₦airaland Forum

emiye:
➜Issues with Inlaws have no impact on marriage ? wow, thanks for letting me know.
➜ I am only asking you if you will keep the same energy, if the wife's "feelings" was hurt that Husbands was sending money to his ex inlaws?

You and I know that that is to be regarded on a case-by-case basis. For instance, a wife/husband who does not bother herself with her in-laws or what they think and focuses instead on the marriage would likely not be bothered by what the in-laws think or do in their space, so long as it does not encroach on the marriage space. So, as long as the marriage space remains isolated from the in-law issues, the marriage wouldn't be directly impacted.

2. Are you sure you are OK?

If the man is sending money to his ex-in-laws, do you not see in that case that it is the marital communal property that would be used in that situation, leading to a clear breach in the marriage space?

Afritalestv:
https://www.thecable.ng/senate-advances-bill-to-set-up-autism-centres-for-early-diagnosis-care/

So, an individual bill would be needed to establish places for treatment of Schizophrenia, Depression, ADHD, etc.? 🥱🥱🥱🥱

budaatum:
➜Assuming the OP is the in-law, I can't agree that he would have been able to interpret what he is not aware of if they did not tell him.

... If he were to come about the news somewhere down the line or from a third party?

budaatum:
➜Their motive is not in collecting from their ex-in-law. They must however have a motive for telling their current in-law since it's none of his business.
And note that not telling him is not the same as them hiding it. It's not the business of the in-law whom they collect whatever they collect just because he married their daughter, so there is no need to inform him.

It is, or at least would have been interpreted as such by OP.

LordReed:
➜ Talk to her people to stop being loud mouths and bringing up their friendship with her ex. Tell her ex to cool it with the gifts. Any number of other solutions.

I can understand her suggesting her folks keep their interactions with her ex away from her husband, but I don't understand you suggesting she speak to the ex to cool it with the gifts. Why should she need to potentially sabotage the joy of her family for her husband's sake?

Fgo31:
.➜ What is disrespect if I may ask?
➜ Must they shit on his face or make a mockery of him in his presence before they disrespect him.
➜ Wait until you find yourself in that situation before you understand.
➜ If the gift or pleasantly is a one-off thing, it is normal. But the moment it becomes regular, it's abnormal. If the op ex spouse heard about it, will she also be comfortable?
➜ Let stop normalising what is wrong. They are past, it should be past. He can offer a help but there should be a limitation to it.

1. Disrespect refers to a conscious, blatant disregard of an individual's emotional state. OP did not tell us that her parents meant disrespect for him by their action. He simply said that they told him not to be jealous.

2. Why does OP consider their act shit on his face/mockery of his person? Why? He didn't tell us this.

3. I can never find myself in such a situation because I do not go around expecting everyone to like me, nor do I feel I am entitled to more respect from others, just because.

4. Again, OP did not provide us with enough information for us to make much of what happened.

5. You don't get to decide for others what is normal and what is not, though. Every relationship is different, and knowing this is knowing that what you like may not be what works for others. That is why the onus is on individuals to decide early on boundaries and limits in a relationship.

LordReed:
➜Unless he is in direct contact and remained friendly with them then it is weird but I feel your discomfort. However if your wife is not willing to listen to you when you say you are not comfortable then there are issues o!
Talk to your wife and express exactly what makes you uncomfortable with the situation. Hopefully she'll listen and do something about it.

Do something like?

Chilipepper:
Man shares his experience with an entitled relative just months after giving him millions to start a business.

Black tax has always been optional. Una wey dey carry am for head like say na duty, na una get problem.

Ezini:
✓ How am I supposed to know It’s just not right and does not sit well with OP a reason for his outcry

. Your wish is for OP to destroy his marriage for an action he does not understand or know the reason for?

emiye:
✓ Switch it , and assume it is the wife that came to complain on Nairaland that her husband is sending money to his ex inlaws , are you keeping the same energy? Or you only support everything as long it is feminine centric?

The one sending money to an ex is not OP's wife. And he mentioned nowhere in his post that his marriage is directly impacted by all of this. Why do you see fit to compare it to a marriage directly impacted by the giving? Why are you desperate to find something wrong where OP himself has only revealed that it is his feelings that have been hurt by his in-laws, not by his wife?

