₦airaland Forum

shadeyinka:
I agree with you (from the context of UK system).

Wouldn't it be okay too if the father instead of doing the above reported his son to the law enforcement officers and make a case to charging him to court?

At least, he has taken no law into his hands.

Charging the kid to court?

Tango123:
U need to do a research on the impact of foster care on kids

Foster care is not as good as u think. A lot of evil happens in foster care.

Many foster parents are in it for the money govt pays them to look after the kids. Many dont care shit about morals and behaviour of the child. So far as the foster child dont trash their homes, and dont disturb them, they are happy. What d foster child becomes in the future is non of their business

I never posted that foster care is the best option for a child because I recognise the abuse children go through in the system, I merely referred to what was written in the original post.

I know am going to work with kids like the Doctor's son as I am heading there in a couple of months to pursue my specialty in Clinical Child Psychology and in the future may be involved in assessments and providing psychosupport for kids in the foster care system.

Orlasunkanmy:
NYMPHO

It is the shortened form of Nymphomania.

Both nymphomania (female) and satyriasis (male) are grouped under hypersexuality.

King44:
the kick is the only thing that looks abusive there, the rest accusations are nothing but mare exaggeration to make the accusations weighty, just imagine if such child is not corrected the hard way probably he would end up a rapist or worse and the people would tongue lash the man, they would be the first to troll the boy who would have ended up a criminal.

Send him back to Nigeria to complete his highschool under the supervision of one of his aunties or uncles that loves you and won't take nonsense from him.

Everyone has their own ways of raising the a child.... Some flog while some don't.... Different approach for different folks.

While raising your child outside Africa, one has be conscious of laws of the host country on punishing children.

Sending the child to Nigeria for his secondary school education will not be a bad idea.

kingxsamz:
Exaggerate?
Lol, we both know it's worse here in Nigeria. So what's the exaggeration there?

You are right, most times it is attempted murder!

shadeyinka:
Why turn a blind eye to the ills of the boy. I looked at it again from Nigerian eye and conclude that the boy deserves to be disciplined by his parents for such behaviour.

Should the parent have reported their boy to the POLICE? (Would that be a proper legal means of dealing with such offences?)

I believed the UK system views the child as having Conduct Disorder (CD) and needs the professional help of a Child and Adolescent Psychologist, not beatings from the father.

symbianDON:
if na me, I will fly the child back to Nigeria, caned the hell out of his ar.se and fly him back to the UK. ridiculous child protection law. little wonder knife and UK kids be like 5 & 6!

And you think the child will not have access to internet and send emails to UK Home Office even while in Nigeria and the father's UK medical license suspended again?

shantti:
mental disorder is madness, are u telling me that nymphomaniacs are mad people?

Mental disorder is not "madness" are we grew up to perceive. Let me give you some examples, people like Ted Turner, founder of CNN, Mariah Carey, Van Damme etc are living with bipolar disorder, will you call them "mad people".

Nymphomaniacs have this compulsive and insatiable sexual desire, do not have issues with sleeping with several people to meet that urge. Their minds are continually obsessed with sex, which tends to adversely affect their daily functioning.

Enugupikin:
This is actually ridiculous. They're trying to protect the child but suspended his father who's a bread winner to their home. Won't the child be affected too from the financial downtime?

The son was temporarily put in foster care. It is not Nigeria where that is always the argument in defense of an abusive parent/spouse even in the face of what the Nigerian law considers as an abuse.

What has Nigeria benefitted from the beatings majority of Nigerians received during their childhood...... the beatings like drums, like criminals.....attempted murder?

Has the beatings made majority of Nigerians trustworthy in personal life and business?

Has it infused ethical thinking in us?

Did the beatings nurture aggressiveness, where it so very easy to lash out verbally and physically?

For those who have read classics like The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, David Copperfield, The story of the bad little boy, Oliver Twist etc going through those books, one would notice that severe beating of children at home and at school with hands and objects was a normal way of life back then among Caucasians but their methods of punishment have evolved over the centuries.

mabea:
I love it when people see challenges as an opportunity to rise. Some narrow minded ones would have resorted to jealousy and envy but Vin chose to make the most out of it by seeing it as an opportunity to be the best and indeed he was one of the best.

Well captured.

EmeraldMars:
Visa Alert
Though it is coming late, I have been overwhelmed this few days.


Submitted : dec 9
Biometrics: Jan 5
Decision mail: Jan 8
Collection mail: Jan 14

Congratulations!

