₦airaland Forum

RIP. May God look after the baby you left behind. Stories like this only make me understand what God has saved me from.

Prettiepearlz:
How are you ma'am and how is our little princess?

Hey dear, am fine and you? My little Angel is doing just fine. Thanks for checking on us.

*Sad* The lady wasn't even ready for marriage! Her husband being an introvert is absolutely no reason to leave your marriage. She didn't even try to mould him into what she wants and she just left. "He who has a head has no cap..." For those asking about courtship,really does courtship determines a marriage status? Some people meet today,marry the next day and they are living happily. It is just about being ready to tolerate each other in some circumstances.

An offer letter or employment letter is the written agreement between you and your employer which serves as an evidence to both parties depending on what it contains,in case of troubles. If you don't have one,or any signed contract relating to the job,then u are not a staff as far as the company is concern. If they refuse to pay you,you can do absolutely nothing about it. *Bad labour practice* But like you said,"no job" I will advice u hold onto that while you apply for other jobs. one thing about employers is that,they don't fancy hiring people who are home and jobless,they would rather hire someone already on a job but willing to leave for theirs. Use them as a point of reference for experience and seek another job. I wish you luck.

I think i just need to relax and wait for events to unfold. My hubby asked my siblings for my home address, he said he was coming for his baby. My siblings was nice enough to give him the address hoping that when he arrives,that's if he mean it, they will try to mend things. But my hubby suddenly got mad again and accuse them of giving him wrong address which he didn't even verify. He started throwing serious insults at my brothers who are years older than him and as at yesterday they were forced to block him off their social networks as he just couldn't stop the madness. Well this morning he messaged my sis who is still tolerating him after all in rudeness to her, that he will soon send his divorce letter through her for me to sign.

I think this saves me all the stress. He warned her never to call him "My In-law".

I thought i knew them all, but obviously,am just learning some. Nice one.

Prettiepearlz:
Na wa ooooo, that same husband of yours did that again. Taryur3, did you read this at all? @Juzzybaby please do the needful, see if you can seek for annulment in the church. That man has some guts I must say.

Like I said dear,I can't mention one by one all that happened and still happening that made me decide to just quit for good. The story is long.

Bolade005:
Have you contacted the lawyer?

Not yet dear.

Am trying to reach the priest who celebrated our wedding mass. Other priest i consulted said he's the right person to start with. Meanwhile,they are saying i need to come over to Nigeria but i don't have that time now. Trying to see what can be done from here.

MRBrownJ:
as i can see some of you may have had problem understanding my post, i will post exactly what i mean, because there are TWO very important failed quotes from the OP here:

is caring for a child BLACKMAIL now? lets us NOT dwell on the story, what we DO know is that this guy is not making a lot of money in Dubai and he wanted her to come and hustle with him there, BEFORE they could bring the child over (which is what any caring parent SHOULD do). so we can confirm that A) money is tight and B) her help was needed in Dxb to make the family "stronger". that was always the plan since day one, she decided to run back to GH instead, which is her right.....

but here are the IMPORTANT questions that all of you should ask:
- if that man had no money before, why does this lady think that now that she is back in Ghana he will/should have any?
- if a father hasnt got financial support (thats the reason wifey had to stay at his parents, isnt it?), should he be automatically deleted from a child's life?!?!?!?!
- how is deleting the father from her life gonna solve ANY of the problem?
- wouldnt this broke father able to help the child emotionally?

this whole issue is about REVENGE, and nothing else, and this deluded lady is using her kids to get back at this man who "supposedly" damaged her life.

