₦airaland Forum

tabithababy:
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Do not try this o @OP

For the sake of posterity/ anyone who comes across this thread in the future, let me state categorically that this is a tried, tested and true method of catching snakes. I saw it with my own eyes. I was astonished by the simplistic ingenuity and researched it at that time. It works great. This method will catch the snake alive. Other similar methods that will kill snakes include leaving golf balls around in the vicinity. The snake swallows the golf ball and cannot digest it and utimately dies. Some folks use small light bulbs. Same principle. The snake swallows the lightbulb and dies. One other egg method is to inject a boiled egg with antifreeze and leave it where the snake frequents. Snake eats it and dies. My buddy who raises chickens swears by all of these. You can google and find numerous testimonies.

That’s a hell of a conundrum you have there! Many years ago, I learnt something which I filed away in my mind under “useless information”, never knew I could use it to help someone years later. I visited a friend who had a chicken coop in his backyard. I had stayed the night, and in the morning, accompanied him to his backyard to gather eggs from the coop. Lo and behold, we encountered a strange (to me) sight. A large black snake was in the chicken coop with a piece of string hanging from its mouth. The other end of the string was tied to a structural post in the coop. The snake was almost motionless! I started to run, but my friend said to calm down, the snake is held fast, it can’t go anywhere. He told me the trick he used.

What he did was boil an egg, then used a knife to cut a slit along the side of the egg. He then proceeded to insert a fish hook with the shank pressed into the egg, to a position where the tip and barb are inside the edge of the egg and are pointed to the outside. He then had the hook tied to a line and then tied off to something sturdy. Then he put the egg in the cage. He said the method never fails whenever he has nuisance snakes in his yard. Try this and report back

Tough situation to be in OP, but you've got to face up to realities; you have to play the hand you're dealt! If I was you, here's how I'd approach it. First, don't give up on finding profesional employment in Germany. You still have time on your work visa so keep looking. Send out as many applications as posible and don't limit yourself to any geograpical preferences. In fact, you should place some emphasis on "less desirable to natives" geographies e.g. "rural areas". I know in the U.S. its easier for a foreigner to land a job in those types of locations because citizens are less inclined to look there. Germany might probably be the same. Do your reserach and find out.

Second, do not stay idle. Work any, and as many jobs available to you and save your income just in case things do not work out... menial jobs and all. See this as a stepping stone. As a person who interviews and hires folks at my place of employment, I can tell you that there is a benefit to being gainfully employed vs. staying idle doing nothing, even if you are under employed. It demonstrates a work ethic and a willingness to adapt.

As time progresses, if per chance you do not get professional employment in Germany, you can start looking into legal migration to Canada or Australia, or enrolling in another masters degree in Germany in an area that's more employable than what you did previously. Finally, if these do not work out, you could either go back to Nigeria or head to the U.K. and settle down in your "arranged marriage" . My views may seem myopic, but note that these are the legal options open to you at the moment, and I have tried to arrange them in order of logical preference.

As to those belittling menial jobs as a means to an end, I doubt if you have an idea of how things work in the western world. These jobs including washing plates, serving in a restaurant, paper deliveries etc are first of all a means to learn and develop a work ethic and second a way to earn a living and become independent. In the college admissions process, credit is given to applicants who have held down a job and better still, can provide a work supervisors recommendation. For very competitive colleges, academics is a given, you are not even considered without that. But stuff like job experience (including these menail jobs), volunteer activities, running a business puts you above others.

If you visit a government establishment in Nigeria, you will immediately notice the lack of professionalism and work ethics. These positive attributes are learned not bestowed upon individuals. We are supposed to learn these when we are young and growing up. Most Nigeria graduates I know, who are sponsored by their parents, have not worked any job until after they graduate so lack these basic skills. Working menial jobs should be seen as a skill/resume builer not looked down upon like it's done in Nigeria.

SoftWorking:
Please Will like to get honest opinion.I have a cousin in the USA who just did [b]arrangy wedding [/b]with Akata(citizen) she wants to start her paper processing and said she was thinking of putting my kids (3 n 5years)names in her application that she is their guardian. She said once everything clicks they stand a chance of being citizen. But all through the process they(kids) will not be able to apply for US visa because they will be refused. This process should be give/take 5years.
I dont even know what to say to it. I had to just say i need time to think about it.
I need opinions/advice please.

