₦airaland Forum

I think BOTH of them should write a book. It's really encouraging to know that there are still good guys around, but she also seems to be a very good wife as well. Maybe this will encourage the guys as well, knowing that there are still some good girls/ women in this world.

Thanks Busy body, , and no , no explanations needed.

I just feel sad now. What a waste of time.
I feel like flogging myself when I remember how I was considering sleeping with him.

@ Follypimpi ; Just to let you know, your comment was at best, irritating, and at worst, insulting. It was NOT funny.

Ummm, forgive my ignorance, but you said he " CLEARLY loves her more than you"

I'm just trying to ask if you could point out what makes that so clear to you. Sorry if this question sounds dumb. I'm still in limbo, sort of.

I actually would have loved to do that but he keeps saying he has feelings for BOTH of us. In other words,  he has feelings for me as well.  So it's like keeping both of us on a tightrope because he calls and texts both of us regularly .
This is really getting on my nerves.

@ Busy- body ; I actually did do an investigation , that was the worst of it. I asked him, and I pestered everyone else till they got tired of telling me that from what they were seeing, he didn't like her anymore. He also told me (when I asked him at the beginning of us dating ) that he didn't have feelings for her.  When I reminded him of that, he said, " He THOUGHT he had gotten rid of his feelings for her".
And don't you mean very BAD friends

@ FL Gator;  I definitely did NOT play blind. In fact , my eyes were open 24/7. I guess some people just like looking for loopholes. Considering that this was my first realtionship, I think I was very open with him, more open than he deserved.

I think it depends. I saw this happen in my Uni. A guy liked a girl, and she liked him too but was too busy thinking of everyone else's opinions. Eventually, she heard something about him that wasn't to her taste, and she began to give excuses whenever he called e. g that she was washing her hair ( can u imagine )
So he stopped trying and came onto another girl . She liked him too, he asked her out, and she says , ok.
So the supposedly happy couple are going out for a year, and suddenly the guy gets to hear that the other girl actually still like him ,and that's all it takes. They started texting each other and he asks her if she actually still has feelings. She admits it. He tells his gf what has happened, and she , not seeing any point in standing in the way, dumped him. So he's free to pursue his true feelings now.

So the girl who played hard to get won at the end of the day. Meanwhile his ex is out there licking her wounds. Which is kinda sad.

We started dating in early February, this year. So altogether we went out for four months.

How did I allow myself to be used? I said before, I didnt even know about him having a crush on someone else until after we started going out. And besides, he told me he didnt like her anymore. Until now.

@  Czarskit ; It IS the truth, and besides, this has happened over 3 months and it all came to a head yesterday.       That's why it's here now.

@ Every one else; Thank you so much for replying!!! And for your advice ( I will indeed sharpen my fishing hook in the future,  LOL!! ) But , how does one deal with feeling like a substitute girlfriend? I really feel like he only used me to get back at her for stringing him along all that time. I can't even explain how used I feel.

PS ; This is my very first time of actually being in a relationship with someone. Is this how boys usually act? Just so I can be prepared next time.

Ok, first of all , a big hello to everyone.
This is the issue at hand;

My ex - boyfriend ( we broke up yesterday) and I , were previously in a relationship. What led to our break was this;
Before he met me , he liked another girl, and apparently really tried to show his feelings for her. She , on the other hand was acting, you know, in a manner that even I would call playing hard to get, and to be really honest, she kept giving him mixed signals . In her defence, she said she was confused and didn;t know whether she liked him or not. So, my guy here said, ok, no wahala. He stopped calling her and transferred his attention to me. At that time I was a no-no and didn't know much of what had happened, and I liked him as well, so when he asked me out, I said yes.
However, he said he did'nt want anyone to know that we were going out and that we shoud keep it to ourselves and close friends for a while. I said ok. I wasn't too keen on publicity either cos he's quite popular in our Uni. However, we were only able to keep things to ourselves for about 2 weeks at most.
Ok, so a few days later, I heard that he and the other girl had something going on and that they might be going out. I asked him about it, and he said there was nothing between them, because he had once liked her but she wasn't being forthcoming. So he gave up on her. This was in February of this year.

