₦airaland Forum

Is this how the UK government draws-up policy and laws? Hahahahaha! No wonder the country is upside down!

I don't get it! Why isn't HIS family helping him start a business? You mentioned that they are comfy and he appears to be the black sheep. If this is true, then you have a serious red flag! If his own family, the people that know him best, won't help him out, it means that they know he is no good and won't make good use of the money. In fact, he may have scammed them many times in the past!

Please, don't use your hard-earned money to fund the lifestyle of a man that fooled a woman and her entire family into marriage. A man like this is just dangerous; there are no limits to what he will do to get what he wants! If you want to help your cousin, give her a little change from time to time. If you MUST help the husband by force, then help him find a job but make sure a single penny of your money does not cross his palm.

You have allowed a scam-artist to join your family! Good luck with the many years of sorrow and pain he is likely to cause you all (because trust me, this is JUST the beginning of his antics).

80% of MBA programs are outright scams and 10% are only worth it if you're attending part-time. Only the top 10% of MBA programs are worth quitting your job for and those programs are still very high risk (by top 10%, I mean the top-10 US MBA schools + LBS+ Insead). Work for a few years, get some real-life experience, save some money, get engaged and then you can run to the UK to do a quick one-year MBA while on a leave of absence so you have your old job to fall back on! Countless Nigerians quit their well-paying jobs in Nigeria to attend top MBA programs abroad only to discover that they are practically unhireable into post-MBA roles abroad (and are too ashamed to return to their old jobs in Nigeria). Happens all the time! Don't be seduced by the success stories you hear because reality is often times very different. Good luck!

Please remove to the Romance section please!

jmoore: After slapping a Nigerian, you came here to say that Nigerian women do not make good wives. SMH , You will be a very good at beating up your wife.

He said that? This thread needs to be deleted. The OP clearly has mental issues!

This man needs to be castrated and thrown in jail! Bloody pe[i]d[/i]ophile!

You mentioned that you are a perfectionist. Perfectionists generally don't trust themselves to not mess-up a good thing and the perfectionist nature stems from deep issues with self-esteem and notions of self-worth. You must first believe that you are good enough to make one woman very happy and that you are able to achieve a happy marriage that lasts forever. Until you're able to see yourself as capable of maintaining a life-long, loving union, you might end up pushing away any woman that tries to love you.

Having said this, I am a bit concerned that your previous relationship was so turbulent. What was it about this woman you were madly attracted to that made you push her away? It surely takes two to have physical fights! Are you sure there aren't any self-control issues you're sweeping under the rug with perfectionism? Perfectionists often try in vain to make the outside world perfect because their insides are turbulent or chaotic. Just throwing a few thoughts out there.

ps - Marriages are not perfect; the beauty of a loving union is that you're free to make mistakes, learn from those mistakes and use those lessons to build a stronger union.

Efemena_xy: ^^ I don't know o! You even seem to have more information on this than I do sef.

But interesting article you've got there. It even mentions that this is a widespread practice that been going on for thousand of years with some measure of success...

LOL! Google is your best friend! I had never heard of the practice before I read it on this thread. I just Googled "womb massage" and got all kinds of results.

I would have shot only the first one for being so ugly! Joking!

ps - seriously now, this is sad. The gun laws in this country are just crazy. Crazy people + guns = disaster.

Daft generalizations! Did a Nigerian woman jilt you recently? You poor sad thing!

ps - I know for a fact that Nigerians are NOT the biggest benefits frauds in the UK! It's the South East Asians by far!

Efemena_xy: Hmmmm I see you've had a change of heart from your initial plan. Good on you I must say :-)

I don't know if the traditional Ijaw message you mention is similar to the one my grandmother (God bless her soul) did for women. She did that for the best part of 70 years. Oh, by the way we are Isokos so lots of similarities with the Ijaw culture I presume.

Let me find out a bit more about it if I can, then I'll get back to you.

Apologies to you if you found my earlier posts a bit harsh. I've never been one to condone extramarital affairs whatever the reason might be.

No hard feelings sha

A similar massage to this?

