₦airaland Forum

Godwin10:
Ksslib, you will make a fine writer.... Would get in touch with you soon.

Thanks. No Problem! When you're ready.

BlueRat:
Bros,na from ksslib na him u steal this??!! ogbeniiii

Lol. No mind am, na so dem dey do.

@OP, dia is God oh. You even changed the name of one of my characters, Adekunle to Kobu kun abi na zobo sef.. Chai chai

RobinHez:
Hahaha ha... This got me laughing in my room like an alien!

Lol. Na hostel life be that oh.

.:
1... Many people are not there to bag just one degree but two. A degree in their respective discipline and secondly but most importantly, the main degree that brought them to school -- BSC BG which stands for "Bachelor of Beg Beg".

That was how one strange guy ive never met in my entire life before trekked almost 50km all the way from( i suspect Hall 3) to ask for the crayfish he gave me to keep for him in hall 4.
I just saw somebody with an agbada abi na singlet sef barge into our room and went straight to the point without much ado "I dey look for crayfish". I didn't answer him, I continued with what I was doing.
He now tapped me, "Bros, abeg you get crayfish wey you no dey use again"?

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him that the last time I saw Crayfish was in a Nollywood movie but behaved myself and calmly told him no.
Or is it the day one guy saw me frying egg while passing the hall way and went to buy bread on me and my egg's behalf.
I was about bringing down my carefully fried one-quater egg from the fire when I saw somebody at the door with fresh bread smiling.
Him: "Chairmoooo" raising both hands up, "I hail oh. How E wan be na"?
Me: Frowning my face "How wetin wan be"?
Him: Pointing at my egg and waiving his bread "I just say make we align"
Me: "Bros, abeg no vex. No be me get am. Na my roommate I help fry the egg.

He had this disappointed look on his face like I betrayed him or something, stared at the egg with this lustfull passionate gaze that at a point, I had to check if he had already mentally eaten my egg and left an illusion in the fry pan for me cos things dey happen these days.I was relieved when I scanned his lips and found no oil. He finished God knows what he was doing and left.

2... You ll learn how to cook pretty much everything with anything so far you have these three ingredients--kerosene, water, and hunger.

I came-in one day only to find my roommate preparing what he called "Water soup" and its really very simple to prepare. Put water on fire, allow it to boil, add salt, maggi, pepper and red oil shikena. I thought he was joking not until I saw him making eba for his alleged "water-soup" I knew he was really serious. I thought I had seen it all not until i went to visit my friend and saw his roomate eating Eba with what appeared to be "Beans porridge". I shock.

3... You ll learn that Nigerians are very very co-operative in times of need. It is only in the hostel you ll see somebody cooking one cup of rice, just one cup of rice and you ll be like

"My guy how far! that thing gggg" and just before you add "go reach me"?, he reads your mind and replies

"Guy, na 50 people contribute for this rice. The first 20 people bring ninety seed of rice each, 5 bring one-one teaspoon of red oil each, another 10 people bring 0.05 micro-grams of salt which in total weighed 0.5micro milligrams collectively, 8 people join had bring one cube of maggi, 6 people bring kerosene and na my stove we dey use.

4... You ll learn to be stingy. When I started my undergraduate journey, I was very benevolent. I was giving out things, food stuffs, provision and everything to friends and my roomates not until my village people decided to leave me alone for a while and my eyes became open like Adam and eve.

How many times I don make Eba wey my Garri wey remain small pass sachet cowbell? How many time I don drink tea wey milk wey remain no plenty pass the one wey dey old woman br.east?

Ladies and gentlemen, that was when I realised that to survive in the hostel, one has to be skinflint. Nowadays, even if you catch me dey fetch rice from my cupboard, I go tell you say na chinese beans and if the person say "but no be rice I dey see oh"? . I go reply"Guy, you get eye problem".

When you got to Rome, behave like the romans. If you cant beat them, joim them.

5... You ll learn that the normal way to use the the toilet is the abnormal way to use the toilet. I remember the first time I set foot inside the Hostel toilet, I ran out like a demon chased by the holy ghost. I see shit, the shit wey been dey worry me run leave me. lol .

Na only hostel you go see shiit wey only water no fit flush except you mix am with gravel. shuoo.
It is only in the hostel person go use shiit take write "Jasper was here" for toilet bowl & still wonder why things are not working well in his life.