Now, the other girl and I actually attended school together so we were quite good friends. And we stayed friends. Then one day ( during this week) , my ex told me that they had been texting each other when she suddenly began to declare that she liked him and had only ever had feelings for him, and that now, he was confused because he had feelings for both of us but did'nt want anyone to get hurt. He let me read her texts but I couldnt read his repies cos he said that his phone didnt save sent messages. I was worried and upset but suggested a break to give him time to think things over. But he didn't seem to want one so I left it.
The next day, he said that my best friend ( let's call her Janet) may have had something to do with his former flame sending those texts. I was like, no, that can't be true but that I would ask her later. That evening , he told me he was coming over and that I should wait for him. So I stayed awake , but he didnt show up until about 7 or 8 in the morning. So I asked him where he had been, and he told me that he had gone over to her house to talk to her about his feelings for her. However, what I found out later was that he had slept over in her house. (She had an air bed, apparently, so he slept on that)

That same day, I called Janet and asked her about what was going on. She said it wasnt true and that yes, and she knew about the texts but she hadn't had anything to do with them, and she just thought I should speak to the other girl. So I asked her to come over as well, but oddly enough, she said, that the only reason why she said she liked him was because he kept trying to force her to admit it .In other words, the subject did come up, but he kept hammering on it and hinting and stuff. So eventually, she did but she added that she never said anything because she and I were friends. She let me read the texts on her phone and it was actually true, he kept bringing it up so often, and at one point said " I care about you more than anyone else" and when she asked him if he was serious about me, he said I was a " very good friend and he takes all his good freinds seriously". ( He had told me about that previously, but it did'nt really strike a note until I read all the texts).

So I made up my mind, and told him I was breaking up with him , by text. I did'nt even feel bad about that cos he's dumped me via text, and Facebook, simultaneously ( We've broken up twice b4) . So, after this, my friends went home, and he came over to my house. We talked about it, but we had to agree to disagree because he said I did'nt trust him, or why would I have read the texts? And I said it was cos I needed to know if they ( my friends) , were telling the truth, not him. But I did tell him that I was upset because it seemed, a lot of times, that he didn't care about me, and if he did, why was I still a "very good friend" ?

Anyway, with all that said, I want to know if I should feel guilty, because for some reason, that' s how I feel, and if I'm just being irrational about being "very good friends" after about 3 months of going out.

i_laugh:
@Becky

The solution is for you to fok me ten hours a day until i black out, I have consulted the mami waters and papi waters, they have agreed, one you are ready to fok the great i_laugh for ten hours a day, then all your troubles will fly away, and for evidence, you must take a picture of your mouth over his erect dik and his fingers twisting your erect nipples, these will be shown to the mami and papi waters, once their diks are hard and their slits wet, then your trouble is solved.

WTF!!!!

Though I am a girl, i must say that we women, at times , are not very smart ( neither are the men, but that's another story). How many times do you see a man hanging up issues like this on a forum like Nairaland? No wonder women get called all sorts of foul names when it comes to romance and such. The only other thing I would like to say is that if you are old enough to get engaged, you have reached the age of reasoning. So you know what to do. What that guy feels for you is not love and you know it. Are you really willing to throw your engagement away for that opportunist? Thats what you have to decide.

brutal:
@poster-i don't quite get it.do u mean marriage 4 love or 4 paper?because most have married b4 2 whites,blacks or whoever and some r still in it.most in europe have husbands but that's not a guarantee they r happy.talking about unfailthfulness--it's an individual thing,it has nothing 2 do with race.when a white man cheats on his partner,he blames it on alcohol"I WAS DRUNK".And when a black man cheats also,he blames it on d devil"NA DEVIL WORK".another fact is that u can't trust a white man or woman cos u don't know what they'll do next.they can change any time(LIKE D GERMAN WEATHER).They r prone 2 depression.una see as people dey commit suicide,we no know who dey mad again .so marry ur level.marry someone that will give u peace and compatible with.i don yarn finish oh.

Thank You!!!! If you have a problem with girls born in the UK/US, then marry your level (girls born in Naija). End Of Story.
Don't know what all this debate is about.

@ Poster

I just want to make three points;

1) Your post depends on what exactly you mean by a "good" girl. Do you mean a) a girl who will be faithful to you and accept you for who you are , or ,b) do you mean a virgin? If you are talking about the former, then maybe you were unlucky in your choice of women. But if you're looking for a virgin, then i don't think you should expect a virgin if you are not one. Because, not all a's are b's and not all b's are a's.

2) That life is a two- way thing. Ok, let's assume that there are no good girls. But whichever way you look at it, a girl cannot corrupt herself. Who corrupted the former good girls , and made them bad? It's very simple. The MEN did. These are men who have no morals and are only on the look-out for how money can be made through exploiting women. And I'm not saying there arent any good men, i'm sure and i believe that there are cos i hope to find one some day. I'm just saying that what ever is bad now, was once good. And NOTHING is capable of corrupting itself. Nothing.

3) Let's be civil to each other, please. Your post was like a lot of biased people who say that because a Nigerian swindled them, that means all Nigerians are bad, or because one Pastor was found committing adultery, that means God is non-existent and there's no point going to church. Let's not generalize.

@ Maykelly ;
I know and believe that you are trying to tell people what you think is the truth with your best intentions, but honestly, I've read through all your posts, and even though I'm a Christian as well, you come across as a fanatic.

