^^^^ sister? I really need to change my username. What started out as a prank has become a nuisance.

I am a bit surprised that a man that would accept your selfless sacrifice to take care of him and his kids won't bend over backwards to make you happy by giving you your own child. You might want to question the validity of the love he has for you. From my perspective, you seem like a glorified maid and free nanny. 28 is still young to go finding alternatives. This man should not condemn you to a life of barrenness because he already has his own children. That's just wicked.

This thread is full of current and future wife beaters! Nothing is more dangerous than a man with low self-esteem and zero home training! Beating up on women on international TV?!!!! I would disown my son if he did that.

Ivynwa: I think that you guys went magnifying the whole issue until it came to a loggerhead. Stop dragging it with him girl, he doesn't seem to understand why your people are saying that it should be in your side because he is marrying you off so try and explain to him.

I don't think that the venue should be a bone of contention, there shouldn't be rules and laws about where couples must wed because many people fly out of their country to wed, some wed in the city where they live, some wed in their wife's church while others wed in their own church. There are still others that fly to islands and seasides or any destination that holds special appeal in their lives so quit dragging with him. Make your family chill about it too.
Infact I think that you guys should just choose a neutral place that is neither in his area nor yours either, maybe a nice resort or sweet place with beautiful sceneries and get happily married. Do you have to start dragging and warring and taking sides when the marriage hasn't even started? Hey, there ain't no rules to it girlfriend, just have fun-----it's your wedding.

This is naija we're talking about here. Even abroad, the groom's family always has enough respect to defer to the bride and her family. So you're suggesting the couple wed at a neutral place where they have neither family nor friends? In Nigeria? Haba! At least consider the context a little bit before giving advice.

This is what happens when girls feel like they must marry by force. When did the groom start dictating where and when the marriage ceremony will be? Are you the one going to ask his hand in marriage from his family? Why can't he do the right thing and come to YOUR place to seek your hand? That's the way I understand things are done. I just don't understand why there is even debate about this. Is this a cultural thing? Can the experts in Ibo culture step-in and let us know how things are done in Ibo culture?

^^^^^^ lol @ all the responses on here. You guys have clearly never stepped outside Africa before otherwise you would know better than to go around slapping women. If you slap a woman (or a man)in the US and in most other civilized countries, she can call the cops and file assault charges. The cops don't care what she said; if you're the first to get physical, then you're in trouble with the law. That's an automatic criminal record for you; good luck finding good jobs, especially in the US! Most decent employers will assume that you have anger issues and zero self-control. That's the way it works here oh! Women have rights and you just can't slap them anyhow. If a woman is verbally assaulting you, nobody is forcing you to hang around to listen to her insults. A true gentleman with a healthy self-esteem will keep his emotions in check and get-out. At the very worst, he'll insult the woman back. I just can't imagine what a woman will say to me that'll make me physically assault her; words only hurt you if you let them in my opinion.

There is a reason why Africa is backward. And no, it isn't because of our colonial history. Only backward illiterates think words are enough to provoke physical aggression. A human being should not be a daft animal without self-control.

There is nothing a woman can say to a man that should provoke the man to physically assault her. A real man would have just walked away. Of course the Zainab chick was running her mouth all over the place but that's what guilty chicks do! Chicks like to run their mouths because it's often their only weapon. A real man with self control will find other ways to make his point without getting physical. He is lucky he isn't in the US. He will be spending some time in jail on a battery or assault charge where he will find plenty of other men like him to fight with. Bloody disgrace to manhood!

ps - what exactly was he so ashamed of Zainab seeing? A tiny d[i]i[/i]ck? I know if a young woman came to check me out in the showever, i'll have nothing to complain about! In fact, I'll invite her to join me! I have got nothing to hide and plenty to share with the ladies! No dulling at all!

