₦airaland Forum

The garden of eden has been found/ bance is sexier than trey songz/ my grandmother na virgin/

Mr Akpors ordered for a
voice
automated robot car
that does
anything he tells it to do
correctly without any
error.
He got the car and
started
sending it on errands. He
was so
proud of what the car
can do without
mistakes.
He was not able to go
out on a
day, his wife told him to
tell the
car to go and pick the
children
from school because
she was so tired.
Mr Akpors agreed.
Mr Akpors: Car, go and
bring my
children from school.
The car went and didn't
return in
time as expected, they
knew
something must be
wrong.
Several hours later and
no car, Mr
Akpors became worried,
dressed
up, ready to lodge a
report at the
police station. He and his
wife just
stepped
outside when they saw
the car
coming with an overload
of children.
The car parked right in
front of
them and said, "These
are your
children sir"
In the car was their
Landlady's
two daughters, their
choir mistress
two sons, his wife's
best friend's
daughter, their
pastor's son and their
neighbours two
sons.
Wife: Don't tell me all
these ones
are your children?
Mr Akpors, nonplussed,
calmly
replied...
DEAR,CAN YOU TELL ME
WHY YOUR
OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT
IN THE
CAR??
I NEED SOME
EXPLANATION.

3 drunk guys namely
longmouth,johnny,and
akpos enterd a taxi. The
taxi driver knew
that they were drunk
so he started the
engine &
turned it off again. Then
said,"We have reached
your destination".
Longmouth gave him
money & johnny said
"Thank you". Akpos
slapped the driver. The
driver was shocked
thinking the 3rd drunk
knew
what he did. But then he
asked "What was that
for?". Akpos replied,
"Control your speed
next
time, you nearly killed
us!

Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't
even dare to ask.
Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled
with love and care,
3. Very bitter when
mishandled.
Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high
affinity to gold,
platinum, diamond,
branded clothes and
other expensive items.
Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left
alone.
Occurrence:
Mostly found in front of
the mirrors

Akpos Looking for His
wife
Akpos enters a church
and finds the
priest."How may I help
you son?" asks
the
priest.
"Am looking for my
wife, she said she
would
be here but as I can see
she's not
around.
Now that am here, I
would like to
confess".
They go to the
confession area,"forgive
me
father for I have
sinned."
"What are your sins my
son?" The man
replies,
"The other day, I went
looking for my
wife at her home but
she was not there. I
found her
sister alone, I slept with
the sister."
Oh, that is sin, but at
least you came to
confess".
"Then another day I
went looking for her at
her aunt's place but she
was not there,
I
found her cousin alone, I
slept with the
cousin".
"You know that is
wrong my son". "Then
the other day I went
looking for
her at
her working place. She
was not there, I
found
her colleague alone,.."
The priest interrupts,
"Let me guess, you
slept
with her colleague?"
"Yes father". There was
silence after
that.
Father?" Father?" Still
silent.
Akpos peeps through
and finds out that the
priest is no longer
there . He looks for
him
and finds him
hiding."Why aree you
hiding
father?" The priest
replies, "I've just
realized I'm
the
only one here and you
came looking
for your
wife"

AKPORS ON CNN!!
CNN REPORTER: Mr.
Akpors, how do
you feel about the
fact that a white man
was the first man
on the moon?
AKPORS: You whites you
think you are
clever, a black
man will be the first
man on the SUN!..
REPORTER: but, that is
ridiculous, you
will burn to
death.....!
AKPORS: Hai, shut up
you albino
monkey!.... We are not
stupid.....We will go at
night!...

Akpors sent a text to
his wife at
night,
"Hi I will get late, please
try and wash
all my
dirty clothes....
#No reply#
"..and make sure you
prepare my
favorite
dish
before I return..."
#No reply#
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you
that I got an
increase
in my salary at the end
of the month
I'm
getting you a new car"
She text back, "OMG
really"
akpors replied,
"No I just wanted to
make sure you
got my
first message".

