₦airaland Forum

Emaprince:
Who are these millions sef? You just dey vomit garbage here.
1. If anything, in most cases it is usually the mothers that eloped with the kids and denied their fathers access to them...later she will tell them sordid stories of their fathers life and how he abandoned them. Women and their bitterness and manipulation.

2. It might be the case in this story. The OP doesn't even know the cause of the separation. All she know is that the man abandoned them according to the mom. That man may not even know their where about.

1. Wrong! Many women were abandoned in marriage... it is the convenient culture in Nigeria for men to abandon rather than divorce their women and when they abandon said woman, most never look back, not even at the kids. Now, civilization is somehow attempting to force these men to pay some sort of support to maintain even those abandoned families of there's and as we all can see, the fight to have such instituted is a hard fight.

2. OP stated the cause of the separation. You refuse to accept it doesn't mean it was not stated.

caprini1:
I will simply advice you not bow your head a victim....i,ve seen a very rich man that died in a car crash with his wife ,leaving three underaged children at the mercies of evil uncles.
Its not easy, but life goes on...aspire to be the very best you can be in life ,changing your surname ,is not necessary.
And i need to ask,have you made an independent effort to talk with your Dad? Trust me ,a father will always melt ,at the site of children he hasn't seen for a while,try and be neutral,dont support mum or Dad....try and live first with your kid brother,every kobo from both your parents,is very important for your upkeeps.

Stop lying to folks abeg!

Not all fathers are the kind you describe and you and I know this well.

tydi:
1. Okay. I have seen in most cases whereas the mother would turn down anything coming or concerning the man towards the kids probably because of the sore experiences involved . She would leave to Carter for the kids alone thereby feeding the kids all sorts of gibberish of their father not been there for them

2. Concerning the post going by the Op she never mentioned who was at fault she just cited infidelity been the cause of their breakup which it could be from any of both parties

1. Again, women don't typically turn down help from the father of their own kids or others, unless they perceive such a person as a threat of some sort to them or their kids. And when you rightly consider the Nigerian situation where the majority of either abandoned or divorced women are left with nothing and expected to fend for themselves, women typically desire to have some support, even if minimal, from the father of their kids. So, I don't know where you find these "most cases" you continue to push here.

2. Again, regardless of who it was that was at fault, the fact in the OP's mind is that her father has all but erased memories of them and that their situation is bad but there is no help coming from any quarters even from their dad's.

Kayceenaz:
Actually, it gives one control. Purpose eliminates and prevents any association that is secondary or useless to your life; you would discover you had no business at all being with or around those who caused you "hurtful emotions."

Now you are sounding a lot like team "hardened hearts".

latolz:
Wether he is poor or rich he will always remain your father.. Live with that..

These days, even a test-tube baby has a sperm donor from out there somewhere... that does not make him a father at all.

Ihenzy:
Same thing with me, tho they gave birth to me out of wedlock, she saw me through and I'm currently serving now.
Tho I do not intend to change the name on my certificates but I have since changed my surname on social media to my mom's father name

Please we need honest folks who have actually lived through this sort of thing to speak up and out! Most of the responses here are nothing but emotional drivel driven by blind culture that holds on to even the meaningless no matter what.

tydi:
What about in a case where the mother refuses the father to see the kids talk more of speaking with them. Regardlessly the mindset towards father the mother would had fuel the kids with.
What do you expect the man to do. Not to move on with his dear life!

Do you realize that the case you mentioned is rare. You rarely find a woman who would refuse support of any kind from the father of her kids unless she believes her safety or that of her kids is at stake. Most women would love to receive support even from the men who abandoned them for other women.

Regardless, the OP's story does not indicate that her mother is at fault but instead that her father more than likely has them erased from his memory.

Mathematricks:
Sure. But it won't contain more than 50 bags. It's cucumber actually. I don't know if it would worth it, honestly.

Remember, you are learning a skill, not running a full-scale business here. After you have mastered the skill, then you can consider getting more space or adding more bags.

Ginaz:
i gave her my antiperspirant and taught her the need to use it daily as most of the odor comes from her armpit. i told her point blank she doesn't smell nice, her face changed somehow as if i insulted her and she left.
i saw her today and she walked passed me while i was trying to talk to her.
did i do wrong ? children of these days.

WOW... even I would feel insulted by the statement there.

sentix:
Pls don't change your name.

What if your father would have destabilized your lives if he was around.

Maybe God removed him to protect you.

