₦airaland Forum

Kobicove:
➜Busybody! Shey na you wey dey America go sabi pass me wey dey Nigeria? 😂😅😅 Any child free couple you see in Nigeria that tells you it's by choice is lying to you...deep within their heart they know it's not true.
They probably say it's by choice so as to avoid pressure from their peers and also to use it as a coping mechanism, I actually understand and sympathize with them.
➜I challenge you to name just 3 popular or celebrity Nigerian couples living here who have ever come out in public to say that they don't want to have any children

. You mean the asexual man and woman were lying to the media when they had their story published? 🙄🙄🙄

This story here is about a man who didn't have a child with his wife and ended up never remarrying, but my guess is you would rather pretend the man desperately wanted a child until the end to fulfil your fantasy of all Nigerian married people wanting children above all? 🙄🙄🙄

2. Like I said, not every Nigerian wants to have kids; thanks to social media, that reality has become much clearer for those who are finally ready to face the truth of life, even in the chaotic bubbles of Nigeria and Africa.

I am sorry but I don't follow Nollywood or African celebrities, so I can't help you there. I only see regular people and know for a fact that there are couples out there who don't even love the idea of marriage, talkless of the idea of having kids.

Jakarta:
➜An uncle is battling almost same thing currently. Invested heavily on a stark illiterate that doesn't even know how to open a banks door. I created all her bank accounts for her in 2014. After some brushing business boomed, and village girl had turned my uncle to a house boy. Hard lesson learner. The day I will visit the village, that lady will see fire from me.

If she calls the police for you, ehn, na den your head go maybe turn correct.

hoygift:
But if you look well she no beg am true true, some guys no fit talk, read body language, them just carry that mentality say if you spend money on woman she go automatically love you. Even in the stone age it was never like that.

The mentality is indeed an irritating one. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Makavelli001:
➜That's 100% true. After she told me of her predicaments. I pitied her. I was aware that she may not like me that much. But I was of the opinion that it may be because of her past experiences, so that had made her to be skeptical of men. For that reason, I decided to be nice to her, hoping that she will change. But the reverse was the case.

She is obviously not skeptical of men. She may be skeptical of some men but not of men. She clearly does not love you. I think part of what she did, in the time she has been around you, was try to find out if she had any deep feelings for you. But ultimately, she failed to find any, and in her disappointment, she lashed out at you at the end. I suggest you take it that she is not for you. Reflect on this, accept it, so you can move on from your feelings for her without hard feelings.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a human having feelings for another human who may not possibly reciprocate the feelings. It is OK, and one is not diminished in any way by it. It can be an opportunity to learn and grow, or a chance to double down and pretend one is a victim of some sort. It is all up to you.

Kobicove:
➜If a couple is unable to have children due to issue related to infertility or other issues I can understand that because it is beyond anyone's control, but that a couple of Nigerians living in Nigeria will get married in Nigeria and actively decide that they do not want to have any children...this one is a very big lie!

It is OK if you wish to remain ignorant of the fact that there are childfree couples in Nigeria, but they do exist. I recall one particular story not long ago of a couple who share the love of books, both of them Nigerian, and in an asexual marriage, I think. Then you have others who choose not to get married or have kids at all. 🥱🥱

They do exist. You just need to be willing to step out of the bubble you have been living in to see and realize they are also part of the same world you have been pretending to live in all of this time.

Gotocourt:
➜Interesting, it takes all day to cook 😥

That is probably since Nigerians are not used to cooking using pressure cookers, which tend to cook foods a lot quicker. Pressure cookers are said to reduce cooking time of food by up to 70%.

DiasGodinHeaven:
✓ To the wise, having kids is an important priority.
Dangote children are all directors in his company.
This your statements are for the unwise

Typical poor man loopty-loop logic. 🥱🥱

You and Dangote dey the same level wey you think say it makes sense for you to compare your lives or that of those around you to his? What convinced you that Dangote should be used as yardstick for this man? Nonsense!

Kobicove:
➜I still do not believe there is any African alive who wilfully decides that he/she does not want to have any children, it's only white people that do things like that

Lots of Nigerians have been going childfree since before your parents even thought to conceive you. In every generation, it is estimated that over 25% of the population go on to never have kids either by choice or by circumstance.