So when i asked my roomates if it was ok to use the bowl the normal way by sitting on it since the cleaners just washed it, they looked at me like an alien that just landed from Mars and burst out laughing. I later figured how to use it "safely" without putting my bum bum at the risk of contacting God knows what virus.

Some people do what we call " stand,drop and dodge" cos you dont want that water to touch ya... No need to explain this one, its self explanatory.

Some do what we call "Spider man". Where you literally climb in-between two walls with both hands and legs then deposit from a safe distance.. Just picture how Perter Parker will climb in between two narrow walls without his web. Lmao

Some do the "Yoga style". Only difference is you are not actually sitting on the bowl but standing on it with both hands stretched forward and you can close ur eyes if you be mumu. But Pps and pls be very careful cos this style is extremely dangerous and requires alot of stamina cos if your village people distract you a lil bit & you loose balance you ll be in deep shiit, literally.

6... You ll learn how to tolerate people. I had a room all to myself at home but things changed the day I stepped foot into hall 4. You just came back from night class all tired and want to sleep but you cant cos your roomate thinks 2am is the right time to cook beans & kill everybody with heat. Adekunle, my God will judge you.

It is when you want to read that your roomate suddenly feels the urge to test how loud his phone's speakers are. You no fit talk cos afterall, na im space he dey.

Somebody will pollute the air while you're eating and if you complain they'll say "if you no wan see bad thing, close your eyes". "If you no wan hear gossip, close your ear". "If you no wan smell my mess, close your nose" lwkmd...

7... You ll learn how to Aersene Wenger money, food stuff, everything. For those of you who don't watch football, Arsene wenger means "manage" or better still, "economise". When I first gained admission, I was a big boy. I was eating GT foods anyhow, buying meat pie of 250 everyday with soft drinks to wash it down just for lunch. Na when one day hungry nearly make me use Ebelebo leaf (Umbrella fruit aka Almond) take cook soup na im i realise say boys gats adjust or na die .

Na for only hostel you go see where person dey use 50naira take cook soup with meat. Yes, with meat. Dont ask me how.

Do you know you can drink 2 tea-spoons of garri and be satisfied so far you have the patience to allow it rise to its full potential after soaking?

8... You ll learn that despite the fact that the hostel has its challenges,up & downs,its a once in a lifetime experience that teaches alot of invaluable life lessons that will no doubt come in handy in the nearest future. Plus you get to meet very interesting people and funny characters.

)

Source:Ksslib .. Repping the greatest #Uniben#

Mr A: Super Eagles will win in Cairo.

Mr B: Haiti will host the next world cup.

Mr A: meaning?

Mr B: I thought we were listing impossible things.

OurSchoolNews:
Reading in the university be like
https://i2.wp.com/ourschool.com.ng/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/medicals-reading.jpeg?resize=300%2C249

You need to be flogged with a fulani made koboko soaked in hot pepper for trying to disrespect engineers.

Oh oh! My bad. Now I get it. Now I understand what the pic is trying to say.

Engineers are too intelligent and do not need to read 2-4-7, unlike Medical students that need to.

Who thief her nyash? .

Her nyash be like belle.

demo4ril97:
oga pls can u tel me wat is been written on dat dp?, my fone cant view d picx due to screen resolution.

The message said she cannot see her result cos she was involved in impersonation.

RobinHez:
The gods have been reawakened

Yes, they have but only for a while.

Na these same set of idiotas go open their stinking mouth dey complain of corruption when they themselves are ten times as corrupt as our so called leaders. Na common class rep na im dem give am wey she begin mismanage funds. Imagine the damage she would cause if she had a juicy position in the government.

Na so Uniben go vote one winch as SUG president some years back. The damage wey that girl cause with student money reach to act season film.

My point is; we keep blaming the government for our woes but are we any better? We abuse the little positions we occupy like "financial secretary, Treasurer, Sug president, class rep" but still accuse the government of perpetuating evil forgetting we all are birds of same feather.

Look at that image standing in front of the mirror and you might just realise we are not any better afterall, that we all are the same evil side of that coin.

And that maybe, just maybe, there is no hope for Nigeria afterall.

Let me get this straight. A robot was created which at a certain point began making its own decisions without the influence of programming and iam just hearing about it ?

You mean a robot has been created capable of feeling emotions and the scientific world hasnt gone agog?

