₦airaland Forum

@ Poster;

I understand your dilemna, because a friend of mine was in the same situation when she found out that my ex- bf was cheating on me. Not exactly the same situation, but ultimately she did the right thing and told me the truth about the whole thing. However this is how I think you should do it.

a) Sit ur friend's gf down and ask her if she has told him the truth. If she hasn't, tell her she has to tell him about all she has ever done and how many guys. Give her time to do it, a time limit of 2 weeks (or less) to confess to him, and tell her not to engage in any physical gymnastics with him during that period.

b) If she agrees to the above suggestion, you are home free and you dont have to undertake the nasty job of breaking your friends heart and risk being called a jealousy- ridden homewrecker. If she doesn't, then give her an ultimatum and tell her that you will tell her bf within a time limit ( 2 weeks would be ok ) if she doesnt inform him herself.

c) If in 2 weeks she still hasn't told him, then for the sake of your own conscience and your reputation as a good friend, feel free to break the bad news to your friend. Do it gently, however, and not in an accusatory or malicious manner. And try to assure him that she would have told him herself but that she was too scared of hurting him and losing him after learning about her past.

Trust me, in any relationship , love is good but sometimes it's not good enough if it's coupled with deception.

Dear G,

What have I done to deserve this from you? Have I ever cheated on you? Lied to you? Did I lie to you, saying that I cared about you when I didnt? Have I?
I found out that you were going out with a white girl as well,  while you were with me.  And that you laughed at me in front of your friends saying that you "like to take it slow. . .  whenever we are doing stuff and you don't want to kill me cos I'm  a sickler. . . "  . How could you? I believed in you.I told you a secret about myself and you informed everyone else. You told people these things about me when i hadn't even slept with you.  I thought at least you would have the maturity to keep what happens between us private. Why did you do this to me? Why?
I've meant to tell you this for ages and ask if it was true, but since the rumour wasnt even true, and i hadnt had sex with you, I didn't bother. I also never thought you would be the one behind all the stories.
I look at you, even now, and i can still see potential in you. You have the ability to be better than you are. But that is never going to happen as long as you keep trying to make people miserable. You will never know the extent of the damage you have done to me and my reputation and you will most likely never care. But I still dont think I deserved any of this from you. There was a day you tried to convince me that you were a horrible person. I didn't believe it because I knew you were better than that. I really tried to help you. You will never understand how I tried to make to make you happy.  But it didnt work.
I can remember when I found out that you were cheating on me with shade and that you had lied to me,  and when you came back that night you told me some thing like,  "What if I hadnt told you anything that was going on, ?" So I was supposed to be grateful and thank you for all the trouble you caused to me , right? I was suposed to go around with a smile on my face, grateful, that my boyfriend had cheated on me and decided to lie to me about the whole issue. I dont think so.
Did you ever like me at all? This hurts me the most because I know you never did. I was just a back- up plan. I may be naive and trusting and immature, but I would never deliberately hurt and use someone the way you did with me.
At least I learned something from you. You taught me not to be anti- social. Especially with my former housemates. Funny enough you were friendlier with them than i was when we first started going out. And then they ended up hating you at the end of it all because of whatever happened when i was on holiday. Till today I guess I will never exactly know what happened with you guys.
Every move you carried out with shade , you repeated with me. You asked her why she hated you so much, you did the same to me. You kissed her and she pushed you away, you ran back to me and i stupidly responded. How relieved you must have been. Do I look so much like her to you ? You never took me out once. Not once. It didnt  matter to me because I was happy with you wherever we were. I preferred staying at home anyway, so it never was a big issue with me. I would just have loved to be appreciated once in a while.
I'm not saying I dont know where I made my mistakes. I'm saying I never treated you this way.
Remember something, G. What goes around comes around. There's a reason why people say this so much. Because it's true.
There's one thing I have to ask of you. Please dont do this to someone else. Please. Don't treat those coming in next year the way you have treated me. It's not worth it.
Have fun with your life. My greatest wish is that you change for the better.

stillwater:
I love your dad.

I swear!!!! I wish mine was like that.

mobuch:
@luvbaby

I think the problem, with most nigerians is hypocrisy and so much pretences,I
am sure that u and all those people preaching bible for kunmibola, have commited so many atrocities both sexual and otherwise, and you all come out here, to tell the poor boy not to relieve the high level sexual pressure, that is in his kini.

