@ Coldfeet, do you honestly think that your father would admit his guilt if confronted? I'm very sure that he will deny the allegations hands down because there's no evidence to show that he actually committed the act even though i believe he did cos the girl cannot be lying about something so serious. If your dad denies it, there's is little or nothing you can do and this may cause a permanent strain between yourself and dad. Thats why i said you need evidence. Most abusers dont confess unless they are caught hands down.

Adding to what Missy B said, you can take things a bit further by setting your dad up so that you can have concrete evidence to confront him with. I really dont know how you are going to do this, only you knows the layout of your house and the times and room he attacks this little innocent girl in. Its important you confront him to save this poor girl from abuse and to protect other children that he might molest in the future.

Please do the right thing for this little girl. Like someone rightly said, you've been abused before so you know what it feels like.

Would be following up this situation to know how this ends. keep us posted.

@ Amarush, congratulations on your safe delivery.

@ IDprincess....im soooo sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. Its such a devastating thing to happen. Pls take heart and take care of yourself okk....

Hi Ladies (and gents),

Quick update on my journey in pregnancy. Im 33 weeks and 5 days. today was just rough! I went for driving lessons today and having sat in the car driving for 2 hours, by the time i got out of the vehicle, my bump was TIGHT! i started feeling nauseous and frustrated with my existence. I got home, went straight into bed for 1 hour, woke up still not joy. I threw up and started having a headache still no luck. Its been 7 hours since ive been feeling like shit. At a point, i was crying from been so uncomfortable...i felt like the baby should just come now let me rest.

right now, i'm feeling a bit of relief from the tightness but i cant eat. i hope this is the last i'd have of this horrible feeling.

enough of my ranting and feeling sorry for my self..lol. Hope all preggers ladies are good? Stay blessed.

@ Riac, I pray your babies will come to full health. I know they will.

As for me, i went for my first antenatal class today, i dragged husband along, told him it was compulsory. It was very interesting, we were taught about what to expect in labour, when to come to the hospital, options available to us in terms of pain relief, episiotomy etc.

I dont know the sex of my baby, and i opted to find out the sex of my baby myself when the baby is placed in my arms fresh from the womb before even been cleaned up. How exciting. I'd be having a water birth as well.

My only worry is that my husband seems to be nonchalant about the baby, He's not showing any excitement even in my 33th week!! As its my first, i expected everything to be all lovey, exciting and for a positive vibe to be in the air but he doesnt even ask about baby shopping. Even getting him to suggest baby names is a problem. I have to prompt any conversation about the baby before i can get a common yes or no answer from him.  Its very infuriating.

But i wont let his attitude affect my mood. I am very happy for my baby and i cant wait to be a mom. Everyone here has said how wonderful it is to be one so im really looking forward to it (minus the sleepless nights).

For those who say forgive and forget, i say you haven't experienced the defilement of your body, your innocence, your pride before. @ Poster, i know how you feel. I really dont know what to advise in this case. Do whatever you feel will bring you closure to this awful experience. You did nothing wrong. He did.

And pls lets ignore all premature fools who want to derail this thread, ignorance they say is the best answer for a FOOL.

@ Rockamania, Your wife and yourself must have been devastated by such a traumatizing experience.  Im so sorry it had to happen. I wont even go into incompetency issues as its been discussed time and again on this forum. Im sure you'll hear the cry of a baby in your household soon.

As for me, im 33 weeks preggers with my first child. Its been a roller coaster of emotions from anxiety to joy, to depression, to crying for no reason all sorts. I cant complain though cos there's been no complications at all, although the first trimester was a nightmare. This last trimester is not easy as well as im always tired, heavy, i just want to get rid of this bundle of weight on me and have the baby in my arms.

I'd say more about my fears and hopes as the thread goes on,

Looking forward to seeing more fab moms to be on this thread!

@ Poster, i wont advise you to go the confrontational route because after using force to get your baby and subsequently your wife back, the relationship between yourself and wifey would be very strained for a long long time because no woman would be happy for her husband to lock up/ intimidate her mother in that way.

On what to do to get your wife back, let me think about it and get back to you.

Thanks for reading.

Omo-Tier, im not going to bother my head going into an long-winded argument with you.

Buying and Selling in the House of God is simply wrong.

Excuse Me mr Omo- tier, God is not some ATM machine or a genie in a bottle that you give money to in exchange for blessing. I can challenge any other so-called partnership paying christain on blessing for blessing i dont need to give God money for me to be blessed thank you very much. i know my Bible better than that. My church is a small church that focuses on whats important which is Salvation and living right. We manage what we have and dont go about terrorizing the congregation in other to raise money for a pastor's selfish desire.

