS WORLD.
WHAT INTERNATIONAL MEDAL HAS MIKEL EVER ACQUIRED THROUHOUT HIS CAREER?
HOW I WISH THIS GUYS WILL WIN THE GOLD THEN HE WILL HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE REGRETTING IT. TODAY CHELSEA IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE OF MONEY BUT AFTER HIS CAREER HE WILL CHERISH HIS MEDALS MORE.
WHO KNOWS,  IF SIASIA TAKES US TO 2010 WORLD CUP WE MAY END UP AT THE FINALS AND MIKEL MAY NOT BE THERE.
ALWAYS REMEMBER,  YOU ARE NOT INDISPENSABLE. SO BE HUMBLE