₦airaland Forum

hello sir,
please what free app can i use to transfer my phone contents to my lap top. Especially the sms. Thanks

hello sir,
please what free app can i use to transfer my phone contents to my lap top. Especially the sms. Thanks

hello sir,
please what free app can i use to transfer my phone contents to my lap top. Especially the sms. Thanks

boyjo:
She still may not have moved on. She is stubborn.

hmmmmm

Chubhie:
Your wife displayed this character flaw from day one which you failed to work on. You had all the opportunity to work on her as an insider but blew it.

I see your wife as someone crying on the inside for help.Do you honestly think she enjoys herself that way? Nothing happens by chance.This could be your cosmic duty. The mother of your kids could be better and not bitter.

Is this not part of your job discription when you chose her as the mother of your kids?

You have a second chance to work on her as an outsider. Get to work and find smart ways to work on your wife.

Read Charles Duhigg's Power Of Habits to at least understand your woman.

Thanks for the new dimensions. Thanks for the book, but what other ways do you think I can look to .?

Madam, I am really sorry for what you are going Through. Please it is time to get close people involved. I mean, people he respects. God is your strength.

nnamdibig:
Because of the kind of person your wife is, I don't think she has moved on. Yes every advice here will tell you that you marriage is gone and never to make that call. You have been with her for 6yrs and you know what works for you in your marriage.
I think choosing now that you are far away to stay blank on her is wrong timing.
Since she is like that, I think the best time not to make that call will be when you guy are close an this attitude comes up again.
You are far away from your family for the first time in 6yrs. May be it's also the first time you have stayed this long away from them. It's your duty to make that call man! She is your wife and with your kids. If not for anything, call and ask ho they are doing. People with her type of attitude like to be pampered but will find it difficult to return the favor.
Make that call, your marriage is not over yet. Even if you think it's over and she ended up keeping the children, you will still be calling to know how they are doing.

An eye for an eye will leave both of you blind.

I do not think I have any eye left to be blinded

eyinjuege:
The Norwegian authrority asked you to relocate to another country? Why would any authority encourage a family to be split if not that there's possibly no hope for you guys?
They have organised counselling sessions to work things out, but your wife isn't open to such and has never honored any invite. Doesn't that mean she's not keen on reviving the marriage? What else do you need?
The handwriting is clearly and boldly on the wall, and its left for you to put on your reading glasses to read what's on the wall.
Life is to short to be spent with someone who doesn't love you. You need to love yourself first and think about yourself first in this situation. Is it a good way for your children to live in acrimony?
You can force a horse to the river but you can't force it ti drink. You can't force your wife to love you, or to make your marriage work
Pick up the pieces and go from there.
Unless you're hiding something, in your story like domestic violence.
She may also have a psychological disorder, but I'm not sure knowing that would help your marriage as she's not ready to receive help

Domestic violence ?, nooooo not me. Sincerely, this is the story the way it is. Well, the Norwegian authourity see the EU as one big country.

Tinamoore:
Jeez!!! this is so hilarious.pictures 3,5,6,8 and 9 made my day.

Thanks OP. Nice one.

Hello Tinamoore, this is kapelvej, you sent me an email request, I have battling to open my mail, but I cant, please can you email me at kapelvej1975@hotmail.com

eyinjuege:
Your marriage is over. Painful but true.
My advice is that you go back to Norway where your children are and get another job there so you can be close to them. Move back into another apartment where your children can stay when its time to see you.
You may or not decide to start divorce procedings or file for a seperation. Do that before starting another relationship.
Be ready to support your children though, especially financially.

Thank you for your time and thoughts. Please I am not trying to be rude, please can you kindly let me know why you say the marriage was over ?

ProfesseurX:
OK but,

I was strolling with my last fvck on leash on this thread earlier when Op ambushed me and held me at Knifepoint. "Give me your fvck!" He thundered. I was already trembling, different thoughts ran through my mind. "What will I tell my parents when I get home" among others.
But then my life is more important than a fvck. Op was becoming more aggresive now so I had to make a quick decision. I looked behind my back and saw my fvck with teary eyes, she nodded in disapproval as though she was saying "Pls don't do this".