Against my better judgement, I will provide you an informed opinion. First, are you aware that arrangee marriages are ilegal? I am inclined to believe you already know this. So why would you involve your children in an illegal activity? Parents have a legal and moral obligation to protect their children and shield them from harm. You are proposing to do the exact opposite by exposing them to illegal activity and risking the chance of having a criminal activity on their record. If (and when) this effort at illegal naturalization is caught and stopped by USCIS, they will become unwitting accesories to a crime. And guess what? This is on their record with U.S. Immigration forever. Picture this. One of them applies for a visa in the future. VO asks one or two irrelevant questions and denies and the poor kid begins to wonder what happened, not knowing that their parent has doomed them to potential denial forever by involving them in immigration fraud.

Although it is not my place, let me speak on behalf of those kids. If you are willing to do something illegal, do it for yourself and involve no one else, it is your prerogative!

eventsmallchops:
please sir, I'm sorry for the late reply, this is to ensure I do not abuse your hand of support toward me or dent chances of any genuine person in the future, a good Samaritan has offer to assist me with a good accommodation in one of the best neighbourhood in Lagos and monthly pay to enable me buy the materials I need with time, this is a very good environment where opportunities lies around , the annonymous person who newly registered on here after someone directed him to see my post has sent someone to meet and know my people, at least before offering me a home, we met with my parent, Uncle and Aunty, this is my reason for staying off , i shouldnt engage in multiple negotiation at a time, everyone should just help me pray he shouldn't change his mind, he has being so kind for him to have come this far, the verification process is still ongoing, but I appreciate you also sir because you showed genuine concern for me, and your questions are also eye opener for me , I won't mind further drilling that will further open my sense in business world, i will start small in Lagos and grow .

Thank you Sir , I will let you know as things turn out.

I am happy that you have found accomodation in Lagos and making progress. Please let us know how you are progressing. You should share your good news even more than you have shared your difficult times. Good luck and God Bless

ifyalways:
I frankly dont understand the OP. I was initially going to invest in his business by giving him a job(and capital in form of part payment) to make small chops and send as a donation to an IDP camp but after reading his reply to me, i decided its waste of time and funds for me.

He initially was all over nld looking for sponsors or investors then suddenly he needs a job and no more interested in business.

I dont know him nor his needs but since you have been led to give him the 50K for whatever he wants to do with it (accomodation, invest in his business or just to better his life), i'd say go ahead.

Thanks for responding and I do apologize for my absemce for an extended period of time. I have been away from my home base in a different country, involved in a large aquisition project for the company I work for. Looks like he has found help in terms of a job in Lagos so I wish him the best of luck. I do commend him for his honesty in coming forth with that information and not accepting the money and running off. There is still hope for my motherland Nigeria

stevewale:
K1 Fiance Visa ... my wife filed for me

I sure understand these days, the embassy is denying parents which their kids migrated with b2 and adjusted when they got there ... lolz

If you're a US citizen, why not file for her? It will only take, gave or take, about a year to get a greencard. I know from experience some of our elderly folks do not want to come sit in the U.S. for extended periods of time to fulfill the conditions of LPR, but its possible to get the residency then give it up and go back to getting visas. I know someone who did that after being denied a visiting visa several times. He got his green card then gave it up after about a year and a half. He now easily gets visiting visas. Strange isnt it?

Op, there's a lot going on that will need to be resolved. I am not convinced that you are quite ready to run a business on the scale your write up suggests. Starting small and growing the enterprise will be the way to go. I think you need to prove to yourself that you can be successful before you can even attract others to invest in your enterprise. Having said that, I am still willing to put up an amount up to 50k to help you in whatever way you choose to utilize it, be it getting an accomodation or whatever. I initially intended to engage even further and invest time in helping you think this through and come up with a plan, but demands on my time have become unbearable. I have been pulled into a project at work that involves lots of travel and negotiations that demand I bring my A game. I will not have much time to spare going forward for the next few months. But before I send you anything, there is the small matter of validating that you are genuine. I know nobody personally on Nairaland but going from antics and reputations on here, I am willing to move on the recommendation of any of the following monikers: Ifyalways, TEHN, Ishilove, Justwise......I do not know them personally nor have I ever communicated with any of them, but their reputations go before them. If you can convince any of them to say GO, it shall be done. And my apologies to these personalities for throwing them under the bus

@Eventsmallchops - I have been tied up on a work related trip this week and had no time to go through your write up. I will get to it this weekend and respond.

eventsmallchops:
Where are you?
Where is your wife?
Where do you want to relocate to?
What exactly do you want ie job, accomodation, cash money, start up capital ?