Ezini:
✓ Some things are better left as they are,
They have each moved on, they should leave it at that, reconnecting again on the premise of just friendship is pretentious, sex and romance connected them before and would still connect them again if they should have one on one meeting again

Unfortunately, that's not how life works. Life is not as black and white as you may reason yours to be. 🥱🥱🥱

Reality is there are lots of former enemies who went on to become good friends, great business partners, and sometimes maybe lovers. And then you have former friends who go on to become great enemies and rivals. Nothing in this life is black and white. One simply have to maneuver each situation as best one understands. 🥱🥱

OP has yet to tell us that his woman harbours feelings for the other man but most of you --- mostly from points of paranoia -- have already concluded on that. 🥱🥱

Ezini:
✓ Are you the ex? Why are you not seeing anything wrong with this

I don't see anything wrong because OP has not given me reason to see anything wrong with the dynamics between them.

Ezini:
✓ A big yes Or else they would just do it in secret

So, what is the motive? 🥱🥱

Clazzone:
You will understand better when they are no more... Your eyes will clear

Nonsense! If you think that because you are a parent you will be remembered, better think again. There are lots of people out there who forgot their parents the moment they moved out and didn't even show up for their funerals. You have obviously been brainwashed into reasoning that all children have no option but to love their parents, an idea that is far from reality.

MichioKaku:
It's sad I'm asking these simple question,
My morality is just dying.
How about ways to get a girl to f

And your intention is probably to run away from your responsibility once the girl gets pregnant, abi? If you are sex starved, hit the gym or go find yourself other hobbies to help occupy your time or help you achieve your goal of financial independence.

Another option is you could go sell your body so you can get all the money and sex your desire while at it.

MichioKaku:
✓ Please, what's the simplest way of getting married or getting and average girl by your side?

Do not marry if you are not financially independent, and do not marry anyone who is also not financially independent. Such unions were lack of financial independence is common thread between both peoples typically results in both living miserable lives(and ultimately jeopardizing their children"s futures) .

ebubeson:
A partner you are so attached too, yet still treating you so badly and probably like "trash", may be the most insecure in the relationship you are in with them. They may be the ones more scared of losing you; but they may have tied you to diabolic powers for the purpose of making you under them and feeling secure.

There is nothing diabolical about that which is instead psychological.

bulunton:
➜Hi community 👋🏽, A member reached out seeking guidance on an important topic:
What are the reasonable responsibilities of a wife toward her mother-in-law, and what responsibilities should a mother-in-law have toward her son’s wife?
➜ They are also asking for advice on whether a woman should remain in a marriage where the husband’s family openly dislikes her, and the mother-in-law allegedly engages in harmful or manipulative behavior towards her.
Please share your thoughts, experiences, and culturally grounded advice.
Let’s keep responses supportive, respectful, and focused on healthy boundaries and solutions. 💛

There are no set-in-stone boundaries for all couples in marriage except those that generally apply to all human beings. Individual boundaries should be respected even in marriage by all family members, regardless of the title of the Individual in question.

A wife is free to decide to go no contact with her mother-in-law if she deems it best for her situation, another could choose to be best friends with her mother-in-law. It all depends on the particular dynamics of the relationship a wife or husband finds themselves in.

Marriage no be do or die! Keep this in mind when relating to those who become family with you by marriage. If you find you are no longer able to tolerate or deal with others due to either their toxicity or yours, the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone else involved is to find your way out ...run away to secure personal peace and joy. 🥱🥱🥱

Vikto17:
honestly not making any issues ,,, still love her more than anything on earth ,, just want my woman to look her best

Let her do it for herself when she is ready to. If she really wishes to know, she should be the one to open up a thread here or on reddit to get ideas from women out here. Bette yet, she could go on YouTube to learn tips from the millions of videos out there on related subject. 🥱🥱

I was about 10-12 years old when I experienced my first lynching. The people who carried it out were all neighbors and people I had grown up to know over my short time on earth. That day, however, I realized that many of these same people had their hands stained with the same wickedness that we were all taught to run from as children. Behind all of the jovial smiles and warm greetings were monsters ready to kill the next person who triggered their bloodlust.

