₦airaland Forum

zuby4real10:
➜Trip to where. Is it japa to abroad or just relaxation trip to spend time and come back.?

Does it matter?

MistyDense:
✓ Ok.
Thanks.
My issue isn't about her remarrying. It's about the safety and well-being of my niece. She's taking her to the new husband's house

So, you would rather she abandon her own child with you to raise for her or something?

Myrepublic:
Holy book say na u go marry the one you disvirgind.. you don't already miss the track. God will help you

Stop lying! 🙄🙄🙄

In the book, a prophet called Hezekiah married a prostitute. Was he the one who was written to have been her first? 🙄🙄

Christianity is a game of manipulation; Christians consider that book that belongs to the Israelites a handbook with which they can imagine all of their many vices sanctioned merely by their declaring it so. 🥱🥱🥱

otherway:
➜You read to respond. Try reading to comprehend. Go and read what I wrote again and this time, slowly so you can comprehend my point.

Are you sure you are alright? Are you not responsible for writing and posting the OP along with the image message attached, or something?

otherway:
➜Check my post above

You didn't answer my question to you, which is, where do you get this idea that bride price should only be paid for virgins when historically— across so many cultures worldover— that has never been the case.🙄

Another issue with your OP is that it assumes that the insistence by traditionalists that men be full-time providers has something to do with or is connected to the virginity of a woman. I would very much like to understand also where you obtain this preposterous idea of yours from, given that the traditional model of marriage — and this is across so many cultures world over — insists that for the man to become the head of household in marriage, he ought to take on, fully, the responsibility of provider. Essentially, when a man marries a woman traditionally, he not only acquires the title of head-of-household but also assumes the role of provider for the woman in the marriage; this is irrespective of the virginity status of both individuals in the marriage.

Your entire premise seems geared towards perpetuating this victimhood mentality for men, without providing evidence for any of the insinuations made. I wonder if it is the case that you also believe somewhere in there that men are forced into marriage or something.

Xboss1:
✓ Women love bad guys, not nice guys. She is attracted to bad guys and she is loving it. No amount of advice una go fit give am to change her mind😁

When will your type quit with the inane generalizations, for Pete's sake? 😏😏

Women do not live bad guys; rather, guys who assume themselves the good guys notoriously play the victim card, accusing women of wanting bad guys for not choosing them. They do this primarily out of spite and ignorance of their obvious flaws. A lot of these sorts of guys are not even self-aware, and self-reflection is a concept so far away from them.

RealityKings1:
✓ My mom will always come first if I have to chose

It is ok to remain tied to one's mother's apron. However , it might be best to stay completely away from committed relationships with others by that. 🤔

It is one thing for one to have great respect for one's mother and another entirely for one to be tied to one's mother's apron.🤔

Newsmills:
Exodus chapter 22 from 16 to 17 has provided a guideline

Stop lying! 🙄🙄🙄

That chapter, which is directed at those of Israeli descent, instead insists that a non-virgin not be offered as a virgin; it says nothing of bride prices being offered for virgins only.

Even the term virgin used in the passage can be construed as a single/never-married woman as opposed to a previously married or divorced woman or a widow.

Houseofglam7:
I hope she births a son who will do same for a girl and get the same treatment! Evil!!!!!!

How una dey take reason worse than maggots, abeg? 🤔

Trendtips:
✓ This is deception and shouldn't be isolated to a particular gender.
Women also sponsor men and get dumped at the end of it

Indeed it is deception, but do consider as well the audacity of some to think they can buy affection and loyalty of the other through these acts. 🤔

banom:
Geh Geh will be laughing wherever he is right now.
Please sponsor a woman in school only after you have married her.

Because she can't leave you then? 🤔

otherway:
✓ This is the way we have learnt to console ourselves as guys but deep down we know what's up. Where do you even want to see virgin marry? Pray you find a fairly used lady cos many of them have been terribly used. We just dey spend money on a lady wey another man don scatter. So sad

Historically and this applies to pretty much most cultures across the world, bride prices were paid regardless of virginity status -- for both virgins and non-virgins alike. So I guess you need to explain to us where you get off believing that bride prices were only required if virginity was for sale?