If we are to assume God did it, isn't that all the more reason to abandon the man's name as well?

tydi:
In cases like this you don't know what happened between the couple you wouldn't know If it was the mother that firstly left the man when he was still struggling thereby making the man forget everything about them. Beasts ain't just born they are made out of people inhuman action to another

Look, regardless of what lead to the split, so long as a father erases the memory of his kids, there is no reason for them to feel burdened by him in anyway.

Qatar2022:
It's not a quarrel matter but one day something will happen that will make you look for that man

It rarely ever does considering many millions who were abandoned only heard again of their father unit after his death not before.

Splendidbeauty:
If she is legally married to him then it's wrong, no matter what happened changing your name can't change the fact that you nd your brother are still his kids.

What you posted makes no sense.

Corridon:
Foolish talk. Do you know the reason why the man walked away? Don't judge what you don't know anything about. This is a one sided story from the woman's side.

Why does it matter why the man walked away... so longer as his presence is gone from even his children's lives, of what use is he to them?

eguarojeona:
Has she stopped bearing his name?She is using you to fight a proxy war.Is she not her that slept with him and bore you?She is just bitter,pained and obsessed.

Fight a proxy war with a man whose own child believes he has erased them from his memory? Una dey read at all?

lawrenzooo:
Op mentioned infidelity we don't even know whether it's the father that cheated or the mom....

Women can be funny it happened to a friend of mine who was 34 in 2016... According to him his dad and mom separated since he was 5 and none of them knew the reason not until my friend went to get his father's blessings for his wedding that we got to know the man wasn't his father....

Well, from the tones of it, it seems the father is the "culprit" in this case, but I don't see how that makes a difference here..

If the mother was the cheat and the children are his, why would he have abandoned his kids with her?

If the mother was cheat and the kids are really not the father's, then the more reason why they should no longer bear his name, or don't you think?

What happened to your friend is a completely different story that ought to be investigated on another thread. No reason to assume it is the same as this story in anyway or form.

Qatar2022:
She's not right my brother, remember that one you will go back to your father's house,

Tell that bullsheet cock'n'bull to millions of Nigerians who grew up and died never welcomed by their so-called fathers.

tydi:


Don't abide to that. Single handedly she wants to make you guys bastards by default

The father already made them bastards by erasing them out of his memory. Holding on to just his names means nothing after that.

northbird:
Don't join issues with your parents.. The issues are between them, husband and wife.
Be diplomatic, there are benefits (not material now) you will get from your father, that you won't get from your mother and vice - versa. The Sun has its glory, the moon also its glory, the stars too likewise..

Benefits such as?

lawrenzooo:
If his name doesn't mean a thing why change it in the first place?
Women and their sentiments I understand your mums position raising kids alone when their father is alive and not supporting can be a pain in the heart but however changing the child surname doesn't change anything....

Why bare a name that means nothing? Isn't a name supposed to mean something?

Alexxx2000:
My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.
...
Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision. Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

According to you, the man likely already erased you from his memories, and he does not care about the difficulties his own children are having to endure, so what do you gain from wearing his name as a badge?

If you are a minor, there isn't much you can do if your mum decides to change your names, but if you are an adult, then the decision to pursue a name change ought to be yours.

Ken4Christ:
No wonder you find it difficult to assimilate spiritual truth. You answer shows that you are not yet a believer in Christ. You must be born again first. Until then, no point arguing anything with you. You don't have the capacity to grasp them.

Stop deceiving yourself!

None of what you claimed is God's Truth as it is all instead based on your special interpretation and not that in fact alludee to in scripture. Banding the word "spiritual" around is indicative of the source of your claims as Jesus Christ, the one who is the Truth of God Himself never had to do any of, only your those people pagan leanings are notorious for such.

Shutupthere:
1. The Spirit of God is the Holy Ghost otherwise referred to as the spirit of the living God. Acts 1:8 ( This settles what the spirit of God is - also read Gen 1 He was the first personality of the Godhead mentioned )

2. Now if u argue for the fact that the spirit of God was the breath of God in man - you would also mean that any man born has the Holy Spirit in him which would totally fault the promise of a comforter as promised us by Christ

3. The breath of God made man a living soul... Mans seat of consciousness came alive (Soul) Every soul comes with a spirit ... They are not non exclusive ... It is the spirit that interfaces the unseen realm while the Soul acts as an interface or ligament that connects the body of a man and his spirit... Whatever you feed the soul affects the body and the spirit.. That is why there is a strong contention for the soul of a man.

1. The Spirit of Truth aka the Spirit of God - John 14 vs 25 - 27 & John 16 bs 4 - 15 - is NOT the same Spirit referred to in Genesis 6 vs 1 - 4, the spirit who is God's breath of Life also referenced in Genesis 2 vs 6-7 & Genesis 1 vs 30 & Genesis 6 vs 17. These are completely different spirits.