The truth is bitter. If something is wrong, it is wrong!!!
No amount of saying " I'm sure you did worse anyway ! " will make it right.
Sleeping with someone who is married is a sin. If you dont see anything wrong with that, fine. But that doesnt mean I will agree with you.

mobuch:
@kunmibola

this thing happened to me when i also was serving, and in this case it was a married lady from ogun state.
not to mention that she is frm a tribe particularly known for magun.she was extremely beautiful and tempting.
guy,i didnt need anybody"s counsel on wat to do.
i shagged her front and back in the bush, we also did in a hotel the day we passed out.

And today its just one of my past sex xcapades,as am still alive and doing well.

So guy, if u dey fear, just go and read psalm 100 and 121 for journey mercies and then get down to work.
Na me tell u, the thing dey work.

you will go in , conquer and return alive.

I guess you havent heard of that virtue called SELF- CONTROL.
And don't deceive yourself into thinking that Psalms 100 and 121 will save him. Remember the devil knows the Bible more than you do.
Besides, because something worked for you doesnt mean it will go well for him. One man's meat . . .

Ha!!!

I wonder what the church's stance will be on this issue. Since they are always preaching " Thou shalt not divorce" . Am sure some people will tell her to go back to that devil incarnate.
The man doesnt have sense sha. You're calling her to beg for over 10 years neglect, and then you call her names and accuse her of playing God. If it takes you a century to beg her, beg and dont call names.
I wonder why she has'nt divorced him though.
GOD is truly on her side.

Donvilo:
"Uncle, why is your teeth big? Oh my God! What an embarrassment!

OMG !!! So funny! Lol!

Jarus:
@skillworks , I want to believe that is a fabrication.

@topic
My 3 year old nephew came to holiday wt us a couple of months ago. He now entered grandma's room one night when there was no light and found grandma changing, at d point wia her cloth covered her face. he just screamed and ran bak to sitting room, claiming he saw ojuju. Grandma came out to tell her she was d one he saw, but to no avail. The boy refused to enter dat room in 4 days and insisting there was ojuju in grandma's room. All efforts by everyone to convince him proved    abortive. I even told him ojuju is just imaginary but he refused to listen to everyone

Obviously the poster doesn't have a sense of what is right and what is wrong.

So you had sex with the "love of your life" while going out with another girl. If your current gf's past bothered you all that much, why didn't you talk to her about it ? Or alternatively, why didn't you go on a break so that you could decide how you felt about her? If you've been going out with her for a year and you couldn't get over what she did and didn't do, then you cant like her all that much. The only reason why you haven't left her yet is because you know that other men are practically lining up to go out with her. Which is extremely selfish. Not to mention immature.

Please break up with her jare! Dont waste her time, and as much as some Unilag girls do the double dating thing, what is SHE's actually being sincere? Even if she isn't, what makes you better than she is? Arent you doing the same thing now?

Some people are so daft.

@ Fhemmmy ; Well, am sorry I dont propose to guys for the sake of my womanly pride. Virgin or not. Heheehe.

Fhemmmy:
oya now, i am a virgin.
Are u cute, functiional and from rich home?
Oya propose to me jare

See u sayin I shud propose! What abt u? R u cute, functional and from a good home? Lmao!

Yes Please!!!!

That is even the type of guy am looking for. If I think he's someone worth goin into a relationship with, and I find out that he is, then thats it. We're getting married.

Am Alone:
ALL HAIL AM ALONE

Are you always this random I nearly died laughing.

@ Posakosa ; he's in the UK. But I think she just wants to erase the memory more than anything.

No it was this comment that confused me ;

posakosa:
absolutely,  I saw visions <God telling me to leave>> about my boi and I still didn't leave cause I didn't want to be alone,   

So there's really nothing I can tell her to help ? I feel terribly sad for her and I wish I could strangle that slowpoke.

@ Posakosa ; Are you a man or a woman? You write like a woman but your status says male.

We all know that the truth is bitter. I'm not disputing that. But my point is that you failed to contribute anything meaningful. I did not ask for an opinion , I asked for advice for a friend and not more censure.

debest1:
@topic; when she was doing the deed, am sure she enjoyed the thing well well so cant really see any reason why ppl shud feel sorry 4 her. If its the guilt she's worried about she shud have considered her beliefs before doing it sha o

If you cant give some good advice then dont bother posting your worthless opinions. When I posted this topic all I asked for was good advice on getting over something you did which you now regret. She knows what she did was wrong and she doesnt need any more condemnation. Everyone who posted here gave at least an iota of sound advice on how to move on. But I guess you just had to say something just for the sake of saying it.

@ Hollandis ; LMAO!!! It's not just the virginity that matters but the fact that she feels she's lost her dignity along with it.

biola44:
u av a point!

Errr, who ?

That reminds me.

