₦airaland Forum

@ Afaitho, relax, two things can only happen, u either get in or u don't, anyway, life goes on. Take it from me, it will hurt, but Life will definitely go on.

" Baby Monkey asks
Mother why are we so Ugly?
Mother Monkey replies,
Thank God we are like this,
U should see the person reading this text"

if na like so dem dey carry belle, every young babe for our garage (naija) go don born pikin sinceee. Ginger, abi apple, wetin u call urself, no beat urself, u hear, nothing dey happen, but in case of next time, tell ur bobo to wear hand glove if e no say e want finger, so dat ur mind no go run riot. Ya mind is playing tricks on u. Wa jo ko Oshooodiiiii stretttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

@ Odeku, pardon me, but SHUT UP!

aRE u in Nigeria? or sumwhere else? Are u telling me u r the only one ignorant of the fact that Tony Anenih was given N300Billion for road construction, in his tenure as Works Minister? Ogunlewe even tried in getting the Oniparaga section in Ondo State fixed when he came in. You want to know the complete amount given to Anenih? Ask Dr. Cairo Ojugoh, His PA then turned front and presently a National Lawmaker and a Gubernatorial aspirant in Delta State.

Who do u think owns Eagle line transport? One Abhulimen in Benin? Wrong, Thief oops sorry, Chief Tony Anenih. YES.

When asked to dualise and upgrade the East - West Road linking Rivers to Delta through Bayelsa, What did Anenih say? Dat the venture was too expensive, but its not too expensive for oil exploration? abi?

The Lagos - Benin Highway is the Busiest in Nigeria and shoul be given special attention. Anenih, not Ogunlewe should be held for questioning.

Untill dat road is done, no xmas for me in Warri this year, i'd rather go to Accra, cos Naija Stinks!

"Say wat ur mummy says", is dat not the advice?

We should learn to watch wat we say in front of our kids.

All of una don craze! from The initiator of this thread, to especially jackie and loyika, una don kolo. Wateva happened to Nigerian football? or is dis an English forum? una just dey yak yak dey occupy space. I expect u guys to either stand up for our national coaches or for the idea of a foreigner as a coach, or even comment the recent spate of nigerian youngsters rejecting Naija like Agbonlahor and Okaka, Ameobi et al, instead una dey make noise, if i hear whim?

now concerning the topic, if u have never been in the Arsenal Academy system, don't disturb us, becos we do not know the number of english youngsters there. and Arsene is not compelled to play u on account of ur passport. Ever heard of Rio Mavuba, he was touted as the next Veira but where is he today? Playing his football elsewhere, he couldn't break in. Jackal keeps mouthing how many players have come into the English team tru the Arsenal ranks and he still continues to say, Ashley Cole, Is Ashley not an answer to his rhetorics? but i will concede that with the departure of Ashley and Sol, Arsenal's quota in the English team is almost gone, cos the season is just starting.

With all due respect to Man U fans, the Greatest Football Club in England is Liverpool, and Man U , Arsenal et al are just lucky they have not been consistent in the last 10 - 15 years. Ever heard of Blackpool? @ the turn of the century and the early twenties, Blackpool was the Chelsea of today, where are they now? Division 3. Wat has Man U won in the last 3 seasons? ZILCH, NADA,. Wat has Arsenal won in the last three seasons?

Between us as Nigerians, we should spend more time on our own, no wonder English players are over rated! YES ! all overrated. Give me a Name? and lets see. Wat about Nigerian players? We treat them like trash. Give me Rooney and Obafemi anyday, u have my vote for , u know who, Obafemi.

Guys, get going with ur lives.

and if u must fite, go look for the thread "pick a fight", UNA HEAR!

dis is not Akinshola speaking, its his nuaghty little bro. The kid posted 3 threads, me thinks we should disregard dem, but i can see u guys are already enjoying this thread, but pls, d young man (Akinshola) is hurting from the aerly responses, so pls, no hard words to him, rather discuss the thread topic, abi.

Hey, akin is hurting from the responses to this post, it was not posted intentionally and d guy has apologized, do not kill him, pls. Seun, He wants to know if its possible to remove this post? pls oblige him.

akindollarman: u
akindollarman: asl plz
ame_eru: m/30/lagos
akindollarman: k
akindollarman: 18/m/warri
akindollarman: hv u seen any of my post?
ame_eru: no
ame_eru: warri? where in warri
ame_eru: becos if u do anyhow, u go see anyhow
akindollarman: actually my little brother posted shit on my id
akindollarman: n every body thinks am d 1
ame_eru: u r 18 and u have a little bro
ame_eru: big brosssssssssssssssssss
ame_eru: na waooo
akindollarman: lol
akindollarman: he posted it on romance
akindollarman: asking any body to lecture him on sex
akindollarman: so cracy
akindollarman: now people r replying me with insults
akindollarman: is there any way of closing down my page down 4 good so i can open a new 1?
ame_eru: nope
ame_eru: post a reply saying who did it
ame_eru: do it now
akindollarman: but i had alredy posted 1
akindollarman: i told them it was my little bro who did dat
ame_eru: den relax
akindollarman: dat was yday but wen i cheked 2 day some body still went ahead n in sulted me again
akindollarman: but its not his fault its my bro's
ame_eru: no mind dem
ame_eru: sumtin dey do dem
ame_eru: wats d heading of the post and where is it
akindollarman: ya but it makes me feel bad
ame_eru: sorry
ame_eru: get a grip
akindollarman: sex lecture its in romance
akindollarman: posted by akinshola
ame_eru: ok
akindollarman: he even posted about three o them
akindollarman: his so lucky he went 2 school b 4 i found out
ame_eru: no mind the pickin
ame_eru: how did e get ur password?
akindollarman: i left it on
akindollarman: just to go and eat ooo
ame_eru: is it sex mate?
akindollarman: ya
akindollarman: i think there should be another

a transcript of the chat with Akin.

