₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:
Nah, just the usual bitter crowd, those who feel that men have victimised them all thier lives

Lol,that's wild mayne, real wild.
You people go all out on this section for real

luvablesam:
Every Man should know who he married as a wife. If a woman even ask such question a man should be worried(she's building up her exit plan already)

Richy4:
You guys should settle down and understand the cultural differences between Nigeria and USA .... U cannot judge this Article based on Nigerian context....
The lady has an ulterior motive behind what she was requesting... She is Delilah and she has a big scissors to cut this guy's hair....
Before you know it, she will file for a divorce and claim the whole thing....And I know how the law favors the ladies in US

You both probably don't understand marriage to have this opinion it seems,according to the boss TV01.

Ishilove:
Kai, this man, your bad mouth no be here

Do you have an opinion on the topic, or you only outcheaa to piggyback?

TV01:
They are both terrible, but I'm not sure which is actually worse, your reading comprehension or your reading of people - both are so poor I'm starting to suspect you're trolling me .

Marriage has a framework. It is not primarily determined by the "feelings" or even "behaviours" of those within it. Spouses have a claim to marital assets regardless. And as I repeatedly stated, her behaviour and his feelings about that behaviour, do not change that.

But lets just overlook the points I repeatedly stressed about addressing said behaviour (as a separate issue) - prior or post marriage - as it suits the caricature you have of me in your head .

Enough. This is getting boring. Please tell me what exactly it is I'm insecure about. I'm struggling . I'm no oil-painting, not rich by even generous measures and have a "standard education" from a non-name institutions.

But, I'm happily married to a stunning woman (all round 0 ). I have cute as button kids, a strong extended family network, a diverse, but select set of good friends. I'm in good health, as fit as a fiddle, have a place to call my own. And not least, have a strong faith to the core of me.

Please troll me some more elucidate your diagnosis of insecure for me - then I'll share my own diagnosis, and prognosis if you like, of you

Set your weave like it's box-fresh and you mean business

Have a lovely weekend


TV

For the love of God who is kind and merciful,cant you ever muster the goodwill to post a response without making it about you or the person you're quoting? The hell is my business with the story of your life?

Seems quite a bit like the insecure thingy got to you.
Kay' you know what, you're not insecure,yous a confident man all-round. I also know nothing about marriage,i've got poor comprehension skills and obviously can't read people. You are the boss, boss.

Lol, tiz' a bloody revolt outcheaa

Is it that serious though?

CBNIM:
Just stumbled on this thread n got wowed by this post!

TV01:
Missjo, please take it easy, I may be yanking your chain small, but the whole psyche bit is funny, as well as a fail.

I didn't respond the first time as I felt my first answer was clear and I didn't know you to back and forth with. Since you forcefully introduced yourself , I do now.

At first, I thought who is this? But quite respected your speaking up on the Moji thread, even though I yanked a little then. MizMyColi got it way better than you did.

Lighten up, you are taking things way to personally. I have nothing to be insecure about, and neither should you, from me at least.

Oya, re-do your make-up.

Have a great rest of day.


TV


<sup>...and you still don't get it. Whatever her behavior pre or post-marriage, having communal property (or property in common) is a feature of marriage, it's how its meant to work. It does not vary from couple to couple, based on feelings or concerns about behavior.

Even if she is a gold-digger, as his wife, she has every right to declare a marital interest. In fact, it is assumed even without documentation in some jurisdictions. Concerns about her financial mismanagement should have been addressed prior, and can be even now, but that does not obviate her rights...read slowly and less personally Oh, look! https://www.nairaland.com/3322866/wife-doesnt-work-wants-name#48984645</sup>

Whatever Mr Man.

The summary of your position is that this man should and MUST NOT have negative feelings regarding his wife's behaviour. He ought to overlook everything she does as written in the article and continue like nothing is wrong. Splendid!

merahki:
Well? What if the woman just needed the "security and societal respect" that marriage gives? And married a man who she really did not care about? And was happy working in country A, periodically travelling to country B for a brief stint at doing wifely duties....after which she would return to her country and her life
Then for the man...he gets to be treated like a demi-god when wife arrives....then she goes back home before it gets all tedious and irritating...leaving him to his business(es)
I dunno, this scenario seems like a win-win one for the people involved

She doesn't care about her husband.