"Which kind wahala be dis now" I said to myself. "Look!" I shouted at the Op while pointing my hand into an empty space behind his back, as soon as he turned his head, I grabbed my fvck and made a run for it. He chased us but we were able to outrun him. Few mins later, I was already sitting under a shed with my fvck on my laps. I patted her and kissed her forehead. "It's alright dear, I almost gave you out today on a useless thread for that matter"
She smiled sheepishly and rested on my arms.
That was how I protected my last fvck from being given on this thread

intelligent dude, nice work with words

Farmerforlife:
Due to the poor foundation you laid, and because the potential was always in her character, your wife does not respect you, and sadly, I believe it is too late now; she probably never will. There is a fine line between marital love and submission; and you have been doing the latter for 6 years.

What complicates matters is that she seems to have a huge ego, this selfish view that her desires must always be fulfilled, and she must always have her way. Because of that, she will never think about the effects of a broken marriage on the children, since it will not affect her directly. Appealing to the elders or her family will only confirm her opinion of you as a despised weak man...and you will gain nothing from them anyway.

My advice is, let her do as she likes, maintain the barest minimum contact, making sure that she understands that you are only there for the kids, and because divorce is not permitted according to your beliefs. Wait until the kids are old enough to understand the issues, then find a means to divorce her, so you can find a happier life with someone else. Life is too short to waste on egoistic narcissists; you deserve a happy marriage...everybody does.

Good luck, and make sure you never repeat the same mistake if you do remarry.

Thanks , with tears on my eyes, very emotional and inspirational . thank you so much. you captured it all

ayobarmy:
@Op It's either she had already Moved on as u Are thinking, or she is just Being stubborn as always, but my candid advise is this... 1, Don't Make that mistake of Being the first to call her after every misunderstanding Again...... 2, She has not moved on to anywhere, a woman that disrespect everyone including her Mother, Needs to be thought a little lesson,... She is simply waiting for the day u will make that call again, but if u really love her and want her to change, just pretend as if nothing happened at home and move on with your life, thank God u are working in another City, u can be calling your children if they already started using phones, but if no, never mind am very sure they are in safe hands.......

Pls never try to flirt with another woman as suggested by some guys here, as that may cause u another problem you will forever regret..... If i found myself in your shoes, i will only walk into a joint after everyday's work, eat any nice food my salary can carry and crown it with 2bottles of chilled life, Walk home and sleep like a baby, and on weekends i will be in the viewing center watch all the matches(free) and walk home at night to prepare for monday.....

It's only taking her this long to call u because she is busy, don't worry brother, she is missing you too but just being stubborn, maintain your lane and see her call you one day.... "Lean on me no be press me die ooooo"

lean on me nor be press me die

amansi:
Bro you need God's divine intervention on this.

Thanks

tradepunter:
Bro take heart, I just annul my court marriage with fiance since we never carried out traditional rights and never soliminze it in church. This was due to my family kicking against it due to her background after investigation.

She is a true master of mind games.. But I thank God for the power and grace to resist and realize the potential damage she would have caused between me and my family relationship.

When parents don't approve a union and the lady starts pushing you to go ahead so as to prove your self as a man and love for her, then you must pack your bags and run.

During the whole drama was when her true colors came out, never for one day during the entire misunderstanding did I use insulting words or degrading words. But she did use to the fullest and always put it down to anger saying she would change.

When its done once twice, three times then it spells doom. I told myself this is her true color when things are rosy she's cool, but when chellenegs comes she's in beast mode. She displayed similar traits during the 2year period we dated.

She opened a pandorox box even before we concluded the marriage rights and this box can't be closed. Since the day I annulled the court wedding she deceived me to do, everyone I know tells me I look way happier, lively and energetic.