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1203412/mayan-womb-massage-therapists

http://www.mayamassage.co.uk/

I am generally leery of these folk traditions. Does the OP know for sure that his wife's womb is displaced? If yes, I am sure there are medical fixes for issues like this. Paying a woman money to massage your womb for years is just a waste of time, especially if there are known medical treatments (this is just my opinion oh!)

^^^^ and the plot thickens.

*grabs another handful of popcorn*

Instead of recommending medical treatment, some people are preaching fire and anointing! Faith without works is dead oh! You had better go seek the best fertility doctors in Lagos and save up your money for treatments! If you like, keep gulping gallons of anointing oil; you'll only get fatter.

You haven't provided enough detail for anybody to give you an informed answer. Couples live apart for all sorts of reasons. Why is the husband living in Lagos and the wife in Oyo State? Why can't the wife join the husband in Lagos? Does he provide for his family? Has the wife ever caught him with another woman? If you can't answer these basic questions, then you should go back and re-think the thread.

Otherwise, this thread should be deleted.

Sisi_Kill: What are you trying to say? That John Doe made this up? That he does not have a friend of a friend with a sheeemale wife and this. . . this is just a way to reinforce his the "CABALS HATE ALL MEN". . .err. . . even when they are WOMEN shtick? Surely that's not what you are saying Moremi??!!

LOL! I didn't say ALL that but it's obvious that olodo wants to play chess with the big boys and girls! He is in for a solid trouncing! This should be very entertaining!

Busy_body: ^^^

Why Moremi A, has there been some deliberation amongst y'all and you been designated to call the woman ni


@ OP

Subscribing to the line of reasoning that the woman should not be informed crudely. Trained Counsellors are there for a reason so as not to trigger issues such as mental inbalance in the victim cascading them into depressive stupor which is as good as being sentenced to death.

Nigerians are fond of acting without rational thought and this annoys me to no end! Of course the stooopid, village thing to do is to go tell the wife immediately but anybody with common sense should be able to anticipate the repercussions of making such horrible allegations without ironclad proof and would thus proceed with caution.

I am probably this way because I have lived in the US for a long time and I know how easily a situation like this can backfire big time, especially with the strict privacy laws in place here. It is in nobody's place to go do Amebo to the wife. The most any sane person can do is put pressure on the man to tell his wife (but then, he/she would have to explain how they came across the sensitive information in the first place!). Or perhaps, the anonymous letter thing can work if the wife is likely to believe a letter like that!

chaircover: maybe you weren't in when he went round telling the other neighbors; maybe in the excitement he forgot, maybe he has an axe to grind with you whateva

I would buy a gift and a card and take it there; then they will be the ones feeling guilty assuming they did it deliberately and if it were a genuine mistake then that will give them an opportunity to apologize for the oversight and ya'all can go back to living your neighborly life. Life is way too short for all these petty petty fights.

I am not sure buying a gift in this situation is wise (I am assuming the OP is in Nigeria). Gifts like that end up in the trash! You know how superstitious Nigerians are about gifts from people they don't like! Growing up, one troublesome (but probably well-intentioned) man in our neighborhood went to America and bought I and my siblings Swatch watches. My mum refused to let us even open the box!!! She prayed over the watches and re-gifted them to somebody else!!!! Hahahaha! A bloody waste of perfectly nice watches but that's the Naija way for you! Everyone thinks everybody else is trying to jazz them.

It might sting a little bit that your neighbor told everybody else but you, but you can't withhold your congratulations for a perceived slight. Be the bigger person! Tell them you heard the good news and wanted to say congratulations! If you don't go congratulate them, you have made yourself permanent enemies (trust me, they and other neighbors that hear about it will never forget). You don't want that kind of reputation in the neighborhood.

There is something really odd or false about this thread. I just can't place my finger on it, yet. How can a confirmed woman-hating man suddenly become the champion for transsexuals? What exactly is he trying to accomplish with a possibly made-up story?