MarkNsukkaBread:
➜So being ignorant about medical issues is now an excuse not to have kids? Dis America wey you dey don mess up your thinking!

Make una no dey carry wetin dey always amount to brain farts my way! 😩😩

MarkNsukkaBread:
➜Here in Nigeria there is no tribe that will rank an outsider ahead of a member of the family in an instance such as this. I said it earlier that your brain is messed up if you think the property of a man who died interstate should be given to an orphan instead of the dead man's blood brother!

1. It matters nothing what your tribes think or rank in this. So long as a Will exists, your traditional ideas amount to nothing since in that case the Law is supreme.

DiasGodinHeaven:
✓ Currently I have a brother from same community who just returned to my village from his maternal home with his sister's. Their parents died when they were tender so their mother's brothers took all of in and train them.
His father's brothers have returned all his father's land to him and he is building his house now in the village. This is common in Igboland. They have told him to marry immediately and he is planning towards that.

I also have stories of folks who had all their father's probably taken away from them by their father's relatives after his death and another of a man who literally abandoned his wife and six children he has with her in order to go off to marry another woman leaving the former woman and her children with nothing because he no longer fancied her and her children. So long as Nigeria is the context, no single tribe or group can claim it is removed from that prevalent evil.

Skydivine:
➜When someone have an sudden stroke at 56, it means they were not taking their their medications? What an inference!

How were you able to determine, without even an autopsy or diagnosis that the man had a sudden stroke? Why do you keep twisting the story yet insisting others are to blame for doing that? Are you OK?

According to OP, the man had a heart condition— high BP— that he was required to take his medication regularly for. Why not go back and read before continuing this twisting dance of yours?

Skydivine:
➜No, don’t twist it. We are talking about a common practice in Igboland, where families kick out children when their father dies, to inherent their father’s house.
➜Here is the problem. The danger of Nollywood movies.
➜ Your conclusion is that the man was better off not having children, for the fact that he is Igbo whose cultural practice is to disinherit orphans.

Yes, even in your precious Iboland, there are at 10s of thousands of orphans roaming the streets, many of them having living relatives who refuse to take them in or care for them.

2. I have never been a fan of Nollywood movies, so don't twist it.

3. My conclusion is instead the man's choice not to have any kids is a very valid one. Kids are not supposed to be retirement plans or placeholders to inherit problems you were not able to finish in your lifetime. Again, don't twist it!

casdoruche:
➜Many times people tend to talk about how solitude or staying alone is great.
Recently one actress only son died because no one was there. My friend had a heart attack but he was lucky someone was around.
➜My greatest fear of staying alone is usually this kind of issues. What if you are caught up somewhere healthwise, and no one is there. Loud music and no one hears.

1. You said your friend had a heart attack but was not alone. How did those around him help save his life?

2. That na why dem get emergency services for saner climes wey you fit call either by phone or push of a button in the case of an emergency. That way, you can also save yourself even when you are alone without all of those anxieties bothering you there.

Skydivine:
➜Where did Op say he was not taking medication before the stroke incident?
➜It seems You have figured out everything about life.
1) if you take your medications, it is impossible to have stroke at 56
2) You Would rather give your house away to orphanage than to your brother who was carrying you around when you were sick
3) A house built on ancestral land in the village is better donated to orphanage or “ many societies “ because it is your wish.
4) if you have children and die after 56, your family will chase them away and they will suffer.. Because that is how it is done in Igboland.
It is well!

...

DiasGodinHeaven:
Murdered no
Died of ignorance yes. A BP patient who doesn't takes his medication is bound to die untimely.
Like I said, he slumped in owerri immediately after coming down from the bus. When people around revived him, he should have insisted to go to hospital but rather he insisted of going home. You know what ignorance can do.

1. Nonsense retort!🙄🙄

2. Yes, contrary to the details of the actual story, I see you are dead seat on writing your own version. 🙄🙄

DiasGodinHeaven:
Thank you brother. I reflected over my life when I attended this man's burial.
Do you know that the eldest brothers boy's had their girlfriend's in the rooms when the owner of the house is being buried and they could not come out to assist in bringing the corpse out from the ambulance? It is our members who assisted the ambulance driver. Very unfortunate

3. People wey don sell those so-called ancestral lands for personal gains are better how?🙄🙄

4. This phenomenon happens to be commonplace all across Nigeria, including in your Iboland. We are talking here of a people whose many cultures and traditions allow them to literally abandon or even disown children for any reason they can come up with. So, I should ask you where you get off insisting that family can't kick children out after the demise of their parents?

