₦airaland Forum

Tissaia:
IPOB sponsored bandits

Haba!

SarutobiEky:
but you said your wife went to Ontario Abi where.

. A lair have no good memory.

na wa o

If u leave this nairaland eh, anything wey I eat make I bellefull.

There's this novel I read "The palm wine drunkard" by Amos Popoola.

I wish I can see it again to read. I have searched for it and I couldn't fine it to buy.

Kestolove:
When dix DNA tin enter south east na den u go see d real war cause 68% of igbos are training another man's child

you mean southeast women cheat in their husband's house?

Consray:
how true is that

very true ma'am

kingk:
I hate snakes.

and nairaland like snake. Don't you notice that anything that have to do with snake always make front page?

Some ladies their heartbeats have increase. Scared that their secret will soon be expose.

APC use him to fight Jonathan, look at what he's getting as reward from the same APC he worked for.

Karma, you're so delicious.

The old gramophone have nothing to say.

marisdgreat:
which one any of ur sisters don achieve? no be ur mates be anthony joshua, john mikel, ahmed musa and d rest, only to dey bash ladies online Una sabi. as if ur mother achieve anything before she born u��

for this New year?

Lord i pray for the grace to ignore the idiocy of Sai Babarians this year.

The old gramophone have spoken.

maybe its gana's boys that are taking revenge after they set him up and the military killed him

THE PENIS IS FOR URINATING AND REPRODUCTION NOT FOR CHEAP COMMODITY

PLEASE READ

My phone rang again and I immediately knew it was Esther.

She calls only when she's not on her period and you know what that means.

I don't know why a girl who bears such a biblical name had such a weird character but I didn't mind either.

She never says more than three lines whenever she comes to visit and on the days that I didn't have fuel, the whole neighborhood won't rest.

Her moans were loud and archaic and she didn't care if it was loud for the whole world to hear.

She screams like a dog being raped by a baboon and uttered some very wonderful words.

"Andy kill me oh, blow me, slap me, oh Andy destroy me, stab me, make I die, I want to rot in hell"

Most times it was funny, other times I just shook my head and continued with the mission at hand.

In fact, there was this time when our neighbor came to knock on the door because he thought I was beating her, only for Esther to open the door with sweat all over her face, greeted the man with a grin on her face and locked the door again.

These days, the neighbors don't even complain again, I guess they are tired.

Immediately she entered my house, she threw her bag on the chair and immediately grabbed me and started kissing me.

I restrained myself and asked her to chill for a while, much to her surprise.

"Wait oh Esther, is it that all you and I would be doing in this life is just to have sex and nothing more? We don't even talk about anything. All we do is knack and knack".

"Ehen,Andy,when did this one start now? After 8 months of consistent knacking,its now you want to gist? My friend roll down that trouser, I don't have time for this drama. Besides, you and I are not dating. It's just sex and nothing else".

Well, I let her have her way again and after the whole 3 rounds, she picked up her bag, tied her hair and went for choir practice.

I was deflated when she left. I couldn't even move as my legs were numb. She totally finished me.

I finally stepped out of the house to get sugar from my neighbor so I could drink gari.

"Andy, make you take am easy with that your woman oh, see as you Don thin finish. Your head don big pass your body and your legs don tiny like broom stick, dat girl go kill you oh. Even on top this hot sun, una go de do de shout everywhere. una no de even shame".

I collected the sugar from her and left, even though I knew she had a point.

I wasn't eating well but I was busy exerting all my energy on Esther..

Almost everyone around me told me to leave Esther alone and move on as she wasn't any good.

She didn't cook for me or cleaned, not like she gives me money, all she did was drain me and knack my brains out.

We had a church conference the following week and some guest ministers were invited to grace the occasion.

Esther came to my house that evening and collected "two mouths" and she left, saying that she was the one to take the solo in the choir rendition.

I took my bath, wore my clothes and headed to church.

When I got there, she was ministering and crying while I was laughing in my mind.

People were falling down and breaking chairs as she sang.

After her ministration, she sent me a message that read;

"I'm Hot oh, let me take excuse from my choirmaster so we will go home and do again ".

I replied her message and said no, I told her we would go after the guest minister's preaching.

The guest minister was introduced to the podium. A pot bellied spirit filled man. You could sense that he carried a powerful anointing as he mounted the podium.

He called Esther out and asked her to sing again and just as she was still singing, he stopped her and looked at her closely.

The next thing he said almost gave me a heart attack.

"If you know you have ever slept with this girl and you are in church, please do well to see me, else you will forever remain a church rat and a pauper. Esther started to scream as the Man of God spoke, few minutes later she changed to a very old woman, probably in her 90s and almost everyone in church ran out.

When I saw the number of guys Esther had slept with in church, I almost died.

We were up to 17,including the keyboardist, drummer, bassist and even our youth pastor, not to mention her choir master. Even some choir girls came out, she was also a lesbian.

Our pastor bowed his head in shame as tears came out from his eyes.

The Guest minister prayed for us and delivered us as he said we were already doomed for condemnation.

Esther died as the old woman,but she confessed that she was sent to bring ruins upon men and women with vision and also talked about how many she's killed.

It's been over a year now and I haven't had sex with a girl, I don't even want to, at this rate, I don't think I will marry sef..

#Make I chop that girl, until u chop d one wey go reduce your life span.

#No be every person dem de sleep with oh

#God gave penis for urine to have direction and for reproduction, stop using your own as a cheap commodity.

Harrykn:
Mad oh
Mad oh
Who get US Embassy customer service number help a sister.

But sister oh, what's this thing that made your hubby [del]absconded [/del] Travelled w_o_you?

I work with US embassy here in abuja we've had similar case like that. let her go to UK consular in Lagos or come to UK High commission here in abuja to repot the issue. They'll help her.

thebosstrevor1:
Guinea fowl
Very common in the north.

and its sweeter that chicken.

UgoChick:
Hi pls any doctors in d house? D situatn is dat my guy came inside me,

Is he come inside of you, you can go outside of him. its that simply

Fix you state first from banditry then we will trust you.

chatinent:
I was taught to love.

#BrotherlyLove.

Thank Jah.

God bless you.

blazesam:
You hear buruku buruku, mehn it scary but honestly hmmmm, when you gather that courage you find it easy.

I discovered it festive and everybody want to travel home, the speed this guy's use in flying with those Bose boat, it will make you cry, feels like a ready capsize... Imagine a car in wooden ferry and you on it !. I pray you enter a single trip like that.

proud to be Benue.

Jemiwizzy:
yes

how do I contact you?

Jemiwizzy:
jahi

can you stay in gishiri? at least its close to jahi

Jemiwizzy:
Abuja

which part of abuja are you?

Jemiwizzy:
Abuja

which part of abuja are you?

Zzor:
What did you smoke

He smoked Chinese shit

This pure and unadulterated WICKEDNESS