₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=879044.msg10266243#msg10266243 date=1330101650]Just you wait lil brother! Your time is coming! I can't wait! [/quote][color=#000030]You cant wait for what? Duh! I'll never introduce her to Nairaland. Make you for no spoil am patapata. . . [/color]

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=879044.msg10266193#msg10266193 date=1330101258]You don't think a woman ignoring her husband is funny?     It works![/quote][color=#000030]Hehe! I'm NOT married! [/color]

Goldieluks:
What da heck @ number 11.

[color=#000030]No. 11 is Bullshit! [/color]

[color=#000030]Husband installation

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy!

Dear Tech Support ,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5, 0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Woman

***********************************************

DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: i thought you loved me and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly, You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam![/color]

Crown Prince:
Nice piece of crap.

[color=#000030]+100. Your first sensible comment since forever! [/color]

Ignoring a man works big time.

[color=#000030]La Pear. this is the context i think no.7 was coined from. There has to be an initial contact first before the ignoring! Ignoring is not gender specific, so if it works for ladies, it sure will work for men!

Chima what's funny? [/color]

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=879006.msg10266004#msg10266004 date=1330099640][size=18pt]This should be in technological section (I.T). . . Afterall, he met all of them through the electronic media. . . BBM & Yahoo messenger. .  More over, a section of it should be in health as well, cos he obviously is suffering from low self esteem to be meeting girls only through the internet, hence a psychiatrist is needed to help him [/size] [/quote]+100!

[color=#000030]^^^
Why would you think so? Some guys would say it's true! At least, i've heard that on this forum not once![/color]

[color=#000030]This should be in the culture section! What's romantic about this? You met a girl today on BBM and you fell in love with her, or what exactly are you blabbing about? [/color]

Bullllshiiiit

[color=#000030]For the first time in your pathetic life, you made sense! [/color]

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=879044.msg10265877#msg10265877 date=1330098571] [/quote]

Yield:
Thinking. . .

[color=#000030]Think fast abeg.  [/color]

Some Laws on girls. . . . .

1. If you think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that!

2. The nicer she is. . .the quicker you will be dumped!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks. . .


4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be around you. . .

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like, likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed to some one else.

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity. . . . . . The more you run towards a hot chick. . . .the more she goes away from you. . .

9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone. . . just when you are about to let her know about your feelings. . . she will spot a long lost friend.

Corollary to rule 1: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will.

10. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-

1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3. Have a bad hair day

11. All the good girls are either nuns or married the rest go around with you and ruin your money, health and leave you a total wreck.

[color=#000030]I don't believe all the points though. . . But some got me laughing! I had to paste! [/color]

[color=#000030]The Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb.as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: "If you catch me, you can have me." Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself to discover that he has lost another 20 lb as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone, "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door and he runs like hell to open the door. When he opens the door he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:

"I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine." [/color]

[color=#000030]The Letter of Proposal

A chap was deeply in love with this pretty girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person.

So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.


HE WROTE :


Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation, I have a strong indication to become your relation.

As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication, that I have passed my matriculation examination (no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation).

What do you say to the solemnization of our marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilization and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation. On your approbation of the application,

I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.

Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion; To remain victim of your fascination.



SHE ANSWERED :

Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,

Congratulation for your lengthy narration of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.

You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an application by acquisition of post graduation and minimum qualification for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation undergo beautification.

Further strict observation of the following conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation.

1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.

2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,

3. Procreation must not be your recreation.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.

I Remain, unaffected by your affection. [/color]

[color=#000030]Pendo stop pulling her hair! [/color]

[color=#000030]Disskonkobulataed Naijarians! [/color]

Dra

pendo89:
chima is already fighting with a spectator! Am alone!! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!! I have won!!

Thread closed.

[color=#000030]Closed wetin? **Drags her back** Na me be the ref! [/color]

[color=#000030]Can i be the referee?

Pulling of the hair is not allowed! [/color]

[color=#000030]I cry in Austrailer for you Nigerianses piple! [/color]

[color=#000030]Another fallacious super story from the freshest mumu prince of Nairaland. . . Nonsense![/color]

[color=#000030]I am weeped for Nigerianses! [/color]

Is This Love Or Just Stupidity ( It's In Australian Spelling)

[color=#000030]Op, it is Australian Stupidness o jare. . . Dunt mind this pathetic Nigerian mans! [/color]

[color=#000030]You all dearfour BARNT! This is why Nigerians is in a peeteeable situated! Engleash spoken like illitercees! Smh!