May kelly:
I rise above every challenge, every problem or limitation that stands before me. I have the solution to every situation that I face, for the wisdom of God is working in me. I rejoice in the face of adversity, for the greater One lives in me, in the Name of Jesus!

and again,

May kelly:
though[b] hostile nations [/b] surrounded me, I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord. Psalm 118:10

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? Matthew 23:33

and yet again,

May kelly:
The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way and the forward mouth, do I hate. proverbs 8 v 13

There is no need to condemn people just because they don't agree with you, It is absolutely wrong. True Christians are supposed to have the Fruits Of the Spirit, and if you go through the whole verse, you will find tolerance as one of those fruits. You should tolerate them even if they dont tolerate you. This does not include the Devil o! Nobody should tell me later that I said they should tolerate the Devil and his agents, abeg.

Hmmmmm, will keep this in mind,

Hollysmile:
Ehen, anti-christ don surface from hell.
ALUSI !

LMAO!!!!!!!!

@ Poster; No-one is insulting you, people are just getting tired of this double standard. And you happened to choose the wrong topic at the wrong time. Personally, I would never kiss a guy until I was sure he liked me and we were going out. But that doesn't have to mean she's cheap, it might just mean that she likes you very much and is hoping you feel the same way about her.

Look at the megapixel numbers at the bottom, it even says "ini" at the beginning , so what more do u want? This is an insult to Genevieve, am really pissed off

Hmm,  i wonder why she has'nt replied, 
Anyway, I agree with what some people have said,  there are two sides to every coin. Let's know what the guy thinks. However there's something he apparently said that really bothers me,  " Just marry me and let's get it over with, " That's just weird,

arramyjay:
Friends we shall remain.

WORD!!!

@ Sara J;
I do understand what you mean,  but what I was trying to correct was what you said earlier on, about how her saving people, reading her Bible and being brave about her situation may have granted her access to heaven.   The Bible says in John 14:6  ;
   " Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth and the life; no one cometh to the Father, but by me."
  In other words, there is NO OTHER PATH!  All others lead to misguided beliefs, and ultimately, to hell. However, we cannot tell,  hopefully she may have heard    (and believed ) in the Gospel, and given her life to Jesus before she died.

LOL @ Redsun and Naijacutee's argument,  but seriously though, I dont think Redsun was trying to generalize all white people, and besides, I have to admit that she's right . I'm in uni abroad and my housemates are white,  and honestly, I had to stop them using my things because they either half- wash them, ( leave some of the dirt and grease on it so its only partially clean) or wash them but don't rinse them properly so that you can still see soap suds on the pot which has supposedly been washed.

Quote from Redsun : " Englishmen are like backstabbers , nice in your presence but monstrous at your back"

Hmm, I can see a little generalization in this instance, but if you look at the way they actually treat each other, even their celebs, then I think you'll get what she's trying to say. No offence to all the Englishmen out there!!!

As regards whether she went to heaven or not, all I can say is that I heard she got baptized with her sons before she died, however, if she had actually given her life to Christ is another issue, and that is the only way I know you can go to heaven. If she had'nt done that, then I'm afraid she might have gone to hell.

sara j:
I'd be surprised if she didn't. The way she dealt with her illness was very brave. I also believe she has saved many lives by raising awareness of cervical cancer among young women and all young people in general. Cancer just dosen't happen to people over 40. It can happen at any age. I heard that the amount of smear tests carried out in the UK in the last 3 months have gone up 200 percent or something due to her public illness which is great. I also heard she was reading the bible vigirously throughout her illness so she might have redeemed herself.

Errr, no, going to heaven for doing good deeds is another type of religion altogether, it's called Buddhism. And their version of heaven is called "Nirvana" , I think.

However I did notice that a lot of people seemed to hate her for some unknown reason, kinda reminds me of the terrible way Princess Diana died and how people hated her despite all she did. (And no, I am NOT comparing them to each other, or saying that they were angels/ saints , I'm just saying.)

segyemaro:
i have never seen a woman preached in catholic church,i mean mounting the pulpit and take authority over men and preach,i have never seen,this happen only in the penticostals,where the church belongs to me and my wife, PAPA and MAMA

@ Segyemaro; Just curious, are you a Catholic? Because I dont think you should generalize the pentecostal churches. The system you spoke of doesnt exist in the pentecostal churches I know of. But if you disagree, you are free to mention real- life examples. I'm trying to be polite so as not to cause trouble on this thread, but i have to say that that post was rather thoughtless.
Sorry for digressing from the main topic, everyone.

@ JustGood
Lol, yeah I am Thanks tho,

Men DO know what they want. But their strategy is not to tell us, rather they leave it to us to figure it out. And while we are trying to do that, they assess us to make sure that we fit all their standards,
Can u imagine.

Whatever does'nt kill me makes me stronger, from the one, the only, Kanye West!!! (I know,he was quoting someone else,but still my favourite quote nevertheless)