₦airaland Forum

Eigthed. Afghanistan.

You thin 4 front. You thin 4 back. You resemble conductor slippers...
You blow catarrh you say na indian butter!
Carpenter swear for you. You shi.t hammer.
You eat akara, you shi.t ororo.

Every madness has its origin...

I laugh sotay i write OSAMA as my surname.

Soso990240: Goldie everywher..was she dat popular?

Why don't u go ask her? Or what do u think?

TEACHER : Akpos, If your father has #10 and you ask for #5, how much will your father have left...
AKPOS : #10.
TEACHER : You are wrong. You don't know mathematics.
AKPOS : You are wrong sir. You don't know my father

Lagusta: I thought the question should be, ARE YOU A BANCER??!?!

Bancer or Bance? Lolz

It is so painful that in the midst of all the excitement in reckon from the success of the AFCON 2013 outing, there was nothing to stand out as a remembrance or memorial for the ex super eagles star defender Adebayo Olufemi, who died about 2years ago. He wears the number 13 jersey and was born the 13 (month and year forgotten). We are in the year 2013 and i heard his then bride-to-be on radio today Kimberly Adesina...
Isn't he worthy of a memorial?

It is said that the way parents relate at home plays a huge role on their children's development.
Considering this, one of such ways is what the wife calls the husband and what the husband calls the wife.
To a certain extent which would you vouch and go for... The 'daddy' and 'mummy' respect mode of communication or the 'darling or sweetie' system?

Tolexander: This is a very nice teaching to give to a child so as to build him up mentally and psychologically.
I dont know their academic settings in the USA in the mid 19th century. But if it were to be in modern nigeria, Abraham Lincoln will have to do the teaching himself. Cos most teachers wont want to sacrifice their work and time for that.

You are 100% right!

Mohderry: Nice wan

thanks

castielo: Is this you tryin to be creative? Cos if u ask me i'd say its th' most lame, dumb, sick joke e'er!

Thanks and congratulations for being the first dumbass to notice a dumb joke.
Next pls!

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S LETTER TO HIS SON'S TEACHER...
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He will have to learn, i know, that all men are not true. But teach him also that for every Scoundrel there is a hero, that for every selfish politian, there is a dedicated leader.
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Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.
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Teach him that a dollar earn is of more value than five found.
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Teach him to learn lose and to enjoy winning. Steer him away from envy if you can.
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Teach him the secret of quiet laughter.
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Teach him the wonder of books. But also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hillside.
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In school,teach him to know that it is more honorable to fail than to cheat.
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Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong. Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with tough people.
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Try to give him the strength on the bandwagon.
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Teach him to listen to all men but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.
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Teach him how to laugh even when he is sad.
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Teach him there is no shame in tears.
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Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob and to stand and fight if he thinks he is right.
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Treat him gently but do not cuddle him because only the test of fire makes fine steel.
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Let him have the courage to be impatient and let him have the patience to be brave.
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Teach him always to have sublime faith in his creator and faith in himself too, because then he will always have faith in man kind...
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This is a big order, but please see what you can do, he is such a fine little fellow, my son.
......
All these 4 just one teacher? Haba! Macker why?

I got a moral topic LOVE for this week to present to my students. Hence to show the unity in Nigeria's tribal love, i decided to get what love is called in local dialects and if possible foreign ones too.
Please what is Love called in those languages you knw?

If we have the opportunity to re-live the past, one of those things we would want to re live is our educational life. No wonder they said School life is the best...
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One of those things that endears you to school is having friends calling you a funny nickname probably because of a funny occurence...
I could remember my friends in school calling me OGROMA because of my height and my huge body form...
What was your own nickname?

mega jay: (
i no sabi weti odeburuku mean shaa, so make i take am sey no be insult, but y i go buy am cloth, na me be em papa?

Want me 2 inteprete ode buruku 4 u? And by the way, na only one episode u dey watch ova and ova again? Na only 1 cloth u see?

Sim Card love.
Wife : Do you really love me?
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Husband : Of course nw...
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Wife : How much?
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Husband : I can't measure it but it is like this... I am a phone and you are my SIM card. I can't do without you
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Wife : Wow. Thatz cool. I love you too.
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Husband : (aside to himself). Thank God. She doesn't know i am a China phone with four SIM cards...
#lobatan#

babarazy: u are right o. Am reserving it for a better joke.

I just hope u would be able to laugh again.

babarazy: ok. I go laugh small because of the ink i take write for here.

Don't tel me you are reserving that laughter 4 the future.

Do you snore? Does your partner snores? How do you cope with a snoring partner? What if you discovered that he snores after your wedding? Way out? How to cope?

BUSINESS DAD...
Dad : Son, i want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son : No. Dad.
Dad : She is the daughter of Bill gates.
Son : Really. Then i will...
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Dad goes to Bill gates.
Dad : Let my son marry your daughter.
Bill : No way.
Dad : He is the CEO of the world bank.
Bill : Really? Then he is an eligible bachelor. I will let him.
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Dad goes to the President of the world bank.
Dad : Employ my son as the CEO of your company.
President : No way man!
Dad : Do you know that he is the son - in - law of Bill gates?
President : Really? Then he is already employed.
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Lolz. Can someone give me an example of a marital business greater than this

Prof. Wole Soyinka. The voice and mind of the people...

What if the remedy to AIDS and Cancer is actually in an individual that has never learnt to read and write?

5 ways to satisfy a guy...
1. Don't ask for money.
2. Never ask for money.
3. Read my lips.. N e v a y o u a s k 4 money.
4. If he gives you money, don't collect it.
5. Bring money 4rm any source and give it to him.

5 ways to satisfy a lady.
1. Give her money.
2. Always give her money.
3. Again. Give her money!
4. Are you deaf? Give her money!
5. Give her more money jor!..

Mr.T Anonymous:
Had s*x with my big aunty's friend on top of my aunty's bed*luks around jst 2 make sure all z well*

Shuoooooo!!! How many strokes? Unlimited

8 yearz ago. I could remember my parle giving me six thrashes of tear rubber/nylon tshatsha koboko for tasting the meat in my mummy's pot without permission!
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Abeg wetin be your last cane offence and how many strokes you chop?

You are cursed if u spend four years for secondary school and you still cant recite your school anthem..

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You are multi cursed if you are 25years old, an educated nigerian and you still can't recite thd national anthem.

So many children are actually victims of being born out of wedlock.
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In most cases, the single mother always find it difficult to get a new husband as most of the men in the present day society prefer to find 'new unused bakery' rather than those who have got children out of wedlock...
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Is having a child out of wedlock actually a stigma? Why do the victims find it difficult to re-marry in most cases?

Your own don finish if the girl you wan marry is the only daughter of Mario Balotelli...

Chanchit: U that u r talking, has ur thread made the fp..? Cos I jst checked ur profile n with what I saw, I'm not sure.

How dare you address NL best joke poster of the year like that?

K.