₦airaland Forum

ZIMDRILL:
yes i understand that very well but how many people who are legally married but lost property to the relatives of their husbands ? meaning the issue was never take to court and was dealt with traditionally or bullying came
the relatives and the woman lost what she worked for with her husband

My point is he can be wise not the fight for custody as per custom and tradition and highlight the benefits child moving o
netherlands and grabbing opportunities that the child might never had while in nigeria

Eg besides education etc, if the child moves to
netherlands now but the times the child turns 18 they might gain citizenship and opening avenues for the mom

Guy will certainly not be eager to file for his daughter to come join him in the Netherlands where he lives with his second wife(because he is still legally married to the first) who he secretly married going by the OP, as that would blow his cover as his second marriage is illegal before Dutch laws as he can't convince the child to lie that he was never married to the mother and same mother is expected to give her written consent as part of the visa application.

GboyegaD:
Hmm...One part of the story I do not understand is the school. Were they both going for graduate studies or one of the partner is while the other works to support? This story get k-leg in my opinion.

Many guys getting married while working out going for postgraduate studies in the UK, are also calculating the financial support towards clearing outstanding tuition fees through their wife's full time job as a dependant.

ZIMDRILL:
She better off signing the divorce papers, reality is they have been separated for 7 years or he has never returned ever since and you still call it a valid marriage ? who stays 7 years without sex?

Reality is they divorced long back due to years of not physically not seeing each other.

I dont think he will fight over the house they built, he has higher chance to built another house and also he can leave as part of compersenation to the wife.

As per child, it depends how he wants to deal with it i.e per culture or law, law favours the mom most african culture favour the father

Then the other side is education, ecomonically and exposed, allowing the child to go to her father, in netherlands were those 3 i meantioned are better off in netherlands than nigeria

He can't decide how to deal with it, they are legally married even if they were married customarily, they will still end up in court and the court will not grant custody to a father who has been physically away from the daughter for how many years now?

Ecne:
According to the Marital act in Family law, the woman should lose custody of the Children on the immoral grounds of infidelity.
That marriage should cease to exist and the man's dowry refunded him, so that the harlot of a wife can continue distributing disease with her public toilet.

Share the weblink that cites that a spouse
in Nigeria loses custody of the children from the marriage on grounds of infidelity.

Beautiful.

IamV:
My genuine apology for my earlier response to you.
I initially thought it was just one of those guys that just want to ask questions, blame me & move on.
Do have a lovely day sir.

Apology accepted.

Do also have a lovely day.

babajero:
Are you sure he is the father of the children?

He can go for DNA tests to confirm.

Tombrown3:
If you think like this, then you really haven't had an encounter with our girls.

The ones from the poor background have the most annoying entitlement mentality.

A girl who's just your friend online will ask you to buy her data, dictate the amount. When you become reluctant she flairs up, or ask you, "are you sending it or not?" the audacity eenh.

Just pray never to encounter naija girls like this.

I work in a psychiatric facility, nothing is a surprise to me behaviour-wise.

When such girls flare up, silence is the best answer and when they ask "are you sending it or not? Reply, "I am not sending" and it ends there except guys who still want to have sex with such ladies find it difficult to cut such ladies off.

Such girls feel guys can not do without their bodies, thus such boldness......sex is what they dangle.

RichAbujaGuy:
That sounds like an very equitable and peaceful solution.
At least the husband bore holed that kpekus while he was still strong enough to do so.

That would be ruling if she approaches a court there in Lagos.

RichAbujaGuy:
The tragedy is that this mismatched married couple have three very young pikins together.

Her side paramours are not going to feed, clothes, and school dem, and the husband is getting up there in age unless he can afford to hire adequate house help.

She will have custody and the father of the children, make provision as she will still remain in Lagos.

Buhari congratulates them.

yinkeys:
Do you know what a good woman/wife is ?

No, please do tell me.

yinkeys:
I repeat
No man will leave a good woman because they’re scarce.
The man was obviously enduring rubbish
Even if he got married to another woman because of green or blue card, trust me he’d always return to his wife back home

No man will leave?

In this story, the man is at a disadvantage if the Nigerian wife is conscious of the law because " the husband secretly married to another wife in abroad Netherland to be precise while he still legally married to my sister here in nigeria".......All she needs to do is go to the Dutch Embassy in Nigeria and present their marriage certificate, the guy will be arrested by the Dutch police because he would have claimed to be single for him to get married in the Netherlands.

Should the woman's family return the bride price to the Papa to officially end the marriage customarily, Papa will still have to be making provisions for the 3 children who should all be under 7 years old and would all be in their mother's custody

Mercury12:
So many badly behave women in USA. Especially USA! Most of them actually if not all
Zero morals! Rude and disrespectful women forming woke.

And you are well-behaved?

Another Twitter tales by moonlight, content must sha be created.

I am imagining how many Nigerian ladies from a family that is struggling financially, would forgo the opportunity to relocate to the UK because of scale of a wedding.

Richy4:
Do yourself a Favour and leave that relationship....
You can never measure up to his Ex.....even if you kill yourself for him you will still not measure up....even if you are better than the ex, he will always find something... that's a mind game dear...

The thing is he has gotten you where he wanted you by telling u that you were not good enough... and individuals like me and many out there who loves challenges will always rise to the occasion just to prove a point...It is better for u to turn the table on him now...so that he can ask himself questions like why can't I keep a woman...Is it me or what?