The woman was dishonest about her ability to satisfy a very fundamental reason why many men get married: procreation. That's enough grounds for a divorce. However, the man really needs to check his motives for wanting a divorce. Is it because he was deceived? Or because he is disgusted at fact that he is married to a woman who used to be a man? Or because the woman can't have kids? He saw something in her that made him propose; those things are still the same. Either way, he has every right to seek a divorce and I hope he is a bit more careful next time.

As for me, I think I am smart and experienced enough to know the difference between a real p*ssy and a reconstructed one. There are just too many tell-tale signs. I can never fall for that trick! Never! Besides I hear these women have to inject themselves with hormones for the rest of their lives! I would have caught her a few times injecting herself! If all else fails, my mum nah real prayer warrior! Holy Ghost fire go push out the truth before I walk an ex-man down the altar! God forbid bad thing oh!

God help all of you if this turns out to be a false rumour! Real wahala go dey!

My mum has a golden rule that really works: never lend anybody money that you cannot dash them. Just consider your money a charitable donation.

tpia@:
is the gateman no longer sleeping with her, or why is she aiming for so many lovers at the same time?

anyway, why not hire your own maid so you can stay at home.

full time job sha (if na true story)- doing all the housework plus extra at the school yet finding time to service so many men and still seduce more in between.

She's at her parents' house because it's close to the hospital, I think.

Missy_B: A resounding yes.
I'd be hurt I had to be informed by an outsider (my anger would be directed at him, of course) but the hurt cannot be compared to what I'd feel if by the time I eventually find out, I've been infected . . .Thanks to his reticence.

I am pretty sure the wife would be infected long before a diagnosis.

You do realize that Adult Swim caters exclusively to an adult audience, right? Lots of adults watch cartoons (perhaps a better term is animated shows/movies). Don't know about watching Scooby Doo and Dora the Explorer though! That might be a bit too much. Your wife is right to be worried if your ONLY form of entertainment is cartoons targeted at kids (it might be an indicator of deeper problems with handling adult responsibility.)

Sisi_Kill: Well, it depends on what the mandate on succession the country the parents are the parents king and queen of, states.

LOL!!!!!!!! You're a mess Sisi Kill! You have killed me with laughter.

I think you're seriously underestimating your husband's will power (i hope he isn't reading this or he might feel very insulted). Most decent men don't sleep with every girl that strips naked in front of them! That's just a common misconception.

Sisi Kill has given you good advice. Don't give this girl power over you and your family. Just ignore her antics and put her in her place as the bloody maid! Above all, keep your eyes sharp! Insist your husband hang-out in your room throughout his visits and send the girl away once she serves the food.

PS - If she continues to seduce your husband, tell your husband the girl has AIDS. That'll definitely remove all desire from his eyes! Joking!

Nigerians like to look for trouble sha! In the US, informing the wife is illegal and you could be arrested and jailed for violating the man's privacy (in fact, whoever the health worker is who leaked the man's health status will be banned from the profession for life and probably serve jail time as well).

Nobody knows for a fact that the man is actually HIV positive. I would err in the side of caution especially about news this delicate and private. I think some people have given excellent advice to confront the man privately and put him under pressure to inform his wife. In many parts of the world, the man will be guilty of a crime if he sleeps with his wife without protection after receiving his diagnosis.

ps - For some reason, I think this story is false. In the US, a newly diagnosed married man is immediately asked to bring in his wife for counselling. The only reason why I am even giving the story the benefit of the doubt is because common practice in Nigeria might differ from elsewhere.

jennykadry: Moremi

Let me explain my point of view on this thread. Say a man makes 5million naira a month workin as a top exec in one of them big companies. Lives in a company provided accommodation, takes his family on vac every year. If he loses his job and has nothing on the side not even his own house, would you not blame him for being stooopid? Maybe it is the Igbo blood in me but I cannot be earnibg say for example 20k dollars a month plus my husbands own salary and not take the risk of investing one quarter of my income somewhere else.

You make a good point (that I strongly agree with) but I think this example is not very relevant to this particular thread. I honestly don't see how you can accuse the woman's husband of poor financial planning when he never had tons of excess disposable income to begin with.