₦airaland Forum

Chimex002:
SaharaReporters sighted the Nigerian passports of the children, which confirmed that they all bear the name of Aliyu Abubakar.
In an effort to keep the peace, Suhair said she gave birth to twins for him, whom he named Marwa and Safa. But things worsened instead of improving.
“Since then, Aliyu has not been nice to me. He has abandoned me and my children and left us to suffer. I can’t even go back to my country because I need his permission to travel with my children; they are all recognised as his,” she lamented.
The woman further made a shocking allegation that the oil mogul is having an affair with her own daughter, Zainab, one of the children he allegedly adopted after paying her former husband.
“The most painful of all this is that Aliyu is having an affair with my daughter, Zainab. He is married to me and sleeping with my child,” she alleged.

The wickedness of this system needs to be brought to a complete halt if humanity is ever to realize universal human rights.

Mattswaggz:
Did you consort with Nigerians before marrying him?. .

You no dey read abi na you no fit, which one?

omoredia:
➜I pity women that do not know what islam has in store for them

She was 15, not even a woman, when her father sold her into slavery, that is, Islamic marriage. 10 years later, her slave master sold her to the next man. What aspect of it is was of her making?

Courageous26:
➜Marital life is journey you can't predict the final destination. Humm, it is well

. This literal slave exchange scheme described above is what you regard as marital life? 🥱🥱🥱

okomile:
➜Sorry ooooooo Go back to Lebanon quietly Goodluck

Why should she have to do that?

The Nigerian sort of love is, in fact, toxicity, and many of our great grandmother, grandmother, and mothers were, in fact codependents in their relationships. These damage-related attachments are literally what we glorify across all cultures in Nigeria; our traditions (religions included) encourage these toxic connections in marriage tagging it love of the highest form.

Jman06:
✓ Situations like this are really tough for men! Men love children alot and tend to bond more with them. So, having to unlove a loved child is really difficult. Let's just pray we don't find ourselves in that position, but in the event that it happens, I think the best thing is to adopt the child even while treating the woman's fackup. After all, people have been adopting and raising other people's children since the beginning of time. My mom adopted and raised two children abandoned at infancy, so it's no big deal provided the fund is there.

Men love children yet the same men are notoriously known for abandoning their children the moment they abandon or break up and it the mothers of those children?

Story, story?!! 🥱🥱

GeneralOuki:
✓ You're the one who is not making any sense here.
Cutting off from the in-laws can also be a form of setting up Boundaries. It means communications with him are off limits and he's only focused on his marriage since according to you the in-laws are free to mingle with whomever they choose, in that same vain, his is at a liberty to either mingle with the in-laws or cur off from them completely if that would help keep his marriage in tact and also protect his mental health.
✓ You being against him cutting off from the in-laws even after saying should set boundaries is you being all over the place,
✓ you want him to endure the disrespect and take it as a man,
✓ but you're a hypocrite because below is you advising the women folk to run away from such family/marriage to protect their peace of mind

You are still not making sense.

I said boundaries to limit, yet you keep pushing for boundaries to cut off... You no dey read to comprehend?

2. You are making any sense. Again, I said he should set boundaries to limit his contact and interaction. What part of that are you really struggling to comprehend or is that you don't understand what boundaries are or what?

3. How does limiting his interactions with his in-laws amount to him enduring the disrespect?

4. Ah, I see! You just want to force an issue where there clearly shouldn't be any. Good luck with that.

We dey read say marriage and relationship na poverty alleviation scheme for women; we are inundated on a regular basis with claims that women are responsible for viewing relationships(marriage included) as their way out of poverty. But here we have a married man literally suggesting...no... brandishing poverty alleviation as expected benefit of a relationship with him(one of the benefits he brings to the table with him). 🥱🥱

This gaslighting of women needs to end at some point. 🥱🥱🥱

GeneralOuki:
That person is a hypocrite and too feminine centric with his/her views.
Here below is this same person advising the wives to run/disassociate/ cut off from in-laws that gives them problems.

You are just desperate to make this about you aren't you? 🤔🤔

How is a wife going no contact specifically with her mother-in-law (not all of her in-laws) and a man limiting his interaction with all his in-laws different or enough to get one considered a hypocrite?

