₦airaland Forum

Pupanchie:
If we keep telling them not to marry single mothers they won't hear, see what I came across today again

Stop with te stewpid rage baits! Try to get yourself a life this winter!

Blueelf:
➜That's a bad advice bro. Women get bored easily with men who is more in love with them

This post is biased since both men and women are reported to experience boredom the same when matched with partners they do not love or are attracted to.

Sammy101111:
➜ na before I they quick they spend money for woman
➜ but now if you don't really care you can't have my care

Your response continues to point to you being out of touch with reality. Look, if you cannot afford a woman, look for a woman that you can afford instead.

2. Let me guess! In your mind, a woman who cares for you is a woman who would give you her broken self without demanding anything in return? I know that is why folks like you would rather settle for the many broken women out there rather than level up yourselves to obtain the women you really desire. Sigh!

Sammy101111:
➜Did I say I can't spend how long should I keep doing that. I don't even have your contact you already want to chop me do woman see men as brainless I didnt even ask her for se..x or anything bad

Dude! The woman is making it clear to you that she sees you as a source of funds. If you cannot be at least that to her, waka pass. Know your levels and stick to them! OK?

Sammy101111:
➜In all my past relationships na me they always spend yet am not married they run after more money ..Have change environment still the same thing

Keep shooting around for women who see you for what you are... someone who is not worth their time, except you are paying up at least. 🥱🥱🥱

Sammy101111:
➜I met a lady she as her own shop tailor she started nice with me the in the 2nd week she is always lamenting how hard it is for her .But she is making money sewing cloth always but she want me to give her money to show I care that not good . Because She knows I have little change her friend sells provisions beside the shop and am always buying things or making transactions there .
➜ But I know she likes me for sure. if I pass by and I look back she will be looking at am . BY WHY DO WOMAN ALWAYS WANT MEN TO COMMIT WITH MONEY TO PROVE LOVE ❤️.
➜ She use a phone expensive than my phone her shop is worth more than 600k dam and you like me still one chop me since then I just change My routing movement .I don't even have her number yet I wanted to take things slow because me they reason say man go settle down one day but I refuse to settle down with what will be chopping me God .as a man if I even have 2k as my last balance in my account you won't know I will not panic or frustrate but woman even having things worth more than what they need as credit balance them go they pressure guy to provide .
➜ Woman don't ask money too early to test or chop a guy is not good na we have feelings too don't treat us like shit..

1. The woman knows she has nothing else to gain from being with you except money. What is wrong with that?

2. That she supposedly likes you means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things if there are no tangible things for her to gain from that. Hence, the reason why she has to gain at least money from you. Even a woman who is merely a prostitute gains money from showing you her temporary liking of you— if we can call that an encounter that— so why shouldn't this woman gain at least that from supposedly liking you?

3. So, you are shooting above your league with this woman and somehow want us to perceive her as a problem for making material demands on you? Na so you wowo reach? 😏😏

4. Abeg, go level up your life and mind, o'jare! See victim mentality for 2025 ! Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

Btruth:
Their believe not ours. In my opinion, the legislature should pass it into law.

The same legislature that has yet to pass laws to benefit the life of the common man? Una too wowo, abeg!

LivingEarthMan:
➜The best and permanent solution to paternity fraud to me is not even DNA test. It is for government to make a law declaring that if a woman is confirmed to be pregnant after legal marriage, the child automatically belongs to the husband and no Jupiter from anywhere can come out to claim the child, in fact any man who comes out to claim the child would be jailed for life. And if the wife takes the child to the biological father or inform the child that her husband is not the real father she would be jailed for life.
And the child is permanently banned by law from ever recognising the illegitimate father as his or her father as long as the legal father is still alive.
➜ This type of law would permanent stop paternity fraud.

1. Such a statute has been in place since the time of your ancestors in pretty much all of the cultural groups in Nigeria; for example, the bastard child in Yoruba land is a land within a given family whose origins are not bloodlinked to the man of the family.

2. Obviously, the men are no longer satisfied with the law and would rather be allowed to cast the woman and child out completely in such a case.

ElevationD:
➜Toyota Corolla. That’s probably there source of income, as the man may be an UBER driver. If he keeps the key and his wife drives it to destruction, where will they feed from? Her mates wey dey take transport carry children go school no be human being sef?

Source of livelihood that cannot be used by his own wife to transport his own kids? You are literally saying that his own wife is a potential threat to his source of livelihood... the same source she obviously depends on, since she admits the reason she does not have her own is because she does not have financial independence?

phosky:
Dr. Gbadebo stressed that DNA tests have no place in Islam, even in cases of suspected infidelity:
“Two people engage in sex out of wedlock, and the child is born. Is there any DNA test in Islam that would grant the man paternity? None. It is forbidden. That child is always seen as a product of Zina.”
Scientific Perspective on DNA Testing
Contrasting the religious stance, Miss Aisha Ahmad, a medical scientist at the University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital, emphasized the reliability of DNA testing for biological parentage. “DNA tests are 99% accurate if conducted correctly. They remain the best way to determine paternity when there is doubt,” she said, clarifying that the cleric’s religious viewpoint does not undermine the scientific accuracy of DNA tests.
The debate highlights the tension between religious teachings and modern science, with Muslim couples being urged to follow Islamic guidance, while acknowledging the technical reliability of DNA testing in paternity disputes.