Please guys no girls love will never surpass that of your family, this thing called love can seriously wreck you cuz you think you can't do without the person. My advice is keep hustling and give to people in need, marriage is not the ultimate end game. When God is ready for you he will send you a help mate not a curse mate, a waste mate, a selfish mate, self centered mate.

God bless you

platinumricky:
This particular post made me speechless for a while! If only you could turn back the hands of time. In my opinion, the current state of your marriage is the cumulative effect of numerous factors which came into play from the beginning. People don't change their key attributes during marriages, i wish you didn't listen to those so-called church elders. You sound like a super submissive male - i could sense this from your initial write-up.
Your mistakes are in this order; Ignoring the initial red flags during courtship, hoping things would change after marriage after being deceived by the 'elders', Failing to learn when to apply punishments & rewards (U were rewarding her negative actions/behavior by always rushing to reconcile, Irrespective of the fact that she was the offending party, it's like buying ice-cream for an unruly child after throwing tantrums, the resulting amplification will be much), Always allowing her to assert her dominance (women DON'T respect men they can always control, Have u ever wondered why the bad guys always get the hot girls), You broke a cardinal rule: NEVER EVER LET A WOMAN KNOW THAT YOU LOVE HER EXTREMELY AND YOU CAN'T DO WITHOUT HER (she will inevitably start taking chances and start taking you for granted, because afterall.. You are a conquered territory! Have u seen politicians campaigning after winning elections?), By being as predictable as a clock consistently - u always complain about her and fail to take harsh actions... and u always seem to come back begging inevitably (this makes u look ridiculously weak and pathetic). Ignore her for the mean time and stand your ground... Don't be a whimp! In 6 months, ask her if she's still interested in the marriage and don't hesitate to file for a divorce if the need arises. You deserve better!!!

hmmm, deep words

MaNyEsq:
I can connect with you via email. What's your email?

lisbonatartuk@yahoo.com

EgunMogaji:
OP, it's perfectly normal.

Just carry your cross. Buy her flowers, wash her panties before she asks you to. Anytime she barks at you, make sure you don't make eye contact, reduce your height, look down sheepishly and profusely apologize. Do this especially if she's in the wrong. But deep inside you know she can't possibly be wrong. You are the one that didn't anticipate what a woman goes through. It's your fault. All of it.

Make sure you fill up the gas tank in her car on Fridays when she goes out with "friends". Of course, you must have detailed it beforehand.

You can ask your Imam/Pastor/Ifa Priest to intervene in case the above is not enough.

+++++++++++

I hope this answer pacifies my collared male fans from the other thread as well as the feminist agitators from the same thread.

evil

luminouz:
Don't just say thanks!!!
Her piece of advice is d best I have seen so far outta d comments!!
Ur d Man!!! Man Up!!!

please which of the advice, please i am trying to compile all of them

CaptJeffry:
"I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage"

Why not go meet the church elders who advised you to marry her with all the red signs you saw? Why come to Nairaland now?

Mr. Man, respect yourself oo.

you are still lashing me on top of this wahala

yettymuse:
I know my advice might not mean anything to you cos you have your mind made up, but need 'unbiase' opinions for a boost.

Grab a phone and Call your wife! If not for anything, for the sake of your kids and good times. See enh a pinch of pride to crash a long built marriage. And for any failed marriage, a man holds 80% reasons why he didn't make it work.

You should have exhausted all possible means OBVIOUSLY and then allow nature take its place. Remember, you are not even in a Nigerian setting where 'everything goes'.


There are plenty fishes in the ocean, my brother na crayfish remain for that ocean o. Make I dey go abeg.. Do whatever brings you sanity!

Thank you my brother, but I have made these calls a thousand times

iamloyalty:
na wah, when i say i am scared of marriage people dont understand. sorry op, i feel for u.

Thanks. Brother, there is a good man and a good woman for everybody, but we all stupidly choose the wrong person, Do not be afriad

Kettle calling pot black

eniolorunfe:
This new information brings another twist to your story.

What are your plans for keeping your family together after relocating? How long do you think you can sustain your marriage while shuttling from one country to another even without this issues you're presently having? Was your wife fully in support of this new move?

