₦airaland Forum

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Please tell us the full story. It is not that I do not believe.

Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.

Easy

The cheat, helped by Angel FIFA

Jorussia:
Which day eben come still join traditional marriage?people should avoid over doing simple things.

i jus tire

JASONjnr:
You go dance pass wetin you suppose dance ..... Now Oba don curse you.....



Make we deh try 43sprct traditions sha.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lost to who ? Buhari and his APC thieves

Handsomejok:
We separated because I was doing so well before marrying her just 2 months 5 days after our wedding I lost my shop through fire. My mum said it was not normal for something like that to happened just few months after my wedding and she thought that my wife was behind it so she took me to her prophet. He said that my wife was a witch and she was behind everything that was happening to me. The children are 10, 3 and 1 months but the first one is not my biological child.

what happened in her first marriage _ could there be some ligght from that angle on what is happening to you now ?

benardtotti:
Meanwhile the fool was busy pontificating yesterday about the economy , yet has nothing to show for 8 years as governor.

obaseki na big fool

BRATISLAVA:
One of the meds. Seems like the patient had something a Panado could've worked out. However, only the doctor knows what they were presented with.

but the big headache still ´getting me cracking

The man doing the recordin is funny, he said the lady should have joined him to sleep

BRATISLAVA:
It's pretty clear what is written there. The patient likely has a flu or some other discomfort with allergies. And a big headache.

😁😁 why qualify the headache with big ?

I dey laugh

hmmmm, I hope there is not much to this story.

oz4real83:
mention some countries in the 60% you mentioned and let's research if elections in those countries were credible,free and fair, if people's votes counted.

you are super smart

na wa, obaseki shaaaaaa.
Shuaibu gats no balls

phemsie:
I really don't think there is any difference in the two.

I graduated after two extra years and what was written in my certificate is Bsc (Hons) Chemical Engineering

Bsc chemical engineering ?
Na waaa. is it not supposed to be B.eng or something like that. Engineering is not science nawwww

Christistruth03:
He is far far better and honest than Rufai at Arise TV he did a fantastic job for Buhari

What has Rufai and Arise Tv got to do with this ?

pansophist:
Negotiations are just what we engage in to flavor our animalistic nature. Because a step below that is basically the law of the jungle.

So for example, as a country signs treaties and enacts UN laws, it still maintains a large military to fight off invaders, because the documents countries are signing are not what protects them, but their ability to fight if the other party breaks it.

Or when a bank is giving you a loan, and you both sign documents, but the banks make sure they have collateral worth more than the loan they give, so when you default, they won't lose.

So as you are entering any agreement/negotiations, make sure that when shit hits the fan, you do not lose, and that your strength is in you, not in the documents you are signing.

Common, who says there are no intelligent people on nairaland. Nice one.
This same principle apply in marriage. let your spouse know that you can always walk away anytime, by that awareness, every one maitains peace and be at their best behaviour always

JimmySwaggart:
It doesn't end there, most properties shaibu acquired illegal would be looked into, and retrieved from him. He has finally been retired politically. The future of Edo politics is now in obasekis pocket.

anylink to watch please

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

but your bible said it is only infidelity

ImoleNaija:
Help me ask OP o.


Considering the number of times she don cheat on him, his friend no fit respect her again.

Simple...

Nonywendy:
I have been dating this my girl friend since 2017. She made me fall and believe in love, she ticked all the qualities I desire in a woman. When I we started dating she was in her 200L, and everything was going on smoothly. Now this is where the issue lies,
When she went for service in another state, I started noticing some changes, wen she comes back home during holidays I used to go through her phone.(note: she has access to my phone and I too).
So one of those period I realised she is seeing another guy in the state where she is serving. I confronted her and she opened up to me and confessed. I forgave her.

Then after like 4months again, I later noticed she is also seeing another guy different from the initial one I noticed, she denied that but I had to do my deep investigation and got an evidence, she opened up again, at this point I broke up with her and moved on. After like one month she came back begging for forgiveness, It took me time to heal and I forgave her.