Something tells me this man has contributed his DNA to some other marriages by these statements of his. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

osmerc:
➜I'm married so feel only married person can understand

First of all, that is a convenient lie we like to tell ourselves when we are instead looking for others to either validate/invalidate our insecurities. What you need is neutrality when truly looking for understanding. You should be able to freely unburden yourself to pretty much anyone out there without needing to color the conversation with "Only married will understand," jargon.

If you give me an idea of what this problem relates to, I can maybe find you the closest place to find the best responses online. There are groups on places like Reddit where you can post your concerns and get input from people all around the world who have been in your shoes and have the best suggestions to give you.

osmerc:
➜In this stage of my life I need married friends, tired of introvert life.
➜A lot on mind mind.
I need someone to call and chat with. So that my head don't explode with thoughts.

Why specifically married friends? Why are you living a life that you say you are now tired of?

2. What are some of these thoughts that you are afraid to face off against and would rather distract yourself from?

LoneSoldier:
➜I never said it was good or right, infact when you read my post you will see where I said I hate it when first borns are given those responsibilities, all together will still on the same page.

My point is that not all firstborns reason that way, even in Nigeria, as your title suggests. That mentality is instead majorly linked to firstborns raised by terrible caregivers.

LoneSoldier:
➜It is a very common thing in Nigeria, responsibilities are placed in the head of the first born than the second born or last born.
➜ The first born bears all the tasks of responsibilities, it is very sickening.

That it is common in Nigeria does not remove the dysfunctionality and toxicity of it.

2. Again, wrong! The firstborn only does that if he/she has been brainwashed — again, dysfunctionality & toxic family indicated— into believing those responsibilities are his to take on. A child should never assume the responsibilities of their parents.

DyshApp:
➜In the video, she said: “He has travelled again with the car key while the car is here… bike all the way. This is a routine, so I am used to it. He will park car in the compound and take the key along with him.”
The video quickly went viral, with viewers both laughing and commenting on the situation. While some criticised her, she defended the clip, emphasizing it was purely humorous. “Must I drive the car? It is not mine, so I don’t have the need to be entitled to his car. A man who pays school fees, house rent, and feeding can’t be labelled bad or wicked because of a funny video,” she wrote.
She also encouraged financial independence for women: “Women, hustle for your own money, especially if your hubby isn’t big on sharing. Get the things you desire without waiting for anyone to hand them over.”

WOW... this one seems to be another married single woman. Are the kids not his, too, that she would want us to believe she first needs to have your own car to drive them to school? Are the errands to be run not of concern to him as well? 🙄🙄🙄

In her defense of what she is aware is utter stewpidity — she made the video that caused all of the uproar — she pretended to advise women to work on their finances. Why didn't she work on her own financial independence before all of that?

Nigerian women have a long way to go in freeing themselves from these self-imposed shackles that keep them from loving and protecting themselves, too.

LoneSoldier:
➜Okay how do you handle been the last hope of your family when been a first born or only child?

Why in the world should a child be considered the last hope of a family? That screams of a dysfunctional and possibly toxic family setup, if you can even call it that.

Only those so-called firstborns who have been deprived of their individuality from an early age fall prey to such manipulations. No one is born with such responsibilities except he/she decides to take them on for himself/herself. 🥱🥱🥱

phosky:
➜https://eyesoflagos.com/nigerian-woman-overjoyed-as-longtime-partner-marries-her-after-13-years-together/

The upside to this is that the marriage was registered and not the traditional sheenanigan that Nigerians level against Nigerian women. Kudos, madam ,for making sure you got yourself a registered marriage.

CorperKola:
➜Thats why i said you are very smart Because you cannot see that forcing people to view polygamy as illegal and immoral in southern nigeria where it was practiced before Vs In Northern Nigeria where it is legal and widespread is responsible for the different outcomes
Obviously different religions with 2 very different views on polygamy dominate the north and South today which is different from the past when traditional religions which allowed or even promoted polygamy were in vogue in pretty much all over Nigeria
This isnt that hard to understand na

Forcing people to view polygamy as illegal and immoral? Are you certain you are OK in the head there? 😏😏😏

Stop projecting your private delusions outside of the space that is your mind. It is irritating!

Morbeta11:
If a fat guy from a rich family is called biggy!! What about a fat guy from a poor family?🤧

Okpolo aka frog! 🐸

Even Fattiness get him own class.. 🥱🥱

CorperKola:
✓ You wanted to counter my point and your example is northern Nigeria where polygamy is basically legal and widely practiced
Clap for yourself, you are very smart !!!!

You tried to force a point, leading me to reveal that the trend in Southern Nigeria does not even mirror that in Northern Nigeria, where polygamy is more widespread and accepted, to squash your delusion completely. That is a valid move!

DavidEsq:
✓ It's no torment. Let everyone live with his decisions

This living of their decisions is what brought this topic up which clearly reveals that endurance aka torment in marriage is a choice, not some sort of mandate.

