₦airaland Forum

Its Saturday again and I'm at work definitely not working 

I've thot long and hard about this and I think its fair to say I prefer Nigerian men raised in Nigeria to those raised abroad. I usually don't generalise but there's a reason I have decided make such a general statement.

Dating a white guy was definitely a wonderful experience, I got to to try out new things, we travelled, we went to theatres and the whole relationship was basically a learning curve. the one thing that was truly unique was that he appreciated my individuality and my independence, on the down side this made him extremely insensitive to certain issues. I cldnt blame him tho, the culture thing was a barrier and I guess I'm too Nigerian to ever truly settle with a white man 
So what am I on about?

I recently met a guy, British born Nigerian who is supposedly falling for me, he lives somewhere in England and I'm in Wales. I currently work full time and still have to round up a masters degree,  I'm in the process of moving, in the process of looking for a new job,  basically at a cross roads in my life. we talk on the phone fairly regularly and he knows whats up with me. he has asked me countless times to come visit and my explanation that I don't have the time seem to fall on deaf ears. I don't drive so I can't just jump into a car and go, besides I'm working most weekends now,   I am not asking for his money,  don't need his money, I have even suggested he drives down for an over night visit but his excuse is that it would take him so many hrs to get here and he'd be tired, and for some weird reason I wont be tired if I do the same with public transport?  the whole thing is really beginning to stress me and if it goes on any longer he;s going to hear what I really think of him.

I was complaining to a friend about how insensitive some men can be and I was glad that I wasnt the only one who thot so. British-Nigerian men are so afraid of getting duped that they place too much emphasis on money. (just so u guys know, I don't want your money, I've got my own. . .  )
I remember going on dates in Nigeria, the guys always felt insulted when I offer d to pay (even those I knew who cldnt really afford it). its always a fun outing with no sentiment attached to proper proceedure. where u are taken out on a meal its just that, a meal, not because they are trying to impress (ok maybe sometimes they are).
our British-Nigerian buys u a meal and thinks he has the right to get into your pants. they act like they've done u a favour 

A typical Nigerian born man despite being domineering, over bearing, complete jerks, with egos the size of the entire planet and all the nasty things they've been called in this forum, know how to treat a woman they really like. they offer support and are always to hand when she needs help, she doesnt even have to ask. I remember my ex took it upon himself to make sure my car always had fuel and was in optimum condition, even though I managed ok befor he came along and was perfectly capable of doing those things. He was so sensitive to problems in my life and always tried his best to make things easier and more comfortable for me, he some how was able to allow me keep my individuality and my independence and yet, still feel loved and cherished.

if brutish Nigerian men with all their flaws are able to do this why is it so hard for well westernised British born Nigerian men to d the same?


^{thus ends my rant}


On second thoughts, I'm nowhere near done. . . .

The british-nigerian men strut around with stupid airs like they are the hottest thing on the planet, they are clueless and boring old farts with nothing to offer as far as I am concerned. then they ask stupid quetsions like what is your status?. . .  they jump into conclusions that u want to trap them in marriage, like every nigerian girl in this country is desperate for residency. 

ok so they can be charming and the accent is a total turn on but thats about it,
Just because they have so many girls on their case they think every girl is willing to give it away whe they have nothing to offer. some girls actually have taste and are searching for something more than a red passport and a warm body once in a while

then go be a monk and lock urself up in some obscure location away from the evil that is sex and get out of our faces

I have always looked directly at people when addressing them, got me into loads of trouble back in Nigeria. . . . but that is the way I was raised. My mum used to say never trust a person with shifty eyes, looking into someones eyes while addressing them is a display of honesty and openness

I kind of misplaced the address but I'll get it when my cousin calls next week.

if u send me an email, I'll send it to u when i get it. . . . thers someone else also waiting for the address

u may ask

The saying Love till it hearts has nothin to do with heartbreak but that you are so consumed by the love that imagining u will ever loose ur love is enough to crush ur soul. its loving desperately with every fibre of ur being

how wld u feel if he said d same about ur family?

Bia, who r u calling a beer parlour babe ?

i dont understand

translation please

OMO IBO:
r u speaking from experience?

yes oh,

any governor that can sort out the V/I traffic will have my undivided loyalty,

beer parlour friends are just that, u cant expect them to be anything more,

not unless u and ur friends go to beer parlours then its something else.

people u meet during, alcohol fired debates are not really who they are outside the walls of the beer parlour,

and yes, many things do happen there, . . . . . God I miss Nigeria

lafamo:
What do I do, cause i can't continue to fool myself

then dont!

hare:
hi hotness would like a chat

??//

aysometin:
H.R Hotness
I started using secret oil last week and the difference is serious.
Everyone knows something is up o, my skin has changed and is brighter
The good thing is that its cheap, I got mine for N100 in my area and mixed 2 bottles with my half bottle of jergens cream.
I am very sure I don't need facials or spa before my wedding.
I reccomend to everyone out there
Thanks dear

You are very welcome. . . I'm happy it works for you, I seriously think its the best product ever made

mishooo:
Please what name does it come with?? As in whats the Brand Name at our Supermarkets in Lagos??

Just that. . . . SECRET OIL
I'm trying not to ask why u need it tho

I too don't understand the whole working away form home and family thing. . . .

If I'm willing to relocate to another country so I ca be be with my spouse, I'd expect the same in return.

One way to look at could be "alleged" link between material wealth and success and the perfect life. I suppose couples who agree to this kind of arrangement want the best of both worlds. . . really doesnt make sense to me but it has become widespread especially with young girls. is now something of a status symbol to have a husband who lives half way around the world (some kind of marriage  )

In a case where its about getting a degree or going on a course or sumthin that I can understand. but "living" permanently away from your family, i don't understand.

A case can be made that the guy probably isnt settled enough to have his family over, again, this makes no sense to me, why not wait till you're ready to have a wife over before u marry or wait till u can get a proper job before u move to whatever country? This is me ranting but Its definitely not part of our culture but a recent trend that doesnt help our already decaying family values.


[quote author=amber_ella link=topic=138129.msg2315610#msg2315610 date=1212167641]straightforward answers on this topic from my husband because I think he feels torn between his wife's expectations, his family's expectations and his own expectations of himself.[/quote]that is a valid point.
Unfortunately many people do it for many reasons and it could be that he feels the pressure to achieve whatever standard his peers are imposing consiously or unconsiously. Lets face it, Nigerian men, especially have huge egos and underachievemnt comes most especially in the form of not being able to properly provide for your family. Many nigerian wives put up with this arrangement, so i expect u shd get used to it too (in as much as i hate to tell u to )

it shdnt be hard at all

sounds very one sided to me,
no one shd be in that kind of relationship, especially if u feel unappreciated, very unhealthy

perhaps making it so hard to love them is thier way of pushing u away, . . . . . .

u cant make someone love u, and love shd be reciprocated or it isnt worth the trouble

I still say I'm sorry becos I think its nice to sympathise with people when they hurt themselves or sumthin,
the typical reaction is pleasant suprise and it sounds better and has a more genuine ring than askin if they are ok.

@ topic

u still they increase the list. . . .  LOL, u no serious oh


@ Meshimo
if u want to talk to me, u apply like everyone else