₦airaland Forum

silibaba:
➜Which ever one that suits her. Life is not as hard as we think. I love the young man's decision.
Lets assumed the man died on depression. Will the wife and son stop living?

And then when we say that divorce should be normalized in Nigerian society so both men and women can choose their physical, mental, and emotional health over unhealthy/unfulfilling/unhappy/depressing/abusive marriages, we no go get your vote. 😏😏

TONYE001:
➜While it is true that miracles do happen, many of the claims of "miracles" as seen in Nigeria (especially concerning health-related issues) are false, or delusional.
I'm yet to see physical evidence that someone who was tested and confirmed positive is reversed. Does this mean this is impossible? No, I believe in God's supreme power....just that so far in my practice, I'm yet to see/witness one.

Good to know! 🤔

tete7000:
What is the penalty for rape itself? Is it up.to 7 years imprisonment? Nigeria justice system is jinxed. The man has literally been jailed for 7years for no offence while they were claiming he was detained.

Where is your evidence that he was jailed for that long for no offense? He was probably released because he had served the term of the conviction for the crime he was accused of. We don't know that.

Thedon22:
➜And so why was he crying? For an offence he committed?
➜ Use your psychology, Oga. Also read the context.
➜ This is what happens often. The Nigerian Justice System does not have proper restitution for wrongly accused people unlike other jurisdictions. Just pray you are not wrongly accused for an offence you never committed. The headline and story gives a context.

1. I hope you are not trying to tell me that you believe people who commit crimes don't cry. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

2. What psychology? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

3. Restitution for a decision we have no way of tying back to the courts, given the claims made in the OP? Are you kidding me?🥱🥱🥱

ned009:
➜Understood things aren't going as pleased,.I just think you should still be patient.Since he doesn't physically abuse you.Dont view your marriage as it's falling apart. .Just seek for that elderly one in his family,talk to him about it all.. All he needs is just to quit the drinking habits,trust me he gon be that uptight man in all ways ..You can't take it all from him at once...He is fighting two demons which are Gambling and Drinking..With gradual process he can let go of both

A 40-year-old man fighting demons he was not able to overcome before marriage to a 22-year-old girl. And now you want this woman to, after 5 years of waiting in vain, continue to wait in vain for even more years of her life? He is 45 now and still hasn't just quit drinking habits and become that uptight man, but you want this young lady to continue future-faking herself by staying with him?

If this were your daughter or your sister, would you give her this same advice? 🥱🥱

silibaba:
➜Your thought is as good as mine. 2ndly, the son should be safe with the mom for now.

Not if she decides to leave him in the system or orphanage. 🥱🥱🥱

CharlesNavy:
➜If he is not willing to do anything about it to improve his stamina in bed, get a intimacy gadget and used it to please yourself. Besides, it is better than cheating on your husband

. If the problem had been the man complaining of not getting satisfied in bed with his woman, would you equally suggest the same? 🥱🥱🥱

gulfer:
👇

Cleared by whom? Himself? Read the story again!

gulfer:
➜My submission is/wasn't limited to this incident alone; we've seen so many instances of wrongful convictions due to the system's incapacity and lack of proper oversight.

Incidents of wrongful convictions proven so in the courts or "supposedly" by government pardons? 🥱🥱🥱

Alsenora:
It is those who convicted him without fair hearing that are to blame. It's like prejudice most male face in such accusation..

There is no evidence that most males face what you claim. As a matter of fact, it is usually males who are mostly found blackmailing other males for crimes they have committed against children. 🥱🥱

gulfer:
Our legal system should be made to take responsibility and pay substantial fines for wrongful convictions as is done in saner climes since we are already copying their tax system. Where do they want this man to start from after failing to properly investigate and judiciously prosecute ensuring only the guilty are convicted

Legal system? Did you read the story at all? For all we know, the man was pardoned for his crime— the story says nothing of the court's finding him not guilty of the crime —so, how does that prove he was not guilty? The statement is according to him — the man accused of rape — he was set free, not that he was cleared of the charges by a court that found him not guilty. 🥱🥱🥱

Nuklex:
the first question is what will be done to the girl that accused him. Girls have ruined a lot of men this way.

