₦airaland Forum

A lady on a flight seated next to a priest says,” I purchased a sophisticated electronic hair remover. I paid a lot for it and I fear they will confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps pass it through Customs for me under your robes?

I could my dear, only I am not able to lie."

And with that she hands him the hair remover. After landing they proceed through Customs. "Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Customs officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son." And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?” The father replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument destined to be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used,

"Roaring with laughter the Custom's officer says, "Go right through, Father. Next!"

mamaput, u be real naija person. i no want make am as long as the 101 ways to annoy people but with una help i fit dey edit una comments join.

wat about

i hail oh

bros

1. Insult upon injury
2. Nonsense and Ingredient
3. If i sound u ehh, I will soon slap you
4. How Far?
5. Can i see your particulars?
6. Anything for me sir?
7. Are you mad?
8. Half-caste
9. Next tomorrow
10. Make i come block you dia
11. Lie, Lie
12. See me see trouble oh
13. Shift for me lemme sit
14. abeg vamus
15. nonsense say wetin happen
16. Abomination
17. Over my dead body
18. God forbid bad thing
19. I need to retouch my hair
20. any word with 'bloody' eg bloody fool, bloody liar
21. Na wa oooo
22. Tell me something
23. Why do you want to know my name?
24. I beg joo
25. Can u imagine,
26. wonders shall never end,
27. Tofiakwa
28. Chei, Kai
29. Oya
30. Hold on I want to branch somewhere
31. Come and Escort Me
32. Stop at that junction over there
33. Borrow me your pen/biro
34. Still yet
35. Me and you will enter the same trouser
36. You are so annoying
37. Why? Because Y has a long tail and branches
38. What is the time? Quarter To buy your own
39. Effico
40. ITK- I too know
41. Muumu
42. How are you? 'We're managing'
43. and so what?
44. I want some assorted biscuits eg Rich tea, Digestive
45. Your face look familiar, similar
46. You are so daft
47. NFA- No future ambition
48. Are you already ready?
49. That is so dry!
50. My belly is full
51. Did they sack you?
52. I trekked all the way here
53. Where is the toilet, I want to piss
54. I want to drink cold mineral
55. Which ones now?
56. He was trying to toast me
57. Jacker
58. Your head is not correct
59. Have you seen that film before?
60. Just imagine!
61. My school fees money
62. No wahala!
63. Revise back small
64. Oya, shake body
65. Shine your eye
66. Carry go
67. Don't try me o
68. Enough effizzy
69. Nna, You chop?
70. Ashewo bastard!
71. What happen?
72. We must wash am!
73. Eeyin, but why? (meaning ore/aboki/friend-- why now?)
74. You f--k up!
75. No be soooo!
76. I will see you today, athink?
77. Cold iced water!

One Sunday morning during church service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.

One of the men shouted, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are!"

Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20.

The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites." Now you may begin your service.

Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out.

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God, and then wonder why the world's going to hell!

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says.

Funny? Or is it scary?

Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes"in God).

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start
sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public
discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and work place.

Funny, isn't it? Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.

Funny how when you go through this message, you will not talk about it to many on your neigbhourhood because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you.

Funny how you can be more worried about what other people think of you than what God thinks of you.

Are you still thinking?

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

@ seun, what is your problem with God, U know, u acknowledge him or not will not make God less, He is still the awesome God, the Beginning & the End. U know u sound kind of annoyed with God.

He is waiting!

if u can read this to the end, then u really need to visit Yaba Psychiatric hospital cos u r loco, like the goon that sent me this stuff.

please enjoy:

1. Sing the Simpsons theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip, "

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade.

My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.

While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go
back to the first-grade and behave.

She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. T
he principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third-grade."

Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Johnny, after a moment "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Johnny: "Pockets."

Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Johnny: "Pants"

Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Johnny: Coconut

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.
Johnny: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Johnny: Shake hands

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Johnny: Tent

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Johnny: Wedding Ring

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Johnny: Nose

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Johnny: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Johnny: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

ATMs are in the in thing now in Naija, but what would u do if sum of the scenarios described below happens to you:

You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.

