₦airaland Forum

Akpors was lying
unconscious in a
hospital bed. After a
week he finally regained
consciousness. The
doctor was immediately
summoned.
DOCTOR: Your recovery
was a miracle.
AKPORS: Thank God!
That means I don't
have to pay you.

The kids refused to
come together to take
a class picture for their
year book at a primary
school.
The teacher, trying to
cajole them said, "we
should all take this
picture so that when
you're all rich and
famous you can point at
each other in the
yearbook and say, Look!
There's Dan, his a big
lawyer! And there's
Samuel, he's the
president!"
Akpos laughed and said,
"And there's the
teacher, she's dead!"

A 90 year old man
marries an 18yr old
woman and
goes to a doctor. MAN:
My 18 year wife is
pregnant, your opinion
doctor?
Dr Akpos: ok, Let me tell
you a story..A hunter in
a hurry, grabs an
umbrella instead of a
gun. He moves into the
jungle, sees a lion,
lifts the umbrella, pulls
the handle & BANG.. the
lion drops dead.!
Old man: That's
impossible, someone
else must have shot
the lion.
Like if you
get it.

U THINK U R WISE, I
DARE U TO ANSWER ONE
QUESTION:::
If swimming is a
good exercise to stay
FIT,
Why are whales FAT ??
Why is the place in a
stadium where
people SIT,
called a STAND ?
Why is that everyone
wants to go to
HEAVEN,
but nobody wants to
DIE..
Shall I say that there is
racial
discrimination even in
chess...
As the WHITE piece is
moved FIRST...
In our country,
We have FREEDOM of
SPEECH,
Then why do we have
TELEPHONE
BILLS ?
If money doesn't grow
on TREES,
then why do banks
have BRANCHES ?
Why doesn't GLUE
stick to its BOTTLE ?
Why do you still call it a
BUILDING,
when its already
BUILT ?
If its true that we are
here to HELP
others,
What are others HERE
for ?
If you arent supposed
to DRINK and
DRIVE...
Why do cars have
PARKING lots ?
If All The Nations In
The World Are In
Debt,
Where Did All The
Money Go..?
?
When Dog Food Is New
With Improved
Taste,
Who Tests It..?
?
If The "Black Box" Flight
Recorder Is
Never Damaged During
A Plane Crash,
Why Isn't The Whole
Airplane Made
Out Of That Stuff..?

Two men (akpos and
johnny)
planned to run away
from the
psychiatric hospital.
They started planning
and
agreed that they will go
to the
gate, beat up the
watchman,
open
the gate and run away.
...
When they reached the
gate,
the watchman was not
there
and the gate was wide
open.
.
.
.
.
They turned to each
other and
said "sshit! our plan has
failed.
Lets go back, we will try
again
tomorrow."

Teacher asks pupils to
mention
medicines they know &
their
uses. Little Susan
stands & says...
"PANADOL!"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache!
Teacher: Good.Yes Billy?
Musa: PIRITON!
Teacher: Used for?
Musa: Helps in Sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!! Yes
Akpors!
Akpos {confidently}:
VIAGRA!!
Teacher {nearly falls off
her chair
shocked}:What for??
Akpos: I think
Diarrhoea..
Teacher: Who told you
that?
Akpos: Everynight my
mom tells
Dad, "TAKE 2 VIAGRA
PILLS,
MAYBE THAT LITTLE
SHITT WILL BE
HARDER TODAY

O.michael.O:
ED SHEERAN
Lego house
Small bump
Give me love
Kiss me

NOAH GUNDERSEN
Honest songs
Oh Death
Family


BASTILLE
Oblivion

YANNI
(I don't know the name)

EMELI SANDE
Read all About it

ENYA
Wild child

JAMES VINCENT MCMARROW
We don't eat
From the woods
We Are Ghosts (Ghosts)

ASA
Questions

RIHANNA
Stay

THE FRAY
Ungodly Hour

LIZ LAWRENCE
When I was Younger

DAVE BAXTER
Whispers



There are all recommended



P.S - AM NOT A SADDIST

try listening to KATY PERRY - THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

A Chinese Call center:
.
Caller: Hello, can I speak
to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes you can
speak to me..
Caller: No, I want to
speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I
understand you want to
speak to anyone.
You can
speak to me. Who is
this?
Caller: I am Sam Wan,
and I need to talk to
Annie Wan. It's
urgent!
Operator: I know you
are someone and you
want to speak
to anyone. But what's
the urgent matter
about?
Caller: Well.. just tell my
sister Annie Wan that
our brother
Noe Wan was involved
in an accident. Noe Wan
got injured
and now Noe Wan is
being sent to hospital.
Right now,
Every Wan is on his way
to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one
was injured and no one
was sent
to the hospital, then the
accident isn't an urgent
matter!
You may find this
hilarious but I don't have
time for this!
Caller: You are so rude!
Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should
be sorry. Now give me
your name.
Operator: That's what I
said. I am Saw Ree...
Caller: Oh...God..!

Whoever said English is
simple ehn??
Read Sister Nkechi's
testimony nah!
"Praise the rord!!!
Hmmm, It's not a small
something.
Well, actually, it all
started a two day ago,
which I'm in my house.
So a small hungry is
catching me, so I look in
the house, nothing
much to chop only small
plantain which I've not
fried before.... So, I tell
myself to fry it and
chop, as I'm frying that
plantain, so phone
ringing, so I look, it's a
faring place, so I now
run, which I reach there,
it's my father which call,
so I now say: "Father
call after, I is plantain
frying." So I keep it. So
now, I now turn around,
as I turn round, all of a
suddenly everywhere in
my house have turn to
smoke.
Children of God as I'm
approaching, smoke is
bigging, smoke is just
bigging and bigging. It's
a fearing thing o! If it's
you self, afraid will
catch you. So I now call
the name of shesus
three times. I shout
shesus shesus shesus!( jesus) All of
a miraculously, smoke
start to be vanishing, to
where? I no know. It's a
miracle something o!
Smoke start to
disappearing small,
small, small. Then, my
plantain have burn to
matches.
Halleluyah...Praise the
lort somebodies. But
my main testimony
today be say, I shop
that sharcoal and
nothing is happen to
me.! Plaise d
rord".