I'm in Jalingo , Taraba State, North Eastern State

they are in Plateau State

I want to move to Abuja or Anywhere I get a job,

I want a job and accommodation JOB ,JOB ,JOB NOT MONEY , JOB means Money for me.

yes, internet is the cheapest means I have to reach out to the word from here, I'm educated and not just opportune , its important I stay in touch at this moment so I prepared for it, I did subscription of N500 for 500 MB + 250MB Bonus yesterday afternoon at it will last me for a week, like I said, JOB JOB JOB!





Activation of 500MB Weekly Plan + 250MB Bonus was successful and expires 30/03/2019 13:01:54. Reply with R103 to this SMS now to activate auto-renewal & rollover unused data. Text 2 to 131 for balance.
Time: 3/23/2019 1:02:13 PM


JOB JOB JOB!

MANAGERS , CEOs please help!

I read through all that has transpired since last night where I left off. First, let me commend you for being honest about your current situation and immediate needs and providing more details about your business plans. Second, you mentioned that you were doing this business in Portharcort for 7 years before going to the university, apparently living with your parents. Why don't you go back there where you should already have a ready base of customers?
My advice to you is to reunite your family in one place (portharcourt?) and you and your wife run this business. You can have two outlets for your products. A roadside stall and booked events.

I put the first outlet in bold because you have been remarkably consistent in one respect and I think it would help you grow as a person. You seem to be risk averse, you are not a risk taker! You want someone else to provide you a job, in other words take the risk on your behalf and provide you a guaranteed outcome. Even in your business plan, you only want to cater events where someone will provide you with a job and you deliver with a guaranteed outcome for renumeration. This is not an ideal mindset for a businessman, especially in a place like Nigeria. You need to make your own way. Ever think about the possibility of being the job provider rather than the employee?

Knowing what we all know now , let's try this again. If you are interested in being reunited with your wife and child in one location and pursuing your business, articulate for me a plan to do this in the near term. Where would you go? What would it cost to setup your family in this new location.... accommodation for a year etc. What do you need to get the business up and running?
Would you consider going back to the teaching job if you could get a place closer to the location and run your business in tandem?

Ishilove:
He is stuffy and insufferable, but please don't be so hasty to withdraw your assistance. Please, just use your church mind

Thanks much. I am not foreclosing on him yet, but I need to see him bring some enthusiasm for this business venture. I have some experience in the venture capital world and am used to seeing drive, enthusiasm, positivity and most importantly a vision from folks that have a business idea. They have dreamed it, imagined it and lived it in virtual reality. They usually have their "elevator speech" very well rehearsed and can make a pitch for their idea anytime, anywhere. It would be nice to see more details and some indication of commitment. Right now, I don't think the OP has even convinced himself that he can be successful with his business idea. OP, help me to help you.

eventsmallchops:
You catches more flies with honey than vinegar? I think..."No Sir, though ..that's the common assumption, normally' anyone will think flies would be more attracted to honey thinking they are most likely to behave like the bees around honey comb because they can be classified into the same group as fly insects that one could use to predict fly behavior around honey, huh..I know flies will actually come more for you when preserving food items in the kitchen with vinegar than when working with honey in the kitchen but I think I understood the proverb in this context sir.

how will I invest 50k seed money if I have it? I will buy more of the tools I need to start my business of course, buying them small small already and a job will facilitate that.

Fatymore? I will apologize to her .

