₦airaland Forum

RobinHez:
^^

Just tell him how much is involved...and watch him take on the title 'most-disciplined-for-any-level-of commitmment'












Na joke o... #runs away#

Lmao... #ode#

KingJhean:
Bro, I have story that I think your talent can do justice to. The title of the story is "Eleke Crescent". Eleke Crescent is a comedy of how Nigerians can endure all sorts derogatory and demeaning treatments just so they can go abroad. The Story is set in an Embassy environment, where the staff of the embassy insult and embarrass applicants without any regard for their status in the society. The Story has six major peculiar characters who all are forced to behave humble and respectful after realizing that the staff of the embassy show no interest or regard for their status in the society. The Characters include 1. A Respected and proud Oba, 2. A Professor of Linguistics 3. A street boy from warri who won a lottery 4. A sassy runs girl. 5. A General Overseer of a church 6. A billionaire CEO.

What do you think? can you work on it?

Hmmn. Sounds interesting but i don't think i have the discipline for such level of commitment now. Besides, you need to shed more light. Should i decide to participate, am i the only one writing? Or iam going to write for a particular character. ..e..t..c

Mtncomplaint:
Anyone that has got a similar complaint please feel free to comment till this gets to front page

I had the-same issue with them. This was the thread I created few days back https://www.nairaland.com/3111008/not-subscribe-mtn-data-plan

As iam typing this, I and Mtn are still digging the issue out. If they think they can get away with it, then they must be mad.

Mtn is the biggest fraud of this 21st century.

CaptainEColeJnr:
I dey fear dat place die... abeg ooo

You are not alone. Even the crazy ones behave, the moment they step in Ekosodin. But it's better now sha comparing it with the past.

CaptainEColeJnr:
yeah you're right

If to say na Ekosodin, who knows! Your story might have been longer than what you posted.

CaptainEColeJnr:
leave dat tin .. d highest dey can do is issue some slaps and take away some of ur possession like money & phone

Exactly. But neither were you obtained nor slapped.

@CaptainEcolejnr, you get luck. Some are not that lucky with BDPA boys.

druxy:
aaha op...lmao....buh sha dah 500# na lie o..I was there ..I saw you

Story for the gods.

LouisBERG:

i loVe the atticulation of your presentatioN it speaks volume of how literally prowess your diction and sense of humour amounts..


Nice story


#caLLmeBERG

Thanks

Gudiza:
EEEEEASYY bra....I'm trying to help you build a case where it's unclear anybody can see that. Got some choice words buddy, what's your aim?

Btw, your screenshot says nothing. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT YOU SENT. You sent it, YES? then it should be there....SHOW IT.

Cower in shame....LOL

I never asked for your help, did I?

My screenshot says nothing, yet it clearly shows where I sent 106 to 131 and got the data activated. Oga, stop quoting me you hear, cos it's obvious you have bad vision.

Stepping out,that faithful morning, in the month of August with The University of Benin in mind, to scatter the much awaited PUME, little did I know that a very unpleasant event was going to take shine away from my Pume.

Immidiately i entered the school premises, I quickly folded my printed pume slip that was visible from the back pocket and hid it out of sight,smell and touch. This was simply because, i didn't want a situation where, I had to choose between the exam that brought me here, and using my Kung-fu skills to destroy the idiot that addressed me as "Jambito". So to avoid casualties and potential loss of human lives, I avoided making any move that gave the impression I was a Jambite.

I was so committed to keeping my vow that, when a Jambite like myself approached me for direction towards ICT center, i unknowingly directed him towards a bushy dead end where, according to my now roomates,all you needed was a mere five steps to burst out in Ghana.

I got to my venue and heard some students lamenting on how we needed our jamb original slip to be allowed into the hall. The thought of dashing Jamb 1k so early in the morning ontop the 43 they gave me in Use of english almost drove me to tears. The moment I stepped foot into the complex close to Main gate, all the cafe owners and their agents who have been specially trained to convince you on why at-least a photocopy a day increases your life span, descended on me. All i kept hearing was "Correct guy,come photocopy ur jamb and pume slip for my shop".. 10 were dragging my Leg to the North, 15 were busy with my arm,pulling it to far West. I didn't know which was more painful: the fact that I was getting ripped apart from different directions, or that it didn't take these people seconds to expose the secret i swore to protect with my life the moment i hid my pume slip at Main gate.

