₦airaland Forum

This works for some. Statistics show that the odds are against the child's overall development. Find a spouse you can live with. He/she will not be perfect. If you must have kids, it is highly recommended to be present. if you just want sex, have it anyway you want. This is my two kobo.

Why is Lagos asking for bck payments on vehicles that moved out of Lagos for extended periods? Isn't this illegal?

breakthrough22:
Good evenning ,

I came back home from work this night to find out my wife and my son have packed and abandoned me .

My son is 4 years old and I really don't mean to hurt my wife .

She travelled on the 26th of December to her dad house here in Lagos .I missed her so much and I sent her money to come back last Saturday though she said she will be coming on Sunday only for me to call her between 2pm and 8pm without her picking the call .

The phone rang times without number .I later gave the last try and the no was busy answering other call .She later picked and said there was no light .So,she couldn't charge. I was mad because the excuse was too flimsy .I challenged her to tell her but your phone rang .I was mad and I lost trust in her that moment and flashed back to the excuse that she will not come on Saturday.

Seriously ,I was angry and different thoughts came to my mind like May be she went to see another man .

That hour ,I told her I don't want to see her again .I was angry though .She didn't come on Sunday. She came back very early yesterday which was Monday.

I will not lie ,I have been so angry ,ranting and telling her to go back to her parent house that I don't trust her again.

To my surprise ,I came back tonight and she already packed all her loads ,packed my son things without leaving any thing .Her wardrobe and my son wardrobe have been empty as I am typing .She packed everything .

Seriously ,I am depressed cos I love her .I love my son .I can't even allow him to stay over there to start schooling. Me and my wife have been together since 2013 .We have gone through a lot of difficulties together and now ,things are beginning to look good for us .I am so down right now .I called he dad and her brother .It is like they took that decision together .

I have never beaten her before but I do nag especially when bills are weighing me down .His dad and his brother was just shouting at me .Fear of been a single dad or living alone at this stage of my life will make me a walking ghost and the fact that ,I really love my son too and also my wife too will one day kill me .

Imagine ,that Saturday she changed what she saved my no with and saved with my son name.I attached my call history .Check the image of the missed calls.

Please what do I do?I am devastated .


Some of her chats this night ..

[1/10, 9:35 PM] SWEETHEART: Hv always endure with u even though u did not hv money,but u always rain insult on me everyday .am not coming back I want to work and make my own money,u said u hv never achieved anything good bcoz of me!u said I am your biggest mistake in life and now hv made up my mind with you.you pushed me to the wall!u make me carry luggage in the hot sun and cry ,am tired,I cried and cried and endure all bcoz of love so nao am ready to work and earn good for myself and my son.
[1/10, 9:40 PM] SWEETHEART: U can change ur key am not coming again
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: Am not ,u know is too late for me to come back to .... and u urself know is my biggest fear bcoz I don't like coming here but u make me come back,is too late. Even wen u always tell me to go,I will still wait but u make me come back to my fear It is too late.
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: ...will start school on Monday here and just take responsibility of it, if u don't want to loose ur son too.

Very unlike me to do this: I have read over 80% of all responses to this post. Kindly understand the following:
A - RELATIONSHIPS
1. Every marriage/relationship has problems - the problems are just different.
2. Most of these problems are the result of poor/bad communication practices.
3. Poor/bad communication stem from poor mental hygiene/health choices made by one or both parties in the relationship.
4. Poor mental hygiene/health is the result of NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS/EMOTIONS: DISTRACTION!
5. Most modern humans live very distracted lives. (bills, stress, insecurity,...) keep us from paying attention to our thoughts and emotions at the present moment. You suddenly discover that you are VERY ANGRY and you cannot seem to see how a mild irritation few days ago started this up.
6. Anger is expressed passively (frustrate the other party) or actively (verbal or physical attack). You have attacked your wife verbally. She might have taken other passive/active routes to express her anger. An attack causes REAL PAIN - Words hurt women a lot and they NEVER FORGET.