Its barca till fowl piss

JAMB QUESTION 2013
Answer all question:
BBM POST
UTME JUNE EXAM 2013:
Note no
calculator or any
electronic
devices. Time:-
1hr:30mins
SECTION 1:- OBJECTIVE
1) What is the name of
the first
Igbo boy that opened
shop at
Alaba international
market (a) Don
jazzy (B) Anyim Pius
Anyim (c)
Gov. Peter Obi
(2) Who addressed
herself as a
widow while her
husband is still
alive (a)Dame Patience
(B) Turai
(c)Stella
(3) Who Strike pass (a)
BH Boys
(B)Thunder (c) ASUU (d)
Patience
Dame
(4) You can sharpen
cutlass on
Banky W's head (a)
True (B) false
(c) I don't know
(5) What are the names
of the
two people holding
hands when
you power-on a Nokia
phone (a)
Charly Boy and Denrele
(B) Ryan
Giggs and John Terry (C)
OBJ and
IBB
(6) If the past tense of
take is
took, the past tense of
make is (a)
Mook (B)maked (c)
maken
(7) I have a dream is to
Luther
king as I have no shoes
is to ….
(a) GEJ (B)IBB (c) OBJ
( What is the plural
form of
GARRI (a) garris (B)
garried (B)
garium
(9) If Adekunle
Chukuwma Ciroma
Finally Passes WAEC,
will he write
JAMB next year? (a) No
(B)Yes (c)
He will opt for NURTW
(10) Which university
has the
highest no. of babes
that travel to
Dubai for 2weeks and
return with
British accent a)Ebus B)
Unijos
c)Uniabj (d) Malu
SECTION 2:- THEORY
Attempt all
questions.
(1a)Differentiate
between Do or
Die and if I don't win
the next
election their will be
blood shed.
(B)If it took GEJ 50years
to trek to
Aso rock without
shoes, how
long would it have
taken if he
wore TOMS?”
(2a) Using Almighty
Formula,
calculate the diameter
of Don
Jazzy's
head (take ¥=3.14)
(B) If your X-Boyfriend
or X
-girlfriend Wins
N100Million Naira
In The Glo WINBIG
Promo 2
Days After you Broke
Up! FIND X!
I Repeat! Find X”
(3) If Ada is a girl, and
Obi is a
boy, who is Adaobi?
(B)What are the
surnames of the
three statues that
welcome you
to Lagos…
(4)What is the
difference between
copy-copy and
giraffing.all

Akpos wanted to use
his ATM card but
the machine
kept on rejecting the
card. A frustrated
Akpos called
his bank help line.
Akpos : (angrily) So
what's wrong
with my ATM card.
Call girl : Sir, I have
checked your
account, everything
is alright here and You
should be able
to use your
card, are you sure your
card is not
damaged or
broken?
Akpos : Are you insane?
What are You
insinuating? No
one takes good care of
their ATM card
like I do.
Call girl : Okay Sir, are
you also sure the
surface isn't
wet or stained with
dirt?
Akpos : You dey mad?
ATM card when
I dey pet like
egg. As a matter of
fact, I even
laminated it last week
when I laminated my
Identity card.
Call girl : Did you just
said LAMINATE?
Akpos : Of course Yes!!!

Who is THE REAL
CHEAT ??
Grace : I think my
husband is cheating on
me....
Jane : How do you
conclude that ?
Grace : Last night he
said he was at a party
with his friendJohn but
John was with me the
whole night!!
Who is the real cheat

9 interesting
confusions!!!
.
.
1. Can you cry under
water?
2. Do fishes ever get
thirsty?
3. Why don’t birds fall of
trees when they sleep?
4. Why is it called
building when it is
already built?
5. When they say dogs
food is new and
improved, who tastes
it?
6. “I Love You” is not a
questionthen why does
it need an answer?
7. Why does round pizza
come in a square box?
8. Why doesn’t glue
stick to its bottle?
9. If money doesn’t
grow on trees then why
do banks have
branches?
.
,
add more for fun

biolabee: Ozil!!!

the best player in Europe's 5 leagues in terms of assists?

la you people dey respond to that stupid woman, you suppose know say she foolish from the world's beginning

Lolaabokoku: Rotflmaoooo plssss donttttt stopppppp!

your wish is my command

HE PROPOSED AND SHE
GAVE HIM A
STINGING SLAP!
Man: Baby, I love you,
would you please marry
me?
... Woman: (stands up
and lands a
stinging slap on his
face) and said I have
waited more than 9yrs,
I have prayed, fasted,
sowed seeds, bought
books and
listened to tapes,
even went out of my
way to be nice
to every male specie
of marriageable age! I
took up new hobbies,
watching football
and play
station. I went to
Daystar, from
Daystar, I went to
House on the Rock,
from House on the
rock I went to Guiding
Light Assembly,
Phronesis
christian centre int'l,
MFM,christ
embassy,Redeemed,
from there i
went to This Present
Winners looking every
where for
you l went from a size
14 to asize 10, so that
when you see me
you’d love what you
see.
I left Lagos, went to
Abuja, from
Abuja I went to
Port- Harcourt, then I
went all the way to
Kano
I joined hi-five, from hi-
five to faceboook,
then I
went to twitter, I even
had a
blog on which I ranted,
hoping ♈ōϋ would show
up! for where? I
uploaded only my best
pictures on Facebook,
infact I took photo
sessions to
look my best, all for
you o! I attended all the
weddings, whether the
invitation was direct
or indirect! The next
place I was hoping to
check was the moon,
before you crawled out,
crawled
out from the house
directly
next to mine! So it was
you all this while? The
neighbour I said hello to
every morning?
Were you trying to
destroy my
faith?
You almost rendered my
prayer life useless?
What were you waiting
for?
What sign where you
looking for? Do you
want to kill me
before you reveal
yourself?!!!
Now be a gentleman,
get down on
your knees and
put that ring on my
finger!!