Adakintroy:
➜You inserting yourself way too much into the context.
➜ No one is talking about you or your ideals or your love takes We talking mostly general realities "out there".
➜ Reality is that which creates its own unique "checker".
➜ Where it open up on one ends it closes on the other. Biological,social and cultural all considered.

Myself? How? Where?

2. I made no mention of myself in any of that, though. I simply commented based on studies I have read and observations made from facts I have gathered over the decades.

3. Unique "checker"? Where?

4. I don't follow at all! Where are these standards documented or codified?

DavidEsq:
➜Marrying who is ready is way less stressful than marrying whom you love.

Did you compare this to the torment of living with someone who you know fully well you do not love for the rest of your life?

Adakintroy:
➜its not that forward a answer there could be multiple of such preference. But finding them in one lifetime could easily take a lifetime and getting them to actually proposed marriage is even so not easy. It's why I stated it's not always a woman call to make.
➜ Cuz you may love someone enough but they don't love you to the point of marriage.
➜ its the whole complicated point of settling for the lesser preferred.

1. Finding them, why? That sounds like that mentality that presumes singlehood is meant as some sort of placeholder for marriage. What about a situation where a woman/man "finds" their type but decides that the best way to show love is to stay away from them completely— choose singlehood— love them from afar? Is that also valid?

2. What does it mean to love someone enough, though? Why is love not just love? Also, is marriage somehow dependent on the quantity of love doled out?

3. From my vantage point, it ain't supposed to be complicated or irrational. Folks are supposed to only engage those with whom they share mutual feelings and understanding. Engaging individuals with whom you do not have mutual feelings and understanding is literally crazy...irrational even, and reality proves that to be the case time and time again.

If a contract marriage/relationship is instead what one wants, then one ought to make it clear from the get-go and engage others interested in just that; people who enter into such unions don't settle for anything less than that which would benefit them the most. But having to settle in marriage with no real benefit to be gained is utterly ludicrous! It is better to remain single for life than do that.

Laalasticla:
➜You were aware she had her eyes elsewhere but because of the pressure to leave her parents at that time , she hurriedly married you, yet you're claiming you UNKNOWNINGLY married someone who doesn't love you .
One thing I discover about Narcissist is that they always love to form victim, whether they're right or wrong, bros you need therapy.Get help

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sirchiboy:
Tell me one mistake I should not Make or avoid before getting married

⚉If you have yet to sufficiently lift yourself out of poverty to where you are no longer living from paycheck to paycheck, DO NOT consider getting married or having kids.
⚉If you have yet to deal with every one of the emotional traumas from at least your childhood, DO NOT consider getting married or having kids.
⚉If you have yet to sufficiently learn who you are— you lack self-awareness and self-love—, DO NOT consider getting married or having kids.
⚉If you have not found your type in a partner, DO NOT consider getting married or having kids.
⚉If your type is currently jobless, DO NOT consider getting married or having kids.
⚉ If you are not ready for the full-time job and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship, DO NOT consider getting married or having kids.
...

lailo:
➜It seems this topic is just describing my marriage in full picture. I unknowingly married someone who didn't love me at all. She had her eyes elsewhere but I was the one ready and available as at the time the pressure to leave her parents' place was overwhelming.
➜ I came into marriage with so much innocence and sincerity of purpose. I am a victim of circumstances.
➜ I pray i get mercy from God.

Did you truly unknowingly marry her, or did you want her even when it was probably obvious she was not that into you?

2. Victim of what circumstance?

3. Mercy from which God in what way? If your marriage is unhealthy/toxic, what is stopping you from exiting?

Chinny024:
➜If you know you would keep chimpanzee in the house and be flirting with your spec outside.. Better put your spec for house. That peace will scatter when the titans clash.. Shalom😂😂

Most of them cannot afford their spec, but can at least afford a cheap wife material who will take care of their needs, house duties, and occasional banging needs, at home in return for the Mrs badge. Nigerian women need to stop rewarding these men with their presence.

ibrutex:
➜Most women debate whether managing a household with children or man's effort in providing for the family's financial needs is more demanding.
"It would be interesting to explore the challenges of household management versus financial provision ,
I find it hard to believe the way my wife would complain and compare our efforts for hours, how hectic the day have been for her after Shop with the kids , *Me* pls! don't let me just say what I go through on daily basis ,puting my ego down just to put food on the table for my family. Can we switch roles
Which do you think is more challenging , Is it a man's commitment in making provisions or women hard work with kids care.

OP, if you had to hire a 24/7 nanny, a surrogate mother, 24/7 a cook, a 24/7 housekeeper, a 24/7 personal assistant, a 24/7 mental health counselor, and may also have to pay for sex every time you wanted it, how much do you think that would amount to in just one year?

Adakintroy:
➜You not getting me the first choice in this case is her first preference . Not necessary the first ever guy she met. So yeah she may marry some one else but comparative may not love him as much.

Ah, I see! But why bother marrying someone who does not qualify as a first preference? Is it that the woman is under some assumption that there is only one of that type out there for her?