Meet you in Cambridge, come September

As earlier highlighted, mental health should not be ignored. Mental health disorders such as bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia etc are hereditary as mental illness can run in families.

Some people are more predisposed to them because of the families they are biologically linked to, so it is very important to read up on them and their management as this would help make informed decisions.

Lagos wahala!

RisenPhoenix1:
There is no evidence whatsoever that girls become matured in their 18th birthday. If you have any such evidence, please present it. This beating about the bush is becoming excessive.



Again, irrelevant. People cannot be forced to go to school. If they choose not to go to school for whatever reason, there is no mental or psychological factor that prevents them from marrying at the time they attain sexual maturity, if they have already undergone the training necessary to run a home. Perhaps it is this mental preparation for a 'post marriage' situation that elevates divorce rates. Laws can be promulgated to ensure financial sufficiency for women who have no alternative means of livelihood, or even polygamy (already widely practised in the North) can be a viable alternative. And while you have seemingly proffered one half baked solution for the issue of the self sufficiency of older mass divorcees, you have still not proffered any as to how sexual promiscuity and its attendant ills can be cured in the younger men and women. How many sexual partners would a 27 year old have had before getting married? How many STDs? How many abortions?



You are linking the wrong study. Small stature, poverty level, standard of medical care may or may not be age associated. Most people who want to link VVF to early marriage tend to dishonestly conclude (mostly in the title) that small stature etc must all have been due to early marriage; which is totally untrue. Read the study below. It found that in North Eastern Nigeria, over 76% of VVF cases in this study were over the age of 20 years.

https://www.ajol.info/index.php/ebomed/article/view/52633#:~:text=The%20data%20was%20analyzed%20using,20-24%20years%20age%20group.

There are a number of such studies. A mere declaration that VVF is caused by age related factors is dishonest. Find any study that VVF with age of marriage and you'll find little to no correlation at all.

If early marriage is intended to curb sexual promiscuity in the raging hormones of the adolescent girl, what helps the adolescent boy to curb his?

In all, there is a widely evidenced fact that a girl empowered through formal education has a higher chance of having a livelihood and not have her life centred around the provision from the husband.

The focus should be on human capital development, let the girl child be empowered to aspire. Them going to school to become nurses, teachers, doctors, lawyers etc do not in any way diminish their identity. Even daughters of Northern elites do get the education before marriage, am yet to read where the daughters of Atiku, Buhari etc got married off when they were adolescents, I guess Zahra Buhari-Indimi who got married after her university education or her sister, Halima Buhari-Sheriff who is a lawyer are less mentally matured because they didn't get married as adolescents.

Girl education to the possible highest level has benefitted my family thus my advocacy.

It is part of life and key to biological reproduction. If severe, seek medical help

RisenPhoenix1:
He didn't refer to mental maturity. He spoke of their being given into abusive marriages, which happens worldwide. Marriage, whether contracted at a younger, or older age, tends to have its disadvantages...especially where it involves abuse to the women. Do you believe that women who wait to marry at 27 years of age do not face abuse? Also, bring divorced and left with nothing is a legal issue, not an age related one. Perhaps better laws can be promulgated to ensure alimony etc. Increasing the minimum age of marriage will not improve that, and may even create more problems than it solves. In any case, you are still going after girls who are removed from schools. My premise concerns those who have never been to school in the first place, and their readiness for marriage. Emir Sanusi would do better to concentrate on taking the teeming boy alimajirai off the streets before he turns his attention to female education.

And there is no statistical evidence that VVF has any correlation with age of marriage or age at first child bearing, or that it is more prevalent in the North. The factor that most has a bearing on VVF is the quality of medical care accessible, which admittedly, is of a lower standard in the North. If Medical care available to the women was improved, VVF would decrease all over Nigeria.

You know very well that he referred that those girls were not psychologically matured enough, reason the decision-making of who or when to marry is not in their hands.

Between a 17 year old mother of 2 who dropped out of school to marry and a 27 year old mother of 2 who achieved professionalism through higher education, should their husbands no longer be in the picture and both left with nothing. Who between the 2 has a higher chance of better navigating the waters of post-marriage in terms of provision for their children, access to quality education etc?

As for VVF, the attached provides an insight. You can google search the texts to read full text.