Come to think of it, do u think he even care about the kid? NO. So y would i want to use my kid against him? If i were to be your sister, am sure you will hug such a BIL and tell him he's the best guy and hustling so he should stay in wherever he is until he get rich and marry another woman.
He is not rich but he is ok and meeting ends for himself. If you have no idea about what marriage entails, i will tell you today that communication and understanding matters most. I know his income in Dubai and its equivalent in Naira or dollars. I only married a self centered man that thinks about himself alone. Its not revenge or blackmailing. those on this forum who have interacted with me on phone knows me to some extent. Am bitter he knew he wasn't ready for marriage and he got me into it and now he feels he cant go on, but life has to go on. Am doing my best taking care of the kid alone, do u expect me to dash her to man man who has shown no care but have all the time to post on facebook the latest tattoos drawn on his body? If i were your sis,will that be your advice? what moral value can a man of such impact in his kid? teach her her how to pierce her body? I know he will come someday looking for his daughter,and i hate it when people thinks he has every right to his child weather he performed his duty or not,isn't that so sick to say? I left his parents because i didn't want to die there. Even tho i gets home late someday to have a chat with my daughter but the kiss on her head even when she's asleep,our Saturday trips,the fun we share is just too much to have missed in the cold hands of death. Leaving that house,even my enemies told me was the best thing i ever did. you need to see my before and after pics. you need to see me while pregnant, how depressed and sickly i was due to emotional stress. I have had enough sweetheart, am only sharing but trust me, am never going back.

MRBrownJ:
as i can see some of you may have had problem understanding my post, i will post exactly what i mean, because there are TWO very important failed quotes from the OP here:



is caring for a child BLACKMAIL now? lets us NOT dwell on the story, what we DO know is that this guy is not making a lot of money in Dubai and he wanted her to come and hustle with him there, BEFORE they could bring the child over (which is what any caring parent SHOULD do). so we can confirm that A) money is tight and B) her help was needed in Dxb to make the family "stronger". that was always the plan since day one, she decided to run back to GH instead, which is her right.....

but here are the IMPORTANT questions that all of you should ask:
- if that man had no money before, why does this lady think that now that she is back in Ghana he will/should have any?
- if a father hasnt got financial support (thats the reason wifey had to stay at his parents, isnt it?), should he be automatically deleted from a child's life?!?!?!?!
- how is deleting the father from her life gonna solve ANY of the problem?
- wouldnt this broke father able to help the child emotionally?

this whole issue is about REVENGE, and nothing else, and this deluded lady is using her kids to get back at this man who "supposedly" damaged her life.

Come to think of it, do u think he even care about the kid? NO. So y would i want to use my kid against him? If i were to be your sister, am sure you will hug such a BIL and tell him he's the best guy and hustling so he should stay in wherever he is until he get rich and marry another woman.
He is not rich but he is ok and meeting ends for himself. If you have no idea about what marriage entails, i will tell you today that communication and understanding matters most. I know his income in Dubai and its equivalent in Naira or dollars. I only married a self centered man that thinks about himself alone. Its not revenge or blackmailing. those on this forum who have interacted with me on phone knows me to some extent. Am bitter he knew he wasn't ready for marriage and he got me into it and now he feels he cant go on, but life has to go on. Am doing my best taking care of the kid alone, do u expect me to dash her to man man who has shown no care but have all the time to post on facebook the latest tattoos drawn on his body? If i were your sis,will that be your advice? what moral value can a man of such impact in his kid? teach her her how to pierce her body? I know he will come someday looking for his daughter,and i hate it when people thinks he has every right to his child weather he performed his duty or not,isn't that so sick to say? I left his parents because i didn't want to die there. Even tho i gets home late someday to have a chat with my daughter but the kiss on her head even when she's asleep,our Saturday trips,the fun we share is just too much to have missed in the cold hands of death. Leaving that house,even my enemies told me was the best thing i ever did. you need to see my before and after pics. you need to see me while pregnant, how depressed and sickly i was due to emotional stress. I have had enough sweetheart, am only sharing but trust me, am never going back.