Original article here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

Nice points but zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... the article has been circulating for ages! This ain't breaking news.

jennykadry: I kind of like get where the blessed is coming from BUT if these people met post divorce then I don't think there should be a problem. I for one would not let any child of mine marry a divorcee

If you know where she's coming from, then pray tell because the rest of us are still scratching our heads. I am suspecting she subscribes to the school of blind, foolish faith where some women cling to husbands that have divorced them and moved on in life. A divorced man is single for all practical and legal purposes, regardless of the reasons why that man divorced his wife. It is up to the new woman that's contemplating marrying the divorced man to make a rational, adult decision about whether the marriage will also end in failure. It's an adult decision for an adult thinker! This game of "blame the other woman" is just stewpid.

davidylan:

which is why i wonder why you bothered to respond to the thread. You could have simply moved on to the next one-line topic and saved yourself the effort.

Because I can! Na your papa get am? Abeg, gerrout!

davidylan:

Each time i read this i just have to wonder:
1. Nowhere is it written that you MUST comment on the thread. If the story is too long then move on and find a shorter one to read.
2. How did you folks pass exams? Did you just read summaries?

The story is very well written and interesting... you should give it a shot.

If I wanted to read fiction, I'll pick up Toni Morrison's latest book. All this story-story on an internet forum that wasn't created for short-story enthusiasts is just stewpid. The Family section is not the same thing as the Literature/Writing section. Family Section participants are absolutely right to complain.

Yeah, too long... didn't read!

Theblessed:

[size=16pt]God bless you, you're a man of peace!

You see, women who delve into a left-over relationships are nothing but trouble makers and they will never find peace and happiness in their own lives.

Why? Because, you can't cause other people unhappiness and pain and then, find happiness and joy in their own life and if you do, it will be temporary.

You see, there are two sides to every story and the man has presented his and, it tastes nice, eh? Wait until you hear the woman's side, then...

It's better you leave them to it - eventually they'll sort it out than you breaking in, thinking you're the saviour to his happiness and soon, you'd realise your mistakes.

So I suggest, these frustrated unhappy girls, find their own men! [/size]

What exactly are you going on and on about? I see nothing in your post but pure daftness. How can you call a woman that marries a divorced man a "trouble-maker"?! What part of official dissolution of marriage don't you understand? I think you're confusing separation with divorce. A divorce is final. There is no more "sorting-out" after a divorce unless the couple re-marry themselves in a new, official marriage ceremony. The man is free to re-marry as he see fits and the woman that marries him is not an interloper in any way.

Just stay with him... he's going through dark times and has withdrawn from everybody.

Lexoria:


See the way you said it as if you can vouch that the man was wearing an iron pant while he was hustling in America.Some men just digust me!!!!!!!! Arrrrgh

I don't know what he did while he was in the US but one thing I know is that his wife was actually caught with the man, red-handed. It was a truly terrible situation and he was right to throw-out the unfaithful wife. What exactly disgusts you? The fact that the man threw out his cheating wife or the fact I don't know what he was doing while he was in the US? Your objections don't make any sense.

I cook fairly decently but I always hide it from my girlfriends. A woman that knows that you can cook won't cook for you eagerly. I just sit there and pretend like the only thing I have been eating all week is cereal and Chinese take-out so she feels sorry for me and makes me pots of soup! Works like a charm! Women like to feel wanted and needed!

Like Feminine A said, it all depends on the reason for the first divorce. The OP needs to find out why the first wife left. My neighbor divorced his first wife because while he was hustling in America, the woman was cheating. He remarried a never-married young woman and they are very happily married to this day (in fact, the new wife helped raise the 2kids from the previous marriage and had 3 more kids of her own).

Like I said, it all depends on why the first marriage failed. Do your research and due-diligence well. Good luck!

manheem: you wonder why there is so much bitterness in the world when you see miserable people come online to imsults faceless people that they dont even know, all i have put her is 'did i do something wrong by lieing and what could i have done better' not 'is she a devil/woman' and if you cant grasp that and also grasp my statement about being rude, then there must be something so miserable about your life that you could only come online and vent your anger on faceless people.

i hope this thread doesnt go the normal way every other thread degenerates into where insults are thrown here and there.i 've had some advises and opinions of posters here and i'm quite ok with that.

Look, seeking advice on nairaland isn't by force. People have said that you didn't do anything wrong given your initial story. What else do you fcking want? If your fiance were perfect, you wouldn't have started the thread in the first place. Please shut-up already and get out of here with this nonsense.