Good Sir, I am somewhat disappointed in your response, the plurality of which addresses an inconsequential proverb considering that you say you are about to give up on life and I am offering you a lifeline. I was expecting a much more detailed response from you on how you will invest in a business..... what business? Where? Who are your target customers? How much will it take to get it up and running, perhaps starting small then scaling up in size. Are you saying 50k is not enough for you to start something small? It apppears to me you have determined that a job is the only way out of your predicament. I'm sorry, but the only job I have will not work out for you. In case you did not understand, I was willing to provide you with seed money to get your business started. I have no idea why you did not seize upon that opportunity and roll with it.
As for Fatymore, action speaks louder than words. A simple acknowledgement or acceptance of the apologies would have sufficed.

eventsmallchops:
Exactly Sir, you perfectly understood my situation, I made a terrible mistake and I've learnt from it, I should have never responded to some comments, you wont believe sometimes in January a Lady gave me her number to contact her for possible partnership , she later told me these same people have been calling to warn her not to believe my story or do anything with me , quite shocking, so when I saw the same gang on the thread again, I was weak coupled with the fact that my wife was on the phone mounting pressure with my daughter crying at the background while I was been insulted by that girl, I'm sorry for allowing my emotion outride my senses I'm not really a quick tempered person, I will work on myself Sir, Thank You

I like this new "honey" approach so I will encourage you even further. If you had business seed money of say 50k naira, what would you do? How will you invest it?
On another note, being gracious is a virtue and attracts favor. Fatymore apologized to you a couple times. What say you sir?

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar!
OP, you really should calm down and be laser focused on the purpose of your thread. Why do you feel the need to get in a back and forth shouting match with every post you find irritating; in the full view of your potential employers? Do you not realize that this thread in itself is an "interview" and potential employers are watching and making decisions?
I am looking for a replacement driver for an elderly lady in Nigeria, and also a security gate man position may be available soon for same said lady. Although I am very sympathetic to your situation, in all honesty I do not think your temperament is suitable for working with a senior citizen.

If you find a post irritating, please ignore it and move on. Better to do no more harm to your quest. I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Time2Smile:
While I understand where you are coming from, F1 and F2 visa does not expire once the F1 holder is still in status. The student can undertake OPT of three years after his graduation (for STEM courses) and he will still be in status. Someone got F2 visa recently on the student visa thread despite the fact that her husband had graduated but will be doing an OPT. She presented the letter from the company to that effect. Is that not already strongly suggesting immigrants intent? But Alas, the visa was still approved.

Like you said, it is about getting her story straight and finding the best way to present her case.

Yes you are correct that the F2 expires only when her husbands F1 is expired, technically when he completes his OPT if he can get a job to that effect. As to the bolded statement, no, that does not in itself disqualify an applicant by intent to immigrate although that is a sure pathway to it. The system is extremely partial to uniting families. It is almost like she has a right to live with her husband and the system is very kind in this regard especially when the spouse can demonstrate financial capability. It is considered a hardship to keep keep husband and wife separated. If I was her, I will get my ducks in a row and go for the F2 and stay for an extended period of time.

seyewest:
That's another angle which I think is better suited for her reason of traveling... I think you're right. B2 may do the magic but the formula is with the applicant she must be prepared to convince the V.O.

Truth is that either visa category may work. She just needs to get her story straight in line with the intent. If she says she wants to do a short visit and come back, then B2 is preferrable. If she wants to state that she is going to stay for sometime say like 6 months+ with her husband, then F2 works too. In that case, she should get a leave of absence from work and go stay with him. But at 9 months to the end of his program is kind of pushing it (Her F2 will expire when his F1 expires). I wonder why she did not do this from the get go and stay with him for a while then could have been coming and going on an F2? With an F2, she could have started part time courses and even converted to F1 through 593. It was even possible before to get a work permit on F2 (not sure about this anymore). They could also have had their childern in the U.S. with no future problems on an F2. Okay... I am saying too much , I am spoiling market for imigration attorneys... the game is to be sold, not to be told

Beautyaddy:
Hmmm...interesting.


Anyone knows why that is the case?

Its the American way of life, LOL,.... Life Begins and Ends in America! Its almost like eveything you need is here, you don't need to go anywhere. If you live here and you want to experience another country, just go to another region. For example, for people in the Midwest or NorthEast, the South, Texas and West Coast (California especially) are totally different countries. In Miami, you can take a walk down the street and not hear a word of English

But I noticed that this lack of interest is changing with the younger generation. They are travelling more and wanting to experience the world more than their parents

Beautyaddy:
Lol!...that is not entirely true.