We were soon seated at the venue, Mtn Digital library. The exam was CBT and the room had more than enough computers to service us. The Library was lavished with air conditioners which were now tirelessly working round the clock to cool my aggravated temper. My stomach began to make this funny noise. "Abeg oh! Behave ur self. Today is a very important day" I warned silently,pinching my intestine to send a clear message that I wasn't in the mood for mind games. It was when I heard the same noise seconds later, only this time, twice as loud, I realised this was an alarm that could only be snoozed by the toilet. The toilet wasnt too far from the entrance so when i entered, I couldn't shhit in peace all cos I was afraid the noise my poo was going to create would draw attention or worst of all, disrupt the network signal we were going to use for the exam. What will i tell the VC and the disciplinary committee?

So I did my thing codedly, and on coming out, I saw this fine yellow paw paw girl cat-walking into the same toilet I just left looking like a scene from AMC's "The walking dead". Instantly, i knew she wasn't going to make it, so i bowed my head and silently prayed Heaven accepts her soul. I came back into the hall feeling relieved and in no time, we were done with the exam which lasted for 60mins. Asides the over sabi seated next to me who nearly used his heavy duty rock of ages 12th century caterpillar boot to switch-off my computer, there was no other indication during the course of the exam that suggested my village people sneaked thier way into the exam hall to monitor my progress.

I was seated at the back in the shuttle bus that was to take me home when my stomach made this noise that sounded like i had DJ Jimmy jat and Khaled trapped in my bowels & they were protesting their release via music. The next thing i felt, was something trying to run out of my jeans from the back... Something familiarly unpleasant. Oh shiiit!!

I ran out of the Bus that was yet to get filled. My destination, a tutorial center opposite the school gate. I got there and was told they didn't have a toilet and before I could ask them if they had an anus, an elderly man directed me to a transport company just outside. I got there and the Manager pleaded with me that somebody just took the key. At this point, I was already sweating...sweating profusely. My vision was getting blurred and i could feel the poo forcefully trying to escape with a very very strong warning "If you try run ehn, we go fall comot yakata. So respect yasef and walk like a gentleman".. I wanted to run to the next plaza but respected the shiit's command. Afterall, I was the one being held at gunpoint.

I forgot shame ever existed and kept pleading from shop to shop but kept hearing the same "No Key" story. It was that day I knew what Brother Oghenevare Jeremiah went through when he said in chaper 17 verse19 that, "The heart of man is desperately wicked". If an Angel had appeared and asked i choose between "automatic Heaven and a toilet", the answer would have been pretty obvious. I can always work my salvation later, the legal way.

I was this close to squatting in the middle of a busy street to offload, while making sure my head was wrapped in a black nylon. Afterall, nobody will see my face, and para-venture the street people broke in a hot pursuit, not even my shadow shall thy see,for my legs shall carry thee far far away before thy caputureth me. But just when I lost all hope and wanted to collapse and die, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. For the book of Mathew 7:7(New living translation) says" "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find". Brother Oghenetega Matthew was indeed right, because, right in front of me, less than a kilometer away, was what I seeked.

I met this fair pretty lady of average height at her Mother's shop, realyed my predicament and she told me using their toilet wasnt't an option, as her Dad was around. Rather, she showed me their Backyard where I could do my thing. I couldn't believe my ears. I nearly broke down in tears of appreciation, but held my tears halfway, cos considering how high my body pressure was, coupled with how swollen skinny me now looked,it wouldn't come as a surprise if the space meant for tears has since been occupied by my desperate poo.

I jogged into the big compound and found a perfect spot behind this harvested plantain tree, pulled my jean, but as I was about to drop, I saw this mighty elephant Dog charging toward me. Jisoooos! It all happened so fast. I wanted to run but was relieved when I saw a chain restraining it. I changed location just to be safe should incase the dog manages to convince the chain to let it go. I squatted, and the moment the first came out, I felt a feeling no word could describe. I was weeping and shiiting. Tears of joy. I began offloading and farting at the same time, but the Dog was looking visibly pissed by that action. It barked in rage,louder and louder with every fart, and at a point, I knew it was going to lose it's voice if it didnt accept defeat. The Dog eventually threw in the towel and kept quiet when it was clear i had a battalion of stored farts in my bowels eager to keep me in the lead.