Okhuadams:
✓ I wonder when some men will start following women with their brain not with there Sense

The man was probably using his brain thinking he could own the woman at the end of paying for her education same as many men in Nigeria do to this day. If this is the extent of his smartness, as it is the extent of many out there, why you dey blame am?

TOPCRUISE:
Chai. The seed he waited to plant after neatly preparing the land has already been planted, watered and harvested by another man.
The man that get the belle could be around smiling and watching the event unfolding there but won't come out and talk

in the year, 2025, I hope you still don't believe a seed is a child?

rapsfudy:
✓ Now I am asking bluntly. Where someone does juju to get rich Someone does juju yo bring another person down or to make another person suffer misfortune where these are a result of juju or something
Are these real? Nowadays people say people use juju to kill destiny of their friends. Has anyone seen this work? I am open here

None of it is real and there is nothing linking any of it to the Bible given that sorcery has always been of this...fraud and manipulation.

RealityKings1:
✓ My mom will always come first if I have to chose

Just imagine if your other half also feels the same way about her mother and you both had to battle each other over the opinion of your respective mothers. I hope you will also like that.

RealityKings1:
✓ He doesn't live with his mother, love shouldn't be about calculating a percentage.

Love between married couples is transactional and in many cases calculated. For instance, an adulterous man gives most of his love to his sidechick and hands tolerance to his wife to comfort her in the relationship. Why shouldn't she equally calculate the love he is worth at that?

Op says her man loves his mother more than he loves her. Assuming he gives 80% of his attention to his mother and only 20% to her. Why shouldn't she do same to protect her mind and self-esteem?

ayoncox:
✓ This is it if you want to get his love, care so much about his mother too, put it in your plan to always find something to give his mum. Ask him more about his mum, the sacrifices that she made, ask about his dad too and his sibling, focus on asking questions and not making conclusion. You can even plan your questions, may be once every week. Whatever makes your husband happy join him in it too. Before you know it he will handover the matter of his mum to you as if you are her actual daughter, especially when you chose to be giving her money every month no matter how small it is. Then you move on to ask for a favour from him too to reach out to your mum, ask him what you both can do for your mother's. Like I said yours is asking questions, that will lead to decision. Before you know it you will be the one in charge, the man will love you so much because he can trust you enough to remember his source

OP, if you are already in a marriage with this man, do not take this advise. Since you are already aware that your man is a Mama's boy, the worst thing you can do to yourself is try to compete with his mother for his attention. You will be doing your mental health, physical and emotional health as great injustice by such endeavors.

Also, be ready to begin considering leaving of the situation becomes too much for you to bear. Marriage is not a struggle Olympics; there is no medal or award to be won by married people. So, you need to make sure that you always love yourself and care for yourself no matter what.

Here's the harsh truth of all of this: a man or woman who loves his/her mother more than his/her spouse loves their partner less. Trying to compete in with the object or their love will only drain one.

bulunton:
✓How do you love your husband knowing he seems to love his mom more than you — especially when his mom does not like you at all?

A man who loves another woman more than you is already a redflag that a woman should not commit to. There is maybe a woman out there that he can love more than her but that woman is not you. You as a woman will spend all of your days with such a man competing with his mother for his attention. That is a struggle that is not marriage but self made hell.

Jacoban20:
✓ Irrespective of gender? I thought maybe the ladies should only get partially, since they're all in their husband's houses already.
Can you give an idea with a more precise amount, like out of that 100million for instance, the first son so and so amount, second son so and so amount, the ladies so and so amount... I understand there's no hard and fast rule, but can you give an idea

What has their being in their husbands' houses to do with anything? So long as it is their right by their father, why should they be shortchanged by you or anyone? No be the same sperm bank and vagina all of una come from?