Tread Lorked! [/color]

Guy, I'm not in Nigeria but I left not longer than 4yrs ago, so I'm very much up-to-date with what is obtainable in Nigeria. I visit not less than twice yearly.

NOTHING is constant in life. the only constant thing is CHANGE.

Things may change for the young man. If it doesn't, he can develop an economic strategy - get a part time job.

I worked in the civil service before I left [Ministry of health], and I know, any job you have with the civil service, whatever the unit [health, education, roads, housing, et.c], is a stable one. As a matter of FACT, OP is even in a better position than most bankers in 9ja to get married. I'm sorry to say, but if you ask most bankers, they'll bluntly tell you not to envy their fat salaries because, their job is one of the most unstable jobs. you may be employed today and be fired tomorrow with frivolous reasons regarding a hopeless account not being balanced or a financial allegation.

having a steady job is the key. And i know in civil service, people lobby for their relatives to get into the system, OP can also try to curry favour to his side by hobnobbing with directors whenever there's any vacancy, they can bring her on board.

I see no reason why he can't work things through with his salary tho paltry, he can get around it.

[color=#000030]Blah Blah Blah! You only attack my post, but you fail to show the OP forward. . . Typical!
Somehow, you answered and still missed the earlier question i asked you!

Can pato405 and his wife survive on an 8 dollar daily allowance? How about an answer?

Op, this Nigeria! Another idea is to see if you can save 20k monthly.(Since you believe 40k will be enough for 2, 20k should be enough for you )
If you save 20k for 7 months, you'll have 140k. With 140k, you can establish a very good business. And if your fiancee is still unemployed till then, she could manage it. Run the business for about 3 months, monitor it's progress and decide if you will start planning your wedding or not. If not, wait a little more then. In about a year's time, if all goes well, you can get married. You will still have your 40k job, your fiancee could have also gotten a job, and you have a business running. . . Next year you'll be 34, my dad got married at 34, so your case is not hopeless. I don't know what the rush into marriage is all about. If you fail to plan, you have ultimately planned to fail. Plan Plan Plan!. . .

I hope you catch my drift. DONT YOU EVER GET MARRIED ON A 40K SALARY! I cant shout!. . . . [/color]

[color=#000030]You are not in Nigeria, so you don't know what living conditions are here! It's like asking pato405 to get married, and live with his wife on an 8dollar daily allowance. . . BULLSHIT! [/color]

Killz, your thinking is just skewed! WTF

@the bold above :

ok! if you can think that way, it shows how biased you are. why not also rationalise it the other way round;

WHAT IF he get's married and things turn out better?

OR:

what if he follows your jaundiced advice, wait till he gets a job with a blue chip company, earns 1mil/month, get's married and gets fired after 4 or 6months?

what happens? DIVORCE because his income is now =N=0.00 [zero!]

[color=#000030]So it was only the emboldened you picked out? Did you miss the context in which it was used?
Can you Pato405 get married on a 40k salary? If you cannot, why are you advising someone to do so? At his age, he'll want to start having kids after marriage on a 40k salary, do you advise that? What if he's an atheist and does not believe in God? What of the many people that got married under the mistaken assumption that they'll obtain favour from the lord after getting married? Till date, no lord, and no favour! Look, God helps those who help themselves first. Going into a marriage with 40k as your salary even when you rightly know it cant do nada, is not fair to anyone at all. It's a matter of commonsense. He should even save up, start a business by the side and combine that with his monthly salary. His fiancée gets a job or he starts that business for her. Then when things have greatly improved, they can get married!
But getting married on a 40k salary? HELL TO THA MURDERFCCKING NO! I wont do it, and will NEVER advise anyone to do so![/color]

[color=#000030]^^^
I just added my Nokia Charger to the bet! [/color]

[color=#000030]His income is the center at which every other essential, gravitates towards! 1,350 daily for 3?

Well, he should expect favour from the lord. . . [/color]