I already had a plan mapped out should the Dog's barks draw the pretty lady's Dad's attention to the backyard. Use my rubber band as catapult, shiit as stone & temporarily blind him just to give me enough time to fly the fence and continue shitting in the next compound before he even gets the opportunity to shout "Thief Thief". But thank God, he never came. My idea of fame didn't include being dragged naked around a street in that hot afternoon with poo smeared all over my body. That's not my portion in Jesus name.

I was done and went to meet the pretty lady. Funny enough, I was beginning to feel ashamed after the spirit of shiiit left me. I thanked her severally, then brought out my wallet and gave her 500naira as a token of my sincere appreciation but she refused. I tried to convince her, but she still held her ground. So I dropped the money on the table, took something worth N50naira and walked away a happy man before she could even protest.

Godwin10:
Your digits man. Or anything to contact you with. Thanks.

You could PM me.

Gudiza:
^^^ well, that's really strange. Why should yours be valid for a week? I'm on the same package as well and mine expires on 19th June which is a month extra...I'm not convinced your sent the right code bro.

If you subscribed by SMS as indicated (SMS 106 to 131) let's see that screenshot....

And who gives a rat's ass if you are convinced or not? Do i owe you an explanation? The fact that yours expires the right time doesn't mean I dont know what iam talking about. Typical Nigerians and their "I must put mouth" mentality even when they have nothing meaningful to say.

And I hope the screenshot below , not only shuts you up but have you cower in shame, Dear Mr over sabi.

ppnye:
why is the date on the screenshot saying 19/05/16. today is 18/05/16

This is simply because Mtn is a fraud. The data, according to what i saw on the night of my sub (may 12th), ought expire on the 11th of june but as you can see from the screenshot, Mtn thinks otherwise.

I spent the better part of today calling customer care.There is no English I didn't speak in this life. The calls I made were so much that, at a point I subconsciously crammed my complain.

Only a customer care Agent was polite enough to call me back, assuring he would personally see to it that it gets resolved.

gabby227:
Op you can lie o, you said you subscribed on 12th may then it is suppose to expire on 16th June but am seeing 19th may How comes? Abi na copy and paste?

Haven't I made it clear from my previous post via screenshot that the fault is from Mtn?

Abi you just wan show yourself!

WhyNa:
God bless you sis. You beat me to that question. Op, what aren't you telling us?

I subscribed for the same 1.5gb for 1000 on the 16th of May and my validity was extended to June 25

Iam not hiding anything. The fault is from Mtn. I just posted a screenshot.

Luxiana19:
Very funny write up!

Although I have to add that something does not add up.

You said u recharged and subscribed on May 12. Yet on the screen shot, it says that your data expires on May 19. And that plan is has a validity of 30 days.

So my guy, what gives?

My dear, it appears, Mtn uses a special calender. A calendar where 7days equals one month, beacuse 12th of may to 19th equals one week.

I just took a screenshot of the message detail on the night of my sub to show that I know what iam talking about. You can clearly see where it was written "activation successful"

Sirjohn84:
bro ur write was so funny dat I laugh and fall for chair.
anyway I am very sorry for your pain I pray they return ur data

Data was returned not too long ago but with a new twist!

KingJhean:
My guy, I want to state categorically, with unreserved apologies that you are the funniest dude on nairaland (I do not stand to be corrected ). Go to Innoson motors and pick any brand of your choice, tell them I sent you

Lol.

calddon:
Guy ur story too long but all the same sorry please. Accept my sincere apologies.
Thats the benefits of refusing to port out of naijas biggest ict scamming cabal

Yea.. Ive learnt from my mistake.

lekjons:
the worst thing is that they'll soon bribe you and you'll shut up..


so pathetic..

The only way Mtn can bribe me is to create a time machine that ll take me back to yesterday to compensate for my time wasted considering the important informations I wanted to gather from the net within the period they shut me out of civilisation.