I won't be surprised if this is the reason for your present issues. It's possible your wife feels that you value your job more than your family.

I suggest taking a leave and going to Norway to see your family and find out the answers you seek face to face. No be fight o... See your wife as your sister and try to understand her angle to whatever issues you're both having. If possible, plan a family outing before going and after the outing everyone would be more relaxed giving room for talking as husband & wife.

Has it occurred to you that she may be having a tough time adjusting to your relocation? Go get the book on the 5 love languages, find out her love language and show her some love in a language she can understand.

She probably needs some reassurance that your family is still your first priority. Also have a plan in place for keeping you guys together and discuss this with her so, this separation can be for a short while. Try and reach a compromise as a family.

Relocation isn't easy on anyone if you're truthful with yourself!!!

I know you said most of the issues didn't start today, but we didn't see you on nairaland opening a thread and asking questions about your marriage before now. That means you were able to handle your issues before relocating.

Hello, thanks for your time. I know I am the one in search of solution but I think what you are suggesting as the cause of this problem has no bearing to what I have said earlier. I only left just months ago, I said in my post that this challenges pre date our marriage( I explained what made the marriage to go on in spite of this behavior).

My leaving was even as a result of counselling by the Norwegian authorities. They advised that the best thing for me was to get another job in a different country. I had a far better job in Norway than what I am doing here now.

The Norwegian family unit organized series of counselling section for us, but she refused to attend any. She gets angry at me at the slightest opportunity that was the government agency advised me to give her space. Even her mother, brother and uncle supported this move

I brought this issue to seek an African alternative. Otherwise I have tried different counselling group, she will not attend any, she has refused to tell any one what is really wrong.

Lastly I clearly made it obvious in my original post that this character is not just only to me but to everyone even her family members. So I am really surprised that you are zeroing in on my recent job in a different country.
Please kindly re read my post and think again.

Prognose:
Ahhhhhhhhhhh

You work in different countries?!

Is she even nigerian?

How do you know someone hasn't already taken your place?

What led you d heck into doing a long distance relationship? For 6 years?!

It's not looking good at all.

she is Nigerian. I only left not up to 4 months

yettymuse:
People that come to nairaland to seek marital opinions, do you no have close support system?

the reason for coming here is to get unbiased opinion. My people will definitely support me, but outsiders can always say the truth

Prognose:
Who are the kids with, you or her?

Another way out would be to ignore her Completely. Go home, when she opens the door say hi to the kids, greet and play with them like they're the best things to ever happen to you. Give them a quick look over to make sure they are OK, then arrange your bags and leave back to your zone. You must do this without saying a single word to your wife (unless she starts to apologise). Make sure the kids are OK and jejerly carry yourself back to your base. If she starts to shout or raise a ruckus, IGNORE her completely and leave. Like others have stated, you have to make your position known to her that you've had enough of her sh1t. Let her realise you mean business this time.

I'm against divorce but if temporary separation will do some good then so be it.

She has the kids, I am not even home , I work in a different country. She and the kids are in Norway, I work in malta

neezar:
Are u really asking that question

Yes, I am, but I am never going to call, that is for sure

Prognose:
You're thinking of calling the stalemate. You're thinking of calling her.

I sorry for you.

Never, I will never cal, I have done that over a hundred times . Never in this life

Mariangeles:
Are you afraid to think that your marriage could really be over?

Are you so desperately in love with her that you're ready to take anything? (Her insults, disrespectful attitude)
You might be so in love with her and think you don't want anyone else but believe me there are better women out there who will love, respect, honour and care for you as a wife should (that is if you're a good man, because only good men deserve good wives)...unless she's willing to change, don't ever settle for less!

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really appreciate your time

Hello all. Thank you all for your previous contributions on this link

https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved

I am writing to give and update on the topic above. Please I will appreciate all your advice and insults.
My birthday was five days ago. as I write, I did not get any single message from wife. Could she really have moved on ?

Generalkaycee:
Buhari get sense pass dis dude..