₦airaland Forum

Qualityoffer:
Well, my bible tells me in Matthew 15:4 - For God said, 'Honor your father and mother' and 'Anyone who curses his father or mother is to be put to death.

Nonsense and eegridient! 🥱🥱🥱🥱

3kay945:
Hahaha, apart from other factors mentioned, I personally believe it is also associated with your beliefs. People wonder how and why they were born into a poor family, that they were brought here especially Nigeria to suffer.
Well,, let me borrow the Grail message" I am not propagating it or something but there is some of the teaching I key into cos, it explained issues like this in a way that makes sense.
For your parent to born you into a poor background, it is belief that their souls attracts yours and that of your siblings.
You have something in common. So it is not their fault. It is just like a bird of a feather. However, you can change the situation if you strive to be a better person and create your own path in life. So, I laugh when I see stuff like this.

Nonsense and eegridient ! 🥱🥱🥱

Mrdealer4all:
I have so much resentment towards my parents

Please, seek therapy for yourself. Your parents may have been bad, but that is not a reason enough for you to fill yourself up with resentment, which in the end never leads to anything good— physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Nnamdipapa:
➜ Then, they have to chose what they want and if after one year it's not working out, they have the option to return back. Me, I am never returning to live in Canada ever again or any western country for that matter. I think they are happier here considering my daughter was severely bullied at school by her white school colleagues, the teachers where aware of it and covered it up. I got to know about it after the fact.
This is my personal situation in which I know every intricate details more than anyone on the outside, I can always return at the snap of a finger and it took more than five years to set this move up. Like everything in life, there are no guarantees that everything would work as planned but, at least I am closer to my siblings and the kids to their other family members instead of being isolated abroad.
I have seen kids straighten up in Nigeria than they did abroad and I do not make a bold claim that all Nigerian kids go haywire abroad.

You know what? No point! 🥱🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
➜Its nevertheless a system that made you and I what wr are today.
➜ They need to learn first hand that life is not perfect, that sometimes we don't always get what we want. See other kids very happy and contended with limited resources.
➜ It was hard for them making friends abroads and I felt It was time for them to meet their numerous cousins. They are very happy to be in Nigeria I can tell you that. Most of the kids who grow abroad are usually selfish and self-entitled compared to those raised in Nigeria.
➜ I noticed that kids who came abroad at around 10 years of age usually perform way better than kids who grew up or were born abroad. I have seen kids who become better when taken to Nigeria and later came back better abroad.
It is our country and we will not all run away from it.

1. Wrong! Given that in order to become the person I am today, I had to unlearn what I learned from the system, your logic fails.

2. WOW... you must think, by this, that you love your kids so.

3. So, rather than maybe getting them counseling to better understand what was in fact holding them back from making friends— kids usually have no problems connecting with their peers, unlike adults —, you felt that throwing them back to Nigeria is the way to go?

4. WOW... What is clear from this is that you love making stuff up.

Nnamdipapa:
✓ They are still in school abroad technically under the home schooling board for this term.
I am also enrolling for exposures to the Nigerian school system.

Exposure to a system that every one would like to instead see dismantled and replaced with a more sensible one? 🥱🥱🥱

Traditional marriage in Nigeria exists as a sort of humiliation ritual for Nigerian women. That system was designed to assist men in pouring out hate and humiliation on women. 😩😩😩

ravensckar:
The hate is real!
Not a single person empathized with the writer, rather, you're insulting or mocking him. Haba? Nigerians and bad belleism.
Somebody is expressing his pain and anguish, the least you guys could do is to empathize with him. Where's the humanity?
Na wa for Nigerians o!

His so-called pain is self- inflicted, not abroad inflicted. 🥱🥱🥱

dollypi:
They questioned every correction. “Daddy, you can’t talk to me like that, it’s abuse.” “Mummy, this is my right.”

The traditional idea of discipline that a lot of Nigerian parents hold, borders on mental and physical abuse.