Abeg E get wetin person no suppose dey believe sef.

On a more serious note, this is bad. Really bad. Jamb is fffucked up.

@op, hope you have a printed copy of your initial 268 cos that might be your only saving grace, provided what you just saw isn't a random error.

Ah ha. Na wa oh! So dem still follow you reach jamb server.? My dear, your village people have gone digital.

If I was Peter, I would look for that girl too.

Look at those jugs and fresh lap. Eh ma gawd**swallows **

ruphytelecom:
Asus Ultrabook S 300CA- BB15T01 internal laptop battery is available call 08124461809

How much for a new Dell Inspiron 14z battery?

This is what happens when ur village people begin press your "mumu button" .

If that guy is 20, I still dey my mama belle.

sholay2011:
This man...

Oga, longest time. Happy new year in advance.

femi4:
Did you apologise to him?

Nigerian parents no dey apologise. You should know that by now.

Happy New year in advance Mr tochi. Whatever challenges you're currently facing, iam confident you will pull through.

Keep up the good work. If there was an award for Nairalander of the year, you sure deserve it.

Wow wow wow, spaceX finally did it, Elon finally did it. I remember watching how sometime back he spoke on previous failures, how its a very difficult task to achieve due to technical challenges but that they are determined to keep trying till the dream is achieved.

People like Musk motivate me.

RobinHez:

Why u dey waste NL emoticons?

RobinHez:
Hey! U owe me one..

I could have let u eat ur test attendance away...

If only I could take a pic of ur facial expression when you heard the man telling that guy "did u attend my class? I'll kick you out of here now..."

You were not the only one that called. Two people called me but thanks sha.You try.

Taaah... My facial expression ke. I was calm like a river at night cos I know say I must write my name there by crook or whatever. Warri no dey carry last, kpata kpata na draw.

JayBray:
wow! What a long wait! Congrats man

Long na understatement. Thanks, I guess Uniben were keeping it an an Xmas gift.

Hope you good?

Ray360:
hallelujah! I am so happy for you bro. I am been in fine fettle. compliments of the season. may the sacrosanct significance of this season spell good fortunes and crest Goodwills on the tarmac of our Odyssey. amen!

Thanks bro. Compliments of the season to you too.

May this season usher good things into your life.
Merry Christmas.

Princecalm:
nice one

Thanks, Mr calm prince.

Ray360:
Greetings to everyone!


Bro Ksslib, please, Update me please about your clearance, has the status quo changed? do reply when eyes greet this post..

Mr Ray, longest time..

Na Today dem finally clear me for my kofa page. How things na?

Ray360:
Hello sir. long time. how did it go? were you issued a letter?

Whatsup Mr Ray.

I went but the man said they were yet to type it . We should come back on Monday. I saw a sample there and its six months to correct the error..

BizBloke:
[color=#000033]How far, Ksslib? Longest time.

See these:
Samsung Galaxy S4 Zero Lemon Battery: http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-Zero-Lemon-7500mAh-Extended-NFC-Battery-Back-Case-for-Samsung-Galaxy-S5-/371490758226?hash=item567e931e52:g:NDoAAOSwIwhWTy5P

Galaxy Note 3 Zero Lemon Battery: http://www.ebay.com/itm/ZeroLemon-Samsung-Galaxy-Note-3-10000mah-Extended-Battery-Black-Hybrid-Case-/311014609498?hash=item4869ea525a:g:ohQAAOxyUrZSohsC

One Plus One Smart phone: http://www.aliexpress.com/item/JIAYU-G4-G4C-G4T-Advanced-Cell-Phone-3000mah-1G-RAM-4G-ROM-MTK6589T-Qual-Core-1/1715154268.html?spm=2114.031010208.3.2.pUILy7&ws_ab_test=searchweb201556_6_79_78_77_80,searchweb201644_5,searchweb201560_8

If the prices in the first two links are above your budgets, kindly let me know your budgets for items 1 & 2.

Cheers.[/color]

Whats the current naira to dollar exchange rate so I fit know my budget. Thanks

Bizbloke, how much will the following items cost?

Samsung galaxy s4 zero lemon battery.

Galaxy note 3 zero lemon battery..

One plus one smartphone.

ELYMAXiimus:
hmm, are you also a fan of einstein's works?

Yes,iam.