MRBrownJ:
AGAIN, whether a man beats a woman OR NOT is irrelevant to the point at hand, because if that was REALLY an issue, then thats what the OP would have written as the MAIN reason why she needs a divorce... but, as we can all clearly see, even after all the beatings, this woman was willing to accept this man "IF":
- the husband has intention of settling down and having a family (with her)
- the husband shows signs of car AND remorse over he and his parents acts towards her.
- he supported the child in any way.

so stop fooling yourself, as i said earlier, this is just revenge (using their child) from the OP, because husband didnt do the above point

I didn't wanna answer you cuz obviously you didn't read through my responses. I want family. I married him knowing he had nothing. Living in dubai doesn't mean he's rich but i had never had any love nor support from him although he was and is still capable of meeting ends he only dont want to do so. When i dated him,he lived on my pockets. I am a strong woman,i don't depend on people for survival. How i wish i could post of pix of my kid and myself. am beautiful,brilliant and talented and educated. Yes i have short short comings cuz am human. But i hate when u keep repeating "USING THE CHILD TO PUNISH HIM" Neither am i waiting for him to cater for my daughter. My daughter should be in the US to have a good life before this year runs out. My dear,am not waiting for him to support. as i type now,am still in the office. I work hard for my own money.
Y i will never take back my husband,i just discovered that my husband apart from all that has been conspiring between us had the guts to forward to my brothers closed pix i shared with him while he was away. He told my brothers am loosed to have snapped and send him such pix. but he requested for them. and i as a wife felt its good to share at least he is my husband. So dear, apart from all other thing this alone which i have not stated all along is reason far enough for me to stay clear of that dude. And trust me,my brothers are waiting for him. Some would say y didn't u leave ever since, but its marriage moreover i married the man i had truly loved. I hope some of us will learn from my mistakes tho.

Tolakay:
sent u pm

Sorry for the dely,quite busy. will respond asap

femimighty:
It's sad that family is just the no 1 target to destabilize a nation.Once the family is disjointed,it affects so many other aspects of our lives.
I am a living example of your story and my wife nearly divorced me but for God's intervention.
She misunderstood me totally thinking that I was irresponsible but unknown to her life was very tough.I couldn't even send anything reasonable to my family for years but alas God saw my heart and gave her the grace to hold on.
I want to encourage you not to file for divorce yet as it doesn't seem to be best option but commit things into the hands of God.Bible says they that faint in the days of adversity are of little strength.This is your period of adversity.wait upon the Lord and you will see his salvation.
Your marriage shall be wonderful again.

My dear,your case is different. you never had it but u knew u had a family to care for. you had them at heart. My husband of recent has bath his body with tattoos and flexing on Facebook to bluff me. well,he knows how much tattoos disgust me so that shudn't move me. My point is the guy is not complaining of anything like cash,he is just listening to his mother's voice. And now I think he has moved on self. I can't be waiting till Jesus comes na.
The man in question is my first man,my first love. I love him despite all and I wish we both grew our baby together but the love I have for him,he obviously has not even half for me. While we dated,I did him some unforgettable favours,I sense he married me cuz he tot he owe me but and wanted to pay back. probably he is not just ready to settle down. but I will not keep waiting until he makes up his mind,I have a life to live.

Kimoni:
@ juzzybabe:
- you asked for permission to get married
- you asked for permission to take in
- you asked for permission to abort
- you asked for permission (and funds) to rent a place
- now you are asking for permission to move on

I think you also have a lot of work to do on yourself. Your whole existence seems to be revolved round this man and the marriage.
Do you have plans for yourself or goals you've set out to achieve personally? Short term and long term? I didn't get any sense of that from your write-ups. Looks like it's all about your husband, his wishes and his provision.

Are you working currently? Are you able to support yourself and your child comfortably and independently? This should be your focus for now. Divorce and subsequent relationships will follow in due course if that's what you really want at the end of the day.

But right now, forget him, forget what's going to happen in the future, forget if he will come back or not. There are enough problems for today, no need to carry tomorrow's burden today. Life is short, take it one day at a time. You hold the key to your happiness, don't give it to anyone.

"permission to abort" Aba,no na. Secondly,I only seek advice. Since its faceless, I think its best talking to a large Number of people and weighing their opinions not like I can't take decisions of my own,but things like marriage needs absolute care and cautions. Thirdly, I have been waiting for a change since,nothing seems to be getting better. He has told my family am not his wife. my dear,I can't say it all. well,I have a good and well paid job,my daughter is growing up well and I make sure I provide all she needs. Am a woman and am human,I have feelings. The last thing I want to do is sleep with another man knowing am still entangled with another. So as to not sin,I better quit the fruitless one at hand and move on. I have tried!