Yes they might have good intentions, but it is possible to do the wrong thing with good intentions.

The current population of Nigeria today, including the political class is all the proof one needs to realizing that the traditional idea of discipline that a lot of Nigerian parents hold is detrimental not only to the adults the children grow to become but to the nation as a whole.

Nnamdipapa:
➜I am back and already registering my kids in school here. I so far so good, the kids love it. I want to give a try for at least one year to see how it works. I still work from home in Nigeria though.
I let them decide if they love to stay in Nigeria or not.

You got back in September and are now about registering your kids in school in November, when schools are getting ready to close for the term, abi which schools you dey talk of?

Nnamdipapa:
➜No, we are back in Cameroon.

You are down there on vacation, aren't you, because less than 8 weeks ago, you mentioned you were heading down there for vacation? I recall you creating a thread right after you landed.
https://www.nairaland.com/8511116/what-think-n10000-ukwa

Nnamdipapa:
✓ I am back with my family, I know instances of more than five families who are back in Nigeria. What are you talking about?

You and your children are right now in Nigeria? 🥱🥱🥱

WarrenP:
Nigerians with useless complains, nobody force una japa yet una go still go there set ring lights dey lament.

Others dey raise kids for the same abroad with no wahala or complaints. Some are even happy that the system allows them to raise their children in ways and with freedoms they themselves never could have dreamed of as children. But when Nigerians who lack good parenting abilities show up, they look instead for ways to blame everyone else including abroad for their inability to raise their kids well. Na dem be this! 🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
✓ Lots of people are coming back and their coming back does not give you access to go. People are only narating their life experiences to show the grass is not always greener on the other side. We are back in Nigeria and my kids are happier here.

Coming back to where? Which coming back? 🥱🥱🥱

eniolorunfe:
I thought I was going to read that the writer and family have returned to Naija lol

They never do. They always seek ways to blame abroad and everyone else for their incompetence and lack of abilities as parents. 🥱🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
✓ Then came the children, our pride and joy. We were determined to give them the best. We worked so hard just to keep them in good schools. But with time, something changed. The same children we sacrificed everything for started drifting away. The values we grew up with in Nigeria which is respect, community, humility which began to fade in their own lives. They questioned every correction. “Daddy, you can’t talk to me like that, it’s abuse.” “Mummy, this is my right.”

We couldn’t even discipline them without fear. Teachers, social workers, and school authorities were quick to interfere. Back home, it takes a village to raise a child; here, it takes caution not to lose your child to the system. Our weekends were no longer for family bonding, my wife had back-to-back shifts, and I was constantly calculating bills: rent, council tax, electricity, food, transportation… everything had a price tag. The “soft life” we imagined abroad turned out to be an endless cycle of work and worry.

Now, sometimes when I talk to my friends back home who envy me, I just shake my head. They see the pictures, not the pressure. They see the pounds, not the pain.
If I’m being honest, there are nights I lie awake and whisper to myself, “Did I really make the right decision?” I wanted a better future for my children but in chasing that dream, I lost parts of myself, my culture, and sometimes, even my peace.
Don’t get me wrong, the UK gave me exposure, structure, and some comfort. But it also took something from me, something I may never get back.

If I could go back in time, maybe… just maybe… I would have stayed in Nigeria, built gradually, and raised my children close to our roots.
This isn’t to discourage anyone. It’s just a reminder that abroad is not heaven, it’s another battlefield.
Sometimes, when you think you’re running toward a dream, you might just be running away from peace.

This is a typical example of a terrible Nigerian parent. Yes, Tunde is an example of a terrible parent to his children. 🤔🤔

budaatum:
✓ You ask about the background, but seem to be unaware that your prediction of the possible outcomes might just be you actually creating eventual outcomes. You at least don't see how your so called predictions might be you determining the future you get.