B - SELF MANAGEMENT
1. No person will do this for you. You must know you need it and commit to doing it.
2. Temperaments are different. Some people are just mild in their temperament and others (like you and I) just are impatient and sometimes erratic. I love mild people-they "see" people "clearer".
3. Pay attention to know your emotional/physiological status per time (literately ask yourself "Armstrong, how are you doing?" - i am feeling impatient, suspicious, irritated, hot, cold, hungry, .... This is where practicing meditation, yoga, mindfulness ..., helps you out. Pay attention to that pressure/tightness you feel in your temple (sides of your forehead) and your forehead - that is your prefrontal cortex being stifled. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prefrontal_cortex

C - NOW THAT THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN
1. You are disturbed and know you contributed to this situation. You however feel overwhelmed and you are looking for who (aside from yourself) to blame. Kill that thought. Accept your blame completely. This is called taking responsibility. Also identify your wife's blames.
2. Call her and apologize for your part. Let her know you know you have hurt her. Ask your trusted friend that she respects to speak on your behalf - if you call a bad friend, he may end up sleeping with her. She is very vulnerable at this stage (if she doesn't already have someone else)
3. Let her know that she is not without faults as well. Do this without anger and point to specific instances. Some people (especially women) hate to admit their wrongs hence her inability to say SORRY when that is all it takes.
4. Find a psychologist to talk to. You will find out that you probably are in survival mode - where fight or flight is your primary drive. You need to "tone-down" when relating with your family. You need to learn to play and to express emotions and anger with right measure.
5. Talk to her. Let her know how you would prefer that she raises issues with you. Ask her how she would prefer that you talk with her. Agree with her that both of you will try. Both should be willing to apologize and accept apologies when slip-ups happen in this new talking style.


D - LONG TERM
1. It pays more to fix problems like this one. Both parties have one fault or the other that both parties should deal with
2. Your child's future depends on your ability to correct any character flaws you and your spouse may have. You can then teach the child when you see him exhibit those same flaws - believe me, it will happen and you will be grateful you are sparing your child your rough ride.
3. Develop a more forgiving stance towards your wife and your loved ones. It helps you to stay in emotional control. Even if she cheats on you, let the choice be yours to make, not the society.
4. When your paranoid self tries to take control of you, be conscious enough to tell him "NO! My wife is not like that". Calm down and "Talk" with her.
5. The female gender can be a most unreliable and annoying. However, if you find a good one (no one is perfect), keep her (and be kept by her). It will cost you some of your "Macho" but it pays in prosperity and peace of mind. She is not perfect, just like you are not perfect.

E - MY QUALIFICATION?
None! I am just a very flawed regular guy next door who seeks a better way to live this sweet life gifted to him by God. You may choose to ignore me. It is OK. Everything will be fine. Trust me. I have been there.

The overriding question is "ARE YOU COMMITTED TO KEEPING YOUR MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND CREATING A BETTER LINEAGE?".

tribalistdcriti:
how can I get the audio book

All I can say is where there is a will there is a way.

Violence all over the place. Symptom of deeper issues. When will proper diagnosis of the real problem the treatment begin?

As a recovered softy, I can offer suggestions. Read this book "The Courage to be Disliked" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. I also highly recommend the audio book. Read and/or listen as many times as you need to re-register. It is not easy but you have taken the first step - recognizing it is a weakness that MUST be eliminated.

Anyone with real results from this herbal cure?

Any positive feedback from experimenting with this solution?

How is this working out? Any proof of its efficacy?

KossyKiss97:
Ok

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100% dry land.

Buy 5 get 1 free. Gift your loved ones as well

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Interesting

Hmmm. What are the implications?

Binarytimes:
My girlfriend is beautiful but she has lot of issues. First, she likes engaging in activities that she can not finance by herself and then drags me into it. One time, i was duped because a guy promised her big ambitions if she apply for his pagentry show which she did with my money even after i objected it, she had to cry to make me agree only to find out later that it was a scam.