[quote author=Taryur3 post=46580849]Bolade...busy body...your approco...too.much.I hope u are paying the consultation fee...for her...if she finally divorce...just make sure your lawyer get her a perfect man.thanks for your concern[/quote

Can't stop laughing. very funny.

Prettiepearlz:
Probably they(the siblings) are those who fall into the category of people who don't interfere in other people's life or they actually know their mother and brother are wrong but are too scared to talk because of their mum and they don't want to be on anybody's wrong side or maybe they are just the silent green snakes. Whatever the case maybe, don't stop struggling, fight for your right and please seek God's approval in everything you do. Is your mum in support of the divorce?

My mum is still praying and hoping for the best but am human. If the man was showing some care,I would have been patient but he's not nice at all. I can't keep waiting.

Prettiepearlz:
Yes, you need to move on. you mean all these happened and she said those about you exposing her family, hmmmm, your MIL are one of those women who wants her family to be seen as a perfect one whereas they are far from it, does she have a female child at all? if yes, are they also supporting their mum and brother? Cos I doubt she would appreciate it if her daughters were treated the way you were treated. Gosh, how can a mother watch an eight months pregnant woman being assaulted by her own son knowing that stage is a delicate one and all she cares about is her family's reputation. As for your baby, she is a special child oooooo, pls take get good care of her, after enduring all those bloody beatings during your gestational period she still no gree oooooo, she still came as a comfort to you. As for your husband, with all due respect ma'am he is an asshole so if he had killed the baby in your womb during his occasional beatings then would there have been a baby he is asking for now, you own that child and it's your decision that should count, he was only a channel for that lovely angel coming to the world, but I thought he was begging you to come back, what happened to him?

He's no more begging o,in short, i realized he was only begging to cajole me in bringing back the baby so that he can take her. I keep asking him the same question,the same baby he almost killed in my womb,now he wanna claim he has a child,what if she had not survived the tension. Anyway,my daughter is very strong o, and very brilliant. Am grateful to God for his Grace Tho. His siblings has been silent in all of this. None of them has said anything.

Prettiepearlz:
Hmmmmm, I have always been a silent follower of all your threads, although I don't comment I never fail to say a word of prayer for you, although I don't remember you mentioning he was assaulting you physically even when pregnant(na wa oooooo and that mother of his keeps running her mouth supporting her son despite knowing he beats you up, yet she go talk say she be Christian mother or probably an active member in the CWO), I always pray for you that God restores your marriage but it seem your mind is made up and you are ready to move on with your life, I support you 100% and wish you well in all your endeavors because you have really tried. I am also a Catholic and I am not in support of divorce but in your case, God knows you have endured enough. Just ask God for directions and he will guide you.

o yea, beating was part of it o. Especially when i was in my eight month,he visited Nigeria and beat me almost to coma,he left me bloody and was still beating until i managed to escape. when i escaped,his mum got angrier,she said i ran out to expose her family to outsiders. That made my case even worse. My dear the story is long and i cant even mention all my terrible experiences.
worst of all, he now calls my family and insults them claiming they have his child,and when they ask him what he's doing to restore his family he says its irrelevant to the discussion. I need to move on,i cant keep waiting.

iamord:
This got me sad. It's sad that you tied the knots with the wrong guy. Well what has happened has happened. It's not over as you still have a bright future ahead of you. Rise up and pick what you have with you. I know it will take some time. It's a gradual process. File for divorce in the country you did your marriage. If possible get a restraining order. Get a job and make something to support yourself. . . You and the child will be great. Work like he does not exist. As you move and choose not to be weighed down. Doors will open up to you. Later he will come back biting his words.

Thanks. I have a good job and my baby is fine. But it will so pain me if after all my effort on this kid,that guy comes and claim where he didnt sow. thats y i need legal advice now.

Bolade005:
I will talk to him and forward links to your threads to him so he can fully understand what you're going through. I will get back to you.

Ok. Thanks.

