₦airaland Forum

amaham:
Soo wrong! Traditional marriage is just a palmwine drinking ceremony in the face of the law. You and your mum should lay your hands on anything you can from your stepdad and plan your exit . Your mum has no marriage papers and no child for the man.
The only way better option is if the man adopted you as a child, you answer his surname and there are legal papers certifying it.

I won't want to stress my head doing legal research here. but there are plethora of authorities that protect wives married under customary laws when it comes to inheritance. even the administration of estates laws provide for them so what are you saying? all they need is a good lawyer who is well versed in probate and family law issues.
PS. this applies to the wife only. she is the one that is entitled to a major part of his estate.

yes. he is the husband, he will just have to hustle more. he is thinking of the long term needs if the family, just let him be.

babyfaceafrica:
nothing is certain

exactly my point sir that's why I said more certain. a wife may stay with you or leave you. a staff will definitely leave you after a while.

babyfaceafrica:
nothing is certain

exactly my point sir that's why I said more certain. a wife may stay with you or leave you. a staff will definitely leave you after a while.

babyfaceafrica:
how do you know if the wife will no kill him and inherit his property?... nothing is certain!!

that's the risk in life. but it's more certain that staff will disappoint you.

patient, he might have other reasons for the Masters.
I will advice you focus on getting your own funds. the spouse seems a bit reckless when it comes to finances and all. focus on your finance because you will need it

Kaveco:
They did traditional

then to an extent she is the legal wife and thus entitled to a major share of his assets to the detriment of other family members

1.he has no right to cut u off. u need to seat down and ask politely the manner the nepa bill is shared and the amount. so that u can be connected.
2. if u pay annually u are entitled to six months notice. however if there is an agreement pls read the agreement especially as to the length of notice. however the period of notice IS NOT rent free

Thetrueglobalma:
I understand your point. Yet, there's no guarantee that the woman who's loyal to me when the going is good will be there for me when things get bad since we are in partnership in marriage. But with my money, good staff, friends and professionals I will always be safe without worry of betrayal from someone I supposed to have trusted with my life.

na d risk be that, how are you sure that the Staff won't carry your money and run? domestic staff won't hesitate to move your money and when they know you are weak or old, in this era of fast money, some staff can be desperate.
nobody knows tomorrow, nobody can say what will happen? we just flow and pray for the best.

Kaveco:
I'm in Lagos. But they didn't do court marriage. I'm sure that's why these issues are coming up

a little bit more difficult, so your mum just moved in with him, did they do traditional? if not and no kids too?
that's a bit difficult, this one requires more thought and research. I will send u a PM

Thetrueglobalma:
With my good financial standing I can get all these from a babymama, domestic staff friends and professionals in various fields of life and still have my happiness in abundance without owning loyalty to a woman who may turn enemy. Thanks all the same.

I agree, but most of that is paid for by you. at one point in our life's we need someone that must be in our corner not because of pay.
I have an Uncle unmarried in his 70s who spends all the time in clubs etc if we ask him he says nobody to go home to. when he fell ill, I am sure he appreciated the need for a spouse.
I have another who left his wife for the baby mama things. very rich dude, when he was terminally ill who stood by him? his spouse
I also know someone who was ill for more than a decade taken care of by the spouse especially when the nurses etc will not come or not give standard care. who will complain on ur behalf?
yes we know marriage get as he be, but for the future( especially if u hold good bar) get a spouse or if possible elevate one of the baby Mama's to the Chief Baby mama. so when the chips are down physically and health wise, She will be there

Thetrueglobalma:
Aside sex and procreation (one can get them without marriage), how do a man and woman who see themselves as two people in partnership but still in marriage, truly different from a man and woman in commercial business partnership, with one of the parties expecting the other to be faithful to him or her forever. Personally I hate allowing anything that ties me down, so what is the incentive to tie me down to one woman forever instead of taking to the babymamas options?

the truth is nobody can tell u a good reason to marry but some can suggest some.
companionship... when you are in your sixties both of you would have to keep each other company, especially when the kids have gone. even if it is to quarrel and shout at least she is there. The Baby mama with no strings may leave at any time.
health, someone apart from you is obliged to monitor your health and vice versa.
a greater sense of responsibility and commitment from both parties to the union unlike the baby mama that is one leg in one leg out.
joint finances, mutual growth, investing in one and another life etc.
a lot of benefits.. down side of marriage is the freedom to do things will be curtailed but when you are in ur Forties those things you consider freedom now will be a chore. u will need a companion then, a constant one and a wife will fit the bill.. ditto for husband.