Mtn took me back to the stone-age and left me there for a whooping 24hrs. I didn't know what was happening around the world. If not that I did the 30mb thing, I would have still been in the stone-age by now.

Mtn need more than bribe to pacify me.

This might be long but I have to purge myself from the diarrhoea of anger.

I was minding my own business jeje when Mtn sent me a message that i could get 1gig for 1500. Initially, I thought the department that oversees scamming activities at Mtn were out for the blood of innocent unsuspecting Nigerians who were unfortunate to have their sim cards like myself again, not until i kept getting numerous messages from Mtn about the goddamn plan. Atimes,50times a day. And my dear Brethren, one thing ive come to realise about mtn after all these years is that they get what they want from you whether u like am or not. There was this time I nearly joined Deeper life Bible church after they collaborated with Kumuyi to win my soul via sms but God that is God fought for me and my phone got stolen the next week.

knowing Mtn for having a good track record of spamming , i knew my my bail out of this situation was N1000. I asked around, and people confirmed they've also been getting such messages. Finally, I called customer care to confirm if Mtn was just trying to test my long throat or what! Cos honestly speaking,1.5gig for 1000? From thesame Mtn that gives is it not 2and half mb for 500naira or so? Definitely sounds too good to be true-but I was assured it was infact legit.

Na so I hussle 1000naira from thin air on the night of may 12 even though few minutes earlier, I was complaining of being broke to my roomates. I quickly ran to the card vendor with boxers and singlet, my N1000 tightly squeezed inbetwee my palms like a bribe. I no wan hear say dem decommission the plan 1second before I subscribe cos we all know Mtn and de-commissioning go hand in hand.

I recharged 600niara because i had 400naira on my line already but to my greatest surprise, i was told "failed due to insufficient balance". I could hear my mind blowing that kind of whistle Nigerian guys dey blow wen they see big nysah. I checked my acct bal and saw only 700naira on my phone. Ah han! Where my 300naira enter?

I checked my memory card to see if Mtn mistakenly transferred it there thinking it was my sim card but for where! Nothing. I was mad, I was furious. In short, I was in rage. First customer care agent said he couldn't even see any thing on my line. In his words, "the recharge card has not reached our office"...
but if we borrow money from una, E dey reach una office even before we load the card abi?

Second one said he doesn't know why my money was missing. Third said it was musicplus. Musicplus wey I no dey use abi? Musicplus that has since been de-commissioned? Fourth one said it wasn't musicplus, that I don't even have it activated on my sim. Fifth one said it was musicplus. Na im I kuku rest.

I had to painfully squeeze out another N300 from the thin air I initially squeezed N1000 from. While I was squeezing the 300naira, the air made it well known to me that it was dying and couldn't survive another squeezing. So all plans of allowing my sim card rest before subscribing the next morning were aborted. I no wan wake-up see 50naira for my sim card the next morning after Mtn collaborate with my village people for midnight while I was asleep.

I subscribed and was told "successful. Use *131*4# to check ur mb" . I checked and saw my 1.5gig in all its glory. The feeling was just, to put in one word "Refreshing". Despite the fact that ive only gone to church once this semester after my roomates kidnapped me in a black nylon and dropped me in-front St.Albert urging the ushers not to let the bag out of sight, I all of a sudden began quoting scriptures and praying for Mtn and it's staff while speaking in tongues.
Within minutes, I was catching up on the latest on science and world news, then switched to downloading my fav tv shows but to my dismay, the speed was too slow. Wetin person was use 80 to 90kb/s download sef. Midget p0rn? Or documentaries about short people?

I was persecuted and tortured by mosquitoes that night but the decision had already been made by my spirit "download completely or die trying". I used it for 3days without too many issues, save for the occasional not being able to connect I was experiencing from all my browsers not until yesterday, may 16, just 4 days later-disaster struck.

A friend had an important practical he wanted to check-up online, so I tried accessing the net but all efforts were futile after hours of trying and trying.The annoying or rather, surprising fact was that my data balance was showing I still had "905mb" and my network bar, full. There is nothing in this life I didn't try to make it work. I switched off my phone. Removed my sim. Wore my yellow T-shirt. Fried my sim card with olive oil but all to no avail.