Another scenario
They are both so freaking busy in their different resident countries....so busy that they just literally work and sleep and work and sleep in that pattern, the little time they have for themselves they email and Skype and lament about busy work and bond and all......once, twice or thrice a year...they get together for a month or two....and have the most amazing quality time together. This too....could work too...if they must work eg for money, status, etc

This is on a financial and educational level, not on a personal or emotional one like I noted.

Another (I am on a roll )... they frankly hate each each others' guts to the moon and back..cannot stand themselves at all, but are staunch Catholics with families who have precious names to protect, ....or they are both super-cholerics who cannot bear to be seen as failures...and therefore a divorce would be just that, something that happens to other people and not them. Living apart would be an ice- cream party for them, no? Cos they stay married and only have to put up with each other for 2, or 4 weeks a year! And they can fake-whine to their friends about how much it is a grind leaving in different countries....meanwhile all the while mentally doing high-fives as they hoodwink everyone, and win, in a situation that would have been sure, or near death if they lived together.

They hate and can't stand each other.

I sincerely hope that nobody lives like this! I am all exhausted, from this imagination
Jeez
But surely a win-win for the people involved? I dunno...I am tired

Your imagination is very active,i like that. But I believe the question was constructed on the premise of couples who are in love and would prefer being in the same location, this was my understanding.

TV01:
I barely remember this thread and I certainly don't remember you! Anyway, now that we are better aquainted, I'll unignore you . I just felt you didn't get marriage. I'll explain by way of example;

It's exactly 1month 18days since I quoted you without getting a response,and your excuse now is that you didnt respond because I don't get marriage, lol.

See like I told that other guy on that thread,you're terribly insecure. Here's how I know:
You really NEVER had a response for me at that point on September 2 and you're only responding now because someone dug up the thread and made it active again on family section first page. This means that people would read through the thread again and see a quote to you questioning your understanding of the opening post,one which you didn't respond.
The problem is,that isn't your MO. Your MO in this section is that u take pride in the fact that you know a lot and always have an answer or explanation to all things relating to marriage,no one is supposed to know it better than you.So it not gonna look good on the great TV01 that an unknown moniker here got you at a loss so much that you couldn't respond.

THIS IS THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE RESPONDING NOW, certainly not because you think I didn't understand marriage then which wouldn't have changed now.
You could have just went ahead to post your comment without the personal references in trying to belittle my knowledge,this is a trait among insecure people OR people who think they always have something to prove.

Yes I just psychoanalyzed you, it wasn't hard because you're an open book. No hard feelings.

If the couple had kids together, they'd be joint parents, father and mother. If the man didn't lift a finger to help (despite being able to do so, and his wife needing him to), it wouldn't mean that she should be designated sole parent. The issue is not parenthood, it's his parenting skills/invovement. Clear? No

Ok. lets say they rented and didn't own, would there be a problem still? Yes, she's financially scatty. She has a problem and they have an issue (or vice-versa if you prefer). Her financial impropriety needs to be be addressed.

Anytime you want to give an analysis,better you stick to the parameters of the story.

All I'm seeing here is "what if" and "let say".
Well Sir, they don't have kids and they didn't rent,FULL STOP. Your understanding of the issue should be within the information in the story.

So, her wanting to be named on the deeds is standard marriage protocol, nothing to do with her poor financial management/contribution. That is a separate issue entirely, although they may appear related to one who doesn't get it .

Lol,you're terrible. A woman wanting her name on the deeds was never the issue,this wouldn't be a problem with couples who are satisfied, content, and wholly committed to each other.

The issue with her insisting on having her name on the deed became a problem to her husband ONLY after he factored in her previous behavior. THEY ARE RELATED because she hasn't given him any reason to trust him.

You are still doing girlfriend/boyfriendage abi? Get back to me when you grow up

Have a lovely evening


TV

Another unnecessary swipe when you don't know nothing about me.
Wait let me guess, the man in the article who is doing the complaining is still doing girlfriend/boyfriend with his wife, he hasn't grown up, and this is why he is complaining about his wife BECAUSE MR TV01 SAYS SO.

Like I diagnosed before,you're insecure and blatantly unashamed about it no less.
The person who made the complain is married (not a boyfriend) and a grown up (not a child), what I did was share his story and understood his perspective. So how you turned around to make it about MY marital status exposes you on all sides.

They look good together.

Just imagine Donald meeting Hillary 40 years ago at the lobby of one of his bulidings, Donald plants a kiss on her lips and grabs her by the poohsay, do you think she would resist?