2. This is obviously wrong given what is revealed in #1 above.

3. Every living creature has the same spirit of God - The breath of life - powering/animating them all. And as revealed, that breath(spirit) is only for an allotted time after which, it returns to God and the man/animal perishes afterward. Man cannot lay claim to the breath of life in him the same way plants and animals cannot lay claim to the breath of life in them.

Wande22:
Alagba,
Will I do Professional help when she wants to Lord over me in the house
Or the woman wey tell me say she wants to "cut paper for me"

Why not?

Ken4Christ:
1. Please, are you born again? If yes, when and how. I love to hear your testimony.

2. And have you received the baptism with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues?

I will sincerely appreciate if you can answer these questions.

1. Did you know that all those who will end up in eternal damnation at the end will all be born-again since that is the only way to gain access into the Kingdom of God - John 3 vs 1 - 8 - where Heaven and Hell are both abodes in - Matthew 7 vs 13 - 14 & Luke 13 vs 22 - 27 - and Jesus Christ is King and Law over both Heaven and in Hell - Matthew 25 vs 31 - 46?

2. If you are asking if the one who is the Spirit of Truth (Jesus Christ) - John 14 vs 25 - 27 & John 16 vs 4 - 16 - then my answer is yes.

mikkyjay:
Hahahaha brother, nobi small thing oo, marriage wahala no dey ever finish.
My own sef ee, in fact at times I feel like running away to were nobody will find me.
Like one of my old friend will always say 'this thing is not supposed to be for life"
Las Las, na because of children person still dey here o

Wande22:
hehehehehe i think Say na only Me o
Especially if she get small change for hand

Have you both considered Professional marriage counseling in order to help you better understand the problem in your marriages?

Blue86:
It is well bro, it is well.

My brothers, sisters, and mothers are instead those who submit to and obey the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ, God's Will, and Truth in the Kingdom of God...

Shutupthere:
The Bible states that when the breath of God entered man he became a living soul... Questions you should ask
1. What does the breath of God mean?
2. What is the soul of a man ?
3. Do you agree that humans are tripartite? Body , Soul and Spirit?

1. The breath of God, God's own spirit, gives life to man's soul, and when God takes that breath out of man, man dies.
2. Man's soul is an aspect of man ... a part of that which is man.
3. Man is instead of Mind, body, and soul...

Of His breath of Life, God in Genesis 6, said the following...

1. When man began to multiply on the face of the land and daughters were born to them,
2 the sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive. And they took as their wives any they chose.
3 Then the Lord said, “My Spirit shall not abide in[a] man forever, for he is flesh: his days shall be 120 years.”
4 The Nephilim[b] were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown. - Genesis 6 vs 1 - 4

... clearly indicating that breath is His and returns to Him after man's tenure on earth is over, so it is erroneous to conclude that the breath of Life is a part of that which makes a man.

Blue86:
1. No thank you for someone in favour of polyamory.

2. Two, Smh. God doesn't place importance on morals. just look at that?

3. Three, God's people are not God's children. SMH. See guy, go. Just go.

4. E go pain me if someone dey follow you. If lala listened to you, d guy just fall all his own sef, not hand.Choi.

1. Now I am being accused of polyamory without evidence? Oh boy!
2. None of the almost 100 commandments given to His followers by Jesus Christ are moral in nature... That is why Jesus Christ is said to be God's Law for a Kingdom not of this moral world you live in.
3. You haven't even realized this yet you claim you have and know Jesus Christ?
4. Well, continue to be pained... leave me out of your whinings thoughs.

Angbakpa:
I'm sure you're not a Christian nor are you a Muslim. You're an atheist maybe. But thread carefully is my advice.

Again...Gullible for processing what is written as is written, really?

Blue86:
1. And do you know in the kingdom of God fornication, and adultery is not granted. And why God should frown at adultery and fornication if marriage is not an establishment from Him for men and women who wants to be together? And again before you misquote, I never said God intends all to be married. But that marriage is an establishment from God. In another comment when I approved of singles getting married because getting married is honourable, than fornicating, you said yet the same God cursed marriage. What were you trying to say? That people should keep fornicating. Is that what the Kingdom of God tells you, to sleep with whoever you want without getting married?

2. Second since you talk of Kingdom of God so much, you said there is nothing like a virtuous woman. Really? A virtuous woman from the Lord? I thought the children of God were virtouos people, but according to you, there is no such thing as a virtouos woman from the Lord.
But sons of God. I thought children of God living under the kingdom principles are virtouos. But you agree not.