Where in the story are you told that the girl is the one who accused him? And how exactly was the man cleared of the rape charges? Why is it the man reporting that he was cleared, instead of a report from the courts that supposedly cleared him? 🥱🥱🥱

nlfpmod:
➜Lagos Man Cleared of Child Molestation Charge After Seven Years in Custody
An elderly man, Idowu Fashola, has shared his experience after being accused of raping a young girl who had lived with his family from the age of three. He explained that the girl was brought to his home by his wife for care and training and remained with them until she reached secondary school age before returning to her parents.
He said the family later arrived with the police and accused him of rape, leading to a prolonged court case and his detention. The man said he was eventually found not guilty and discharged after the court determined he had no case to answer.

Exactly how was the man cleared of the rape charges? Why are we supposed to take the man's words over court documents and decisions in this? Which kain yeye story is this? 🥱🥱🥱

JayJ27:
Gambling and drunkenness together are dangerous enough to destroy any man/woman.
Honestly, your husband needs counseling and prayers cos gambling is like eating from the same plate with the devil.
I will advise u take it to God in prayers, encourage him to go to church more often or together with u and the family. If this doesn't work then u can proceed by involving a senior family member

He spent 40 whole years not praying for himself or getting himself to counseling before marrying OP. Now you want OP to abandon her own life and dreams, to do what? Pray and help a grown-arsed loser who is old enough to be her father get counseling?

If OP were your daughter or your sister, would you let her subject her life to that same nonsense? 🥱🥱🥱

Rubyjade:
➜What I would gently recommend (step by step)
1. Reclaim financial boundaries You need some money that is yours. This is non-negotiable for your safety and self-respect.
2. Demand action, not promises If he says he’ll change, ask:
Will he address gambling?
Will he reduce drinking?
Will he seek help for sexual issues?
Will he allow financial transparency and independence?
Without action, words mean nothing.
3. Consider counseling—individual or marital Even if he refuses, you talking to a counselor will help you gain clarity and confidence.
4. Give yourself permission to want more You are not selfish. You are not shallow. You are not ungrateful.
You are a woman who wants a fulfilling life.
One final, honest thought
Ask yourself—not with fear, but with truth:
If nothing changes in the next 5 years… can I live like this and still respect myself? That answer will guide you more than anyone else’s opinion. Whatever you decide, you deserve peace, intimacy, growth, and autonomy—not just “a good man,” but a good partnership.

You want her to invest 5 more years of her already stressed life into this blackhole by which time the man would have probably found himself another innocent girl to hoodwink with the same lies he probably hoodwinked her with, leaving the OP maybe with more children than she can take care of by herself, and bitter that she didn't leave sooner?

When you make a 5-year plan for your life, does it include investing your time, energy, and effort into companies that have consistently shown themselves not worth the risk at all? Do you plan by future-faking away risky behaviors or patterns of success? 🥱🥱🥱
Why are you people like this? 🥱🥱🥱

Mikocake:
➜I’m having the feeling that Op feels the husband deprived her of her youthful life by marrying her off @22, but my sister let me tell you the truth, nothing dey street oo. I don’t know who might be advising or influencing you to feel inadequate in your marriage but there are no perfect marriage anywhere. I’ve seen cases like this and the women always turn bitter after leaving their husbands because they realize there’s no love in the street. Don’t leave your home to turn sidechick to someone’s else husband oo.
➜ All the problems you listed about your husband can be worked on. I think his inability in bed can be attributed to his habit of drinking alcohol which when cut out or reduced, will get better. If his father is still alive, talk to him about the situation or a male figure that he respects.
➜ And remember, please don’t cheat on him cuz once you do, kiss your marriage goodbye. Men who don’t cheat hardly forgive cheating oo