RisenPhoenix1:
That may or may not be so, but you must admit that actually engaging in hands on home activities with the mother 24/7 will better equip a young lady in the art of home building. Again, I am not recommending this approach as a guideline for whether females should or should not go to schools. I am merely trying to explain why women in the North for example, tend to attain mental maturity much faster, and applying the broad principle of 18 being the standard for mental or emotional maturity may not be applicable across the whole world. It was actually set with western women as the standard, and we should not just blindly adhere to whatever standards they impose upon us.

Below is an excerpt of a 2017 interview, where the former Emir of Kano, Sanusi said those. How are you able to adduce that such girls are in a better mental frame than their peers who continued schooling?

Why do you think Vesico Vaginal Fistula is more prevalent in Northern Nigeria, does it make the girls stronger mentally?

Marketing strategy, weave a story around it!

RisenPhoenix1:
I wouldn't say that a girl who gets married at 16 is more mentally adjusted to deal with the issues than one who goes through school and gets married at 27, yet I can't say that she's less adjusted either. It depends on the individual as well as her early training and exposure. If a 16 year old has been brought up with the knowledge of how to raise a family, she would absolutely have the mental acuity and know how to do so. Whereas, a 27 year old who has spent all her life in learning professional competence and little else, may not be able to sustain a healthy marital relationship for long; especially if she has engaged in multiple sexual partnerships during the course of her professional training.

No. I believe that possibly a goal of what you term child marriage, is to mitigate the effects of sexual promiscuity which occurs as a natural result of restricting sexually mature teenagers with raging hormones, from having an officially sanctioned outlet for their sexual urges. I don't believe that it has anything to do with obedience conditioning or all the rest of that mythical conspiracy drivel.

A girl going through the school system does not stop her family from empowering her with the knowledge of what marriage entails, she does not need to be out of school to know that.

Define sexy in the context.

RisenPhoenix1:
Certification is not essential for sieving. Professionalism was ensured in the past by vouching and approving only the best and brightest. From thence, they had to maintain a reputation.

But all of this is not relevant to the thread. The fact remains that professional competence does not in any way equate to emotional or mental maturity as is required for the maintenance of a marital relationship...unless of course, the prospective spouse is mentally ill.

Focusing on the thread and your assertion that spending time in school correlates to mental immaturity as it is not evidenced based. That a girl who gets married and become a mother at 16 is more mentally adjusted to deal with life issues than a lady who goes through school and starts her own family at 27?

What edge does an adolescent mother have over an adult lady when it comes to nurturing a child?

Can we say one of the goals of child marriage is the desire to have a wife who is in a mental space where she has been conditioned to obey unquestioningly because of the tilt in balance?

etrange:
Thanks. I'm glad they're still people in Nigeria who think things over. The condom brand's data might have been accurate in terms of number of buyers. But the magic analysis the man did on the data to arrive at his conclusion is mindblowing. How he put the whole thing on one gender is still a mystery. I guess it's safe to say he came up with these numbers on his own and not based on any dependable data. He hasn't been to all the countries so we can all guess his source, the Internet.

The truth is, whichever way you present yourself is how the world will take you. If you call your place a zoo, they'll call you monkeys. If you tell them your women cheat the most in the world, they'll give you the number one position. If you call your place a crime hub, they'll call you criminals. Nigerian always claiming everything is worse in their country haven't seen an airport before. The men are going to celebrate this one without questioning cause it appeals to our narrative. But deep down, we all know who buys the condoms.

Such narrative tend to serve as a therapy session for some of the male folks as it makes them exhale. Ask those who align to such narratives what evidence based data are available in each country of the world that makes them firm their position that Nigerian women ranks highest when it comes to infidelity.

Infidelity is subjective, there are communities who do not see anything wrong in a woman having sexual relationships with a man other than her husband and an example is a tribe in Northern Namibia.

There used to be a cultural practice among a Zimbabwean community which was halted by the spread of HIV and women advocacy, where a bride has to first have sexual relationship with her father-in-law to test her virginity before she can have sex with her husband as it is believed to strengthen the bond between father and son. So who is likely to be the biological father of the woman's first child?


Evolutionarily, there have been societies that practiced partible paternity thus I tend to laugh when some folks come up with during the times of our forefathers as if they also lived out their experience! What is passed down tends to be sieved to sustain a perception.

