₦airaland Forum

FUNNY NAMES
ABBREVIATION
Gift Chioma Emeka =
G.C.E
David Victor Denis =
DVD
Hope Innocent Vincent =
HIV
Love Grateful Ada = LGA
Nathan Tim Aboh =
NTA
Amanda Ino Daniel Sera
= AIDS
Nwankwo Elochi Peter
Agnes= NEPA
Veronica Ifeoma Peter =
VIP
Rapuruchuku Iheanyi
Paul = RIP
Benjamin Bony Maduako
= BBM
Mukaila Tunde Nurudeen
= MTN
Deborah Sarah Tiffany
Veronica = (DSTV)
Bode Raji Tafa = (BRT)
Nike Emmanuela
Cosmas Orlando (NECO)
Waziri Ahmed Ebenezer
Concordis (WAEC)
Jamiu Alaba Mailaka
Bakare (JAMB)
Usman Maduka
Emmanuel (UME)
Oya add your own join
and let's go
there.....no dulling.

A woman was taking a
shower when she
heard a knock on her
door. "who is it?" she
asked.
"It's me akpors," answered
the guy at the
door.
"Oh i'm coming, wait a
second." she replied. she
wrapped a towel around
herself, then
opened the door,
akpors is a blind neighbour,
so she didn't cover
herself very well,
she was now naked, as
she sat on the
couch applying lotion.
"So, what made you
visit me today? it's
been a long time since i
saw you, like two
years ago." she
said.
"well, i wanted to invite
you to my
party."said akpors "oh,what
party!?" she asked
"I went for an eye
operation and now I can
see clearly." said akpors
"Nice body, by the way "
said akpors.

#the woman fainted

Akpors and Johnny
were
terribly dying of hunger
and thirst when
they
suddenly came upon an
oasis with what
looked like
an emirate with a
mosque in the
middle. Akpors said to
Johnny “Let’s
pretend as if
we are muslims
otherwise we wil not
get
food or drink.
I am going to call myself
Muhammad
Gambo,said Akpors”
Johnny refused to
change his name “My
name is Johnny and I
wil not
pretend to be what I
am not. When they
got there, the imam
of d mosque received
both of them well
and asked for their
names. Akpors said “My
name is
Muhammad Gambo”
Johnny said “My name
is Johnny” The imam
turns to the helpers
of the mosque and
said “Pls bring some
food and water for
Johnny only. Then he
turned to Akpors and
said “Well
Muhammad Gambo, I
hope you are
aware that we are still
in the month of
Ramadan?
Akpors fainted.......

Nearly two years
later since Lil
Wayne dissed
Jay-Z on “It’s
Good” off Tha
Carter IV, Jay has
sent shots back to
Wayne on his “La
Familia” song off
Magna Carta Holy
Grail.
“Nigga wanna
kidnap wifey,
good luck with
that bruh; You
must gonna hide
your whole family,
what you think we
wearing black
for? Ready for
that war, ready
for that war
ready; You ain’t
ready yo’, you
radio; You ain’t
really ready, real
nigga chea”
This “beef” all
started after Jay-Z
had dissed
Birdman on
“H.A.M.” by rapping:
“I’m like really
half a billi nigga,
really you got
Baby money;
Keep it real with
niggas, niggas
ain’t got my lady
money”
Then Weezy F
Baby responded
with these bars
going at Jay and
Beyonce:
“Talkin ’bout
Baby money? I
got your baby
money; Kidnap
your bitch, get
that ‘how much
you love your
lady’ money; I
know you fake
nigga, press your
brakes nigga; I’ll
take you out,
that’s a date
nigga”
Now Jay-Z has
responded, I wonder
if Tune will send
more shots at him.