Stop lying to her! 🥱🥱🥱

There are no cases of sane women who left their husbands only to be bitter about it much later. Society, in its bid to entrap women in abusive, unfulfilling marriages, concocted those lies to scare them from leaving for their own good. Research now shows... study after study... that the vast majority of women who leave unhealthy, unfulfilling, and unrewarding marriages go on to live more beneficial lives and healthy ones at that after leaving. That is what science has now revealed... those former lies that you continue to trade... I hope you go on to regret telling them soon. 🥱🥱🥱

2. His father and mother were not able to get him to work on those problems before he married OP. They probably convinced the husband that by marrying OP, his life would magically change for good, and as we see, he offloaded some of that burden he was formerly carrying by himself on OP, who now lives as an enabler to his addictions — he not only caters to his needs but also gives him money to go gamble and drink with. Yet, here you are trying to make her life worse by asking her to continue chasing shadows with a father and mother who could not raise their son better than this? 🥱🥱🥱

3. She is literally being abused by a man old enough to be her father, but your major focus is that she absolutely not cheat on him, as keeping the abusive marriage to a man without a brain at 45 is the only thing she should focus on living for? 🥱🥱🥱

I know life is not sugar, but sometimes I wish that these suggestions you all give to further entrench the lives of others in utter misery come back to you all so you can experience it for yourselves, firsthand. 🥱🥱🥱

delpee:
➜I think if you focus on how to get him out of his drinking and gambling habits, resolving other issues will be easier. If you have a good relationship with his parents, you can discuss this with them.
➜He's poor because he gambles and spends unwisely. Too much alcohol can affect your love life. Maybe that's why you're not satisfied.[b] He should focus on his personal development to increase his financial base instead of pulling your own resources down the waste pipe like his. [/b]Remember that you have a child to care for and a future to build.

Tell us, were you successfully able to get your alcoholic and gambler husband out of those same habits? What are the steps you took to get him out of the habits and resolve the other issues at the same time? How long did it take you to accomplish this, and how long have these efforts of yours lasted, Madam Barbara-the-builder?

2. He didn't bother doing any of this in the 40 years before he married OP; he was busy living his life anyhow. But here you are suggesting that a 27-year-old girl who has yet to experience her true adulthood further put her life on hold to play savior to an old incompetent man of 45 years, who does not regard her as a human worthy of respect? 🥱🥱🥱

Abbeytoy:
[/b]➜How they earn is none of my business. I only want him to be present for his child. And again, the woman can not go to they government else she'll put herself in big trouble

How would she get in trouble?

Abbeytoy:
✓ They did not even know where he stayed.
The government must not know she has a husband, else they will cut off all her support, and that would never favour her.
✓ I think government support is one of the main issues that affects marriages in the UK. The women will get it and not share with their partners who still pay all the bills.

1. Ah! Your brother and the women were leeching off the system before this? Oh..wow! 🥱🥱

Anyways, so long as the child belongs to him, she can file for child support using his name and I believe garnishing of wages is possible in the UK in the case of those who default on child support payments. 🤔

2. Why should a woman share support with man whose job it is to provide for the family, though? Worse, your brother and this woman were milking the system and you thing the support is to blame for their individual moral failings? 🥱🥱🥱

Your brother was paying next to nothing in rent and bills and didn't need to worry much about providing for his own child, thanks to government subsiding his living, yet you feel he should have been given even more? 🥱🥱

Abbeytoy:
✓ It happens in the UK, yes, they're staying in a government house, but pay the house rent, the difference is that it will be smaller than the other non-government housing. But my brother pays all the bills. Even the lady confirmed it and she claimed she'll suffer for the rest of her life for losing her caring man
The marriage is not legal over there though. They're just staying as partners. You know how the runs it over there na.