Seun ( Admin ), no let dis poor boy suffer this pain. JAGUDA pleads.

Guys, can't earth scientists here synergize our efforts in setting up oil servicing, borehole drilling, soil analysis(GSM Cell Site Build) companies, instead of clamouring for Job openings? Me thinks its time we take our own path and set up sumthing for the future. Geologists good in computer programming can even develop softwares for the industry?

There are a million services dat can be done by earth scientists, we just have to pay our dues.

Hey, Jaguda also studied Geology (2.2), Unical. Jaguda is also known as Isaac, from class of 1998.

Husband comes home, Finds his wife with his friend on bed. He shoots his friend to death.
Wife said, " IF u behaves like this, U will loose all Ur friends one day,

Dear James,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.

I love you.

All my love,

Carla. xxxx


P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

mo wapa, me believe u have slept on this burden for some time before letting it out, but the result of your opinion poll is before you. my take, do whats on ur mind but you can access efcc.com and drop the good news to the boiz. they are ever ready to take up the challenge (as long as the personis not in OBJ's good books). U r one good nigerian and i'm proud of u.

Jaguda and em, em, em, Genevieve? no, Wita Rominic? fathia? no? Bukky Wright? no, who now? Onyeka Onwenu, noooooooooooooooooooooo

Jaguda and em, em, em, em, em,

to be continued,

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I have Reached
Date: 31st May, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!!!


Loving husband
Meeeeeeeeeee

iice, "pick a fight"

Nairalanders, see wat Seun is doing? and we complain about OBJ and his intolerance for criticism? Seun aka Admin locked a thread of mine, "pick a fight" after Rhodalyn attacked him? now the question is why?

why is the thread locked?
why can't Seun reply Rhodalyn on the issues she raised?
I believe Seun has an integrity problem and untill he addresses it, he will destroy nairaland.

Seun, grow up!

A young boy enters the barbershop and Bill Soprovitch the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters
instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!!!!"

@ retro, u are not guided by any special thought in life, na wa oh, eeven for garage here for oshodi , everyone has a motto, wat happened to u and da Anti-Seun crusader (Afeni)?

@ rhodalyn, saw u picked a fight with Seun and he chickened out? beat him silly.

Retro, Nairaland without you will be , ?

One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Haba Baba," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those mumu!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…

Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here,

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet…

Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…, why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…

Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Fried Chicken” dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also
spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after
years…

Stupid Question:-
Matthew, Emily, you’ve become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…

Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:-
No, he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the
money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted slowpoke.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…

Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it’s a miracle …….it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in
flames!!!

Caveat lector - i like dat, during my undergrad days @ Unical, whenever an article is pasted and u r required to read it, a bold "DO NOT READ" is written on it in red letters. here , readers beware.

Scondy, if u've been offered employment in the New UBA, i'm sorry to tell u dat ur total package will be N750,000 per annum. I quit UBA just this year. Take it and build urself, cos once in the banking industry, u can easily switch to another bank.

wish u luck.

i guese u guys are all speaking from ur myopic views about Nigerian Behaviour. There is no such thing as Nigerian Behaviour or tell me, the mo gbo, mo ya culture of South West Naija can only be sed to be a South Wet thing and not Nigerian. The Igbo man selling Fake things @ the price of the original is an eastern thing and overdependence of the North on Govt contracts and politics is dat regions' attitude.

Nigerians are about the best behaved anywhere, u know why, we stand up and shout:

- for our rights
- for what we want
- for our communities

and i'm talking 2006 Nigerians, not ya' all runaways who skim news from friends back home and from cnn. come back and shout for Naija.

Pick a Fight with the NL you don't want to meet in Nairaland.

I have already had mine with dm, now we are quiet, but from the threads, NLs go for each other's throats. Here is the new fight ring.

Let the quarrels begin,

What's your "motto" in life. Mine is 'to thy own self be true"

feel free to drop yours here.

fommmmmmmsssssssskkkkkkkkyyyyyyyy, as an authentic uvwie youth, i haillllllllllllllllllllllllllll oh, u too much,


dis joke na die!

if i was the judge, i'd dismiss the case immediately be4 the old loquacious mama exposes everyone in my court. What was the defence attorney thinking?

still gets to mefrom the first day i saw this piece.

IRAQI ECONOMIES

u HAVE 10 cows
u blow up the 10 cows and
blame the allied forces

kidnap another 15 cows
and blow dem up again
untill the allied forces leave

u wake up sumday
and realise,
they will leave,
u assassinate all the cows in the country
and claim matyrdom.

i agree with Eurphoria, dat is the Nigeria we dream of , but sadly, project Nigeria is Dead! Nigerians do not see themselves as a People Under God i.e. One Nigeria. the average Nigerian places ME before WE. its so sad.

We need to change this orientation!

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six- year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?

" I wouldn't know what to say, " replied the little girl.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, " a female guest said.

Her daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?''