All i can say about all this buying and selling in the church is that if Christ was to come to the church and see the way his House has been turned into a marketplace, he will flog all those these pastors and congregation selling choir uniform, books, olive oil, handkerchief, so-called fasting books and CDs desecrating the House of God. It is a real pity that the Word of God is clear but we humans make it so complicated.

In my church, all CDs are kept on the table and you can take as many copies as you like for free. Books are for free as long as you bring them back for others to borrow. Offering box is kept at the back of the church, there is no offering pan or nylon past around, no announcements for offering time, Its just good ol' preaching of the Word plain and simple. ps, its a baptist church.

I've have read rhapsody by the way and some days, the content is good, other days, its all a brainwash whitewash.

Cut off this unhealthy friendship immediately

If you are a christian, you are committing adultery just by having this "attraction" for a man that is not your husband.

As a wife, you are setting yourself up for a fall. You  think you can play around in the field of sodom and gomorrah and not get entangled in the activities of the town?

Baby girl, wise up!! It only takes a split second to cross that line to physical kiss/Sex.

Pls cut it off NOW and focus on your marriage.

For your own good.  As someone said, some men would do anything to get you to bed, even play mr nice guy. beware of wolves.

Take care hun.

My husband and i spent
£60 - registry registration
£180 - to wed on Saturday

Him                                                                  ME
£150 - for his suit and shoe                                      £130 - dress
£50 - for his tom ford perfume                                  £100 - Shoe
£50 - for 3 shirts                                                       £80 - Hair
£10 - for tie                                                               £75 - Evening dress
£15 - cufflinks                                                            £10 - Earring
                                                                                 £10 - nails

Both of us
£ 90 - Flower
£250 - Food
£60 - other food, cake and small chops
£100 - Drinks
£150 miscellaneous - e.g cab, cups etc

Reception - In the living room Total guest 35 people

Total in pounds 1260
total in naira 317,000

Children of God will you shout halleluyah?
Shout halleluya to the Lord 5 times,

There is no such thing as a God-given husband. God has pretty much given us a large field to choose from, the boundaries around the fence are:
1. He should not be married.
2. He should not be your blood relationship.
3. The person should not be the same sex as you.
4. if you're a christian, then he should be a christian.

Apart from those reasons listed above, you have a wide variety to choose from.

PS, Im born again too.

As someone who has managed a bar/club in 2009/2010 in ikoyi and VI, i would not advise a woman to feel too comfortable if her husband goes clubbing every weekend.  Not all the married men flirt or bring other girls with them, however the huge huge majority of them indulge in activities that make them very vulnerable to adultery. Sometimes it could even be their own friends that arrange chics for them , many things happen, i just cant say it all.

For me sha, if i see a man who exhibits traits of excessive hanging-out habits, i would think very hard about going into a committed relationship with him. when you guys are dating, you may be hanging out with him, but the moment you become man and wife, as the marriage goes on, he wont take you with him like before.

Yes, men who hang out get to network more and may get business opportunities but remember that you cannot be around sodom and gomorrah and not turn to Lot's wife. Only a highly disciplined man can withstand the temptation.

@ Jimtosam, you made so much sense. Most intelligent talk i've seen on NL in ages. Seun, what he said is true. Think about it.

I am not in support of the secession of southern sudan from sudan, as far as I am concerned it is a sad day for Africa,we are all black people, why should we be divided, Europe, Americas and Asia are looking towards bringing their people together,but rather we Africans are looking for ways of dividing ourselves. Its a big shame!!!, this wasn't the plan of our founding fathers who fought for independence in different African countries. This is yet another classic scenario why Africa is under developed. It is indeed a sad day.

What business do you intend to start?
Is there a market for it?
Do you have business plan for it (Naija business strategy is a mixture of contigency and chaos strategy) and has to be based on whats on ground not on fantasies?
Do you have sufficient capital in your pocket? (many have been dissapointed by false promises) - office space, gen, car, staff pay, equipment etc
Does your capital include cash flow for at least 6 month?

Question 1: Do you intend to get a paid job or start a business in Nigeria

if Job: Have you got a confirmed appointment or a water-tight assurance of one?
Have you researched the organisation on profitability, feedback from present employee (esp on how staff are treated, if pay is consistent) Growth path, Location.
Is your pay clearly agreed? (very key)

if Business

I have made the move from UK to Nigeria - spent 3 years and now im back to UK infact i should say i made a lucky escape back to UK. It was so bad that i nearly used DANFO transport from Obalende to Murtala Mohammed Airport on my departure and needless to say i bought a one way ticket back.

I am considering writing a Guide on - "20 things to consider before attempting to relocate to Nigeria".

Maybe that would help anyone who is thinking of making that move.