Ever since we started dating, we have been eating out, she doesn't cook and she always like being right at all times ..

She complains about being tired when i asked her to do anything including washing my clothes, even sex. She would complain when we want to have sex and the funny thing is, sex is the only thing i see that she offers. She doesn't even sweep the house except on rare occasions. I wonder how a girl would be comfortable in a rough environment.

So, i was going out and told her to watch some of my sandals. One to be specific, since i wanted to match my outfit that morning, it was around after 11 and she was still sleeping, she refused washing them that she's tired. I had to do my things on my own, and while i was taking my bathe, i reflected on everything. We have been dating for like two months now and what the hell ?

I told her to take her dirty clothes out of house if she doesn't want to wash them, because i won't even dare wash anything for her. Then finally, i followed her to her place to take some of my clothes that i gave her a week before to wash which are still unwashed. She was even frowning like she was right and i did wrong.... Deep down, she thinks i would call her to come.


This is an official breakup because i have to put my life in order.

What your take on this ?

I will personally come and slap you if I hear you post about anything she has done again. She force you? Na you see fine girl. She just tire small after all the work you make her imagine doing. Take your time o. Oya go hustle small then go check her address.

Do you remember what they say about a hungry man?

RIP. Condolence to the family of the departed.

Negotiate what you can... Take home your queen! I know you are ready for this. So, "Just Do IT" bro.

I can tell the original... Just observe the effort that goes into being the real deal - Seamless, relaxed and effortless. Need I say more?

This will not end well. No selfless leadership anywhere. Most "leader" is angling for a seat on the podium not minding that the podium is built using the bones of their devotees.

Speechless. I thought the worst of 2020 was over. What is all this again?

I totally agree with you sir. But... but wait o. What will happen to those who destroyed our national purse, economy and values over the past 60+ years? Will they also be found and punished so that others will not repeat it? What is good for the goose is also good for the gander naa.

Congratulations bro! Some young folks need to see this kind of achievement to awake their Ginger and terminate their Ganja!!

Sorry for the loss OP. I hope you are not stranded. Buy a not so shiny one for now and pray for its recovery. But... but.... Spare parts....

Dem fit? Make we dey look naaa.

I love these streets. I can "see" them loading even in Nigerian villages. It all starts with a dream.

OK. I have learnt some new words. Now I will try to understand better.

The kokoro eating the army's efo is inside the barracks. CCTV and surveillance would have been a better move...Oh, sorry no light-Fuuuunnnnkeee!

If she loss naa you go come dey cry again for the peeps you go show am to.

So sad. Please be careful in all your ways this period. RIP to the departed.

Sachiopropty:
https://sachiong.com/red-flags-to-look-out-for-during-home-inspection/

Missing Naija-centric details. Still useful though.

Auxtan:
Dear programmer,

I just got myself a HP ProBook laptop and I can say I am very much ready to begin my programming journey. Now my humble questions please:
1. What online platform can I get quality beginners lectures free for my coding adventure?
2. What softwares do you recommend for this purpose, especially an interpreter software?
3. Any other advice dear pros for a beginner like me?

Thank you

Congratulations! You already have the first two requirements:
1. The Desire
2. The Primary Tool.

NOW YOU NEED
3. The Goal - or preferably, something specific (like a project or two) you will like to achieve using software.
4. Internet subscription - You can learn all you need online.
5. Patience - You will be confused initially and you will find it difficult to make up your mind. Just choose one or two and follow to the end.
6. https://www.codecademy.com/ is highly recommended. Also http://www.udemy.com (paid with many special prices of <$10).
7. Take breaks and celebrate your little steps. You are on your way to being the best (when you can beat THE HARD CODER)

All the best.

peacekante:
These are the video report of both reputable international TV stations on the lekki shooting incident. The incident has generated quite a lot of controversies around the world. While the Nigerian Government has vehemently denied shooting at the lekki protesters. The Army on the other hand earlier denied going to lekki to shoot, but later admitted that it was at the lekki tool gate but didn't shoot live bullet. They also claimed they shot at the air not at protesters.
But the protesters are insisting that they were shot at and many were killed. The major protester at the ground DJ switch told CNN that the soldiers shot at them and killed lots of people.