And most of the "adventurous oyinbos" are Americans.

However, I do kind of agree that most African Americans might fall into that category of not having a US passport.

Maternal is right. Majority of Americans do not have passports. The stats are approximately 36% of the population have passports (compared to about 60% in Canada and 75% British). The average American does not leave the country and is uninterested about anything outside America. In fact, it is not difficult to meet Americans who have not even left their state. I kid you not. I know quite a few middle aged folks who have never left their state of residence.

Beautyaddy:
Lol!...why do you say that?

I don't think that is true.

I would tend to agree that most won't care if it works as advertised. Its a very simple online process that should take like 10 minutes or less, just like getting a tourist card to for example the Dominican Republic. Fill in your information, enter a cc number, hit send and you're approved in minutes. I have seen people fill out their US ESTA at Heathrow airport last minute at the checkin counter and get instantaneous approval. Not a big deal.

seyewest:
Try the F2 again.

Forgive my impertinence, but I believe they will treat an F2 application like she wants to move there and stay for the remaining duration of her husbands study as this is the actual purpose of an F2. I am no expert but I'd guess that if she states that she only intends to visit for a short while and return, they may ask why not apply for a B2? I suspect this may be why her original F2 application was denied as the stated intent does not match the visa category.

Beautyaddy:
Yes, this is one of the weak US immigration loop-holes that most non-immigrant visa holders migrating to the US uses to legalize their stay permanently in the US.

I am sure that the US visa officers all know this weak loop-holes and that might be one of the reasons why getting the non-immigrant visas approved is very, very hard to convince the visa officers.

I guess this is one valid reason why the VO starts with a presumption of immigration intent, and overcoming that assumption is required of the applicant for a successful interview. This system is unfair especially when there are no alternative practical methods to immigrate outside of job or family sponsorship. By their estimate, Nigeria benefited from 50k immigrant visas through the visa lottery system. By extrapolation, this would have been 50 thousand less people applying for visiting visas during that period. This is how a person going for a 9am interview this week can be number 900 in position

Bracha:
Please wait till you uncle gets his citizenship.

What you want to do with the B1/B2 visa is illegal, so please wait. Just have patient, get a job and build your come ties.

Good luck.

This may sound like splitting hairs, but lets make an important distinction. Converting a B1/B2 visa to something else like a permanent residency while in the US is not illegal in itself. What is frowned upon is immigration intent at the time of obtaining the B1/B2. You should not obtain a visiting visa when your intent is to immigrate or with the express intent to convert to a permanant residency when you get to the U.S. If you tell the VO, as you rightly should, that you plan to stay and convert when you arrive in the U.S., you will most likely be denied and advised to apply for the appropriate visa category (whatever that is, and good luck with that).

However, if you obtain a visiting visa with the original intent of visiting and returning at the appropriate time, but circumstances change while you are visiting... for example, by chance, you meet and fall in love with the "love of your life" and get legally married.... in this case, you are perfectly within the law to change your visa through the AOS process. It all depends on original intent which almost always resides in the applicants head and leads to subjective means to determine. Kudos to the OP for coming clean with his intent and making the VO's job easy. He is either an honest gentleman, or extremely naive

Ishilove:
I am shocked! This is serious

This has been going on for a while, no be today. The reputation of Nigeria as a whole is largely tarnished and the whole world is on their guard when dealing with us. For example, and these are my personal experiences, credit card transactions originating from Nigeria are always flagged. Western union transfers to Nigerians in Houston are usually flagged immediately and the sender is contacted and questioned. Paypal... no go for Nigeria but Niger republic yes . If you see the security warning thats out there for U.S. citizens travelling to Nigeria, you will be annoyed.

Ishilove:
Seriously??

Flozy, you see what you have caused? Don't let me Kay curses on you that will make your ancestors weep

Yes, sad but true. This is being forwarded around, along with other cases. The general message being shine your eyes well well before getting involved in charity cases in Nigeria (Southern Nigeria in particular). Exception being in the Northern areas where terrorism is active and there is a proven/genuine need. They say the people that need help the most in the North do not ask for it on the internet and are even skeptical/resistant to help when it comes. But some southerners are all over the internet full of deception and it would take too many resources to weed through to find the genuine cases so avoid it. I can testify to this from the amount of email I get from Nairaland asking for help from people I have had no prior interaction with.

