₦airaland Forum

abbey621:
➜ Then you're simply not exposed and would never survive in a country where the standard of living is very high. Marriage is indeed a partnership and your own definition of partnership gets k-leg! The real definition of partnership is assisting one another, abroad 90% of households run on partnership, even the full time housewives are saving their husbands from daycare/nanny costs.
➜ You don't command authority or respect by making all the decisions, what happens if you became disabled, unemployed or dead? You've just succeded in putting your wife and kids in a very desperate situation.......
➜ The world has moved beyond this myopic thinking, unless you're a real odogwu where money na water, you better believe marriage is indeed a partnership!

1. You dey mind am!

2. People like that believe authority in marriage is a birthright of theirs, and they hold on to that belief even when they find they are incapable of fulfilling the requirement for that status over their wives.

3. My happiness is that women are no longer like their mothers and grandmothers.

tollyboy5:
➜I don't buy the idea of authority. I'll rather prefer leadership.
➜ Man role in his marriage is leadership role. Both parties need to be responsible in some ways tho.

Leadership my arse! 🙄🙄🙄

A leader serves his constituents, not one who thinks it is his place to command and direct them according to his whims. The vast majority of traditionalists seek authority, not leadership roles, in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Nonsense! Suggesting that all men are made leaders by virtue of being married is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard in my entire life.🙄🙄🙄

Eniitankorede:
➜This is feminist ideology. There is no partnership without a senior partner. There is no way you can explain that away. No equality in marriage.
➜ You can only have equity. Otherwise you should demand that the man should share pregnancy and breastfeeding roles. Women have their natural roles and men have theirs.
➜No one should want to assume the role of the other. It will fail. No slavery in marriage.

1. You have never heard of equal partnerships, have you?

2. And let me guess, in your idea of equity, the man is always placed above the woman because in your mind, it has to be the man above the woman, right?

3. Tell that to the many women who are both breadwinners in that marriage, yet with husbands who continue to brandish themselves as authorities over them.

Recess94:
It is normal to share bills with your wife but in Africa we just believe man is the father of the head of the family, and he should carry the whole thing

It isn't normal, but a result of the marriage system adopted by the particular couple. The traditional marriage model insists that for the title of head of household, the man ought to exist as the full-time provider in marriage. However, the partnership model does foist roles on individuals in the marriage. It is essentially left to the individuals in the marriage to decide for themselves.

IamHonourable1:
➜His wife is a wicked woman and one of the reasons that innocent man died before his time.How can a woman shamelessly decide to be jobless and be giving birth to several children

She shamelessly decided or the equally wicked man decided to take a jobless woman for a wife and then proceeded to impregnate her 5 times, knowing fully well that he and the wife combined cannot even afford to capably feed themselves talk less of 5 extra mouths?

Continue with the lame attempts at absolving a pathetically incompetent being, such as OP's friend, for his part in making life a hell for those 5 children. 🙄🙄🙄

Omotonsho:
➜ Tinibu is Just Barely 2 years in office, Meaning he had his children before the inception of Tinibu.. Child bearing is choice, Our Muslim brothers will give birth as much as they can and they will tell you say Na Allah dey take care of them,.. But the point is, Childbearing is a choice irrespective of the economy..

Buhari was in office 8 years, Tinubu has been in office for just over 2 years... that is a total of over 10 years of back-to-back backwardness in Nigeria. Yet, you think people are justified in breeding like rats?

Chilipepper:
It was so strange– Nigerian man feels discomfort after attempting to share household bills with his wife for the first time.

The very notion that you're paying off the bills to buy yourself authority over a woman is why some rightly consider marriage a humiliation ritual for women. And it is also why many women should get away from the traditional system of marriage that leaves the man believing he is entitled to authority over a woman— she is some sort of slave for his benefit — when, in fact, marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a means of indenturing the womenfolk.

Ask that man if his imam also told him that his money buys him the same authority over his sidechick.

ajalawole:
➜my cousin have 9 from 2 wives even those most of the children are in village now, funny enough he is a bus driver in Lagos, he is also in his early 30s

Which kain evil people be this, abeg? A bus driver in Lagos has 9 children?

richmond500:
I only counter his saying that billionaires give birth to one or two. Elon musk didn't give birth to one or two

Again, you felt the need to mention those two because they are raising their kids on okada man salary, right? 😏

IblivinProgress:
➜ His question to me however was;was his action of absence from the picture section good considering the fact that he would have looked like a gangster if he used the clothes he was given and also for his brother not to have ever called him one day to tell him anything about him to get prepared for the journey etc?
I told him I was going to seek advice from others before telling him my mind on it as they respect me very much in the office.I don't want to give him any reply but an advice that would be sound and blunt.....Please I need your contribution.