Problem be say your kind no dey like reason before responding. 🥱🥱

alphaNomega:
✓ lol. you can't spot a fake thread when you see one?

OP will soon update us that his wife wants to travel abroad for her Masters degree.

The reason I respond is that this scenario isn't uncommon.

GeneralOuki:
The OP have clearly said that he feels deeply disrespected by this, you're just busy defending rubbish here.

I have previously responded to this. So, please follow the conversation.

GeneralOuki:
Can you imagine this sort of mentality

Yes, I can since I have heard in-laws complain that of son/daughter-in-law not treating them right while praising a third-party.

GeneralOuki:
✓ You see how all over the place your arguments are? Earlier you said it's none of his business what the in-laws do since he's not married to th but to Their daughter and according to you the Op should face his marriage and leave the in-laws to do whatever they like as it's Their right to associate with whomever they choose.
But here now you're against the Op cutting off the in-laws and focusing on his marriage as he's not married to the in-laws after all. You want him to maintain contacts with the shameless in-laws who disrespect him by robbing their greed on his face, but you don't want him to react to the disrespect from the in-laws.

You aren't making sense. 🤔🤔🤔

How is requiring that OP not cut off the in-laws -- he is literally married to their child --- same as being all over the place? 🤔

What I suggested from the go has been for OP to set up boundaries to limit -- not cut off -- communication and interaction with his in-laws, and focusing more of his energy and attention on his marriage. (Yes, part of being married is also acknowledging the parents of the one you are married to in some ways, limited as they may be.) Why is that hard for you to comprehend?

budaatum:
➜You do keep belittling his feeling for some reason by claiming "his ego bruised", but don't you seem to see how his "not feeling good about it" might negatively impact his relationship with his wife?
➜There is a thread about DNA where I opposed it with, trust will be negatively impacted. But in this case I will ask the op to go do DNA test on the children his wife has for him. That lack of trust is a negative in a relationship.

1. No

2. Those aren't remotely connected and so shouldn't be compared.

The only reason OP would wish to claim lack of trust in his wife from this is if he projected the actions of his in-laws on his wife. Blaming her for the actions of his parents would only reveal him to be a petty individual and nothing else.

budaatum:
➜How he found out is a mute point. Fact is he found out and his in-laws told him the following.
➜No there is no law. And there's no law saying OP should react one way or the other neither.
➜ Explain what?

1. There is nothing moot about it. He found out about it, and so what? Were they supposed to retreat in shame from him or something, as though they had committed a crime? He found out, and even found them celebrating it, and they urged him not to think too much about it. Nothing wrong with that.

2. Well, yeah...sure! OP can't do much about it.

3. You claimed it negatively impacted his home, when all OP said was that he did not feel good about it. How does his getting his ego bruised imply that their daughter's home was impacted?

dollytino4real:
➜i guess u are right but i read people comments on how it worked 4 dem. But mine things dey tight n tough

Adults lie a lot!

budaatum:
➜Are you intentionally missing the point or what? They can collect whatever from whomever for whatever reason, but they don't need to tell their in-law because it's none of his goddamn business.
➜ They are negatively impacting their daughter's home by telling her husband what her ex gives them!

1. Again, you and I do not know the circumstances that led to OP finding out about this. Also, there is no law that states such information should not be broadcast to those we wish to keep in the know.

2. Explain!

budaatum:
➜And that is the point. "They don't owe him anything". You do recall I said the following, right? So why are they telling him what their ex-in-law gives them when it's not his business?
➜ The in-laws are disrespecting him,
➜ so it is wise for him to keep his distance instead of harass them like you suggest I meant, so that his ego is not bruised by them. Damn the consequences.

OP did not give us enough information regarding what really transpired. My guess is he may have been over at their place, where he may have seen the money and gifts that were given. If the reveal happened at their place, then I will say they are free to talk about such things in their own space. If the reveal happened over at OP's place, then there may have been some reason behind them revealing it to him. Again, that would depend on the motive behind their need to reveal it while at the OP's marriage space.