RisenPhoenix1:
Yes, in today's world, because now we have regulations, paper certifications and what-not. But it was precisely the method successfully used in earlier times. And please don't tell me to compare the medical knowledge then and now, because medical improvements have not come as a result of certification, but because man naturally advances in knowledge. I would like to believe that we would have been at exactly the same level of medical advance today even without all the mandatory certifications. Those were only to impose restrictions and increase revenue for the regulatory bodies.

Since we are focused on mental health, competency needs to be central in all who are to provide professional intervention and need to be grounded in knowledge to what appertains to the field. The main focus of certification is to sieve, so that those who pass through will be deemed professionally able to carry out certain tasks.

How does a condom brand's analysis on its sales give rise to such pronouncement, are the women the ones buying the condoms?

RisenPhoenix1:
I would dispute this @bolded. What could you have possibly learnt in school that would be applicable in a psychiatric hospital? Or perhaps you are speaking of academic activities that you learnt in a higher institution; like medical school for example. That is different, because it teaches you a profession just as you would have learnt if you had followed your father around (assuming that he was a psychiatrist as well).

By 'school' I meant earlier levels, like primary and secondary schools which only teach you how to pass examinations according to standards set by the school system itself. I'll bet you didn't learn anything in those early schools that are useful in psychiatry.

You can't certify to practice as a psychiatrist (which I am not) just because your father is one and you follow him around.

RisenPhoenix1:
By stretching the mind, I assume you mean it teaches them only to be more adept at facing challenges within the school system. That is not implanting maturity any more than playing video games. Using your analogy, video games also improve cognitive development, of a sort. The challenges presented by these games also rival anything that a school system can present, and far more efficiently and effectively. Following your theory therefore, we should create gaming centres instead of schools for superior cognitive development.

The reason why we don't do this is the fact that video games; like much of the school system; do not teach the kind of skills needed for the real world, and may in fact, even dull creative thinking and broad (as against specific) analytical skills in most cases.

Not facing challenges only within the school system but developing the mind to navigate the realities of the outside world.

For example, I work in a psychiatric hospital and my experiential learning back in school has a very strong correlation at my workplace which is real life in a very raw form.

So my spending all those years in school has not been a disadvantage to me nor has it disconnected me from realities of life, that it is way beyond the superficial.

RisenPhoenix1:
The school system just makes them remain kids for much longer. It's actually not just females, it's everyone. For a person to mature, he has to be given life challenges and responsibilities. The modern school system keeps kids in a bubble without an understanding of such responsibilities. In the olden days, kids learnt very early on where their food and drink came from, and what real life was all about. Nowadays, kids probably think food grows on ShopRite shelves and the ATM cards just renew whatever money you spend automatically.

Schooling does not make any one (both male and female) to remain kids. In developmental psychology, formal education is a core component in cognitive development of an individual in today's world.

For a child in primary school, solving quantitative and qualitative questions represents challenges to him or her and as he/she grows, challenges are expected to evolve along developmental stages. For any human who successfully negotiated their developmental stages, there will be a deep recognition that life challenges and responsibilities are part of what constitutes life.

Ask yourself, has the schooling system you and your sisters or female cousins went through or going through made you remain kids much longer?

As of the early 1900s in UK, once a school boy hits 14 or thereabout he was regarded to have studied enough to navigate him through life and he discontinued, only small number continue because they had access to resources but today as many are spending extended time in their educational system, it has reflected in their high human capital resource and infrastructural development.

A good schooling system, does not make one mentally immature rather it stretches the mind. Parenting, the family system and environment plays a greater role in our formation of our worldviews.

smeagolab:
I've been able to raise half of the money. I have no idea how I'll raise the other half of the money. I'm tired and drained.

Let the half you have raised be in your account so the loan company can debit it or you transfer directly to them, then N15,000 will be left.

RisenPhoenix1:
It's not just northern Nigeria. Many regions marry young, especially in East and North Africa, the Far East, India/Pakistan, etc. Even in the US and the EU, 13 or 14 year olds; especially women; can and do marry with parental or public authority consent. Maturity can come at any time. It depends on the individual. One thing is true, I noticed that females in the North tend to mature emotionally much faster than those in the South. It's the same with rural Vs urban differences in maturity. It's because we force females to remain mentally immature by keeping them in schools that encourage immaturity.

Schooling makes females mentally immature?

Wow, wow, wow!

Please do list signs of mental immaturity that schooling encourages in females.

Nice one.

At the end of each person's earthly journey (for persons of faith) the after life would bring to realization who truly loved and served God.