Bolade005:
If you got married in Nigeria and you need a lawyer, I can get a friend to help.

Get out of that marriage while you're still young and you still got your sanity.

Yes i got married in Nigeria. And i seriously needs a lawyer.

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again

Onegai:
2 years later, after all that wahala. Sigh.

Contact a lawyer depending on the country you got married in (Nigeria or Ghana). They will give you the best advice. You should prepare yourself by having a paying job and secure accomodation, the court will look at that. Also, have prrof of payments that show you have been handling bills without the biological father's financial input. A good lawyer will sort out the rest.

As for him collecting the child after she's grown (i recall it was a girl you had, right?), he can't. Not unless he's a billionaire and it is in your child's best interest to secure her share of inheritance. She may show curiosity about her parent, but most of the kids, the more they grow, go from Anger (at missing parent) to Understanding that life happened. But not Love. I'm speaking from experience of knowing at least 5 people who grew up without ona parent and the only one who cared was the one whose father showed up to make amends when he was in his teens (and father introduced him to his half siblings and he started a family relationship). All the others, when the missing parent eventually showed up in their adulthood, the child wanted nothing to do with them or treated them as acquaintances. Don't insult him to your child, just say "life happened and I'll explain every day till you can make sense of it".
Africans are very sentimental, so they will say stuff like "a child must locate its father". Rarely true, especially when the child realises that the father had a choice to stay and be involved but chose not to.

What breaks my heart is sometimes even my mum lives on that belief that the guy will come and claim his child,but how is he supposed to when he is not being a responsible father? That is why i want to know my legal stand so that when time comes,i wont hear the African story of child must meet father.

Hi family,am here again. Some of us here have been following my story and for those who haven't,this link will give you an idea of whats at stake. https://www.nairaland.com/2056750/advice-he-wants-me-leave
I think divorce is just what i need right now but before then, my husband obviously married me with no intention of settling down and having a family. THIS IS A DAMAGE DONE TO MY LIFE how can i make him pay for this?
Secondly, he has up to this moment shown no sign of remorse over he and his parents acts towards me. As for our child,he doesn't support her in anyway.But i really hate the fact where people would say you cannot deny a child his or her father. In my case where the father doesn't care what can i do? Am sure that stingy man is relaxing and waiting after i have done the work on her,den he will come to claim child. He lives and works in Dubai and am here in GH. It is either he signs to support this kid or forget he ever had a child with me (People says that's impossible). How does the law favor me in this ?
All in all, our marriage is not even working out and i see no sign of seriousness in him. I need to move on,I think waiting on him to make amends is not just fruitful. The guy doesn't care! I need divorce to move on. Please people,I am here again,i will appreciate some good advises.

thorpido:
Ha Juzzybabe,long time?How have you been?
What's the situation now with you?

Am so fine o. All is well,my baby is grown,she's one year old now but i must confess that God has blessed with a very smart kid. Preparing her for school cuz she knows her eyes,mouth,etc. lol she calls mummy. Her dad,that jerk is still acting up. He last called dec last year and said he was no longer interested which didn't even move me,cuz i have moved on. I have been waiting for his divorce letter but haven't seen it yet. But my dear,all is just fine. I don't think i can live with that guy ever again . After a year and i still feel very comfortable without him SMH. Well,God's plans are not the plans of man. Thanks dear, u all give me hope.

Thorpido my able doc, long time ooo. hope u are doing great? thanks for keeping the assistance here doc,God is using you. lol

abayole:
I have the skills....
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EMAIL oyelekeabayomi@yahoo.com

i just messaged u on whatsapp,pls reply.

Evelyn104:
Interested.

pm if u think u got the skills

extraterestrial:
just sent you a pm

i did reply u. pls reply when u get my mail. i sent a link,check out the advert and tell me if u like it then i can put u through. and hey... am just being kind o,no payment in anyway is attached o.

I don't want to put my contact here so pls just pm me. i will respond asap.
This is it. my office is currently recruiting and my boss is such a man with regard for foreign nationals who knows their job very well. if you package well,he can take you, pay your air flight and accommodate u. I just feel i should be of help to some too ooo