Musa seems to come from a family that is mainly toxic individuals who do not generally value his person and his opinions simply because he does not have the connections and maybe even money that he does. It is quite a shame that siblings would set themselves up as enemies to their own.

To answer your question, Musa was right in removing himself from the picture sessions. He should not have attended the marriage at all since his brother did not even see fit to inform him ahead of time about his impending nuptials— that was a dirty slap in his face. He shouldn't have attended at all. Additionally, his decision not to wear the clothing provided was also not a bad one. I am not certain why his brother felt it necessary to see to it that Musa's trauma from their father's burial was to be replayed at his own wedding.

Also, Musa's mother, always trying to get him to give in to the requests or conditions set by the others, is not helping him or his siblings in any way. Musa might need to learn to stand his ground around his siblings and also set boundaries of his own to keep them in their place. He is their sibling and not their plaything, and for that line to be made clear, he needs to be willing to deny their requests(including his mother's) from time to time.

Disenfranchised:
Antichrist is with us now!!!

End of the end time as Righteousness like to call it.

Nonsense! una no dey shame set una still dey let these gods of men dey replay this scam on your lives right after that of your progenitors?

yemmit90:
➜You are wrong by your prediction about them, the outcome of future cannot always be predetermined by the present circumstances.
The chances they will make it or miserable is still 50/50. Alot of things happened along the journey of life that change some people lives for good. If his wife can judiciously use the money realised from the sales of his Bike by venturing into profitable business, they will live ok.

With the poverty rate now at over 85% when only 20 years ago, it was still hovering at about 60%, you would still want us to believe that the outcome for those living in abject poverty in Nigeria remains rosy, abi? Make una continue! 🥱🥱

femi4:
Dear men..do not allow women to pressure you. Be yourself

A woman pressured him into not using birth control until child #5, all on an okada rider's pay? Una no well at all!

princepee:
madam if you can't take of the child send him or her back to her mother.
Don't use another man's child as slave that's wickedness!
Send him or back ASAP

Don't forget to indicate that the mother who sent them out to be slaves -- she and the men who had them with no plans to cater for them -- is the greater evil in all of this.

Darkmode64:
✓ Maybe you should visit them to determine that 🥱

You don't even know their status but are here to tell us how they are somehow part reason for your brother's demise? 🥱🥱🥱

kodix:
Plz leave so that a good woman will come and stay,bye dear,a man that is responsible like this,do all his work and still have big change not even puting eye in yours bcs you earn 130k too which is big to put in sch fees/feeding but he didn't mind and do all these things,without demanding for any,and you're busy giving trouble, please go,so that the man will rest from your toxicity.

You decided the one to come would be good based on what standard?

Is a good woman/man a woman/man who loves herself/himself or a woman/man who does not know to love herself/himself first before loving others? 🥱🥱🥱

lailo:
dem no dey tell person.
Meanwhile let the wife too continue where he stopped. She will appreciate the person she used to call useless now

Because you were there with them to know and confirm that she called him useless?

And single parenting 5 kids has to be the same as having 2 adults as parents to the same kids, abi?

Darkmode64:
✓ This perfectly mirrors my late brother's story. I never imagined I would be sharing this on Nairaland. He wasn't an okada rider, but he worked tirelessly to support his wife and two children, while she didn't work. Despite my warnings that those he sacrificed for would move on if he died, he didn't listen. Then, unexpectedly, he passed away without any prior illness. I suspect hypertension played a role. It's only been a month, and I still mourn him. If only he had heeded our advice. Miss you, Big Bro.

Has your brother's children and wife moved on since his death then? 🥱🥱

Okhuadams:
✓ not intentionally to own her he did it for love but it backfire. That's why I Tell pple I don't believe in calling anyone my best friend cos so called best friend might also have his or her own best friend which might not be you talk less of girlfriend

If he truly did it for love for her, then he would not mention the items he sacrificed for the sake of his love for her.🥱🥱🥱

People who do things for love don't go around detailing the various items they had to give in order to obtain love. OP's disappointment is linked to the fact that his investment of price was not enough to buy him the love he wanted. 😏

Laalasticla:
✓ Dear men, stop pouring your seeds into women if you know you're not capable of taking of more than 2 children..........
In fact close your legs men if you're poor, u have not business having sex, even though youre married.