2. Earlier today, my ego got bruised by a sibling of mine, but you don't see me insisting I was disrespected. Why? I am not owed additional respect from anyone.

3. Harassment is obviously an immature thing for anyone to do in response to a bruised ego. Rather, I would suggest he swallow his pride and maybe avoid meeting them under similar circumstances to avoid a repeat of the same or similar. However, the other side of this is that he may also miss out on relevant information in the future.

greatiyk4u:
➜Haven followed your submissions and opinions on this matter I can only marvel at your level of reasoning which I find to be pride in ignorance.
What more reason should the inlaws have to be collecting money from someone in the past and even have the effontry to rub it in the face of their current son inlaws?
Are they that wretched, greedy or lack contentment?......think deep about this

Let's assume for the case of discussion that they are, in fact, being wretched, greedy, or lack contentment as you assume them to be, why can't they be that? Is it a crime for them to live that way — receive money and gifts from the man in question? Is there a law against them doing what they did?

budaatum:
➜I think you are asking me to ignore the pain he has told us he feels from the hurt of his in-laws actions, and I can't exactly do that because that would involve me not recognising the hurt he has told us he feels.
➜ Now, if he were you, your above would be valid, but since we are not you, can we accept it hurts him?
➜ His angst is not that they collect money from his in-laws, but that they feel the need to inform him. And as I said, he is not you, so I don't expect him to do what you might have done. And I can see how his in-laws telling him would hurt him.
➜ If he were me, he'd probably not bother seeing those disrespectful in-laws as much as he does, and any money I might have given them will go towards schoolfees and chocolate for my kids. Fuq them, basically.

1. I am not trying to invalidate the bruise to his ego here. I am simply saying out loud what needs to be, which is that they literally don't owe him anything since he is not married to them. (His marriage is instead to their daughter, and whatever business he has with them is through their daughter.) Anything else they do... their business and not really his to have a say or control over.

2. Does it only apply to me? Well, advise him to go harass them in their home for taking money and gifts from someone whom he seemingly considers a rival, and see what happens.

3. If they had kept their collecting of gifts and money from the ex, but OP had mistakenly found out anyway, either through a neighbor or someone on the outside, do you truly believe OP's feelings would have been a lot less hurt by it all then?

4. Drawing boundaries to ensure he protects himself from such situations going forward is always a good place to start; however, seeking to cut them off completely may likely cause more damage to his marriage than to them.

budaatum:
➜But what his in-laws are doing is affecting him and his marriage and their daughter, is the point.
➜ Their continued action in this regard is likely to negatively impact him and his marriage, and cause him and his children to be hurt.

1. No, it ain't! He is the one choosing to make an issue of what has no direct link to his marriage. Think carefully about it. The money did not come from his marriage pocket, nor did the money and gifts go to him or his wife. So, what part of this is his marriage?

2. He could simply ignore them and live his marriage; he could keep away from their home since he claims it bothers him, and let them live their life as they choose. My make their marriage and their problem with his marriage? Why?

Efuaye:
➜There should be a law enacted to criminalize and punish anyone who engages in paternity fraûd.
Why should ladies be allowed to get away with this heart-rending daylight fraǔd?

Paternity fraud will always remain a civil case, you know why? Because the same traditions that require women to have children in marriage or risk being labeled as damaged beings, including those that have men dangling marriage over women, and also brainwashed women into thinking they have no worth without a man between their legs, help fuel paternity fraud.

Now, if women are raised to see that their worth is not dependent on whether a man is in their lives or not, and that they are responsible for their life and living the same as men, including the fact that their worth is independent of whether they have kids or not, among other things, then you would see created the situation for the labeling of paternity fraud as a criminal offense. Otherwise, it cannot in good faith be criminalized. Till then, stop whining that it is not a crime.

Morbeta11:
A group of rats 🐀 is called??

Rat pack or pack of rats?

Shedrack777:
✓ the disrespect is the in-laws rubbing it on his face when he wife's ex sends money to them. They should learn to keep quiet or not put it to his face.
➜ If the guy will do same to his ex in-laws, I'm sure they will reign fire and brimstone

. If he met up at their house and found them celebrating, would you say then that they were rubbing it in his face, then too? Look, OP did not give us enough to work with for me to determine that they really meant to rub it in his face.