3. And lastly, I said God directs His people. You who claim to know God don't know that God directs His children. For as many as are led by God's Spirit, these are God's children. Which organization do you belong? You are just talking. No life. And I pity those who listen to you
And if Lalasticla should listen to you, he just listened to a blind man.

1. I already spoken lots on this. Please visit the following thread to see what Jesus Christ in fact taught in regards to adultery in the Kingdom of God. https://www.nairaland.com/7341523/christ-jesus-wants-avoid-adultery#116818485

2. There is nothing like a virtuous woman in the Kingdom of God since God does not place importance on morals and such things which are of the ideas of men.

3. God directs His people or His children? God's people are not God's Children. His people are Israel, and His children are those who submit to and obey His teachings and commandments In Jesus Christ.

Blue86:
1. So Lalasticla's dream is a lie. Angels coming to Him in a dream is a lie. Showing Him the bride of Christ is a lie. And other stuffs is a lie. It is so simple, yet you are so wrong.

2. Christ saves people from slavery to sin to serve Him, not serve Him to be freed from slavery to sin. It doesn't work that way. That's why He died, shed His blood, that people might rely on Him, and the power comes to serve Him. Second, if you don't understand a believer living ready for the coming of Jesus is to remain unspotted from the corruption in the world, then I don't know what to say to you. and I shouldn't be reasoning with you.

3. Thirdly,I never in a way said God intended all to marry. But that marriage is an institution ordained of God for men here on earth, of which you refused. But in my comment, you spoke of marriage being not of God, that Christ Jesus didn't ordain marriage for men here.
But now you are kinda twisting your tongue saying it is a possibility, but not for all men. Of which I have analysed to you if you read well my posts, that marriage is ordained of God, and as well some space for eunuchs. And the greater percentage lies in marriage, or else you won't be here replying to my messages.

4. You condemned Lala dream as false, because of what? That people were glorifying Jesus. Didn't God say in the Bible, that when He brought the first begotten into the world, let all the Angels of God worship Him. Hebrews 1. And that in Revelations, the elders and angels proclaimed praises ( blessings, honour, glory and power) be to the one who seats on the throne, and to the Lamb ( who is Christ Jesus).

5. And in Psalms 45, a prophecy about Jesus ,verse 11, it says to worship Him.

1. LOL... many of you are so high on what is delusion that you don't even realize it.

2. So what you are saying is that Jesus Christ lied in John 8 vs 31 - 35 where He made it profusely clear that it is through continuous submission and obedience of His teachings and commandments that one comes to a knowledge of the Truth and is then set free from slavery to sin(and lies) by the Truth of God?

Second, I don't do soundbite Christianity so don't bother throwing meaningless soundbites at me.

3. Marriage being not of God? Again, God Himself cursed marriage in Genesis 3 vs 16, making marriage an "unholy" union meaning it is not of the Kingdom or command of God. Then in Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 & Matthew 22 vs 23 - 30, Jesus Christ clearly informs you that your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God means that whether you chose marriage or not, it does not impact your relationship with God in any way as all that matters is whether or not you obey God's Law given to you in Jesus Christ.

if you still have a problem understanding this clearly after this, it simply means you don't accept the teachings of Jesus Christ and your problem isn't me but Jesus Christ.

4. Jesus Christ told you in His teachings that the Helper He will send will conform to His teachings in revealing Truths to you and He will only take from that which is of Jesus Christ to reveal to you meaning the Helper will never show you anything that contravenes or contradicts Jesus Christ and His Kingdom. According to the one who had the dream, the angels came down and went to a church - your churches are not commanded by Jesus Christ - and heard the praising of the name of Jesus Christ... well guess what... Jesus Christ did not command men to sing praises to Him or use His name in such manner - John 5 vs 41. And I believe there was something else the OP had mentioned that I clearly pointed out was also against Jesus Christ. All this pointed to the revelation obviously not coming from the Helper that was sent by Jesus Christ. I clearly explained this to the one who had the question and he accepted that indeed the dream must have been born of the contents of his mind and nothing else. Why you carry it on your head as though the response was not clear enough is beyond me.

5. Psalm 45 is written of the King of peace to rule over Israel during the time described in Isaiah 11. Of course, His people will praise Him and worship Him. However, the Sons of God, those who are called of the Kingdom of God and not Israel, are instead told by Jesus Christ that He does not desire praise from any human. So should the Sons of God ignore His direct proclamation to them?