But Ma'am, no need for curses. When they go low, you go high. I tell you, there are lots of people reading this thread and others, gleaning information off Nairaland about Nigeria and combining with other sources to generate an informed opinion about the coiuntry. I can gaurantee you that counsulates, foreign security agencies and also Nigerian security agencies are actively reading. And people should remember that anything put out on the internet is there forever, it can never really be deleted. Let me give an example of how this information can be used. This individual in question has used a name and account number in relation to this thread. If she/he attempts to use this information to apply for a visa, or anything like a grant or govt schorlaship to a foreign country, this information has been captured, is out there and available to be used in making a decision without the express knowledge of the applicant. This is how decisions can be made even before an interview happens!

Beautyaddy:
Huh, I really doubt that.

But even if in case it happens to be true one shouldn't blame the visa officers due to the fact those people from other countries might be more truthful to their reasons for visiting the US but in the case of Nigerians the opposite might be the case.

Hard to believe, but very true. I personally know of a British citizen who being ineligible for ESTA due to a DUI was granted a visa based on this reason. Another lady from East Africa got her visa to come see the ball drop in Times Square on New Year's Eve. And another for the Thanksgiving Macy's parade. These are events that NY is known for and attracts tourists from all over the world. Valid reasons for tourist travel for other countries but not Nigeria. Go figure!

seyewest:
You're right about the mood/emotion of the V.O after all they're human, this is where the importance of your visit to U.S will be needed when you reapply.
You should be able to explain your grievances in a clear and concise manner.

My theory is this. Try to get an early morning interview so as to catch the VO in a good mood before they have been frustrated by multiple applicants yelling at them for denials. God help you if the VO has fought with their spouse before resuming for work that morning . But you must admit that they are a lot harder on Nigerians than citizens of other countries, likely because of our history of overstays and illegal immigration. If a Nigerian was to state reason for visit to NY as "I have heard and seen pictures of Times Square. I think its wonderful and would like to go expoerience it first hand"; most will say this is not good enough. But this same reason is given by scores of citizens of other countries and they are granted visas.

Reading through some of the recent posts about denials, I thought I should share the experience of a distinguished Nigerian college Professor whom I know, that seemed somewhat puzzling. I have very little knowledge about how this visa thing works, but sometimes it seems the decisions can be somewhat arbitrary. This Professor went to Johns Hopkins University in the U.S. for his Masters and PHD degrees after getting a medical degree in Nigeria. He has traveled extensively around the world for conferences, sabbaticals and research purposes, the U.S. included. Last year, he received a CDC grant to co-author a procedures manual/book with several other U.S. researchers. This required that he be present in the U.S. for a few weeks over the summer at a host U.S. university. Visa was denied; according to him the VO was grumpy and somewhat discourteous. The university wrote a letter to their congressman explaining the circumstances and asking for help. Communication was sent to the consulate to look into the matter and give any consideration possible. The response was that they are required by law to presume all applicants have immigrant intent, and overcoming that presumption is the requirement of the applicant, and that the applicant was given a fair chance to prove himself during the interview and is welcome to reapply. He reapplied and was granted the visa, said all he was asked was for his passport and purpose of visit. I believe the consular officer has complete authority on issuance/rejection of visas, but it does appear there could be an element of subjectivity involved.

Chai, this thread don fall my hand o, it is bringing big shame to me as a Nigerian. An Oyinbo friend, who along with a group of others is big into charity donations to Africa, originally called my attention to this thread as an example of why they are active in every other West African country but Nigeria. Lots of collateral damage has been done by this one individual. This thing is being forwarded as a warning to charity organisations. The silver lining is that Y'all called out the situation for what it is. Kudos! At least we can say we still have honest people standing for the truth.

FloraEC:
But I thought she sent 2k that will transport you from ikotun to Island. Why haven't you gone? At least you should have gone so she'll verify your claims.
Heaven helps those who help themselves.