You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.

You think you've got 5000 in your account and go to take out 1000, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.

You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair and his beard cut as always. He began to have a good conversation with the barber who attended him. They talked about so many things and various subjects. Suddenly, they touched on the subject of God.

The barber said: "Look man, I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

Well, it's so easy, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist. Oh, tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God exists, there would be no suffering nor pain. I can't think of loving a God who permits all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but he didn't respond because he did not want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barber shop, he saw a man in the street with long hair and a beard. It was very long, and a long time since he had his hair cut. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say they don't exist?" asked the surprised barber. " I am here and I am a barber. Why I just worked on you!

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist, because if they did there would be no people with long hair and beard like that man who is outside."

"Ah, barbers do exist, what happens is that people do not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God does exist.

What happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world?
[/i]how come i have not seen them?

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
[i][/i]then can i connect my pumping machine to my heart?

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
[i][/i]i bet it cures headaches too?

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
[i]?? but we all must die, spiders? nooooooooo

The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
[/i]is dat why its the most destructive tool?

"I Am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
[i][/i]and the most selfish statement ever!!!

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
[i] u don try am? ask Biafran soldiers?

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
[/i] please show me other ways of killing myself, Naija too bad!!!

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
[i] na foooooddddddd?

Cat's urine glows under a black light.
[/i]alternative to NEPA?

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
[i] Do they really need knee caps? where them want waka go?

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
[/i]I disagree, fa fa fowl, wat about LEE?

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
[i][/i]the other reasons, please? maybe it made cotton growers forget about their competitors after smoking it?

You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
[i][/i]no be my portion be dat?

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
[i][/i]come Africa, and we will disprove this statement? come my village, contact me for travel arrangements.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
[i] why i no just ring boiler instead of spending all those year boil water take make eba, bros, hunger go kpai your guy oh.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
[/i]whooosai, if i mess peren, everibidi hide fe cover!!!

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
[i][/i]and humans?

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
[i] is dat why gssips still abound?

Stella died and went to heaven ,

As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks?. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock?. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Stella, "whose clock is that?" "That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," said Stella. "And whose is that one?" St Peter responded, "That's Nnamdi Azikwe's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's my husband, Obasanjo's clock?" asked Stella.

"oh, Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan"

i will push him down the stairs to get the damn key, we re, big mumu.

its like we should start our local cow economics

i like the two additions most especially the russian cow economics, i wonder what the irish cow economics will look like?

kIP IT UP.

Please, how do i start a ringtone downloading service in Nigeria?

all rules apply and by God what clor is beige or lilac or wahtever, green, blue, yellow, red, white and black is enough for me.

From rule 1 to rule 1, all join, una feel me? all join.

sleeping on the couch? i go sleep for floor sef, nothin spoil, me i don speak my mind.

Mickplus, thanks for this exposee.

haba iyawo, for dis prison, prisoner dey come and go!

Our dear and affectionate ladies, One proposition I have not had the courage to tackle in a 'rational' manner in the last couple of weeks is: choose between me and Arsenal or Man United! As most guys would agree with me, the intimidating manner in which such ultimatum is usually posed leaves no room for any unpalatable decision. But perhaps to prevent further trouble, especially in the coming crucial month, some good natured and loving guys have got together and come up with this memo which I recommend to our darling ladies.

So, for there to be peace in our homes:

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of every newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be totally ignored.

2. During the World Cup, the television is for us, your guys, at all times, without any exceptions.

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, we don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting us.

4. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, we won't even see you and please make sure you put clothes on right after. Because if you catch a cold, we won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you lest we miss the next important match.

5. During the games we will be blind, deaf and dumb, unless we require a refill of our drinks or need something to eat. We know you would not, at this most crucial period, expect us to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor, It won't happen!

