₦airaland Forum

Congratulations and best of luck.  Look forward to getting your breakfast in bed! even on your day off,

As my husband says jokingly "a black man can never be a gentleman".

I bet ya you will be looked after and any cultural dfferences will work to YOUR advantage.

You can chill out and have a drink and even a smoke without being called names.  

He must be mad, taking that girl seriously! kissing other women n all!

Yeah she is, thankfully he ignores her also. He warned me just to say Hi to her thats all, but I dont think I can do that. i will just ignore her next time I see her (if I ever do) she is not welcome to our housewarming. All of my husbands brothers and sisters and mine phoned from abroad to congratulate us on the purchase of our new home and donated. She was the only one who didnt say one word.

What was it like for you growing up here Sara? thats really interesting.

Let him go and have another child with a nigerian woman, thats probably whats he is planning anyway.

Smash it to pieces

@SARAH, how did your mam and dad cope with all the cultural differences, any tips on this?

i DONT THINK NIGERIANS DO FAMILY PICNICS OR FAMILY DAYS OUT, FROM I SEE ITS USALLY THE MOTHER OUT WITH THE KIDS AND THE MAN, EH DUNNO, NOT WITH THEM ANYWAY.

Would only visit there, no way I would live there, its a mans paradise down there, women will do ANYTHING to snatch your hubby as he has money especially and that you are WHITE.  Women will do anything to get him.

No way,

I received a very warm welcome from everyone I loved it there. I personally would be up the walls with worry thinking someone would snatch my husband (too many beautiful naija women).

Very sorry confused.

well he is paying the mortgage and most of the billls.  im on jobseekers benefit. problem is he thinks i dont trust him. for eg everywhere he goes (which is no where` special really i always call on him to check on him which i do all the time.

alsothe face that i hate someone from his family doesnt help.

Where are you from?

yeah i know its funny, i shouldbe the one that has that when actually its him that has it.

I was born muslim and i was married to a muslim man before. He started to hint to me about taking on another wife that he needed a black muslim woman. It made my skin crawl. I decided to go ahead with the talaq divorce. i was divorced in ramadan when i was pregnant. I just didnt want a polygamous arrangement and that was that. i may not be the most sensible person in the world but i honestly do not think a man can love all the women equally. It was different in the times of the battle of Ahud when the prophet pbuh took on wives as a matter of charity, one of them being much older that him even. I think polygamy should only be allowed if there is a war or something and families of women and children were left starving. A man must be able to do justice amongst all of his wives.

Also in Islam the husband must have ghairah (jealousy) for his wife/wives or he will not see the paradise al jannah.

Not a religious person anymore and do no practice any religion. But this is my opinion on it. she must tell her husband that he must have ghairah for her.

the loans are in his name. But both names are on the deeds of the house. Anyway,

I dont know folks, you are all right I guess.

He was out for one night and came back the next morning.

thanks for the advice.

Well i just got a house bought for me and the deeds are in both names. Think if he was only after me for paper he wouldnt have gotten out two loans amounting to 13,000 for the house.

he left cos I was the one who packed his bags. He was soon back though.

He is back now and he really spilled his heart out. Said he had been under a lot of stress.  We are signing the contract for our new house tomorro!

We have signed the contracts together and the house is in both our names. He came back in a terrible state, he said he had topay for a bnb. he chilled out at the african restauraunt and lots and lots of blood came pouring out of his anus! so he went back to the hotel.

I know i sound mad,he has been under a lot of stress from work and his sister here always makes him do everything for her (she has mental issues and is a ward of court). he never spent a night without me b4 so when i never rang him or anything to check on him next day he just walked back in the door and i burst out crying, i asked him why all his moodiness etc and we discussed all the matters that need to be sorted out. he said i was really annoying him about that family member i hate (which i was)

so i left facebook as he ordered me not to contact that person i hate and try to cause trouble, so i deleted her off it. So he just bought a house with me now, it was either make or break.  This has been the happiest day of my life.

