₦airaland Forum

Akpors wantd 2 have
sex wit his secretary,
he said to her, i wil give
you #20,000 nd i wil
throw it on d floor u wil
bend down nd i wil b
thru b4 u pick it. D
woman callld her
husband and told him
abt it. D husband told
her to, ask him for #
50,000 nd pick d money
fast b4 he zips down.
Afta waitn for d wife's
call abt 1hr d husband
calls nd... ...asked wat
happned,d wife
replied"dont mind dat
yeye man,the idiot used
coins. and am still pickin
dem,wil cal u wen am
done.

Akpos again came next
day by cutting his beard
and asked "what is the
price of this TV ?"
.
The shopkeeper replied
"we don't sell our
products to Akpos".
The next day Akpos
came with a differnt
face and asked "what is
the price of this TV ?"
.
The shopkeeper replied
"we don't sell our
products to Akpos"
.
Finally Akpos got
irritated and asked the
shopkeeper" how do
you recognise me every
time ?"
The shopkeeper replied
"this is not TV it is
Microwave"

AKPOS THE PASTOR
A dog died and the
owner took it to Akpos.
He asked Akpos if he
could organise a funeral
service for the dead
animal.
Akpos: no we cant hold
a service for your dog in
our church but there is a
church down the street,
maybe they will do it for
you.
Man: but pastor will that
church accept a
donation of $ 1million ?
Akpos shouted and
asked, why didnt you
tell me the dog was a
christian?

@OP... This is just the order of the day, these stupid gals will demand something when they even "enjoy it more", i repeat 'enjoy it more', dont mind their pretence. Sex is a two-way thangy and should be appreciated by both parties, after all here in nigeria the guy does his thing alone, the gal will just lie there like a log of wood while the guy bangs hopelessly... Haba! If we convert that banging strength, carry am do cycling, walahi! Armstrong no go win anything even if he take dope twice the way he did.

I'M TIRED OF NAIJA
MOVIES..IMAGINE ..
WHEN...
~ Chief is inside the car
with
the glasses wound up,
armed robbers
attack
and
shoots at chief, the
bullet won't break the
glass but will
kill chief inside the car..:
How come ?? ~ A man
shoots himself on
the head 3
times...Habaaa !!!!!!! How
in
the
world is
that possible?
~ RMD remembering
when he was still 7
years
old as
far back as 1960 and
suddenly a HUMMER
passes in
front of him.......
Chinekeee
~ Patience Ozokwor
poisons Zark Orji's
food,
she stirs
the poison so that it will
circulate to all
parts
of the
meal
and then she tastes it,
Zack Orji dies while
she
survives, Nawaa oo
~ Someone flashes back
to 1982 and
behind
him is a
sign board "Vote for
Goodluck" Hmmmm
~ A 7year old character
is washing plates
and
he
suddenly becomes an
adult in his 20's still
washing the
same plates and
wearing the same
trousers...
~ Omotola is depicted as
a poor woman
suffering in the
village and has to do
serious farm work to
survive, only
for you to see that her
fingernails are fixed
with long
plastic nails and painted
crimson
red.
~ Tonto Dike acting a
born again village girl,
yet has
tattoos on her body. ~
Someone dies with
low
cut and
his spirit comes back
wearing afro... Na
wetin? ~ A
woman suddenly
decides to poison her
husband, then
she opens her food
cabinet and brings out
the
substance. Is poison
part of cooking
ingredients?
~ They shoot you on
the leg yet blood
starts
coming
out from your nose.
~ John Okafor(Ibu) is
the father of Nkem
Owoh.. Biko
who is older?
~ You must cough
before you die...?
Lmao..=))

You're in the Car with
your Mum and Dad,
YourMum is driving and
Rihanna's song "Shut up
& Drive" is playing on
Radio, your Mum asked
"What's the Title of the
Song"?
What will you tell her?

How to cross road in
Nigeria: look left and
right for moto, look up
for plane, look down for
bomb, look back for
kidnappers. Then walk
zig zag to avoid stray
bullets! Caution always
am pleading YOU

AKPOS prayed so hard
and one
day God finally talked to
Him.
GOD: My Son, what do
you really
want?
AKPOS: I want a job, a
big car
and lots of girls to be all
around me..
GOD: Is that all?
AKPOS: Yes...
GOD: Your prayer has
been
answered.
AKPOS: Thank you God.
***Now AKPOS is now
A BUS
DRIVER in a FEMALE
SCHOOL.
Was Akpos prayer
Answered or not

Akpos the lecturer in
Gwagalada, University
of Abuja decided to give
his students a test.
He asked them to write
the answers as he read
out the questions.
Instructions says:
Canceling answers not
allowed)
Akpors the Lecturer:
Question 1: What's your
favorite food? [10
mrks]
Female students were
writing, Pizza, fried rice,
Hamburger, ice cream,
sharwama and all sorts
of Chinese cuisine.....
Lecturer Akpors:
Question 2: How do you
prepare the food? [50
marks]
Huh!! immediately, the
female students
started cancelling and
changing the foods to,
beans, cocoyam, &
abacha, bolee and
porridge yam, indomine,
white rice with no
soup!!!

Akpors And rukewe
were
throwing stones to
bring a
mango down from a
tree.
Rukewe suggested,
"Maybe it is not
ripe,why don't we
confirm first?"
Akpors climbed the tree
& went to
touch it to make sureit
was ripe..,
"Yep,it is ripe alright!"
So he climbed down &
they
continued throwing
stones
at it with much more
effort this
time...
Are they Clever or
dumb?

