₦airaland Forum

^^^^


You got banned AGAIN?!

In this scenario the worst thing you can do now is to talk to the so - called Pastor because you are not ready yet. You are still furious with him on behalf of your wife and all that.

As regards your wife, . . . what can I say? Obviously what she's told you has affected your opinion of her. I like that you said the fact that she wasn't a virgin didn't mean all that much to you. But her story COULD be true . . . it may be that the 'Man of God' in question was the one who abused her and from then on she found it really hard to say no.

I could be wrong . . . Just speculating.

I'm not trying to justify anything that happened or excuse it, but for now all you can to do is make sure you change your church. You obviously know why you should, because listening to that man preach will destroy your faith, and also, you will be paranoid that your wife might have an affair with him again. Which would be twice as bad.
Lastly, you need to try to forgive her for not telling you this in time. It's going to take a long time , I know. But you have to try. That's the only way your marriage is ever going to work.

drsly:
You can hook up with the following people for friendship, dating, hanging out, chatting e.t.c.
Based on what they tell you.
1. Gureje Isaac Babatunde, 20, male, Kano, phone number: check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
2. Uzezi Blessing Emmanuel, 21, female, Lagos, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
3. Rose Mary, female, 22, Ilorin, phone number: check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
4. Feyisayo Babs, female, 21, Ilorin, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
5. Susan Patrick, female, 21, Benin City, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
6. Joy Macanthony, 22, Female, Lagos, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
7. Mariam Bisola Shomade, 22, Lagos, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
8. Yvonne Ambrose, 22, female, Lagos, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
9. Olayemi Braimoh, 22, Lagos, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
10. Sandra Ocholi, 24, female, Delta, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
11. Stephinie Olodi, 21, female, Lagos, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com
12. Lolita Achums, 24, female, Ibadan, phone number: : check it on www.withdrsly..com or www.99quotesandjokes..com

NB: you must be 18 years or above to do this.

U again . . . Stop this rubbish now and create ur own thread, you slowpoke!

As far as I'm concerned, there are only two ways you can tell what this guy's intentions are towards her.

1) When she woke him up, he first of all said " Is there anyone who wants to marry you? "

2) Then he said , "You don't want me to progress" ( after she discussed with him some girl who gave him her contacts or whatever)

Am I the only one seeing this GIGANTIC RED FLAG ?? ?? ??

First of all, he asks her if she has any guy who is chasing her. Meaning he wants to be the only guy in her life. Insecure, but natural. This statement alone probably wouldn't mean anything.
But then he says " You don't  want me to progress"  . .  .  what does that mean? Simply that he is not progressing where he is and that he is looking for fairer pastures.
Put together with the first statement, it means " I want to be your one and only , but I will keep a plan B on the side who has better prospects ."
A guy who loves you will not get contacts from some girl and then defend himself with saying that you are the reason why he ain't progressing. 

Maybe I'm naive, but no matter how long you've been with someone, if you truly loved them, you would be singing the tune of " She's just a friend ".

kadman:
Every forum has a resident troll. Mumu Gee you're nairaland's troll. .  Are you pleased with yourself ? 

Please tell me you know what a troll is ?

troublenot:
u are certainly asking for too much 

Na Wa OooOOoOoOo . . . 
Oya leave the girl alone.
This one is too much . . .

LMAO . . . Nairaland wil not kill me with laugh

@ Topic . . . Tell your wife what you have done and pray for forgiveness.
This usually solves the problem of the housegirl cos she will be sent packing with immediate effect.
Unfortunately, so will you.

You didnt seem to understand why everyone was so pissed about what you said.
I just thought I'd help you out in that department.
You can thank me later.

mama-gee:
I don't know what the noise is for?
I said I had no idea who she is and everyone thinks I live in a cave. . .
Like she's a worldwide big megastar like Michael Jackson and Beyonce. . .

You didn't say "WHO is she?" , what you actually said was" Who the HELL is she?"

The difference between the two is what most people are hanging you for.
The latter comment is a little insulting .
Besides that, you are quite rude and extremely ignorant.

I hope that clears up matters for you.

No Wonder!!!!
I just noticed that her songs are being played a LOT nowadays . . . and then some time ago she was on the Jeremy Kyle show . . . her voice is HOT. I wish I could sing like her . . .
She's so famous as well tho . . . !

harakiri:
It's as if you were there when we talked yesterday concerning secrets.This is a girl that gets mad when i don't tell her things and here she is. . .keeping secrets. . .dirty ones at that.If i hadn't discovered for myself, she wouldn't have told me nada. I feel so used.I feel like a sucked orange peel in the dumpster!