Kaveco:
My mum employed the service of a lawyer (her cousin). So, two lawyers have been brought by my step dad's brother (he is the one responsible for everything), and they all withdrew themselves. So, the lawyer beside us was briefed about everything by my dad's brother. Cause we lived beside each other (our house and my step dad's brother). I just hope we get to keep the house. That's all that's left.

was ur mum married to your step dad legally? also what state are you in? answer

Reset button is required here.
either you let him be and let him learn from his lifestyle or you set trap for him and he sees the consequences of his lifestyle.

hmm.
it's good to know you have moved on from the celebrated issue. Continue to have strength as you move on in life. try to achieve the beat for the children, and always give room for communication between the kids and thier dad. do not let the sour taste of the divorce affect thier relationship with thier dad.
also, pls if you have the time, take some therapy, especially on your mental health, I have seen too many damaged single divorcees out there and pls don't be one of them.
after all is said, I am happy you moved on.. keep winning always

great family

great famiky

bukatyne:
Business is no more.

he started from somewhere, let him start again. he should forget school and the cousin

very stupid boy. anyways since he had a business let him go back..

if indeed this story is true..
every state has a ministry of women affairs or motherless babies home/orphanages.. go there and do the needful

hmm. pikin will see juju and say this is Vegetable... side chic should run. this one the wife is calm like this...

guy try be romantic small. na pet she wan make u dey pet am before pikin come..
dey pet am, dey play with am small small, na wife she be..

women and sex Sha..
get a side chick or start toasting someone that she feels will threaten her peace.
better still,
a. save one of your guys name as a lady.
b. tell Madam if she doesn't start giving u you will get it outside.
c. call ur guy and fix an appointment.
d. buy condoms and throw 2 out.
don't spend the night.
when you return home, if she disturbs you tell her na as she lay bed, na so she go lie on top.
also u can just do the do with her, legally it isn't rape.. let her complain

CHoccolaTE:
Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that you hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

.
not to join issues with you but I have a lot of guys( Nigeria not foreign) who are single and don't have any intention of marrying soon. these guys are well paid and have good careers.
whereas I also have female friends who also have good jobs etc but are sad because they are not married.
I am not doubting the research done, but I believe the research wasn't carried out in Nigeria and so what applies there may not apply here.

CHoccolaTE:
W
'If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother'

Maya OppenheimWomen's Correspondent @mayaoppenheim
Tuesday 28 May 2019 14:33

The Independent
Women who are not married and do not have children are the happiest group in the population, a prominent expert in happiness has said.

Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, said unmarried and childless women are also likely to outlive their married child-rearing counterparts and are healthier than them.

Speaking at the Hay festival on Saturday, Mr Dolan said the latest data demonstrated that long-established, traditional symbols of success did not necessarily correlate with happiness levels.



The best-selling author, who carries out original research into the measurement of happiness and its causes and consequences, noted men in comparison benefited from marriage as they “calm down”.

He said: “You take less risks, you earn more money at work, and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and she dies sooner than if she never married. The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children".

Mr Dolan added: “Married people are happier than other population subgroups, but only when their spouse is in the room when they are asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f***ing miserable.


“We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that academic science and just say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.”

Mr Dolan’s latest book, Happy Ever After, cites evidence from the American Time Use Survey, which compared levels of pleasure and unhappiness in unmarried, married, divorced, separated and widowed individuals. The study discovered levels of happiness reported by those who were married was higher than those who do not have spouses, but only when their husband or wife was in the room.


People who were not married reported lower levels of misery than married individuals who were asked when their spouse was not present.

Other studies have measured some financial and health benefits in being married for both men and women on average, which Mr Dolan said could be ascribed to higher incomes and emotional support, allowing married people to take risks and seek medical help.


While Mr Dolan pointed to men displaying more health benefits from getting married due to them taking less risks, women’s health was mainly unaffected by marriage. But middle-aged married women were at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single peers.

How to dance your way to happiness
In spite of the advantages of an unmarried childless existence for women, Mr Dolan said the fact marriage and children were seen to be traditional, established emblems of success meant the stigma could cause some single women to feel unhappy.

He said: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children – ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Mr Dolan said that having children can be harmful to people’s well being – saying many parents might secretly agree with a famous academic colleague who “said that he liked the existence of his children but not their presence”.

“It would be categorically awful if anything happened to them, but the experiences we have with children are largely miserable,” he added.

Mr Dolan said that having children is “an amazing experience” for some, but added that “for a lot of people it isn’t, and the idea that we can’t talk openly about why that might be is a problem.”



https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

lol
tell that to our Mothers here in Africa... everyday when will u marry

pls define white wedding? if it is Registry... sorry for your loss bro. if it is church depending on the church, sorry for your loss. however there is a way out.

na small pikin dey do the lady.
the guy try sha.. he never marry am he wan rearrange her destiny..
country hard, Canada good for pikin dem. wedding na one day marriage na life time..
the guy should face his Canada and may God samma am with better wife wey dey reason wella

jombo21:
Paying all the bills? Far from it!! She doesnt take care of my bills alone, i handle most.

I am sorry to say this but u are a ..........
she disrespects you openly and you condone same in the house you are paying with your own Money. I don't trade anything for my peace of mind.
well it's either you divorce her seeking custody of the girl (which may be hard) or you call her tok order..
I will advise further that you call her father or mother very RUDELY in her presence to come and carry thier Ill mannered untrained and uncouth daughter out of the house that you are not marrying her again.. the Shame will reset her.. and you give them 3 days if not.. whatever happens they will have to face it. PS if anybody from your house tries to interfere tell them it's your house and how you handle it is left to you.