Jacoban20:
✓ Thanks for your input. Yes, he didn't leave a will. Please can you give insight into what a fair sharing formula should be like for say a N100 million income from sale of the properties? They're 4 male, 3 female and their mom

if the mother is still alive, then the property should be in her hands and for her to divide up -- equally, if she is fair. -- at the point that she is ready.

Your mother should get a lawyer involved to ensure that a legal agreement is drafted and used in dividing up the property when she is ready.

Myrepublic:
➜Oga them say the guy was already doing well for himself, so he must have invested one or two for the daughter. Except op and their family don collect am. But for the wife,it's just too early. She wasn't with her husband at all..

Una too dey like to add una own to the story! 🙄🙄🙄

Kalulu44:
➜Must it be named inheritance before you know the lady has the dead man things.
➜ The Op that mentioned she has some of his properties knows why she said so. And I am really guessing it's even bcus of those properties that she brought this online and not the excuse of she wanting to remarry.
➜ You think if their brother's properties and child is in their possession, they'll care if she marries even 2 month after her husband death

. The dead man's things could all be worthless trash, so we cannot conclude by the mere mention of him having things that it amounts to an inheritance.

2. OP made no mention of demanding(or wanting to) the property from the woman. So?

3. This does not make any sense! The OP's write-up does not even seem focused on the welfare of the child. So what are you on about?

Kalulu44:
➜Since she didn't mention all that, you're likewise assuming as I am assuming. But what will know is property is property, be it anything

OP made no mention of any kind of inheritance being involved, but you have continually tried to push even his property as a form of inheritance. Hence the reason why I continue to query you on the why of this.

Kalulu44:
➜A baby mama I guess to the man she wants to eventually remarry. Bcus if not so, I see no reason why she can't wait much longer to get a matured single man or divorcee.
➜Nine months for me is not to quick for her to remarry, but why going to be a 3rd wife? Is she that in a haste to leave her former inlaw just bcus some possession of the late man is with her

A woman without a husband in the picture— even one who is a single married woman — lives no different from a baby mama.

2. That one is your headache. There are men out there who propose to widows right as their husband is being buried. So, your own be that... your own.

Kalulu44:
➜I just went back to re-read the write up, and there's a place she said all my brother's properties is in her care without them interfering, including their joint business. So what do you have to say

? She did indicate that her brother's property was with the woman, but did you at least try to confirm she was not merely referring to a box of old clothes, electronics, etc.? I mean, this leap to conclude that the brother had some sort of inheritance seems like that.... a leap.

cr7lomo:
➜Do u know that in some tribes, when a woman cheats , it could lead to the death of the husband... 7 yrs without a child , maybe she cheated and conceived finally ....

Storyland! 🙄🙄🙄

Yet, since the time of their ancestors, women have been cheating in the name of preserving their station in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kalulu44:
✓ You didn't read where Op said their joint business is in her care

How does her co-owning business with her deceased husband translate to their being some sort of inheritance for her from the man? Are all business auto-successes or something?

Kalulu44:
➜So if the child is not their brother's own, they can do nothing and allow her inherit all their brother's property to another man. Clap for yourself o

Inherit what exactly? Did OP tell you that the brother, after his health problems, had something for her to inherit, to begin with? Abeg, make una dey resist urges to insert your delusions into the lines of the OP.

Kalulu44:
➜And what about her wanting to be a 3rd wife to another man. Don't you think something is fishy there

? Why must that decision of hers be considered fishy? She is a baby mama and wants another husband... and under no obligation to be the only wife of her next man.

bobydo:
➜Serious upgrade. She will now be doing what she accused her husband of doing

. Ask yourself this: what did she benefit from accusing him of all that? Absolutely nothing, right?

So, why should she remain on the losing side of the equation when she can be on the other side that is not mined for free labor— Nigerian men know to compensate their sidechicks for their time and affection adequately? the same cannot be said of how the same men treat their women, who are instead seen by them asa source of free labor?