What about child support? Does your brother currently pay that? If he does pay only a portion , the woman can request more from him since he now requires she handles the child 100%. 🥱🥱

TONYE001:
✓ Yes, it is true. Some people with certain genetic mutations, and some others with a specific blood type (blood group "Pk" have an increased resistance to HIV. There are other molecular mechanisms through which some people are significantly resistant to the virus.
The Pk blood group is very rare. From available literature, it is estimated that only 1 in every 1 million people have this blood type.
Importantly, we should note that the above does not offer absolute resistance, there is still a risk of being infected, albeit, quite minimal.

Don't spread news of this to Nigerians o! Else, HIV reversal miracles claims go skyrocket overnight...claiming everyone of them don join Pk blood group. 🤔🤔

Speaking of, I am curious of what you think of miracles and how many Nigerians seem to be dependent on them and the suggestion that their frequency are higher among Nigerians(particularly southerners) than among those of any other group in the world.🤔

Abbeytoy:
✓ In the last two years, things have not been going well with my brother and his wife. My brother will call me and lament about his wife's behaviour, he told me that anytime they have a misunderstanding, this lady changes the key and locks him out in the cold. Though he's the one who pays the rent and all the bills, the lady gets child support and spends lavishly on unnecessary things while the apartment is given to his wife by the government.
But the last one she did, my brother left the house and swore never to have anything to do with her again. Even my brother did it to the extent that he requested the DNA of the son; unfortunately, he's the owner.
This lady has been begging everyone, and both her parents and some family members have travelled down to our place to plead on her behalf, but my brother insisted he's not interested in the marriage again.
He was scouting with one of our cousins before, and we thought that when he got tired, he'd move back home as usual, but this man has gotten an apartment and does not let anyone know the location.
The worst of it all is that he did not talk to his 7-year-old son and didn't take on any responsibilities for him again.
The boy keeps crying to see his dad, but my brother keeps saying her mother is only using him to get his attention, saying the boy will see him when it's the right time.
This lady called me last week and said he wanted to pack from the house and my brother should come move all his belongings, but my brother sent me back to her that she should throw everything away, he mentioned that the lady can frame him up or call the police for him and turn to legal battles.
I believe whatever happened between them, the boy did not cause it, and cutting off his only child emotionally and financially is not self-protection but abandonment.
✓ I know marriage can end, but fatherhood should not. You can abandon marriage and still fully show up as a father. The two are not the same contract
All the family are tired, and even I, his closest brother, am tired. I only want him to be a responsible dad to his only child.
Please, what can I do? I really love my brother and want peace for him, however I pity his child.

This story get giant k-leg. How come your brother dey pay rent and all yet na government give them apartment and your brother pays child support ? Where in the world is this? 🥱🥱

The marriage should rightly end but since government no dey sleep for where dem dey, demand the woman go straight and ensure she file for divorce from the man in courts and ask that child support payments should be reviewed so that she can get more from your brother in the event that she is to raise the child all by herself and case closed. 🥱🥱🥱

As for the child, the woman should set him up to receive therapy and try her best to get him to accept what has happened now that he is still young and can maybe handle it much better. One thing she should absolutely never do is lie to him about the circumstances that led to the man also abandoning him. He gains more from knowing the truth and not having to have his brain diddle with lies for a long to only for him to be shattered later by the truth. 😩😩😩

Babalegba:
✓ The o.p slapping his uncle is symptomatic of a wider general malaise in his life, my experience in resolving disputes has taught me to read between the lines.
My former boss was always telling me not to throw out the baby with the bath water,no system is perfect. Most women will not raise up decent human beings. Years ago I saw my Jamaican origin colleague beaming and happy. I asked her what was up and she told me that she just realized that she has raised a decent hard working morally upright resilient son.
Three of my nephews got fully funded scholarships abroad and one is working as a lecturer abroad at his old university. They are not looking for somebody to scam.They were raised the old fashioned moralistic way.
You should not bring pastors and imams into something like this; they are mostly cult leaders . Men should be taught about controlling themselves.