Condoms have been available in Nigeria for almost 50 years yet the poor continue to impose unnecessary struggle and humiliation on themselves for reasons best known to them. 🥱🥱🥱

richmond500:
Atiku and Dangote didn't give birth to one or two

And you felt the need to mention those two because they are raising their kids on okada man salary, right? 😏😏😏😏

Oizee:
I have shared this with my husband, I don beg the man taya to reduce unnecessary pressure, he worry over things that I feel is no big deal if we can't achieve it now, even if I pay children's school fees, when he has he would still return it saying it's his responsibility as if they are not mine as well.
May God protect every responsible father and husband out there. Daddy oyoyo is a gift our kids needs to say to Daddies all the time.

A man and woman who have more kids than they can afford to have are terrible parents...nothing responsible about them.

DrAda:
He killed himself. If I am a man, I will never marry below 35 years to a hosewife or give birth to more than 2 kids.

Just imagine! 5 kids and a wife before age 30 on the pittance of an okada rider! No be madness be that? 😒😒😒

Tradepunter2:
✓ Look..... and comprehend.... I just expressed my own experiences.... everyone has what works for them.... what makes them balanced mentally and psychologically....he died in accident...something of not his making.... me I lost my dad 2 weeks back at 77 years.... my joy is that he died dojng evangelism... planting churches and leading people to christ.... everyone will die but what was your spiritual condition at that time... it's what the spirit if God helped me with

Storyland! 🥱🥱🥱

tollyboy5:
The woman too might see shege.
How comfortable she was to be idle lol.

Oh, she will likely see shege assuming she does not abandon those children to go find herself a better life with a man somewhere else.( Yes, there are men and women who abandon even their own children for a chance at greener pastures.) But the fact here is what OP described as that family "moving on" is a farce...a lame attempt at presenting the man as some sort of victim when he was, in fact, the architect of much of his struggles in life and that of his children in death too. 🥱🥱🥱

Tradepunter2:
✓Very very good advice.... it's why I love my wife.... she always makes sure am not stressed.... always ensuring i do regular check up....

Are you people OK at all? So, the man is dead means his wife was nothing like your wife? 🥱🥱

And are we conveniently ignoring the fact that the stress he had to deal with while alive likely has so much more to do with him having 5 kids on literally no income?

princepee:
✓ Having more children than you can take care of is death it's self
Even dangote no born five...
Poor man and fck na 5/6

Simply put, OP's friend was a very foolish poor man. 🥱🥱

Where are the kids moving on to with Nigeria the way it is today? 🙄🙄🙄

Sonnobax15:
✓ Dear men, please take care of yourself.....Do not fall victims to the pressure that comes along with being a father.....Tho it's comprehensible that as a Father,it's your role to take care of your home.....But you can as well do that without losing your life in the process......
✓ Because when you're gone,the same family whom you were toiling and hustling your asss up just to feed and shelter,they will move on with their lives and just within a matter of time, you'll be forgotten

The man chose to get himself a wife and have 5 kids at that. Who else did you expect to have to work hard to ensure those children of his are raised and catered for? 🥱🥱🥱🥱

2. The man is gone and that family is likely not to survive at all as there aren't really a surplus of rich men out there looking to take on 5kids that belong to someone else. His own relatives might not even want to take in any of those kids without some sort of price. The most likely outcome is all 5 may end miserable for the rest of their lives -- tied up to the stone that is poverty all thanks to their father's decisions in life. 🙄🙄🙄

So why are you trying to make it seem it is the man that lost out in all of this and not the children he had and now cannot raise or nurture?

MistyDense:
➜Oga, abeg rest. I'm not in for your unnecessary arguments please. You're "Know it All". Always right, while others are always wrong. I don't really need your input in this matter pls.
Thanks for your understanding

. Simple question! In Nigeria, many previously married individuals would rather abandon their children from other relationships with relatives when going into a new marriage. What I am asking is, do you want the woman to abandon her child with your family when getting married to the new man? If yes, then rather than suggest she not get married at all, make her the offer of caring for your niece while she goes off to have herself a beautiful new life. Let her ruminate on the suggestion and decide whenever she is able to.

Myrepublic:
Go and read Exodus 22:16 Even if it's Israelite notebook, atleast it teaches them to behave like humans,and not wide animals.. Abi e get Wetin them write in there,when say make you do evil? The book teaches good morals. Now,when you say Christianity is all about manipulation,I totally understand where you are coming from,so I won't argue with you.. Do have a nice day...

The book says absolutely nothing of what you allude. Stop hiding your lies behind the mentions of that book.

italkdlonly:
Do you want God's divine mercy, and favour? Then pray along with Pastor Jerry Eze

Nigerians and human worship, ehn? Dem no fit buy this kain mind for market.