Yeah i could sense that she was that type of person cos u mentioned she went ballistic when your ex called to give you her condolences. Definitely not the type of girl you want to keep secrets from.  Her nonchalant attitude is also a big red flag. She's most def trying to tell you something . . . she prolly just doesn't have the courage to do it the right way.

From all you said, no. I don't think you are overreacting.
But for now I think the best option is to giver her some space. Whether she asks for it or not. Tell her you want a break. Make sure she understands that you KNOW there is a problem but until she is ready to discuss it with you , your hands are tied and you don't like scenarios in which the other party is keeping secrets.
Keep an open mind about all the secretiveness she is exhibiting. From what you've said, she's definitely hiding something, but as of now, you're still in the dark. So try not to assume the worst.

@

jumie:
When you take a closer look at it, most of the problem is against women and young girls e.g young girls being abused by their dads/uncles/brothers etc.

The question I will ask is "What is wrong with men of nowadays?"

How can a man give birth to a little adorable girl child, (whom he is meant to care for and protect from harm)suddenly start seeing the girl (his own flesh and blood) as an intimacy-object?

I think men who are guilty of this crime should be castrated, with all their rubbish manhood removed!

Am angry about this, I hate to hear stories of incest. It is really disturbing and makes me believe the world is turing up-side down.

God help the guilty men!!1

It happens to guys too. Some of them do get molested by female family members as well.

ifihearam:
Guys do you ever believe or have you ever trusted any girl up to the extend that you are totally convinced she is dating you and you alone??/

Is it possible??/

s for me,its NEVER possible for a Nigerian GIRL to date one man or be faithful to a partner.

Let me hear your opinions

mama-gee:
You're a jobless wankster . . .
Geta job or better still get lost . . .

For once I have to say that I agree with Mama - Gee.

@ Poster ; You asked for opinions, u have it.

Chykason !!! You are hereby banned from Nairaland Forum 1084 or 1085 times!!! ( Oops am not a moderator . . .where is Debosky when u need him? )

And you stayed there for 1012 or 1013 nights. Go figure.

You will be chased out by security 1008 and 1009 times for refusing to pay your bill

I will kick both of you out of that house 1000 and 1001 times over and live there myself . . .

You did nothing wrong jare.
Are you supposed to pay for not just one potential sponger, but FOUR others
All in the name of liking a girl.
Rawswagga is right though . . . next time, take it more slowly. At least you stood up for yourself and walked out. Some people would have paid and then started crying blue murder later on.

pro01:
I feek like you stripped me bare [**sobs in sweet surrender**]. You must be damn good; if only more women could be this perspicacious.

I humbly have to confess that you're on point in 80% of your submission. This assertion touched a raw nerve, viz: " I think you WANT to get married when the right person comes along, you are just scared of the fact that that person whom you love so much might do the unthinkable and betray your trust". I cannot deny that you're right about that.

Again i agree that life itself is a risk, along with everything that comes with it - including relationships and marriage. Therefore the best one can do is surrender all to God. I agree. However, its not that easy.

I must nonetheless disagree with you on one point: that my subconscious fears can push my partner to cheat on me. I vehemently reject that hypothesis! Its just like saying you would be a failure because the world (including your family) expects and believes that you'd fail. No. Maybe many weaklings would capitulate under the weight of negative expectation, but the determined ones with honest purpose would PROVE THE WORLD WRONG and succeed AGAINST ALL ODDS. I hope you understand how this analogy negates your point. The truth is that no amount of psycho-social pressure can make a supposedly 'good' or 'virtuous' lady do something so sinister and treacherous - except she already had such (repressed) desires and was only waiting for an appropriate opportunity/excuse to live them. I believe in the power of the subconscious but not in the context in which you meant it. This aspect of your submission reinforces my paranoia because it attempts to create an excuse/rationalization/justification for a wife's cheating. There should be NO reason - internally or externally induced - for her to cuckold her husband. Except she only PRETENDED to be virtuous at first - which is my overriding fear.

Other than the above point of disagreement, Luvbooks, I really appreciate your depth. Great lady you must be.

I'm actually surprised at your response  . . . Lol. . . I'd been reading your topic for a long time but I didnt want to write something that would provoke you to insult me like the others who replied here.

Please don't get me wrong . I hate cheating and I am not tying to create an excuse for it. My reason for warning you on the subconscious messages is for you to know how dangerous they can be to relationships in your life. IT WAS NOT MEANT AS AN EXCUSE FOR THOSE WHO CHEAT .

And I agree with you whole heartedly, there should be no excuse whatsoever for cheating.  A family member of mine took back his girlfriend after he found out she had cheated and she wasn't sure who the father of her unborn child was. . . I cannot imagine how he's doing it. And for a Nigerian man, that is really rare.