Why do many of you folks think that posting what are literally brain farts in a bid to get the last word in works in your favor? 😩😩😩😩

Op, you are young. So, I compiled a list of Nairaland links of experiences of other women marked to addicts for you to read.

https://www.nairaland.com/5350689/man-loses-wife-gamble-asks#81097962

https://www.nairaland.com/8028635/pls-nigerians-save-me-husband#128909270

https://www.nairaland.com/7876400/married-virgin-married-love-yet#126389949

https://www.nairaland.com/7833987/christian-not-enough-reason-divorce#125674729

https://www.nairaland.com/7691529/how-suppose-fight-home-here#123174991

https://www.nairaland.com/7615626/husband-annoying-im-depress#121817995

---

There are numerous other testimonies of women who were married to gambling and/or alcohol addicts on reddit and other forums for you to read and learn the truth of how very difficult and almost impossible it is for you to win over when in a relationship with a person who struggles with at least one addiction. 🥱🥱🥱

Let me know and I will find and post links from there.🥱🥱🥱

kingthreat:
✓ You and your husband need a marriage therapist ASAP. I'll advice you contact one and insist that he comes for a session. Not a church marriage therapist o, a professional one that can address your problems with him and perhaps the ones he might have with you.
✓ Having a sexually unsatisfied life at 27 will make you cheat someday and that is NOT something to consider. You both work to fix it now. Get a professional third party now.

I would not recommend a marriage therapist because the man has addiction problems that he alone can resolve on his own if he indeed wishes to resolve his marriage issues. 🥱🥱

Furthermore, is the alcohol ans gambling addict the same one to foot the bill as far as the marriage counseling sessions? 🥱🥱

2. So it is not OK for her to cheat but it is Ok for the man to gamble and waste away their marital communal wealth and the future of the child? Una priorities dey always weak person. 🥱🥱🥱

Tundraonly:
I’ve noticed something recently — many believers truly love God, yet still struggle with anxiety, pressure, and constant fear about life.
The world demands a lot from everyone: jobs, money, responsibilities, expectations. Even Christians sometimes get caught up in the same hustle and pressure.
But Scripture tells us that Christ already paid the price for everything we will ever need. So why do we still live like we’re lacking?
I recently shared my thoughts on this and how grace, not effort, is the foundation of the believer’s peace.
You can read it by searching tundraonly..com on Google.
I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts on this — do you think Christians sometimes forget what Christ has already done?

The simple answer is the peace they struggle for is a mental illusion that is impossible to them as humans and as beings who are unwilling to do the inner work necessary to obtain even the human kind of peace. Christians remain some of the worst human beings out there in terms of the relationships they have with each other and also the communities outside of their religious sects. 🥱🥱

Now, of couse, this vileness is not limited to just the religion of Christianity (religious folks in general are some of the most wicked beings on the planet in all wise). 🥱🥱🥱

Cherryediva:
✓ Hello everyone, sorry for the long post
I got married at 22, my husband was 40 at the time. We have been married for 5 years and we have a child together.
My concern is that my husband is not able to satisfy me sexually at all, which is frustrating, I have talked to him about it nothing seems to change. Financially, he is struggling, partly because he gambles a lot. He also drinks alcohol heavily.
✓ I work too but he doesn't want me to have my own money he is always collecting money from me.
He doesn’t have clear goals, ambition, or a vision for the future, and this makes me feel stagnant in the marriage.
He is a good man in terms of character. He doesn’t cheat, he doesn’t abuse me at all, and he treats me well overall.
✓ I’m confused because while he is good to me, I feel stuck and unfulfilled. I would really appreciate advice from y'all who have been in similar situations or who can offer honest guidance.
Thank you.