And note how you've left out your background, which might explain your negative predicting.
I do hope you don't only use your powers to predict negative outcomes, and know that you can equally predict positive outcomes for yourself too.

,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

goran3310:
➜You’re young. I don’t even know if it’s worth telling you this. But I’ll tell you what I would do if I were in your place. I would stay with my current girlfriend. Here’s why: Falling in love is just passion — and passion has an expiration date. Love is a conscious decision to care for someone.
➜ The shortest definition of love: LOVE IS ATTENTION. So, whether you’ll love that girl or not depends entirely on your conscious choice.
Everything else is passion — it burns hot, but it burns out fast.
➜ And one more thing: If you leave your current girlfriend, you’ll lose her forever. A new girl comes with no guarantees. The fact that she’s in love with you — that passion — doesn’t mean things will be better with her. If you want to take that risk, remember this: every gambler loses everything — sooner or later. The choice is yours alone.

1. If love is passion and passion expires, then why remain with someone whom you know you have no passion for?

2. If love were merely attention, then there would be no such thing as getting attention for the wrong reasons, would there? There are people out there who have a passion for that which will eventually kill them... drugs, alcohol, etc. Does love kill?

Love is not attention, and love is more than mere passion. It is more than that dopamine high one gets when one gets attention or is passionate about something. Otherwise, it is no different from the many temporary highs one experiences in life.

3. And if that girl leaves you, then what? If you fancy a relationship as some sort of cage with which to trap yourself and the others in it with you, then you are already off on the wrong path.

KingDashx:
✓ and she get another guy wey she love too but the guy no love her. Inside life

There is nothing inside life about any of this. In this life, you will find that there are those:
➜that supposedly love you yet find you are unable to love them back
➜that you love but don't love you back
➜ who love you and you love them too
➜ who hate you, and you also hate them too
....

Intelligent people will know to go with those with whom they share a mutual connection with even if these connections don't last for a lifetime. (It is only the intelligent ones out there that go on to experience the most love their lifetime and ultimately the most success— emotional.) Many of these individuals refuse to rush into relationships and end up enjoying them to the fullest— quality always beats out quantity.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people out there are not intelligent at all. They surround themselves with people with whom they have no real mutual connections, and then whine about how everyone else is to blame for all of the problems they create for themselves by their unintelligent choices.

FitCorper:
✓ Advise:
“keep women u love for fun purposes n keep the one who loves you for marriage”.
✓ Those ladies that can move mountains for u grow extremely cold when dem no send again.

And then Nigerians wonder why most Nigerian married men end up abusers of their wives. 🙄🙄🙄

2. And when they become your enemies after years of you using them, you still play the victim, right?? 🥱🥱🥱

weslay:
➜Your failure to set boundaries is the reason you are in this mess. Why allow her communicate with her ex in the first place?
Since you didn't have issues with her communicating with her ex, you shouldn't have issues with the gifts also. And you will not have issues when you find out the ex is pounding your wife. Because you don't understand what boundaries are.
➜In all of these, I don't blame your wife or your in-laws. You are responsible for protecting your family and you failed woefully.

Boundaries are not weapons you fashion against the freedoms and rights of others. Rather, they are meant as tools to help you in choosing the people you can better relate with. If OP had considered his partner's staying in contact with an ex a red flag, he should not have dated her let alone married her. There is nothing inherently wrong with a person keeping in contact with an ex. There are numerous stories of people who gained immensely from such connections. What is wrong is knowing this kind of connection is a red flag for you, but still chooking head in with someone who does it pretending that you have power or right to force them to change when you can no longer tolerate it. That is ridiculous thinking. 😩😩😩

OP's choice of a wife is not the reason why his in-laws keep tabs on his wife's ex. It is possible they preferred him even before OP showed up to ask for their daughter's hand. 🥱🥱

francisbarrack:
➜U make me laugh. It's not possible for op to ignore his inlaw.
➜ D wife will always listen to d family n
➜ if there's misunderstanding between them we will help them settle...