She also worries about whether any man would still want her assuming he had heard all that her ex said. Unfortunately this was her first boyf and she thinks that other men would think of her as a cheap girl . I dont want to agree with her but part of what she thinks is true - about men wanting virgins and not hoes. So while she's not a virgin , she's also not a ho but which of them will believe her now? Especially after hearing the guy's side of the story.

I felt really bad for a close friend of mine because this happened and now she can't forgive herself.

She met a guy, and she was a virgin when she met him. She intended to keep it until her wedding night, which he understood (or thought he did). And things were ok until he slept with another girl. To cut the long story short, he kept begging her until she forgave him , but after that she decided to forget about keeping it till she was married. And they did it some time after they got back together. Later she broke up with him because she didnt want to continue the relationship anymore. She said it was because she was practically raised in church and pre -marital sex had been hammered into her head as something which was a sin. So basically her conscience was tormenting her and she ended the relationship.
And she regrets losing her virginity now, and to make matters worse, her ex- boyfriend has informed all his friends about what happened between them and given them all the details of how they had sex and all that. Which is like adding pepper to the wound. Because now she thinks of herself as a slut , and she wont listen to anything I say. She probably would have gotten over it in time but what her ex did has made matters worse .

No insulting or lewd comments please. Just advice on how to get over doing something you regret now.

TheSeeker:
Yes, many men may say that and at the end of the day act differently in the face of pressure. When I do get married, I am because I can solely make my wife happy, give her confidence, satisfaction, fulfillment etc. My parents and family got nothing to do with her. I married her, not them. If I have any problem with her, I don't go to them.

I handle it with my wife. It's a very childish act for us to act on advice of parents when it comes to marriage. So many men claim to love a woman and in the heat of so much pressure from their parents, another tune is sang. If I can decide to marry my wife despite her inability to have a child, it's none of my family's business. It's either you take it or leave it. You can't live with that, that's your problem not mine. You can't come to my house and harass my wife. If it's too much pressure for her to go see my family, I will stop her from going there. Until they change their stance, they will not set their eyes on me.

The problem we have in Nigeria is that, we listen to what people would say and most times we just prejudice. Most people don't follow their heart, they are always worried about "what will people say?" "how will I look to the public?". There are lots of men who're willing to help their wives with culinary activities, laundry and so on, but what happens? He can't and won't because he doesn't want his family or his friends to think he's a fool --- that's pretense and not living up to be a man on your own.

@ The Seeker;  FINALLY !!! A real man at last! [sub][/sub]Or are you just like this on the internet?

God must punish that man in a way He has never punished anyone before. I swear.  

@Poster; I cant believe u're asking that question. It 's DEFINITELY wrong,  and the guy must be a sex- crazed psychopath. Is she his wife Even if she is , it should'nt be excused. And u sit there saying he's not a bad guy. Because no one in his right mind would believe for a nano second that he should be excused.

Depends on how long you intend to stay married. For instance, 5 years of marriage = 5 children, 6 years= 6children, 7 years = 7 children, and so on.

I wonder why no one thinks its wrong though,  that parents never listen to their children in Nigeria. It's really unfair and the only excuse you get is, "It's against our culture".  I still think he should tell her, sit her down and make her understand the situation. And the wife should make herself scarce if she values her life!

Ben20001:
I love this part of their sentence . . . "I can explain . . It's n ot what you think"

CLASSIC !!! That's always a standard line.

O, k

@JustGood :
I think you are being a little harsh on Whome now. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you were not her husband then you cannot know what type of wife she was. The second husband you may say was proof of her "stupidity" , but let's remember that bad things often happen to good people, and sometimes more than twice in a row. The story of Job is a good example.

@Poster : I won't pretend to know anything about marriage, but for one thing I'm glad you said yourself that you can be hot- tempered at times. Forget (or try to forget) about the guy and focus on yourself for now. Work on those character flaws (we all have them) and keep looking after those children. I'm going to tell you this and it's the truth. You are doing a good job looking after those children. Some women wouldnt even bother. For that, I congratulate you and want to encourage you to keep it up.
 There are still good men out there. But I would not encourage you to have children out of wedlock for any man again. Don't make that mistake again. Remember that a man's words are as fickle as the wind. Here today, gone tomorrow - most especially if you are not married to him.

udeycraze?:
did I hit a nerve there sweetie? I wouldn't worry abt that if I were u. . .I wasn't refering to you. If I was I'ld say something like "ho" or stripper

A round of drinks on me!!You draw those words right outta ma mouth. I don't date cheap girls

Na wa oh! So cos u're not a virgin you're automatically cheap? Thats not true.