1. I hate to be the one to break this to you but the reality is that you married a 40-year-old loser-- a gambler and alcoholic with no clear path at age 40 is a child who never grew up, not because he couldn't but because he refuses to --- who could not compete well with his own peers hence the reason he decided to prey on women much younger and more gullible -- before their frontal lobe is fully developed --- and that is how you found him. That man is not your savior in terms of love but a predator who caught you. 🥱🥱🥱

If you think this man is a project for you to fix, I am afraid to be the bearer of bad news. You have already failed -- you never could anyway, because humans do not change because others want them to. They change if and when they choose to as individuals. You are busy giving him a roof, food and even money for him like you are his mother, you even braved death and risked your own health to have a child for him, and child which you are probably 100% in charge of raising-- all this for his benefit -- so what incentive do you think he has to get his life together while with you? 🥱🥱🥱

2. What do you mean he is not abusing you? You just told us that instead of providing you with money as the one who handles everything in the home — this is financial abuse, by the way — that he takes money that you earn away from you —keeping you away from even having money to keep for yourself, for emergencies, retirement plan, as well as the future of your child. 🤔

He literally does not want you to have a backup plan, which means that if he were to walk out of that relationship tomorrow, you will likely have no savings to your name. And you will end up bitter about being abandoned by him, going around asking people to beg him to take you back in desperation, abi? (Just so you know, the vast majority of women who marry young, before their late 20s, are eventually abandoned for younger women before or by age 40 — numerous studies have been done to show this is the prevalent pattern for over 60% of the time.) Start saving up now for your retirement. Children are not a retirement plan. 🥱🥱

Anyway, what you described is abuse and of some of the worst kind—as bad as violent abuse. So many women out there—abandoned wives club included —had similar situations, and so many of them have yet to be able to dig themselves out of the pit that is marriage to a lowlife. Yes, you may think of yourself as an exception, but study after study has shown that the vast majority of humans follow the same behavior patterns, and your husband is no exception. 🥱🥱🥱

3. You may have convinced yourself that he is a good man, but the fact is, a good man would not gamble and drink away the future of his child and wife— his family. A good man would have thoroughly dealt with his addictions before getting married. This man intentionally chose to do none of the inner work necessary to overcome his demons(addictions) and intentionally burdened you (you who know little about humans still) with all of his own baggage. That is wicked behavior. And if you are not careful, with his age, you might have to nurse him when he eventually becomes sick from all the abuse he has inflicted on his body up until this point in his life. 🥱🥱🥱

4. Your intuition is not wrong. If you choose to continue with this marriage, you will be stuck and unfulfilled like the millions of other women married to gambling and alcoholic addicts out there. You will continue to drag that boulder up the mountain every day like Sisyphus and will never make progress until you decide to let the boulder go. 🥱🥱🥱

Here's some advice I will give you for free. Learn to trust your intuition more than what people tell you. That sense of confusion and that feeling of being stuck and unfulfilled is your brain letting you know that it has crunched the situation enough times to realize that that is what awaits you in this path you have continued to walk with this man. If you decide to ignore your brain, it might lead to causing you physiological problems -- illness -- that would further cause you stress. Your brain is trying to get you to stop and turn around to preserve itself from further deregulation. It will go to great lengths to get you to see that you are not headed in the right direction for the best outcomes for its survival. And remember that your brain is connected to everything that is you. It is not fighting against you but on your behalf against the obviously illogical situation you have gotten yourself into in the name of marriage 🥱🥱🥱

If you think further trapping yourself with this man by having more babies for him will make him better or make you feel better, you will only be fooling yourself and further making yourself an accomplice in the destruction of your own dreams and health -- mental, physical, and emotional. Worse, you will only further diminish the chances of a better life for your current child and your person by such a mistake.

We are not the ones to tell you what to do; your brain and mind are already telling you things are not at all good, and that the general outcome you face with all you have done so far is confusion and a general lack of fulfillment, and despair. 🥱🥱

You need to decide whether you will pay attention to your inner truth and begin prioritizing your mind/brain harmony for your good and the good of that child.