This is unsettling, gosh on the day she would have considered her happiest day yet. I feel distraught

Mimzyy:
There is no big issue or small issue.

None of the two options listed above will work for me so here is my number 3 (AS THE WOMAN)

3. One the argument becomes heated, cool down, hug him tight(he is gonna resist but make sure you hold on tighter ). Tell him you love him and you are sorry for exchanging words with him (remember that men are egocentric in nature, he will love this and his head will swell ). Plant a deep kiss(very very french kiss oo) on his lips, then take him to the other room and remind him(not in words,but in actions ) that you remain his personal porn star .

When he wakes up in the morning, apologize again, then calmly tell him what he said/did to piss you off the night before, he will apologize (might not be in words, some men do not know how to say sorry, yes it's bad but that is just how they are wired but he will show remorse somehow). #CaseClosed

Seems like a movie script. Lol

On a personal and emotional level, there are NO ADVANTAGES trust me.

It seems people don't know this woman was into fashion/cosmetics business where she had both international and local clients, way before her husband became president.

Old age can be an embodiment of EXPERIENCE, the problem is a lot of people assume that experience is synonymous with wisdom which isn't always the case.

Old age = experience ≠ wisdom

Lucasbalo:
All is fair in war. I remember vividly what Bill Clinton went through when republicans were calling him murderer during his election campaign. I remember them calling Obama Muslim and a commie. Presidential elections in America is not a joke. If Tramp can't stand the heat, he should stay the hell out of the kitchen.

I doubt Donald can't stand the heat,dude be lighting up fires on his own.lol
All is indeed fair in love and war

TV01:
...not so fast, I'm not done ...besides, it's never about the thread really is it . Like said, it's about our learning...

I won’t lie. Sometimes I think you speak a whole load of mumbo-jumbo. And like I do a lot of the posters here, I was just going to leave you be, so far as you did’nt appear to champion immorality or blaspheme. And so it was until you felt the need to take me to task a while back .

But you know, you do appear genuine, very “from the heart”. And in some ways I think you at least try and be straight and aim for consistency. And that’s quite rare here. Credit where it is due. One step forward.

There’s a theory that women rarely speak truth to power, not unless it’s in their best interest. Indeed, the theory goes, truth or lies are not really a consideration, it’s more about staying onside of power and influence. Keeping relationships and favour going, no matter the compromise.

Why did you need me to say something, before you spoke? And even then, you spoke more to appease, than to address. Two steps back.
It’s why, despite what I hear here, I’ll always believe that men should lead in most areas and in most situations.

As distasteful as I found that tone, I did not mention it. I posted to address the repugnant dehumanising things that were being said about OP and her situation. That I found disgusting.

Afterall now, it seems that in context, anyone that is not - by whatever measure - equal to or above another person, may not actually be considered worthy to be treated like one.

Anyway, I understand that you both had to coat-tail me. Bowing to male leadership – it’s instinctive .

Anyways, have a great weekend

Doveda, originally, I was going to ignore, be scathing, or dismissive of your mention. But I realise none of those refute. So I replied, not really knowing you, and still had to edit a number of times, to ensure I didn’t lose the message in my scorn.

But now, having read some of your posts, painting you as someone who claims to be an avid feminist, I really should have gone with my instinct. You actually doubled down on something that was horrible to think, let alone say, whatever you believe, let alone for a self-proclaimed feminist?

Ranchhoddas, because of my response to her, you called me womens wrapper. It will sit nicely in my collection, which contains others, including; Pharisee, sexist, misogynist, hater of women, bully of women, talker downer on women, and my personal favourite “chauvinist”. I’ve also been called the M, C and F words, but I’m not actually old or bold enough to repeat those in full. I can’t believe I haven’t be labelled a feminist, upon all my effort .

It’s bathtime - not mine - but I may be back for the backbiters and, gainsayers - if I find the time and inclination.


TV

You're a real piece of work,you know that?

armyofone:
and the speech Trump gave today could move people. This sprint to the white house is confusing me.

From my perspective, the election is going to be down to hardcore Democrats who will vote VERSUS hardcore Republicans who will vote.lol.
The confused voters,or as they like to call them "the undecided voters", are prolly going to want to sit this one out and just let the game play. At least,they get to have the excuse of "heck, I didn't vote for either" this time next year.

Lucasbalo:
Yes, it's that serious for the women Tramp is molesting sexually accosting his own words. Grabbing them by the Pus/y and forcing kisses on them.