But in case you don't want to leave him, Just ask yourself some questions as well like.. Is he worth it? Is there a reason why I should die for this man that compares me with someone that I don't know?... If you think he is worth dying for...there's something unique about him that you can't let go....OR THAT YOU WILL CHANGE HIM AS SOON AS YOU GET MARRIED, then I wish you the best of luck..

She will not leave that relationship.

Zonefree:
You've spent 4 months plus here since 2019 yet you're passing by.

Happy passing.

Thank you for the well wishes.

Zonefree:
What then are you doing in my address?

I was passing by.

Zonefree:
Soz you just wasted my time for nothing, bah

Which time do you have that I wasted, is Nairaland not your address?

Zonefree:
But, I just told you I don't know or you gonna make me accept what I don't know

I also don't know....thank you.

Zonefree:
Not really. Tell me please

Tell you what you already know!

Zonefree:
If it's not an issue to the groom, why do you think he's not holding her or even smiling?

Have you considered who he was holding?

Zonefree:
No one is even saying anything about the brief nature of the bride

Out of the 4 homo sapiens, the only person not smiling is the groom. He has spent alot for the wedding already.

Why is her height an issue to you when it is not to the groom?

Maxymilliano:
We are attending the wedding. He's our brother....

As per in-law concern.

sisisioge:
Wow! You were a serious student reading history and nice that you're paying it forward the best you can. Honestly, parents and schools need to bring back the days of reading...the days of the love of books....the days we called books by the names of their authors....the days we eagerly awaited the next volume of a notable book. It is well....so much has changed.

In as much we can't wave aside the reality of the digital world, parents need to go an extra mile to be intentional about getting their children to read outside academics, make out time for "story book time" and let the kids share what they have read in a relaxed setting.

sisisioge:
Hmmmm....is the boy really interested in learning to read those things he crammed? While you're sourcing for help from professionals,let me share my own story. It might help.

I grew up in the north and went to one of the best schools there. In fact I was smart, quite zealous and was always coming third in my class. Fast forward to primary 5, we needed to move to SW. You wont believe that I that could speak English for Africa and remembers all that I was taught in class could not pass the entrance exam to primary 5 in SW. Summarily, I couldn't even read the questions let alone answer them. My point is, I could not read in primary 5 whereas my younger sister could read and passed her primary 4 exam with flying colours.

How was the problem fixed, they stepped me back to primary 4 and let me loose in the school library with guidance. I started reading interesting stories books and fell in love with reading. I think what stood out was that I was allowed to choose what I read....and I read all the stories with glee

The power of a library,I can relate to your experience around story books as I read so widely from primary 3. Then when I got into secondary school, right from J.S.S 1 I was known as a library rat because I was always seen in the school library whenever we were free in class. My school had a very rich library and being an old school owned by the Catholic Church, it had classic books shipped in from the UK and US way back from the 70s.....By the time I finished S.S.3 I had memorized the history of Colonial America, their wars, slave trade, how each State came to be .....the Monarchy, the wars between the English, Scots and the Irish etc. Rob Roy MacGregor was my favourite Scottish outlaw and earlier in the year, I went to Scotland to visit his monument.....it was surreal, from reading about him and his exploits in J.S S 2 to standing beside his monument, dreams do come true.

Then they had so many books by Nigerian and other African writers (I used to daydream of Zanzibar based on one of the story books )......I ended up being the library Prefect in S.S.3.

Reason I love to donate story books (outside the curriculum) to public primary schools whenever I am around, stories books have a way of helping a child float away, travel in their mind because it did same for me.

Children should be encouraged to read more story books (hard copy, not digital).

CeeJeckydivah:
My younger brother was exactly 10 years in jss2 & was among the top 3 in his class.

He wrote waec gce in ss2 & passed all subjects but chemistry simple because he said he doesn't like the subject.

But we pressured him to do better in his waec and gues what out of 152 students in the school they wrote waec that year only him made his 9 papers complete including yoruba ( imagine delta boy cramming yoruba) .

He eventually finished ss3 at the age of 15 as the best grad student in his secondary school set. So what are you saying....

So age doesn't matter. Let her and bis teaches observe what he likes and start to push him towards that direction.

Age matters, each child has his/her pace.

There is this urge among Nigerians to see their children finish secondary school by the time they are 15, that's madness! Though they are exceptions of academically gifted children who also do need extra resources to help them be grounded, socially and emotionally.

Schooling is not just about academics but also aiding in their psychosocial development. I had a talk with a 14+ year old kid who had finished secondary school earlier this year....I could easily establish the developmental gaps from a clinical perspective and the parents are already in a hurry for University.

Even in Kenya, it is very, very rare seeing a 15 year old finishing secondary school, say wetin happen because it is illegal for schools to admit any child who has not yet clocked 3 into their school. They enter Primary one at age 6-7 years old and overwhelming majority finishing secondary school at 17+ -18 yrs.

When you are averse to live scrutiny.

DWJOBScom:
A trained Child Psychiatrist
Most Government hospitals have one or teaching hospitals.
This is a horrible nightmare for that family

Not child psychiatrist.

The first step is to get the boy out of the house permanently though I know they won't go further with letting the law get him, he really needs to go out of circulation because he is going to continue wherever he is sent to

In ideal situation, for the trauma the girls have gone through, they need the services of a clinical child psychologist and the family as a whole, a family therapist.

Samantha123:
I have a nephew with a similar problem.. but his is a bit too serious.

At 14, he's still struggling to read and write to a point that he can't even construct a good sentence in his home language or English.

He has learning difficulty, probably Dyslexic and can be helped be a trained professional.