Mr.T Anonymous:
lil,u stil dey here

haba! Where i go go now

I went to a cinema with
Akpos, on getting to
the
cinema we saw a bald
guy, I
showed the guy to
Akpos
and said "Look at fresh
head,
this one is good to slap,
but
I'm afraid of the guy's
face".
Akpos then said to me
"Emeka, you fear a lot, I
will
slap that head and
nothing
will happen".
I dared him to do it and
he
went to where the guy
was
sitting and gave him a
HOT
SLAP on his head.The
guy
was surprised, and
wanted to
react, then Akpos said
"Bros
emeka, so you are here,
and
we have been looking
for
you at home!"
The guy responded "I'm
not
Bros emeka, maybe we
look
alike", Akpos murmured
"maybe."
After some minutes In
the
cinema, Akpos called me
again and said "emeka, I
will
slap that guy again and
nothing will happen." I
answered "ok"
He went to the guy,
gave
him a hot slap and said
"Bros
emeka stop lying, I say
na u
be dis..." The guy said to
him
angrily "I'm not Bros
emeka,
please, let me be". The
guy
then left that seat and
went
to the front seat.
After some minutes
Akpos
called me and said
"emeka, I
will slap that guy again
and
nothing will happen."
This
time i told him that"if
anything happens, I will
pretend I don't know
him."
He stood up, went to
the
front seat, gave the
guy a
very hot slap and said
"Bros
emeka, so na here you
dey, I
come dey slap another
person for back!"

Teacher :Akpors,ur
home
work is 2 draw a man
and a
woman together on a
page.
Akpors :Ok aunty.
(Akpors went home and
draw
a naked man and a
woman.Akpos was
about 2 leave 4 school
when his
mother came back
home.).
Akpors :Welcum
mama,my
aunty give us home
work se
make we draw a man
and a woman
together.Mama see if i
draw am well.
Mother :Wat!! Akpos
what d
hell is dis?
Akpors :Dat one no be u
oo,since u don travel
na.Na
papa and the house help
bi dat
joo,since dat time wey
u don travel if i don
sleep
na so dey always dey
together.....ma ma mi
no sleep today o cos i
won get
10/10 for my home
work na

Teacher: who is a
pharmacist?
Akpors: raised up his
hand
Teacher: so its only
Akpors that is the
most
intelligent student i
have in this class? So
there is no body else to
answer the
question except
Akpors?
(there was no reply
from the students)
Teacher: ok now Akpos,
use this cane
and flogged them ten
strokes of cane
each....
Akpors: full of happy
gave all the students
ten hot strokes of cane,
which resulted to
some students crying....
Teacher: oyaa my dear
Akpors tell this
dumb students who a
pharmacist is...
Akpors: A Pharmacist is
a farmer who
assist people.
Teacher: fainted

Desperation is when ur
in a taxi.
Ur girlfriend texts u,
"SEX TONIGHT ?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You type, "YES" Then a
thief snatches ur
phone through the
window and instead of
shouting for "HELP!"
You shout,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
" Press Send.....!
..
..
Press Send! MOFO Take
away the damn phone
but please
But please press Send"
Highest level of
desperation.

Akpos lost his cheque
booklet and went
to the bank two days
after to report it.
Mr Akpos (angrily):
Fucking Shit!!! I lost my
cheque book
Bank manager: Calm
down Mr Akpos,
We don't allow such
vulgar words in the
bank premises and I
warned you to be
careful
with your cheque book
Mr Akpos,
because anyone can
forge your signature.
Mr Akpos: I am not a
fool.
I have already signed all
the cheques,
so they won’t have
space
to forge my signature!
Bank Manager: FUCKING
SHITTTTT!!!!!!

1) NA YOUR FACE BE
THIS?
Answer: NO NA MY HIPS.


2) Guy how far? NA YOU
BE THIS?
Answer: NO OH! NA MY
PAPA WHEN
HIM YOUNG.


3) On ur wedding, one
idiot walk up to you as
you
are about to take
ur wedding pix with ur
wife...
NA YOUR WIFE BE THIS?
Answer: NO OH! NA MY
MAMA CLASS MATE.


4) Give me your phone
number -
0803476... ....THANKS. SO
YOU DEY
USE MTN?
Answer: NO!!! NA NEPA I
DEY USE.
I listened to 9 o'clock
news, it was announced
that the election was
postponed.
WHO TOLD YOU?
Answer: NA ONE
NATIVE DOCTOR
FOR MY VILLAGE.


Take this mosquito coil;
e dey kill
insect fast... Thanks
bros. E DEY KILL
MOSQUITOS?
Answer: NO,E DEY KILL
ELEPHANT.


*standing in front of a
police station*
SHEY NA POLICE
STATION BE THIS?
Answer:no! Na
aso rock!


*you see me at your
door, DRENCHED by rain
and you ask me...is it
raining?
Answer::nooo rain ke,
its not raining, i took ma
fish for a walk in the
swimmingpool!