Lol,dont get me wrong Lucas, I'm with you. I wouldn't want no one grabbing me by the poohsay either, but come on you gotta admit, that speech was overkill.
When she mentioned somewhere in it that "this speech isn't for the politics", that's when I was sure it really was for the politics.lol
Overkill Lucas, overkill.

LGDON:
She is fu*cking hypocrite

She's a good actor speaker. Nothing moves a people more than an emotional undertone to something as significant as sexual assault or the presumption of it.

How come no one is mentioning that Rockefeller guy who's over a hundred years old and had about five heart transplants?

Some peeps finna imply he's part of the satanic establishment seeking world domination,lol.

LGDON:
...

Lmao, it's all politics and for the optics yea.

I watched that speech and it was total overkill in my opinion,she was almost crying and I was like hey madam first lady, is it that serious?

Lol @this kind of logic

merahki:
Hello you and @ all
I have been following thread too, albeit not so silently
I am a sucker for giving kindness (and gifts and money and love and etc) ....and I am a sucker for receiving too, and, " I try"
I have been on NL since 2012 and think I do okay here...this forum has finally ensured that I am a sure step or two away from becoming a hermit/recluse
I lie all the time in real life, about my whereabouts when people wanna see me...just cos I am on here..but don't worry, I still get up and function and even do the dirty too, just like moji . SMH
But I digress, like I majorly do...self involved me

My post is about the people who give tough love. It works, I see that, for instance when I let my adorable niece wrap me round her fast growing finger and manipulate the living daylights outta me...then reports anybody who "looks for her trouble" to me. The Sucker . Then goes right round to respect them more....also knows to ask me for her bicycle and Kindle while massively disrespecting me. I love kids.....I am helpless around them too, and so will most probably make a bad mother, but that is okay, I am not one, and don't think I wanna be. They say my niece uses me to do yeye. True Story. She loves me best though....so I am good. I also know that when I need to discipline her I report her to the NAZI- mother and sisters and brothers, her parents are in this category, one is my sibling. So I know their approach works.
....in that mien, I respect the tough lovers on here......they are making it possible for @ moji to get empowered. I still prefer giving for the sake of giving, cos it makes me happy and I wanna bring a smile to peoples' faces. I do not care that the person I help wants to implode on their face..or is a prostitute, or is carrying a baby that is not theirs to solicit for my help...I just feel grateful that it is not me on the other side and maybe I can make them smile for a while. But remember I am a Sucker...let's just say I have never empowered anyone. False, but still okay

I have seen tough love on display on this topic. It is different and sometimes may be too harsh IMO...but I DO NOT DOUBT the well meaning behind it. My only advice is for you guys to remember that that moji is somebody's well loved even if bad child. Even if she was a prostituting heroin user...her mother would choose her over us, any time. So let us help without belittling is my advice. There are two sides to a story after all, and people get their traits from their parents remember? It is never just black or white. She could be lazy and proud, her mother could be proud and domineering too, these are coulds, I do not care an inch what their different family dynamics are like, every one has their own different family balance or imbalance.
In summary though...I commend the Toughies...

Only one poster disturbed me.....so much that I went to her profile and read many posts of hers. She labelled moji, and mocked victims of Structural Violence, African Americans, the Shanequas et al. She ordered moji not to speak should she call her on the phone, she subtly made fun of MyColi with her Patron Saint dig.....she called @thopido et al to leave with her when somebody called her (only her as a matter of fact) out. She rejected moji's proffered apology cos it was "not sincere" She pontificated and labelled and bullied and railroaded and charmed her way all thru and would become passive aggressive at times. I have diagnosed her to be with a God Complex. And she utterly has no insight with regards to this....so to her, other people are the problem, always...and she always has the solutions (and the anecdotes and similar stories backing it up). I am too wimpy to fight usually, but I think it is a sin to be silent now.

@ Mz Onegia....this is for you. Darling, you obviously come from money and have stayed in money, you are beautiful, you are uber intelligent and sophisticated, well travelled and skilled...and you move with the right crowds. You also know how to make your "voice" "heard" here. There is something however not okay about you (I read your posts)....that makes me e-cringe instead of e-admiring you. If there was a scale where condescensing help and loving help were at the two ends for everyone.....yours would be vertical, with the loving pole pointing south.