A friend referred me to this thread to buttress a point he's been trying to make, but that's beside the point of this post. I've read through the existing 6 pages and a couple things struck me as worthy of mention. First, God Bless you Ifyalways for providing help from the get go, even before you could ascertain if this was genuine. You offered/provided this help publicly on page 1, but I am astonished to see that the OP acknowledged receipt and expressed "gratitude" somewhat recluctantly, days after, all the way afterwards on page 6 . That is not good enough. The Yoruba's say: Eni ti ase I'oore ti ko dupe o dabi eni pe olosa ko eni ni eru lo.

Second, I find this quote from the OP's post very instructive. "Ifyalways, actually you're indeed a kind person for trying to help a needy person especially the drugs u offer to the innocent boy, and also trying to fish out scammer, despite that the help didn't workout

Why the reference to one's own child in an impersonal/dispassionate manner? I am familiar with circumstances under which this is usually done and it is not complimentary to the OP. In addition, what does the OP mean by "despite the help didn't work out"? Was the money not received? Why were the drugs not picked up if the child was indeed in dire straits? This money was sent for the sole purpose of enabling the OP to go pick up the drugs. OP ignored this and has been chasing additional monetary contributions. Another apt Yoruba proverb for this situation: Eni le eku meji yio p'ofo

I am not passing any judgements, only making some observations and expressing opinions!

Korllami007:
But it will be a stupidity on the husband part to tell his mum to excuse them in that scenario that's impossible. Although am not supporting the MIL slapping her DIL but she shouldn't have retaliated by slapping her back, the wife has ignited her husband family wahala on her home. How do you think the husband brothers, sisters will react when they hear the news that their brother's wife slapped their mother?. Think about it yourself sir your brother's wife slaps your mother am pretty sure you will never feel good about it because you will think she disrespects your whole family by slapping your mother. The wife just made a grave mistake .

To me the marriage has hit the rock because the husband's mother and the family will never forget the action and will be looking for a way kick her out even if he takes her back.

What you call stupid is wisdom in the eyes of others. Why can't a man tell his mum to excuse him to go take care of his business? So you would rather get into an incontrollable situation than nip it in the bud before it develops all because of the fear of your mothers reaction? In times like this, you choose the lesser of two evils. This matter is absolutely none of the mothers business so even if the man did not do so, the mother should have excused herself. I make no excuses for either the mum or the daughter in law, but I primarily blame the man. Again, what good can come of a stranger berating your wife in front of your mother? Is it a good thing for your mother to have a bad impresssion of your wife? Nobody is perfect, we all have faults. A man should always protect his wife's reputation because it is intertwined with his and it's the right thing to do.

I am really irritated with the way the OP wrote his story. He never even said anything positive about his wife. Even when he said she had been giving him money for transportation to go to work, which is a good thing, he said it in a negative fashion. He brought this situation upon himself by not controlling it before it got out of control.

Korllami007:
he should let His mum depart first? Did he know what was coming?

I quote the OP:
"As we were seeing my mum off, we met her friend coming in from the gate. She started shouting that we have been avoiding her and that we were not coming to her shop to buy things since then. She also said she has seen my wife go to other shops to buy. I was lost in words and I advised her to calm down so that we could talk. We all went back inside the house to listen to her."



Classic rookie mistake! He should have seen trouble coming. Nothing good could have come out of this situation. Someone comes to your house and starts berating you and your wife for a situation that your mother is already displeased with your wife about. Your mum is already leaving and you decide to let her come back in the house ? Sir, would you have done the same? Best case outcome is that your mother is silent and hears all your business and begins to dislike your wife even more. Even if the mothers assualt on the wife was only verbal, it is still not in the long term best interest of the family. How can a mother assualt a mans wife, in their home, in the presence of a stranger? A man should learn to avoid trouble whenever possible. Sufficient unto the day are the evils thereof.

eventsmallchops:
their future is already secured by the grace of God, I have my PVC and I'm voting, I do not like the fact that you dragged my child into this please, you are just out to frustrate me the more.

Slow your roll good sir! I was speaking in broad terms not specially about your child. You sir are the one frustrating me! What kind of future do you think awaits the next generation if Nigeria continues like this? All I am saying is that the power lies in your hands so don't neglect to do your civic duty. Once again, I wish you the best in your job hunt.