Akpos was being
discharged from Yaba
Mental
Hospital after the
doctors thought he was
finally
back to normal.
They put him in an
Ambulance to be taken
back
home.
They took him to
Omole, as he claimed
that's where
he lived.
Just as they approached
a certain house, 2 kids
dressed in school
uniforms came out of
the house.
Akpos screamed;
"Those are my children,
they are
going to school".
A minute later a woman
came out of the same
house
and Akpos screamed;
"That's my wife, she is
late for work."
This time the doctors
were
convinced Akpos was
okay and took him out
of the
ambulance but was still
in chains.
As they were about
unlocking the chains, a
man
came out of the house
and Akpos screamed;
"Yes,
that's me, i am going to
my office."

Akpos traveled to Lagos
after his WAEC result
was out so that his
Uncle will help him get
admission into the
University of Lagos to
study medicine and
become a medical
doctor....
The following
conversation happened
between them:
Akpos: Uncle, I learnt its
difficult to get
admission into the
university these days
except you are well
connected...
Uncle: That's true...
Akpors: Since you are
connected, I came to
ask you if you can help
me get admission into
the university after my
JAMB....
Uncle: That's true... am
connected and I will help
u....
Akpors: Thank you
Uncle....
Uncle: You welcome...so
how is your result, is it
WAEC or NECO and how
many credits did you
get?
Akpors: Uncle, it's
WAEC, I had only two
credits in agric and
Yoruba language but I
failed the rest...
Uncle: Well, that's not
bad... you can still be a
doctor, not a medical
doctor really but native
doctor (babalawo)...
You will use your credit
in agric in collecting
herbs from the forest,
and Yoruba language for
incantations...

While watching a music
video of Micheal
Jackson, the following
conversation ensued
between two friends.
Joy: Hmmm....even with
the death of
Michael Jackson, his
music still lives.
Akpors: is Michael
Jackson dead?
Joy: Yes, have you been
in a hole or something?
Even Whitney Houston.
Akpors: [shocked]
Really!!?
Joy: Even Neil
Armstrong.
Akpors: Oh no...
Joy: Even Julius Caeser,
Cleopatra...
Akpors: eeeey! What a
pity, what is
happening? All this
NOLLYWOOD actors are
just dying!!!

AKPOS THE RADIO
PRESENTER
AKPOS; Whats your
contribution?
CALLER; There is this
lady i wanted in my life
shortly after my NYSC,
but all my effort proved
abortive. She wouldn't
pick my calls, she would
laugh at me while
passing by, for reasons
best known to her! FIVE
Months later, i was able
to get my apartment,a
new car,courtesy of a
contract job i secured
with a major oil
company.Now most of
the missed calls i have
is hers,dozens of SMS
from her and all that.... i
am confused on what
to do. PLS help me out!!!
AKPOS; listen up guy!
Pick up your phone now,
give her a call,letting her
know you'll be at her
house in 2hrs. You take
a good shower, wear a
nice outfit, and an
attention-catching
perfume.When it is
exactly 2hr, call her&tell
her you'll be there in
another 2hrs.When the
2hrs is over, you now
drive down to her
house, get down from
the car, walk to her
door. Once she opens
the door,welcome her
with the sexiest smile
you've got,stylishly look
into her eyes,draw her
slowly to yourself,take
your mouth to her ear&
whisper "THUNDER FIRE
YOUR HEAD"!

Two guys raped a
princess. When they
were
caught and taken to
the king for punishment.
The king ordered
them to go and get as
many fruits as they can
to bail themselves.
The first one went and
returned with 15
Mangoes, the king
ordered
the guards to insert the
Mango into his ass so
that he will feel the
same pain as the raped
Princess. Theguy
screamed and shouted
throughout the
insertion.
Suddenly, he began to
laugh out loud, the
guard asked him why he
was laughing in pain.
He pointed ahead and
said
.
.
.
“Look at my friend
(Akpos), he is bringing
WATER MELONs.” lolz

A teacher asked Akpos
if he should
ask him one difficult
question or two
simple question,
"one difficult question
sir", Akpos
answered".
TEACHER: How many
stars did you
see last night?
AKPOS: 5000 stars, sir.
TEACHER: How did you
know they
were 5000?
AKPOS: Sir, you are
already asking
me the second
question!

Akpors took a
prostitute to the hotel.
While in hot s*x in the
dead of the night, the
lady suddenly wentlimp
and lifeless.
While Akpors was still
confused and trying to
understand what's
happening, the girl's
phonerang andhe picked
it up. Here's the
conversation between
him and a male voice
from the other end
ofthe line:
Voice: guy, you're in
trouble! That girl you
just raped to death is
the IG's daughter.
Akpors: but I didn't rape
her. I paid her for
service rendered.
Voice: tell that to the
police.
Akpors: so what do u
want me to do. I can't
afford to go to prison.
Voice: pay me 50k and I
will handle the rest. We
could go to the nearest
ATM machine if u don't
have d cash on u. I'm a
patient businessman.
Akpors: look, I'm a
businessman too.I
know a ritualist who will
pay 1million naira for a
fresh corpse like this
one. We canshare it
50/50. Give me a minute
to call him.
The prostitute suddenly
jumped up from the bed
shouting - "na your
mama dem go take do
ritual, oloshi
oloriburuku", as she ran
out of the hotel stark
naked..

Hv u ever noticed dat
almost everytin abt
woman upper body
start's wit a "B" like
Blouse, Bra,
Bikini,Breast/ Boobs... N
lower body wit a "P" like
Petticoat, Pants,
Panties, Period, pusssy...
No wonder men suffer
from Bp.

DADDY_AKPOS: ur
mother said u went out
to check & print your
result.
AKPOS: thatz right dad.
DADDY_AKPOS: where is
it den??
AKPOS: Benjamin
borrowed it.
DADDY_AKPOS: what
for??
AKPOS: he has a good
result,so he said he
want's to use mine to
scare his parents.