Needless to say, if I was on here, begging or trying to scam, and you entered, all you, and wanting to "help," I would decline. I would rather open my legs (to use Ishilove's very non sisterly words ) and be had and receive money that way. And if I was in any way hormonal from pregnancy or the like, I would throw a bomb at you!! Cos, you dear lady....are full of it! Crappola that is...and I know a lot about who you are here, (from reading maaany posts of yours on here) and trust me, I am not jealous and throwing shades at you cos I have the opportunity to be on the same forum as you. And neither am I climbing on the backs of people who called you out...I wanted to be sure first, and I studied you, just the way you studied moji.
True Story.

@sisoge, even if all of us should count ourselves priviledged to be on the same forum with angels, mermaids and celebrities, it is not enough for said people to denigrate us with their words. I am too lazy to quote properly, but your post after moji's lash out (rightful) @ someone who was clearly bullying, abusing, labelling, judging and executing her all at once made me pause. I get it, she may be your friend, but you should have said nothing IMO. Your contribution to that ish was a wrong one. Coldfeet actually cussed out moji in e-solidarity...not good too. Think about it, no advice here made that girl feel dehumanised enough to lash out, only @ Onegai's.

(Aside).... Online cliques are uncool in that they can make one defend others' stands instead of our own personal truths....to me, that defeats the point of the blessed anonymity. Makes me sad to see when people clearly climb all over themselves to accommodate the at times, mad and dangerous views of their "friends". At times you see them ignore peoples' posts just because too. Or back-track on some posts etc....It makes me crack up actually, but I am trying to be deep here, so lemme use sad, lol. Then, what do I know!?

My rant/beef ends here.

Thanks for this,its possible people were thinking it was just those posts I quoted that evoked my reaction not knowing it was an accumulation of several on this thread and her previous posts. The other day it was how she would take and upload pics of the billionaires in her presence to end an argument, unnecessary talks. someone else beat me to it that day cos I was about responding to it as well.

My rant/beef ends here too. This thread has out lived its usefulness.

5minsmadness:
Lol.
Take it easy.
Everybody has their style.
I must say i dont like the tone either but if it yields results...

5minsmadness:
Onegia and missjo.


Pls take it easy. Both of you are trying in your own ways to help. Dont turn the thread to another thing, it has been progressing remarkably well till this point. Apologies for fraying nerves. You ladies are doing very well for a total stranger.
Take it easy biko.

I'm cool always,wasnt trying to start a fight. But certain things can't be overlooked, I'm nice like that.

Onegai:
Madam, you're right! But back to the matter: what are your contributions and thoughts?

Madam,my contributions and thoughts were already on this thread before I quoted you. But if you meant outside of here,totally not your beeswax

*clears throat*

Onegai:
Na wa o.

See, I don't care how people view me, I don't care if they clap. Their Likes and quotes didn't send an alert to my bank account. I don't even care much about this, it's not about me or about getting likea or quoting Abraham Lincoln.

What I do care about, and what you are refusing to see, is all the numerous people whom have come here to relate their own stories with people like her and how and what worked to change the situation for the better. And in every case that ended well, same story: someone was strict with the person.

But, I'm gonna do you a solid. I'm going to personally hand over to you and step away, if anyone mentions me I will mention you and I'll check with the people doing the most what your contributions are. How does that sound, good?

So, when are you going to Igando oh, and what do you think we should discuss with the father of the child? Could you help with the antenatal? Thanks

She still doesn't get it.
How does your contributing to her case give you the right to dictate? And what has my contributing or not contributing got to do with pointing out to you that you don't talk down or dictate to anyone in the name of being strict?
Are you her mother?

You're terribly sanctimonious and you don't even know it.

pickabeau1:
Smh

Stating the obvious, how can I be the only one who sees those lines for what they come off as even if from a good place?

Mindfulness:
Of course I do. Women do the same. Saying however that you have the right to kiss women and 'grab them by their pvssy' because you have power and money is an entirely different thing. Even heaven couldn't help the man who tried it with me or any of my family members. And the fact that such a man is running for president of a country is deeply disturbing.

Lol,wonder how he got this far.

vioment:
It is the same USA that Russia and china combined might not even hit at all in a military to military conflict. They(Russians and Chinese and whoever ride with them), will become terrorist with deadly knowledge. As far as fighting goes, they have no chance. They have been surrounded in all directions. I pray for that bell to ring, so that those stupid countries will be wiped out once and for all.

Am all in for the USA in a world war; especially without trump at the top. In Russia, trump would have been dead by now, same as china, north korea, iran, etc.

It's alright,i hear ya. Hopefully,it doesn't get to all that.