₦airaland Forum

Did You Know That:


Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts-Charlemagne, and
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Did You know That:
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness a.k.a jungle : 28%

Percentage of North America that is wilderness a.k.a jungle : 38%

My Head, My Trunk and My Limbs only! Oops, thats everything..

Ok maybe

*  My Head (i can perceieve and relate with my world from there)
*  My Hands (i can do anything thats needs to be done)
*  My JT (me sef wan born pikin)

If you have not seen these before, I think you might enjoy

Almost better than a cup of coffee to start your morning. If you need a
laugh , read through these Children's Science Exam Answers. These are
real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon,
because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I
forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abdominal
cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Below is an encounter with a rich friend during a visit to his house sometime in 2004

Question: "What would you like to have ...Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "Tea please."

Question : "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea."

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white?"

Answer: "White."

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"

Answer: "With milk."

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer:"Um,I'll take it black."

Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar."

Question: "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"

Answer: "Cane sugar."

Question:"White, brown or yellow sugar?"

Answer: "Ooh, Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water?"

Answer: "Mineral water."

Question: "Flavoured or non-flavoured ?"

Answer: "Leave it I'm OK".



I simply got up and left.

Be my guest...

Very [b]YES[/b]fully

Youngest son asks his father: "Daddy what is the difference between
"potential" and "reality"?

Dad: I will show you,
Dad turned to his wife and ask her: "Would you sleep
with Tom Cruise for 1 Million Dollars?
Wife answers: "Yes of Course! I would never waste such an opportunity to be
a millionaire"

Then Dad asked his daughter if she would sleep with Will Smith for 2
million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes Yes! I will, that's my fantasy"

So Dad turned to his elder son and asks him: Son, will you sleep with
Denzel Washington for 1 Million dollars?

Elder Son replied: " Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 Million
dollars, I would never hesitate!"

So the Father turns to his younger son and said: " You see son, "POTENTIALLY" we are sitting on 4 Million dollars,
But in "REALITY" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!

Is it an offense to cuddle your wife ?

lol

Here is my problem:

I just checked into an eight-storey hotel, with rooms numbered from 100 to 899 (100 rooms on each floor). The hotel clerk gave me a key and a card with my room number on it, and imply said, "Just don't turn it upside down!"

But before I could go up to my, a friend, with I registered about the same time, asked me to go out to for a drink. Well, when we returned, I realized I had lost the card on which my room number was written.

The problem now is, I can't remember my room number and the computer at the front desk is down until the following morning. I only remember what the hotel clerk had told me, "Just don't turn it upside down!" So, I am stumped, and locked out! Now, how do I find my room without having to try every room in the hotel (well, I might get arrested doing that!)

How do I find my room without attracting the attention of the hotel detectives or even get some residents angry with me? Any ideas?

These are Actual Signs (culled from round the globe).

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD
TIME

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT
TO THE GUARD ON DUTY

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
GRAVES.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM,
PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM
MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN
TOOTLE HIM
WITH VIGOUR.

Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN !!!! TO THE RIGHT

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL !!!! IN TUB.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE
OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN,LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT
UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME

In a Bucharest Hotel lobby (really!):
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET
THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

A black man was talking to a white man and said :

I''m black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black.

But you, When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When your sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?

I had an aunty who calls her husband "Love". Last christmas 'they' came to my Dad's house (annual reunion) for celeberation. At a point, d woman called me and:

Aunt: Layi, Se o busy?
Me: rara ma
Aunt: Ok, Jo bami lo so fun 'Love' pe mo wa nibi
Layi: Mi o ni girlfriend ma.
Aunt. En en. Mo tigbo. Ok Bami pe Love
Me: Mi o ni se
Aunt: Love ti e ko. Love temi ni mo n so..
Me: Oh! Sorry ma

I think its nice havin pet names but to avoid the scenario above,let's do with a real name. Methinks callin my wife by her first name is lovely and romantic.
Why would i call my wife "Mama kelly"- She's my wife first of all b4 beign a mother.
Why would i call my wife "Sweet sugar"- Lets get real, abeg.
I'ld prefer to call her Latoya,Demi,Princess,Wesley, vexxy or Lizzy. Beautiful names

As for the kids. I'll strike a deal. Anytime u call me or my wife another name other than Daddy or Mummy- Just make sure you're with a cane.

Hurray !!!!

Seun:
For celebrating and promoting the growth of Nairaland, Allenpowered and chimanu2000 will be getting a special token of appreciation from Nairaland next week. Previously,

U're makin me feel jealous. I've gotten lots of members. 16 as at last count.fiercefact, teslim, felix etc and ....idokay!

Well its all good. Its for the love of nairaland. How do we celebrate? Hmmmm tough one!.
Get us an e-album (to upload our pics) like faceoffestac.

3rd yr?

Welcome KC. Lovely Pics.

*From my laps*

She says "Thank you"

Didnt u hear read her say sh'e in like (lizzy's "in love" ?

whiteshark:
.......but make una understand say this guy got Bills, Trills and Mad Skills....

I'm the King with the bling and i got the *Diamond* ring

So back off!!!

And u gonna have to proove to the jury that u formed this statement urself. A sayin that's gone round the world. Heard it in the mouths of preachers and (d best of it)..saw the quotes on famous quotes website with d...ehen...author.

False

tpbm is a millionaire (be sincere).

@Exu:

The Bible is a compilation of truths from different authors. Style of writing and aim may differ. Reason why u can't pick words/quotes out of context just to suit Ur argument.

Have u not read books where u get something like...
Page 15 line 2:  .....He went into the room and met Adam dead.......
U get to another page
Page 19 line 6 ......the doctor found out he was just comatose. Adam didn't die afterall

Would i be right to just pick out "Adam dead" and "Adam didn't die" ?

The Bible is a book for heaven sake and not some keypoints or nuggets. You can't read out of context.

And who's the lucky guy?

Hmmmm...but wait first. 16 in junior (3rd yr) at college ? How u do am? U get tripple promotion twice ?

Amen but act like u are, HA. Nairaland would be greatful. We want to see the more religious side of u.