As for me, before i even dream to wonder to consider to ponder on relocating to Naija, there would a VERY STRONG MASSIVE compelling argument for me to ever ever do so.

Nayah, pls communicate with this fine bro in private by accepting his request and sending an email, if you dont like him, u can discharge him in private

so that this thread can carry on

On the marriage matter, i am also not in support of the "get married or die trying" approach, i was just offering an explanation on why women crave for a husband/companion so badly. Any other explanation that opposes this notion of the desire being innate is not understanding the matter. Its God's design.

I don't usually like to scripturise every argument, but this one is fact and the right answer, no need beating about.

IMO, Women want to get married by hook or crook because it has being wired in their DNA from creation and there is nothing anyone can do about it. That is just how women were created. Infact God's own commandment to mankind was to go into the world and multiply and obviously because women carry the womb, we feel the urge more to do this. That is why as they get older, they get more desperate because the maternal desire to breed (which is inbuilt) begins to get more apparent.

If you look in the book of Genesis 3 vs 16, you will see that God cursed woman specifically to what she was created to do by making it harder for her to give birth and for her desire to be for husband always.

So folks, we cant fight it. Its the way God made it.

For the person who said married women look down on unmarried women and single woman get jealous of married women, again this is normal, because again, its the way it is, From the Beginning.

My husband read my post on NL and was interested by my style of writing and reasoning, he contacted me via yahoo msg and we became friends,

we got married this March.

Thank you Nairaland, he is the best man i have ever met in my entire life.

The man has no honour.

A man that will impregnate a maid has no honour.

A man who will keep the woman he impregnated under his roof with his family living there for 10 years after (maybe screwing her from time to time) has no honour.

A man that will keep such a secret from his wife for all these years has no honour.

He has NO HONOUR.

Not for his wife, not for his children - the man has no HONOUR.

It would be very easy to kill this important thread by turning it into a religious debate on what the Bible did or didn't say about alcohol/wine.

Common sense should apply here please. Alcoholism is a big problem plaguing Nigerians today that should  be exposed and discussed honestly. It is either you believe you have an alcohol problem or you don't. At the end, deceiving other people is all well and good, but self deceit is just plain stupidity.

See, is working for a Nigerian any better?

I worked for them and they would not pay on time, the working conditions are terrible, you never know if you will be sacked the next day! every month is story, No policies followed. Every month the owner changes salaries as he likes, he sleeps with his staff at random and the favoured girl of the month talks to her superior anyhow and is promoted without justice. One month pay turns to 2 months, its insane.

So when the indians come and see that even our own people treat us like shit, why won't they have the mind to do the same?after all what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Sometimes i wonder! if only all the people who fill up all the crusades on lagos/ibadan express can actually open what the Bible says, Nigeria would be so much better.

So don't blame the indians, We allowed the world to see us finish.

Alcohol is definitely a major problem in Nigeria but like many of our issues, we often act like it doesn't exist-we are better than other nations e.g uk, south africa, US. We are the saints.

Alcohol is digging deep into the fibre of Nigerians. No wedding is complete without champagne, wine or beer. Even our women are getting deeper into it. Our girls are falling deep too in the Universities and the club scene. At the bus-stops, the bus drivers, conductors and touts + police all do it in the name of agbo and all that alcohol concoctions called herbs/medicines, and then we wonder why there is so much road rage and disorderliness on our roads.

In the road-side bars, at the beaches, kuramo, alfa, oniru on Sundays, its everyhere! In the homes, in the village. Alcohol is digging deep, so we wonder what will happen in 10 - 20yrs - maybe then we would be like the UK because it has to start from somewhere.

The life expectancy in Nigeria is 47years or so, and we wonder why people die so early, when they die, they say it was a brief illness, our medical system is so flawed that maybe we would have known it was liver failure due to excessive intake of alcohol.

And its not just alcohol, Weed/igbo is taking over. The girls are doing it too, smoking is now normal in the clubscene for Naija girls too. I know all this cause i managed 2 bars in ikoyi and VI in 2009 - 2010. We make over 5 million naira on fridays thanks to the heavy intake of alcohol. In ikeja the clubs are worse. that drink called Red Label is a mocker.

Beware, you will not be young forever. The body you maintain in your youth is the body that will serve you in your 50s . Don't allow this short period of your life called youth ruin your future.

I dont understand why women do this. Men just barb their hair, spending 500 - 1500 per cut. No nails no nothing. Women on the other hand spend spend spend on assets that dont appreciate, hustle and sell their body to look for men only to spend it all on the same thing! i dont understand us sometimes.

Since i toned down on my addiction to fakeness, the quality of men that i attract has increased in integrity, quality and responsible behaviour. If only women can see the light.