Both CNN and BBC have given their own report on what happened at the lekki toll gate. While BBC reporter Damilola Banjo who was at the protest ground reported that the Army was shooting on air, but only saw one man grasping for air which she was not because of gun bullet, the CNN video said the Army actually shot at the protesters with live bullet. Though the CNN was not present at the protest ground.

So Nairalanders, watch the video report from both CNN and BBC. who is actually giving the real account of what happened at Lekki toll gate on the 20 of October 2020

BBC report

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlSRq_WAdlE

CNN report

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKhJcL2ttls

The truth is the truth. Denying it or Acknowledging does not change it. If you deny the Truth you will still face the consequences of your action. If you Acknowledge the Truth you MAY be forgiven if your actions were inappropriate. Either way it is best for you to CHOOSE your ACTIONS wisely before you are required to answer for them. Really, I don't care which version is the Truth. The Actors at Lekki Tollgate on that day KNOW - From corridors of Aso Rock to the creeks of Lekki. TRUTH REMAINS THE TRUTH: NIGERIA WILL SINK OR SURVIVE BASED ON THE QUALITY OF CHOICES MADE BY THE LEADERSHIP - Let your ability to acknowledge the truth be your guide to the right decision to make as a leader.

Neddstark:
Please if you are in a discussion or having an argument and the other party threatens to do harm. Don't argue any further, just let the matter die. It's not about weakness. You have no idea the spirit behind the threats.

Correct sense! I always advice myself on this. It is easy to forget. But you are making a lot of good sense in this advice.

I didn't read all the other reply to your post but I can tell you what will happen.

You will end up in bed with the new guy if you do not get your heart out of your present lust. If however you do not have an escape route because you just MUST get in bed with him, then you must decide who gets your virginity - Your boyfriend or the new guy. But be sure that the new guy will be gone once he has had enough of you - it may be one time or many times in bed to arrive at that point. Then you can go and stick to you boyfriend (if he took your virginity). This is the best case scenario and because it is simple it may work in THEORY.

But lots can go wrong.
1. Your boyfriend may not like (or respect) you again once he gets his way (but be sure that the new guy will leave you anyway even if he gets your virginity). On the other hand, I may be wrong and all works out fine.
2. You could catch STD from any of these guys - You may wish to risk your future dreams now
3. You could get pregnant for either or both of them - I hope you are ready to become a mother
4. You could be caught in your manipulative ways - and loose credibility
5. You could loose courage mid way and get raped for your being at the wrong place...
6. You could get used for rituals as we hear in the news these days... Na news cause this one O, no be me
...
The list just goes on and on.

But is it wrong for you to feel the things you are feeling? NO it is not wrong. You are just being a "pretty" young woman (or girl if you are still a teen).
Will having sex with one guy or all guys on earth cause pain and plenty regret? MAYBE - Only way to know is if you go through with it. Destiny differs.
Will not having sex till you marry give you advantage over other "bad" girls who eventually marry? NOT REALLY - Life can be a bitch (no offense)!

SO WHAT IS MY ADVICE TO YOU?
1. Focus on your future.
2. Focus what you are doing in school.
3. Don't fantasize that your relationships will provide anything more than transient comfort and "sweet" feelings.
4. As for sex, it is over rated: it carries more pains/regret than comfort under the wrong conditions - but it is the most beautiful thing you will experience under the right conditions. You can have sex for a whole week and still believe you need more. Don't be in a hurry.

Fantastic Sex = f(a partner of your dreams, personal comfort and security, personal convictions);

My credentials to say these things? Been there, done most and now I am back. No personal lessons from me. Nairaland is enough for the wise.

All the best and use your head more in-spite of your heart.