Then this last one that broke the camel's back, I noticed she traveled to the state where she did her youth service for something and all this while I thought she was staying with her sister, not knowing she was staying with the first guy she dated while serving whch she apologised. She stayed with her for three good weeks. How I realized was, I called her line one early morning arnd 3am and a guy picked the call asking me who I am. At first, I froze cos I haven't been in that kind of situation, I calmed down and explained everything to the guy, and the guy also told me she has been with her for the past three weeks and that's the girl friend too. I was shocked. I have broken up with her finally cos I don't think forgiving a cheating partner is worth it.
The first time she cheated, 90% of my friends advised me to dump her ass and move on but I had to forgive on the basis of nobody is perfect, but this third time is a no no.
Now she has been begging and asking for forgiveness that she has really learnt her lessons. At this point I'm just so mad that I don't want to forgive her.
Now the big problem is that I'm always seeing her in my dream, I have not really moved on cos it's not easy for me. I have loved her for solid 6 yrs plus.
Note: all the family members from my side and her side are fully aware of our relationship and have approved but they are not aware that I have broken up. If you are my shoes will you forgive her for this very last time or will her cheating continues?
Your advise and suggestions will be well appreciated. Thank you

What will you do with a girl that you already told your friend about her cheating and sexual indiscretions

governor from hell

evil has visited the land

Sheuns:
One story I totally believed while growing up.

It was said that the ball changed and shifted shape from stone, to lion to fire before Sam Okwaraji managed to kick it and scored the one goal that Nigeria needed to win a match they were losing by 99-0. How hilarious it is to believe such story.

you must 45 and above

Sheuns:
One story I totally believed while growing up.

It was said that the ball changed and shifted shape from stone, to lion to fire before Sam Okwaraji managed to kick it and scored the one goal that Nigeria needed to win a match they were losing by 99-0. How hilarious it is to believe such story.

you

Kenn55:
@op.
First of all, there is no 100% guarantee in life. Not everyone who migrates or don't migrate abroad will be successful. Have this at the back of your mind. Life itself is a risk.

Let me tell you about my own philosophy. I subscribe to the view that the first 30 years of your life is yours. Enjoy every bit of it, you can think about yourself alone, you can be selfish and take decisions that benefit you and you alone. If you want to explore in sambisa, do it, it's all yours

After 30 years of age with kids coming or about to come, your life is no longer yours alone. You should dedicate your life to your next generation, your kids. At this point, your decision in anything you do should be based on first how it benefits your kids or future kids before yourself. If it benefits you but not your kids, I'll say no but if it benefits my kids and not me, I'll say yes. While you were greedy and selfish before 30, this stage requires you to be selfless and be ready to be a sacrificial lamb and allow your family to be greedy. This is my own philosophy that guides me, anyone can have a different philosophy.

This philosophy helped me make decision years ago about migrating. I asked myself, how do I ensure my children are better positioned with more opportunities when they grow up especially in today's uncertain times? After some research, I came to the conclusion that giving them the opportunity to become global citizens will give them more and better options down the road. They won't be restricted to just Nigeria, they will have options in other countries as well. Since I didn't give birth to them abroad, the only option was to relocate. Because I had the money and opportunity to migrate LEGALLY, I took the chance. I wouldn't have done that if there was no legal way to do that even with my desires. I discourage illegal immigration, it is not worth it.


I had no reason to migrate cos I was doing well but I put them first. Before I left, recognizing that there is no guarantee abroad, I had already conditioned my mind that even if I end up not getting what I worth abroad but my children succeed, I'm okay, it is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. But at the end, thank God it worked fine for me, i made a career pivot when i got abroad and boom, i became even more successful than i was in Nigeria but I was ready to accept my fate if it didn't work out.

As Canadian citizens, I and my children can decide to come back to Nigeria tomorrow to work or do business, can decide to work or do business in Canada or the US. These are 3 options available to my kids now and I have never been happier.

Note that there are kids or people who have 5 strong passports but are useless so it is not always a guarantee but I believe as a parent, it is my duty to do the best I can to position them in a way they can become more successful and hope it works out at the end.

The decision to migrate is solely based on your view. Look at what you desire most and see how your decision will affect it. Again, there are no guarantees anywhere in this world, we just have to do the best we can to achieve our desires.

na man you be

Useless people. They could not stop Buhari and Lawal from all the borrowings that have thrown the country into a mess.

tis people finally wash this dirty cloth for outside

Yeye man