If OP had approached us complaining that his in-laws had hidden the fact that they were receiving money and gifts from the woman's ex, among other things, I hope you would not be on the side of the in-laws then. 🥱

2. If he did the same to his ex's parents? Do you mean if OP had taken money from the marital communal funds belonging to both him and his wife, and given it to his ex's parents? 😏😏

Pzpropertylimit:
✓ Understand his feelings pls

Understand what exactly? 🥱🥱🥱

RollinTNDA:
✓ you have a comprehension of an insect.
I said negative attract positive
Positive clash with positive
A hyper baddie like her cannot tame me
That is our energy dey clash. Everything felt like competition to out do each other. From sex to daily things.
It make sense now why she married a very calm guy. I was shocked that would this guy be able to survive this babe. But now it make sense why she choose him as husband.
I think if we married we might have divorced quickly cuz me I get hot temper and she get too.
✓ Na to go find calm wife marry

She is a hyper baddie because she rejected you? You said you were both hyper; does that make you a baddie?

Dude, learn to handle rejection better. That way, you stop hyperfocusing on those who left you.

2. Storyland! If you find her and she later rejects you, I bet you will come back to blame it all on her then and maybe tag her a baddie too. 🥱🥱🥱

P.S. Being hyper does not make a person — man or woman —a baddie.

Drbush:
✓ Guy please help a brother.
I've been having issues with my partner since i discovered she is cheating and we have a child together which people are asking questions about paternity cos of look's. I made an enquiry (DNA) from were I'm based and was told 480k which i don't have that amount.
Please if there is any affordable place within AKWA IBOM, RIVER'S STATE AND CROSS RIVER please help with info and possible contact

Also, look for services that may allow you mail in samples to be tested remotely. That might be cheaper than having to test locally.

emiye:
You are so full of BS. Celebration have to happen in the home for it to impact their phantom "marriage space". What if it happened in a public bus? .

You can only protect your marriage space, nothing else, and even that as far as your partner allows.

If you think marriage entitles you to the respect of everyone else, I suggest you not even enter into it at all.

budaatum:
➜Yes he did mention in his post that his marriage is directly impacted by all of this. His specific words were: He wouldn't have started a thread if it sat well with him and his marriage.

Yes, it is understandable that his feelings would be somewhat hurt by his in-laws, but his in-laws are not his marriage, though.

emiye:
➜Marriage space indeed ! You are churning BS in torrents. Wife still in constant talking terms with Ex that failed to marry her and in laws collecting gift in proxy and over the moon with such greek gift to the point of celebrating in the presence of son in law
➜ are not in the phantom "marriage space".

1. This is why I have a major problem with small-minded individuals. Your private anxiety do not impact the lives of others or their relationships. OP explained in his write-up that he has no problem with his wife communicating with her ex. Yet here you are adamantly making an issue of her remaining in communication with the ex. Why? Because you want to make sure he has the same hangups over a potential nonsense simply because you do?

He mentioned that the problem he has is with in-laws — he is not married to them but is rather an in-law to them by marriage— yet you are dead set on pinning their actions on his wife, probably because you cannot stand the idea of her having freedoms in marriage. Why?

2. OP never said the celebration and gift-giving happened in his home and space. From his write-up, it more than likely happened in the home that belonged to his in-laws. If they had celebrated in his home, then he would be within his rights to push them out and restrict their coming to his home after that.

RollinTNDA:
➜I was clicking with this babe and it look like we go soon marry. I was ready to pay her list. But she left me for a Simp. Then I was shocked about it. But fast forward 2 years later I see why God didn't want us to marry. I am hyper active and the girl is hyper but she decieve people with her gentle looks. She as a hyper woman need a quiet simp to bully and control.My only issue with her was that our Energy was always clashing. I thought I was a baddie guy with my rizz and steeze but this girl is a baddie x2 . I just realize that if we ended up marrying our marriage go be like WrestleMania

Storyland! 🙄🙄🙄

Learn to accept rejection more maturely. That she did not marry you does not mean she is a bad person or the bad person. You were simply not her choice, and that is OK too.