I got fed up and called customer care.
The first agent said she was sorry and could see that I had data on my line. She advised i dial *466*1#. I asked what the code was going to do cos I heard a lot of monitoring spirits worked at Mtn. She said it was going to activate it(my data). True to her word, I got a message that my data has been reactivated. But what kept running through my mind was "I never deactivated data" so what need was there to re-activate? Who deactivated it? Come here let me slaaaaaap you. I let it go.But I was still unable to browse. The anger I was trying to suppress after opening my beans only to see a congregation of weevils holding a crusade inside was beginning to rise. The weevils so did damage and bore holes that my beans became transparent.

I called again and complained. The agent asked me to hold. Seconds later, I was hearing something that sounded like "there is no data on ur line". I was lying on my back but Immidiately I heard those words, I rose like Lazarus when Bros J command am that year to rise.

She was thanking me for calling Mtn, I was cutting the call. I dialed *131*4# and saw you have "0.00 mb". The same code that said I had "905mb" only minutes ago. No single page has opened throughout today so how da hell did I use 905mb within minutes, to do what? To download the saviour that would finally come to deliver us from Mtn? At what speed did he arrive sef?

To say I was mad is an understatement. . I called them again and the guy who picked told me to wait on the line. Minutes later, he said it was a technical glitch, that I wasn't the only one experiencing it. He apologised and said Mtn would work on it.

I called called called and called. At a point, Oghenekaro, the automated voice that normally welcomes you on dialling 180 began speaking yoruba instead of English, thinking language was enough to deter me from my quest. But they forgot the words of my Grand-father "a highly motivated man knows no barrier". I just told her to shut up by dialling the code that takes you customer care direct.

There was this agent i was complaining to, who waited for me to be done and cut the call. As iam typing this, Mtn is still yet to return my illegally deducted megabyte but they today ,sent me the-same sms that brought me to this unfortunate juncture in the first place...

New Offer! Get 1.5GB data for N1000. SMS 106 to 131 NOW. Validity/ 30 days

I took me N1000 naira to realise what people have been telling me for free all along "Mtn can never be trusted". "MTN are thieves". You that already has about a N1000 naira, N2000 or even more on ur phone with the aim of subscribing to their so called new offer, ask yourself this "Do I trust Mtn?" "What if I wake up one morning only to see my data gone"?

Ask yourself this "Is the worry/uncertainty of the data you legally bought with your hard earned money being wiped away at any moment worth the stress"?

"Dont you want rest of mind"?

I have taken it upon my self to educate people in my hostel on the dangers of using Mtn for anything. I dont even want to talk about thier so called useless "call bonus" to every network they give on recharge. I have so far, been able to convince 10people from subscribing. I told them to choose between Glo, Airtel and Etisalat instead.

Iam irritated.. Anything yellow now annoys me. I nearly slapped my roommate who has yellow teeth few mins ago for mentioning my name. And God save that Albino I always see at faculty of engineering from my wrath.

I had to subscribe their 30mb for 100naira so I can say what I want to say to somebody before i swell and burst from within, in my sleep.

#Mtn-ole##. Bring back my mb so I can exhaust it and move on to a better network.

www.nairaland.com/attachments/3725091_screenshot201605161953021_jpeg4e782a6a590b25e2a79a9e1bdabb9aea

97% of those who will blast this Year's Pume and get their "preferred" course of study have started preparing for the exam.

lycann:
pls tell me more about the mother-in-law tongue

Honestly, I know nothing about the plant, save for the fact that we had it back then in the north.

I still have a childhood picture with the plant in the background.

Iolite:
We have the mother-in-law tongue in nigeria nau.

You are very correct. Infact, I played with this plant alot when I was little cos we had it in our house. Didn't know it was dangerous.

The man, it appears, happens to be 10 times darker than his beards.

ruphytelecom:
Good morning, we're open from 10am to 6pm today.

I asked if you have that of Dell inspiron 14z, you didn't answer.

Thanks ya'all for the love.

Ray360, I see you. Robinhez, I see you too.

Happy Easter to everyone. One love#

FxDominion:
I laughed until tears were rolling down my cheeks.

I really...really had a good laugh. Thanks for making my day. Happy Easter to all

You welcome. Happy Easter