Just imagine learning, at that age, that most of your neighbors — the papa, mama, aunty, uncle, etc., of your friends —were, in fact, murderers and vile creatures. The trauma no leave me until after I leave that country.😩😩😩

Vikto17:
✓ Hello dear Nairalanders ,,, l am 32yrs and my fiancee is 30yrs... very loving ,, sweet and excellent soul... she tick everything l need in a woman and l will be getting married to her next year by God grace...
My major concern is that she looks older than her actual age,,, and this is her face alone... l have seen girls her senior who looks younger...
we are not poor .. she eats well and have all the necessary things a woman will want...
please what recommendation should one take to look their age and younger too,,, thanks

The one who ought to be asking these things if the women if and only if she indeed deserves to look younger than she does. Otherwise, I will say this is probably a you problem than it is her problem. Why are you making an issue of her looks?

dollytino4real:
All these social media practices like burning bay leaves and other spiritual things for financial freedom but I don't see any changes, i don't know if am not doing it well

Because it is all nonsense, same as over 90% of what you find on social media.

I burn bay leaves when I want to get rid of or mask a stench. Whoever told you that burning bay leaves would cause you to see things or have financial freedom just decided to take advantage of your gullibility. 🥱🥱🥱

Rolings:
✓ And most importantly, whatever they are doing to you that makes you feel this way is done out of LOVE
Yeah they may not get it right sometimes but they genuinely do things to their children out of love

It fascinating to see that many of you have yet to realize that why idea of love you may have to blindly imposes on others is not love but control. 🥱🥱🥱

CoronaVirusPro:
When you say a man is stingy, do you mean he has abundance and not ready to give, or he doesn’t have and not ready to go the extra mile?

A man who has more children than he can afford to provide for or a man who refuses to sufficiently provides for his family is a stingy man. 🥱

Dada4me:
I have same feelings towards my mum... I've been trying to get over it. It's been more than 30 years.

See a mental health counselor/therapist to get you get over the feeling. It won't make her no longer guilty of whatever she may have done to cause the resentment, but at least it would remove the burden you have been carrying for so long. Yes, that feeling you have there is an emotional burden.

ukaface:
➜ Do you know good and bad really depend on the context of a situation? ....

This here sums up all that is wrong with the psyche of most Nigerians today. By this claim of yours, there is a context in which what has become of Nigeria and Nigerians in 2025 is a good thing, right?

Qualityoffer:
➜My bible has already said it in 2 Chronicles 36:16 - But they made fun of God's messengers, ignoring his words and laughing at his prophets, until at last the LORD's anger against his people was so great that there was no escape.
I'll leave you with that for now.

Yet more Nonsense and eegridient!

Again, you religious folks are worse when it comes to raising kids. Apart from the regular religious brainwashing, your kids grow up to be among the worst of citizens in any country out there — incapable of thinking or reasoning for themselves.

Makavelli001:
...Because sometimes, the plane ticket isn’t just taking you to a new country—it’s taking your marriage to its grave Looking back, I realize that things might have turned out differently if we had truly prepared for what relocation would mean for our marriage....Second, we should have prioritized communication and teamwork.
Marriage is a partnership, especially in a new country where both partners must adjust...

Nigerians and shifting of blame are like Siamese twins— inseparable! 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Qualityoffer:
➜ My bible didn't mince words when it says in Ephesians 5:6 - Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these the wrath of God comes on the children of disobedience.

Nonsense and eegridient!

You religious folks are worse when it comes to raising kids. Apart from the regular religious brainwashing, your kids grow up to be among the worst of citizens in any country out there — incapable of thinking or reasoning for themselves.

Druss:
➜ How old are you?

He is right, actually!

ukaface:
➜No one receives a manual titled “How to Be a Parent.”
➜ Parents are simply individuals — each with their own personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and flaws — who happened to grow older. They still make mistakes, they’re still learning, and most of the time, they’re just doing the best they can. Remember, it’s a cycle: they were once raised by their own parents and shaped by the experiences and knowledge they had.
➜ I may not know your personal story, but try to see them as people who never had it all figured out — they just moved through life, doing what they thought was right. It is well.

1. Everyone grows up knowing right from wrong. That happens to be the only manual one needs to be a good parent, wherever one finds oneself.

2. Everyone, including good parents, makes mistakes. Bad parents go a step beyond making mistakes. Not only do they reject every opportunity to learn from them to become better parents, but many also go a step beyond to pour all of their regrets on those kids whenever possible.

3. You mean like Boko Haram and your Nigerian Politicians move through life doing what they think is right, abi? Nonsense!

Wait to go, trying real hard to blur the line between what is right and what is wrong! You must think you did well there. 🙄🙄🙄

suckprick:
Your eyes go open wen dem kpai.

The ones wey eventually kpai their parents in cold blood, their eyes open too? Nonsense and eegridient! 🥱🥱🥱