I also forgot to mention that my knowledge of how subconscious messages work is that of a layman. . .  nevertheless what I wanted to illustrate to you was that you need to free yourself from this paranoia by thinking good thoughts. It's not easy to do that  AT ALL but you need to. For peace of mind, if not for anything else.

pro01:
^^You gurls are still not getting the point. U cant use men's cheating (which they don't even hide) to justify yours! How come no gurl so far has said something like "yes, i'd rather lose my job than cheat on my man with my boss, i put that on my life". Rather you've been busy begging the question; passing the buck to men (who hardly pretend to be 'holy', unlike women). Una funny sha. So if a suspected thief is charged to court, his only defence/alibi would be "am not the only one that is a thief abeg, other people steal too". I bet that 'wonderful' alibi would make the judge discharge and acquit him, right? Duh.

pro01:
You're obviously shallow; since you are intellectually blind, i dont expect you to see reason. Prove me wrong by negating my arguments (this is afterall a debate) rather than your resort to personalized, senseless profanities.

P.S. And, yes. All the men you share your 'goods' to other than your boyfriend/husband are goats. (un)Lucky goats.

Ha ha ha. Life would have been so much easier if one could easily distinguish promiscous girls and 'virtuous' ones merely by thier looks and behaviour. The pretenders are the ones i hate most. Don't wanna reveal how many supposedly 'decent' or even 'born again' gurls i've been 'familiar' with. After the initial 'acting', the real them comes to the fore - its only a matter of time. Some hold out for just 2 days, others 2 years, others even a decade. But eventually, they yield to all kinds of temptation and then go on a spree.  .  .  .

@ Poster ;

               One can understand your fear at the thought of getting married. And I know I have felt sceptical about getting married as well. You have to understand ,  however, that you feeling this way is probably not what YOU think , it's what your society, friends, and experiences around you has drummed into your head constantly.
If your family was one where your parents were happy, if they had respect for each other and trusted each other as well,  you will most likely long for the day you get married.
If your parents were constantly arguing about one thing or the other and things were rough most of the time, then you will most likely not look forward to getting married.  
Also, if your married friends have bad experiences or always seem to have bad experiences, that will probably also decrease your respect for the institution called marriage even more.

You can argue from now till the end of time about those who cheat and their reasons for doing so, but at the end of the day, there will ALWAYS be those who will cheat. There will also always be those who will NOT.
So take it easy on yourself. I think you WANT to get married when the right person comes along, you are just scared of the fact that that person whom you love so much might do the unthinkable and betray your trust.
And if that's the case, then you need to remember 2 very important things .

1) Life is a risk. EVERYTHING in life is a risk. Relationships,  falling in love, going to school, going to work, eating, sleeping, are all risks because anyone of us could drop dead while doing those mundane things . . . and by then it wont matter that much. But while we are alive, we have to make the right investments at the right time. And one investment which is undoubtedly the best, but which everyone overlooks, is God himself.


2) You are NEVER going to get rid of that paranoia until you commit yourself to God totally. Look at it this way. If you get married with this paranoia, it will most likely destroy your marriage because all you will achieve, in effect, is pushing the other person to do what we DON'T want them to do. In other words, because you have constantly told yourself repeatedly that  "This person will cheat on me " , That will most likely happen. I would advise  you to read this book, "The Power Of The Subconscious Mind".
    That is where God comes in because he has the ability to provide someone for you who is not only a perfect mate, but someone who respects you and loves you enough to never do this to you. I know how it feels to be cheated on by someone  . . .  sometimes its not about the fact that you love them but the fact that you respected them enough to think that such an act was out of their reach. You on the other hand have to make sure that you don't stoop to their level.

topup:
What pisses me off though is that it's not the problem of the guys to stop lying, it's the woman's job to be sort of paranoid and on tip toes and of course smart (it's always good to be smart)

But it's like, you'll call a guy, and at this point you probably already have the vibe (if we're honest) that he's not that into you anymore, but when you're getting pissed, instead of him taking the initiative to end the relationship - he comes up with excuses. (And all your friends, male and female advise you not to be the stereotype psycho girlfriend who is like "Why won't you call me." and pester's her poor and genuinely busy man who could also be going through some emotional problems (a frequent excuse) - chasing him away from her).

I read somewhere  (written by a guy) that in all honesty, most men are cowards when it comes to being honest, the last thing they want is to tell you the truth because they know they'll appear like jerks, they might have to see you cry and they'll break your heart. They would much rather you break up with them, they push you to the limits because in all honesty - yes some girls don't get the clue - but at the same time they are being repeatedly lied to - any decent human being would naturally think that -"if he doesn't want to be with me - he'll leave".