He shouldn't ignore them since they are his in-laws by marriage after all. Neither should he impose his view or opinion on them since they are not under any obligation to like him simply on the grounds that he is married to their daughter.

2. Well, just because you are married to someone does not mean the person ceases to be an individual; the wife remains an individual even in marriage, free to listen to whomever she deems best to. In the same way, OP is also able to listen to his own parent, who may have reservations of their own about his wife; his wife is also free to listen to her own parents. Marriage does not change individuals, and it does not work to isolate people from their friends and family.

3. If there is a misunderstanding between the man and his wife, and they are not mature enough to resolve it between themselves, they should probably consider that they are not meant for each other after all.

budaatum:
➜Might be, but not necessarily. They might really just prefer the ex to the current, or be greedy.

I can't really say what motive they may have, if any, from the much information provided by OP. What I know is that the one that OP is married to is their daughter, not them. Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman — It is not between a woman's entire family(herself included) and the man, like many people like to pretend when it suits them.

If the wife's family doesn't like OP for whatever reasons they may have, it's their prerogative. OP can't force them to like him. He can only focus on and work on his relationship with his wife, and them because she is their child.

brain54:
➜Once again look at the context I used open relationship initially... He didn't have an issue with it doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake.
➜ Why should her parents be collecting money from her ex?
➜ The connection between them is her isn't it?

Whatever mistake you think he had does not matter. OP said he has no issue with it. Get over it already.

2. Why shouldn't they? Are the parents married to OP?

3. The wife is still friends with this man. So why can't her parents relate to her friends?

brain54:
➜Kobo whether she is representing his inlaws...Or they are representing her is same thing. It's not different.
2 a mistake is what it is... a mistake. If op made a mistake due to whatever reasons the question is how does he move forward from they. Obviously he made a mistake allowing the friendship flourish from the start. And he may not have seen it as a bad thing.... normally it ought not to be but people take liberties for granted and weakness.
3. You are getting the context wrong in which I used the word open relationship!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The wife is representing her parents? Isn't this clearly a desperate attempt to make the wife guilty no matter what? Kai! 🤣🤣

2. Again, go back and read the OP. @OP made no mistake as he clearly affirmed his having no issue with his wife keeping in touch with her friend, who happens to be her ex. Stop inventing issues for argument's sake, abeg!

3. There is no context created by OP that warrants your use of the term "Open relationship". Nonewhatsoever!

budaatum:
➜Not for collecting, but for telling him, which they don't need to.

You mean maybe it was to get him to do better in terms of giving them gifts and money?

budaatum:
➜They could collect from their ex-son in law and not tell their current son in law if they did not have a motive.

You mean there could be a motive directed towards their current son-in-law for them collecting money and gifts from the lady's ex?

brain54:
➜Disrespect and disregard entered when she started collecting money from her ex...
➜ Obviously the op was trying to be understanding and that's why he allowed the "friendship".
➜ And It's obvious it's not an open relationship!

1. She started collecting money from him, or, as OP instead said, her in-laws collected money and gifts from him? You seem to be writing your own script here.

2. Trying to understand? Are you joking? If his wife keeping in touch with her ex was a red flag for OP, OP's mistake was marrying her despite that. Also, OP already made clear that he had no problem with her keeping in touch with the ex. My issue is, why do you keep making an issue of it when this is literally his own statement from the beginning?

3. Keeping in touch with an ex has nothing to do with having an open relationship. Please look up the meaning of the term to be sure why it should not be a part of this.

brain54:
➜Kobo I'm as straightforward as a DK ..

Not according to your posts. OP started off by making clear that he has nothing against his wife keeping in touch with her ex since he is married and they ended their relationship amicably. So, where do you get disrespect and an open relationship from?

brain54:
¹_ they obviously aren't in an open marriage...
²_ actions speak louder than words. It's not until she claps or plays panya on his head that is disrespect!

Please be straightforward!