Ishilove: Bobo yi,ejo e po gan. Mehn!

LOL! I am glad somebody else noticed this. Did he come to defend his fiancee or to get advice? Confused murrafucca.

^^^^ what on earth are you talking about?!!!

ronkebp:

Yeah, modern society rarely works like that and majority of them have gone crazy, there are so many mad people living with real human beings in the same advanced society just because of the unnecessary stress they have put themselves in. I love the western society but not everything they do is worth emulating, so many things have gone wrong.

I do not support a man being the sole-provider either, since he obviously does not have what it takes to be the sole-provider, my post was directed to the guy that said he left his fiancee because she did not want to quit her job, as if he was really ready to carry her cross. We still have men who are sole-providers and are not crying.

OK. Yeah, the West has its own set of issues but I am increasingly thinking I'll take those instead of the madness that seems to reign in Naija.

Nigerians are a superstitious lot! Your First Lady is called Patience... she sure didn't have to wait too long to gain access to Nigeria's oil wells! She's way richer than all the "Blessings" in Nigeria combined!

Of course, I would consider changing a name for practical purposes. Nobody wants to go around with a name like "sorrows" or "accident". However, these spiritual interpretations of names are just nonsense ojuju superstitions.

davidylan:

Its about some guy who doesnt like where he lives... anything else i missed?

And what does that have to do with middle-earning and stable relationships? I see why the thread is empty! Thank God I didn't waste my time and brain cells reading it! Many thanks for the summary!

ronkebp:
And hope as an african man you know your responsibilities, "to be the sole- provider" of the home. If the men knew what they are supposed to do in this time and age, there would be no issues on relocation at all. But they don't.

Please, stop talking like you don't live in this same America where even two incomes are not enough to give your kids the best. Private schools cost $30k a year (houses cost $750k+ in good public school districts), college tuition for good universities is almost $40k... you do the math and let me know whether it makes sense to hold on to the idea that men should be the "sole-providers". I guess as long as you're ready to continuing living in the ghettos of Philly, rocking your husband's $80k a year salary, then nothing shele! It all depends on your standards and how deep your husband's pocket is. Just stop spouting this "sole-provider" nonsense because modern society rarely works like that anymore.

Busy_body:

When you get to my age and have been claiming to be 59 years old for the past seven years, because you don't want to hit the big 60, then you will understand why we rather cringe when another birth year approaches

Who doesn't want to perpetually remain sweet 16 ehn

What? Are you really 66yrs old? Hahahahahaha!!!!! That would be hilarious! Grandma, e pele oh.

Who dreams up all these STUUPID stories!!! This section has turned into a full-blown fiction and Nollywood fiesta. So irritating.

al-ahamad:



If I were an illiterate, don't fink I'll be here composing words for u to understand right?....so check ur brain properly before spewing ur stup.idity in public.......I don't blame u cos cheating to peeps like you is an everyday thing nd the fear of God is far from you.

For your info, she nd her entire family ar begging I take her back but I don't vomit nd look at it twice cos the hurt nd pain is ther since forever nd I wonder when I'll fully heal.....

Without seeming pathetic, Now to the topic.....we all have our perspective views on issues nd my reason for using the "Oyinbo" pinch was to clarify that whites of these days don't value religion neither do they believe in making sacrifices for the good of their offsprings.

With-respect to the Oyibo mentality, How will one stand at the alter in front of a reverend with a bible in hand, take vows to hold each other for beter for worse nd then only to end up enriching a divorce lawyer......??

Even if she were to be sturborn nd leave the husband, of what good is all the money without her family being intact....

I could go on nd on but hey....I have stated my reason earlier so if u decide insulting me again cos in my take, there's no better joy than a loving family living intact.........

However, feel free....take ur best shot nd knock-urself out.......h

You have lost the thread of the argument. This has nothing to do with religion or divorce. "Oyinbo" mentality has nothing to do with not allowing male ego get in the way of family decision-making. That you write English doesn't make you smart, I am afraid.

jennykadry: Yea, cared enough to drop by and comment on the thread

I was bored so I came to kick-up some sand.

Can somebody tell me what this post is about? I couldn't bring myself to read that long epistle.