Skydivine:
➜In this specific case, he did not have need for any will. What additional benefit will a written Will guarantee? Who is more appropriate beneficiaries than the present people in the house?
➜Do you think someone who was 56, active, working and able to make money with underlaying chronic conditions was not taking care of his health?
➜ Do you even know how difficult it is to manage symptoms/ cursors to stroke, let alone be able to travel, work and participate in other community activities with those symptoms?
➜No one is talking about religion here. This a a specific case of a man who died in-estate. Who loved and trusted his brother while he was alive. If you figure out that today is your last day, what are you going to do about it?
➜ Write your will and hand over your property to the orphanage?

1. Having no kids is not a reason to have no Will. A will is needed in the case that the man preferred the property be given to someone else, he felt deserved to eat of his hard work, e.g., orphans in the village, as against the same brother who had failed him in his investments.

2. So, you think OP lied when he declared that the man refused to take his medications and insisted on being taken home instead of a hospital after having a partial stroke?

3. Is it difficult to manage symptoms/cursors to stroke now? WOW!!! You keep coming with 'em, don't you?

4. Um, usually, people are serious, don't write a will on the day of their death. They write one long before that, when they are clear-headed and also able to have the document at least notarized and handled by an executor beforehand.

5. Lots of people in the world do exactly that, and it is thanks to their generous donations that many societies are able to keep functioning well, too. 🥱🥱🥱

Jieta2:
➜You are quoting the next reply did you not see the reply the op gave him that the maternal parents of the children if for example the deceased married would not have allowed the uncles shared the rooms among themselves. Because there are igbos or you just one to push your ideas of having the whole world before marring down everybody throat.

This retort of yours makes no sense. In the same Igboland, there are countless cases of women and children being kicked out of their homes after the demise of their husbands, justice never finding many of them in the end. But you are busy trying to weave tales of some fantastical set of maternal parents who would swoop in to save the day in that particular region? Are you playing around or something?

Jieta2:
➜I believe this is your opinion, no body knows what will happen next in as much as we can't decide what we happen next to us having a offspring is something every normal human being should do, if the man had one or two children I believe his brothers won't have share the rooms among themselves.

Well, one could argue that "Nobody knows what will happen next," are the reason why the man chose to ignore his health problems, refused to write a will, and decided to focus his energy on building himself a house before pursuing other things. Now we all know where that got him, do we not? And we also know that if he had had kids, after his demise, their situation might also have ended up no different from that described by the poster who commented right before you indicated.

Bahamas95:
OP forget that thing! The most important thing is to pray not to have evil family members..... Even if he had a wife and children evil family members would still stop them from getting your properties when you're gone.
As am typing this I know of two women suffering from this kinda evil family, both of them have children.....They chose not to fight because of fear.

So, what else of your life are you willing to chalk up to this, "Nobody knows what will happen next," delusion? 😏

Rexymania:
➜ Go and tell dangote how to spend his money.

This response of yours is highly unreasonable!😏

Skydivine:
➜No one is talking about “retirement plan” here . Instead, the story is a reflection on the consequences of not having a heir, a child who will inherit the dead man’s property. Please, how is that a retirement plan?
➜ The man was working, making money and building a house. How was that a bad thing to do? And if he had remarried, would that be considered a bad choice? Did he know he was going to die so soon?

1. Huh? The story is instead a reflection on the consequences of not taking care of one's health and also not having a Will in place.

2. You mean you still haven't figured out by now that today might be your last day?

Honestly, what has remarriage to do with anything? He was working and making money and did not think of remarriage. Whose intention was this if not his own? If he had left behind a widow and a child, what guarantee exists that the woman and child would get their hands on his property or even survive after his demise? Abegi!

LOL... the funny part of all of this is people like you are probably thinking the dead man is right now regretting not having children or something; this goes against your many religious claims that the dead know or care about nothing.

joseph1832:
➜Going berserk won't do anybody any good. What is, is what is. I've often stated that before people decide to get married and have kids, they should be interviewed rigorously.
➜Majority of Nigerians have this mentality of using their kids as retirement plan. Imagine a man who didn't take care of his kids, or even bother to bring them up uprightly, will start laying curses on their kids, when the kids refuse to give in to their demands.