He said it was me not respecting him by reminding him of how bad this person is (which she is) he then said that if he is going to be paying out the mortgage to respect him in the family sense and aknowledge the fact that he is making a huge contribution. I have acknowledged that now. Thankfully its only one person I cannot deal with. All the others are fine.

thanks, today i am very upset and my whole body is covered in spots, many, many of them huge red spots that are not itchy, think its stress related. I'm very sad very shaky too. I bet he will be off with women now tonite while im stuck here crying with not one cent. thankfully i have some sleeping pills here to calm me down.

Its like youare a mind reader mohawk, see I never though in all these six years tats I would be subjected to his 'behaviour'

Yeah you are also right Amaka, is a nigeran lady supposed to put up with this

mohawkchic you have hit it on the nail. I cant put up and shup up.  so the only option for me is OUT

Welll I have not gotten any phone calls. I am not upset either. This is quite a joyful event of anything. i thought I ws going to be a nervous wreck but I am not. I dont care what he is doing so let it be. dont miss him one bit.

Hey are ya back in ireland Carol

Yeah  i had to go down there the other day carol and I had to tell the truth.  I was in tears. They gave me two forms one for one parent family payment and the other fr rent supplement, they said I an get 290 altogether and get help with the rent.

I have an appt with the landlord on Tues to sign the forms. Thankfully he is willing, in that way in wont be homeless.  My mother is sending down some money for me tomorro as I literally have nothing as my jobseekers benefit its not available til wednesday and i lost my job nearly a month ago.

My heart is broke, but when my husband was here i actually had much much less and if i ever asked him for anything he would tell me I was idle and shoudl get a job. 

I have registered wit many recruitment agencies and my husband is aware of that ( I have to send him a copy of everything) so, I just want to get a life on myown.  I'll never forget the good times, but in the long run, its just not worth it. Imagine everyday I would be told that I REFUSE to work! even though he gets a copy of all my job applications.

I put it to him that his brothers wife doesnt have to work at all and has plenty of money in which she boasts of, and is always planning more children (b'cos she is in a serious naija marriage)

perhaps she has the qualities I shoudl have, but my nerves and my personality cant cope with all this so, I unfortunately have no choice. I am terrified of him at this stage.

@davidif,

I have studied course after course, ireland is very very bad right now. I think it would take some time to gather to funds to move away again. but, like that, ya never know.

yeah it may be indeed the case. All of a sudden he started to treat me like absolute shit about two weeks ago.  I never even thought of it.  But thank God I am okay and have not got a child for him.

We will see, I reckon he is gone, fair enough, 

let it be. happy I have plenty of friends and family.

he was the one who wanted to buy a house with me.

Thanks all for the advice.

yeah his naturalisation application was approved two weeks ago. I always agreed to do that thing as it made him happy, I always respected him. but for him to tell me he will treat me like a nigerian woman and that i shouldnt ask any q's thats what really really frightened me.

I dont know, I just looked at myself and looked deep into my eyes i have many many friends and family who are here comforting me. i asked myself some serious q's. Why would a man want to physically and mentally hurt his wife. Dunno, funnier again, I dont know where he is. But hey im not having panick attacks anymore.

Its only an in law as in his brothers wife and it has always been an issues that she caused.  No we met in Ireland and married in Nigeria we have been married six years and im broken hearted. I mean we were about to sign the last document on the house.

I just hope and pray he will return to me, I doubt it though if he is gone with all his things that I packed!

I get on well with all his other family members apart from this curse of a person.

I dont know perhaps he just realised he didnt want me anymore.

The contracts are due to be signed on mon at 2.00

I was never richer than him as i had been studying the last few years and worked the last three.

Do you think he will be back?

not going to ring him as it will ruin it.

he goes for weeks ignoring me just b'cos he is in bad form. I might as well be sitting here on me own. I have noticed lately that he never even  finihes the conversation he is having with me he just hangs up. (I see his friends do that on their wives aswell just a cultural thing maybe)

I have not had any suspicions of him cheating cos he was always here with me if he wasnt in work he was always here with me and his phone is always on and he always picks calls.  Now he will roam around and meet another foregner and it will be the same old story again. I know there are girls at his school who will be with him. Nothing I can do now,  he was obviously very unhappy so let him find a happy life.

Wonder were he went though I guess a BnB

I can also telll you that when he drinks he gets very very Hot so, let it be