---

P.S - what you feel for this man is not love but obsession. You are obsessed with your idea of him— illusions you created in your head of him being a good man and all the rest, which clearly defy your reality—, and that is equally a form of addiction. How do I know? The fact that your inner self does not have peace with your outward life with him is clear evidence that what you feel for him is not love—you don't love yourself in holding on to him. You sacrifice your inner peace and happiness to please him... That is not love. That is an obsession. Please go get professional mental health therapy for yourself as soon as you can, so you can begin working towards the life you want and getting rid of the life that is holding you back. 😩😩😩

illicit:
➜Christians dont raise the best kids
Africans do...

That is also a bloody arse lie! Africans, in general, don't have great parenting skills and don't raise the best skills.🥱🥱🥱

PureSperm:
➜Happy new year my fellow Nairalanders. Please guys, I want to ask a question. As a guy,can you allow your fiancee to be receiving calls from guys right in your presence? As a guy,can you overlook such behavior from the woman who claims to love you ?
Please,mods help me push this thread to the front page because I'm in this kind of situation at this moment and I'm So so confused.

It is not for you to allow or disallow something/anything for a woman. It is instead for you to know to remove yourself from a situation when you realize that a boundary of yours is being violated. What that means is that before you date at all, you should make sure that the woman in question is compatible with what you are looking for. You don't go out there to date a woman whom you know does not fit well with you and then turn around to demonize or harass her for not meeting your boundaries. That is controlling behavior. 🥱🥱🥱

Here's a simple dating tip for you. I am sure back in JSS abi na SSS you learned of Venn Diagram and how they can be used to define different sets that either intersect at some point or don't any all. Draw a Venn diagram to represent all women out there who are attracted to you or whose type you may be. Then list your boundaries and make sure to focus your dating energy only on that smaller subset of women that align with all of your boundaries, making sure to stay clearly away from those who don't, even though you are their type. 🥱🥱

Back to the issue at hand, given that you think she is OK with receiving calls from guys in your presence is an absolute no for you, the best way forward is for you to no longer continue with this girlfriend of yours. Break up with her so she can find herself a man more comfortable with her choices in life, while you go off to find yourself a girl more comfortable with your choices in this. 🥱🥱

A person who will cheat on you will cheat on you no matter how hard you try to please them, marshall their activities, or control their very lives. Boundaries are not set up for you to use as weapons to control others with. Rather, they are meant to help you protect yourself from unnecessary stress and from people who may not align with you.

davis51:
AS A WOMAN HOW MANY TIMES DO U WANT UR MAN TO KNACK U IN A WEEK BECAUSE IT GETTING OUT OF HAND HERE OOO

Are you afraid to ask this particular woman? Is this the reason why you brought this question here rather than ask her directly? 🥱🥱🥱

Just so you know, at no point in history have women ever been a monolith. So, if it is the case that you are afraid of this particular woman, my advice to you is that you seek safety immediately. 🥱🥱🥱

saphiere:
➜You actually dressed or acted like a yahoo boy. I work online too and nobody has ever called me yahoo girl. Secondly whether he contributed to your upbringing or not, you owe him respect.
➜ Do you know his financial condition when u were coming up.

Given OP's age, I am probably around the same age as his uncle. And I can tell you for free that even back in the 70s and 80s, we were raised to realize the importance of obeying the law. Yes, we knew to abide by the law in our dealings with each other and even with family. Telling someone that respect is especially owed to some individuals is the reason why people don't realize that respect belongs to all and not a special gang or select few.

Yes, every human ought to know to respect every other human. Some of us were taught this from as far as the 70s -80s. I can confirm this. But you see, because people continue to insist on what you have there. This is why a grownarsed uncle who should have known better took it on himself to assault his stranger nephew; OP rightly reciprocated the respect his uncle gave him, though. 😂😂😂

2. What in the world does his financial condition have to do with anything? 🥱🥱🥱

saphiere:
I am not talking about justice here. Yes, the man was wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right. You were equally wrong.

Wrong is as defined by the law when two adults— strangers in particular — are involved. The uncle committed a misdemeanor, and OP was well within his legal right to retaliate as he did. 🥱🥱🥱