Well, it seems almost the default way many of these people who were themselves raised by emotionally stunted parents know how to deal with frustrations, though. I can't say I blame them.

2. It's the entitlement for me. 🙄🙄🙄

maasoap:
➜And who are the people who should be having children? Non-sense as usual

It's like saying your comprehension regulator is seriously faulty.🙄🙄

Clearly, you are told not everyone should go out and have kids, particularly those of you who think children should be for the sake of inheriting your unfinished projects in this life. What part of that do you not understand? 🥱🥱🥱

joseph1832:
➜Having kids is something that is very sensitive. Ive seen kids who turn out to be something worse, because of the sole fact the people who brought them to this world, had ulterior motive to use them as retirement plan.
All I can say in this situation is, the man died and atleast, his family members are the ones who occupy the house he built, no strangers, as posited by the OP.

Well, do you blame them for revolting when they figure out they were just meant as a retirement plan for an ignorant bunch of people? Imagine being invoked into the suffering of Nigeria all because someone decided you were a better retirement plan than other meaningful methods out there. I would go berserk too.

DiasGodinHeaven:
➜Murdered no. Died of ignorance yes. A BP patient who doesn't takes his medication is bound to die untimely. Like I said, he slumped in owerri immediately after coming down from the bus. When people around revived him, he should have insisted to go to hospital but rather he insisted of going home. You know what ignorance can do.

And this ignorant individual is the one you insist should have had kids before now? Are you for real?

Chemical1:
➜Your brother drop out school to support you so that you can finish yours, make you no go call m illiterate later because you women are unpredictable.. Though it's emotional Sha...

Not all mechanics are illiterates. He may have dropped out of school as she said, but that doesn't mean he should spend all of his life without at least developing himself education-wise.

MiddleDimension:
➜Congratulations for learning this word recently.

A word I have notoriously used at least 2500 times on Nairaland alone since 2007 is a word recently learned? WOW...🥱🥱🥱

EmperorIsaac:
➜I don't even argue; I just pay and even apologize for forgetting because I know the total package (the woman herself and all she symbolises) is not cheap. I'm ready to pay for anything that involves them because I could choose to be single, but I didn't!

People like OP believe a wife is free labor he is entitled to, probably because he is one of those who paid a measly amount as bride price so obtain her services.

Rexymania:
✓ After stocking the house with food? Any money given to you could be optional

Why then does the husband go off to spend money on things for himself after stocking the house? Why does he spend any money on transportation, self-care, eating & drinking out... If after stocking the house, all other things ought to be optional?

Rexymania:
✓ When I'm giving you x10 of what you be borrowed me?

You are giving 10 x that I don't deserve or 10 x that is rightfully mine to have, which one?

When your parents gave you upkeep/pocket money/allowance to use as you pleased each month, did you consider that money you did not deserve to have or money that was rightfully yours to have?

DataDoc:
✓ If that were the case, the man shouldn't have bothered sending money to his brother to build the house in the first place.
After all that struggle, he should have just used the money to take care of himself and his health in the township. It's still terrible that his brother ripped him off. He still died and his brother and children are now enjoying his sweat.

How many Nigerians do you know of who genuinely cares for or take care of their health? Obviously, this man was not much different.

2. These stories are common place with family being at the top of suspect lists. He probably saw the signs but chose to ignore them.(A brother who bilks you of hard earned money should be arrested and jailed at least. He probably thought some local gods or his ego would save the way or something. Who knows!

Now he is at dead and no longer bothered by all of this anyways.

Dpharisee:
✓ True, Nwadiala is heavily protected by maternal relatives in Igbo land even more than those born in the family.
✓ That's where children run to seek refuge and get protection when persecuted and when they are grown the maternal relatives will lead him for a fightback in his father's compound

Tell that to the 10s of thousands of Orphans roaming the streets of also that region every day and night with no maternal relatives to home or care for them.

2. Then. Why are there 10s of thousands of Orphans roaming the streets with many living relatives who refuse to take them in? 🥱🥱

Rexymania:
✓ That's greediness and insensitivity

Getting back a loan is greediness and insensitivity? How?