Ignoring your phone calls, only to call back 2 days later saying "Sorry, I've just been so busy with work." is not the same as saying; "I've been tired of this relationship for a while and I want to end it." It's just not, I just hate it how the automatic response is to blame the person who actually believes the crap and not the bullsh*tter themself.

This isn't just limited to guys, girls do it too "Oh, babe yeah, I was thinking about you all that time I was apart from you. Of course I still. . . care."
Lol.

Anyways back to the points raised from this topic; guys should really man up and just be honest, don't start something you can't finish, don't coward out - distance yourself, forcing her to break up with you.

More girls break up with their boyfriends than boys who break up with their girlfriends, because guys are said to be less emotional and that they can just withdraw just like that without really thinking twice or caring sometimes.

Sad really.

I will close with the line: "Forget giving her hints, just man up and tell her you want out you big baby!!"

Yours,
Tp

I think I read that book too. Was it " He's Just Not That Into You " . . . ?

@ Poster ; Don't fall in love at all. Best solution.

skfa1:
I go still pay now mama bomboi (googles), wait make government pay my salary at the end of this month, infact i go surprise u no be small, infact i will even take u home      Oya help me prepare that big cat fish wey dey swim , yes, yes that one. *knock off ma tie, today na today*    

U no mean am say that oyinbo don cause kasala today again, I gat whoop her backside again. wey am? but 1st make i drink my peper soup  

I thought I would find a red carpet full of dazzling celebrities but all I found was a beer parlour with . . . ( let me keep quiet before I get banned ) . . .

filani:
girls of NL , it's all good and well for you to av a list of qualities that you desire in a life partner but it goes deeper than just sitting on your @$$ to come up with a "must have" list . 

if you as an individual do not have those same qualities in urself that you desire in a partner then your just living in a fools paradise b'cos such a man IF & WHEN you find him will never be attracted to you since you are not " bringing anything " to the relationship 

Very good point.

Was this write -up stolen from Cosmopolitan or something? It sounds like something I made the mistake of reading before . . .

r231:
babalawo at large

LMAO!!!!!!!

!amebo no1:
Yea, cos i remember when he proposed, i was like " excuse me, i just met you, i dont even know you" and then he said " i wanna date and know you whilst we are married" my dear i did not even have the time to plan a wedding, cos the guy was so obsessed so tey him no give me time, i remember i had to leave sometime in my second semester to travel back to naija , infact na after second semester, i go for honeymoon

When a man meets the woman he wants osisi i tell you the only words that keeps ringing or beating a drum in his ears are " go for her, else someone else will take away from you"

When i read stories here of gurls dat have dated their men for 5 yrs not to even talk of 10 sef, i ask myself, " did someone blindfold this gurl or sthg" deep inside their heart, they know that time is running and they've decided to console themselves wit words like " i wanna finish school, before i marry" when they finish school they change their words to " i wanna enjoy life to the fullest and do things before i get married"

I personally cannot even date a guy for 2 yrs back then, seriously

And i always say this, been married will not stop you from going to school,as long as you marry that person that is truly yours, he or she will amke the road smooth for you, i finished school in my husbands house, and i will never regret getting married in my early teens

May I ask how old you were? When you got married, I mean. And what did your relatives say>?

@ Topic ;   YES!!!!!!  Gladly!

honeric01:
Quote from: Lankeelambo on Yesterday at 06:25:00
I'm sorry about the slap. I dn't know what she told you but thats not the whole story. She had slapped my mum & brother several times before & was still slapping. That was why big bro cldn't talk. Bt i'm really sorry. I jst pray her family accepts her coz she's no good to them either. They gav her 2 my bro @ giv away price & sinc then we've been paying dearly.

I was wondering if anyone had seen this . . .?

0hsisi:
3.

He says all the right things and gets you the gifts as and when required but never ever gets that ring to seal the deal, you ought to re-evaluate the relationship.
Mr nice may just be mr playa.
Mr smooth operator
Flee as fast as you can while you still have viable eggs in your ovaries.

Lol @ the bolded part . . . Tru talk tho.

kehnie:
val day was a memorable day for me.i was at home expecting my guy all day long he didnt show up till evening,by dat time i was already angry ,thought he had taken anoder woman out,anyway he pleaded and explain to me,then took me to d ozone cinema,we got home around 11pm,was relaxing on d coach wen he started kissing me,unknown to me,he had a ring in his mouthand he was kissing me wit the ring,i was sooooooooooooooo shocked,anyway to cut the long story short,dat was hw he propose to me sha.

WHAT!?
Are you serious?
I'm not beefing your bf and I'm actually happy for you, but you do realize that that was a very reckless thing for him to do.
It's very possible that either one of you could have swallowed the ring. You are actually more likely to have swallowed it since you were unaware of what was about to happen.
Congrats anyway. I hope he makes you happy.