6. You are welcome to sit with us to watch one game and you can talk to us during half-time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half-time score is favourable. In addition, please note that we say 'one' game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse that we 'spend time together'.

7. The daily World Cup highlights shown on TV every night are just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying 'but you have already seen this, why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?' We don't care if we have seen them or we haven't seen them, we want to see them again. Many times.

8. Please, inform your friends NOT to have any weddings, babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that require our attendance because:
a) we will not go
b) we will not go
c) we will not go!

9. But, if a friend of ours invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

10. And finally, please save your expressions such as 'thank God the World Cup is only every four years'.

We are immune to these words. Because after the World Cup comes the Champions League, English Premiership, Spanish La Liga, Italian League, CAF Champions League, CAF Cup, Copa Liberterdores, WAFU CUP, COSAFA
Castle Cup, !

LADIES TAKE HEART,THAT PHASE WOULD ALSO PASS AWAY;& FOR FOOTBALL LOVERS PLS FORWARD TO UR PARTNERS SO THEY DONT GET THOSE TREATMENT BY SURPRISE!!!

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

i am a nigerian but our police are not just it, go read the editorial in the Guardian newspaper of 8th June, 2006 and u will see wat i am talking about.

but wait, is it only the nigerian economics u guys read, wat about US, France and the others?

tnx for the observation!!!!!!!!!!!!

spiky

my mistake fellows, just discovered tis has bin posted before. Couldn't resist sharing it wit u folks.

do not crucify me with recycled! just skip pleaaassseeeee.

Two presidents are talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day. Museveni, of Uganda, says to Moi (Kenya) "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid. Do you doubt me? Let me show you."

And he called his driver over and said , "Bakasongo, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes."

To which Bakasongo replied, "Yes Sir! Right away Sir!", and he rushed off.

The president turned to his pal and said, "See, the slowpoke is brainless.

"Moi said , "That's nothing. You want to see stupid? Let me show you stupid.

He called his driver, "Kiptoon, run home now and check to see if I'm at home."

Kiptoon said, "Yes Mzee!! Right away Mzee and ran off.

Moi turns smugly to his buddy, "See what I told you? That's my simpleton.

Later on, the two drivers met on the road, Bakasongo said to Kiptoon, "Eh, you know my boss is really stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes, Like he doesn't know
that today is Sunday and the showroom would be closed!.

To which Kiptoon replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home, Can't he just use his cellphone to find out?

YORUBA ECONOMICS
You have two cows
U kill them both
And throw an owambe party!

IBO ECONOMICS
You have two cows
U make very good counterfeits of them
And sell for the price of the real cows!

HAUSA ECONOMICS
You have two cows
You rear them till they are four
Make sure ur kids rear cows too
And just maintain!

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & who becomes a threat to the world
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

NIGERIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You eat one, claim it was stolen, and call in the Police to investigate.
Police arrest everyone living within 100km and torture them thoroughly until someone admits kidnapping the cow.
The police instead collect one cow each from everyone they arrested.
You have your cow back and the Police now owns a
cattle farm.

i agree! Let us see ur pic first then we can treat ur case!

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks could buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo."

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"

Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

nice comments but look up the meaning of JAGUDA! before u blast me. If u fit get me Omo work i go hapi well well, rite now i dey load Ojuelegba stretttttttttttttttttttttttttt

yes it seems so, even God cannot understand women!!

l-i-f-e!!!!!!!!!

How do things like this keep happening? please read on

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in
Love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not
Like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes
For a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two
Lovers but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in
A local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will
Allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you love each other
Truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was
Dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the
Other
Side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died
On the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that
She recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very
Next day because he died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an
Old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the
Guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother
Ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in
Fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash
The
Clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had
The same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady
Gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something
Terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the
Stains,
And the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
Someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old
Lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up, and gave her a blue box, which
Shocked the girl. She asked "What is this, ?"
The old lady replied,
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" New Improved Blue Omo Washing powder,
it will remove all stubborn stains!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !" ,
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