Cute story but I am sorry, I will not eat any woman's burnt yam! Not when I can order-in from the neighborhood Chinese restaurant!

Nah woman do you like this? So sad. Please grow some balls and stop being a wuss! You should be taking advantage of your new found singleness. Dayokinu has said it all. Go find yourself a new girl! Any woman you aren't married to or related to is not worth much to be honest. If she's a ho, just hit and quit and move on to the next one.

TV01:
I personally consider a lot of the reasons given here for divorce are either spurious and subjective; unhappiness/suffering, or extreme, heinous brutality/hideous diseases/painful death. It is pertinent to note that on this forum, we tend to read almost universally of instances where there are problems, potentially skewing our view of what really obtains in the vast majority of cases, let alone those executed in proper manner.

I have said this before and I will say it again: "You're a bloody empty barrel!" What on earth is the point you're trying to make in your endless epistles? That very real issues of spousal abuse and serial cheating are "spurious and subjective"?!!! What evidence do you have back up this claim? And what argument are you trying to counter with your claims? Nobody has argued that divorce is the solution to every case of marital problems. The vast majority of debates about divorce in this section surround cases that involve significant spousal physical abuse and serial cheating! These aren't issues to dismiss with a bunch of hubris. We thank God that YOUR marriage is wonderful; but that isn't the reality for many married people.

TV01:
Suffice to say, the traditional notion of marriage is treasured and honoured by many. To those that can't deal with it or don't share it, I would say "don't warp what we hold precious, don't pervert what we consider dear". Construct your own arrangements. If you want "gay-marriage" don't take traditional marriage and re-engineer it - heaven knows it abused enough already - formulate and build your own construct. Pleaseleave ours alone. If you can't take it the way it is,don't abuse it, simply opt-out! If you can't deal with the ideal, don't besmirch and deny others of it. It is as we say "not by force"

There’s is nothing wrong with and no downside to a well executed marriage. It’s the people. It's always the people.

I read and re-read your epistle and I struggle to locate a consistent argument. Bros, do you even bother to re-read what you write for consistency and logic? What exactly is your point in the above highlighted paragraph? How is this argument relevant to this thread about divorce? What does gay marriage have to do with the conversation? Where on earth is this "ideal" construct coming from? Your Bible? Your culture (whatever that may be)?! Hahahahaha! How is anybody supposed to respond to arguments that are completely out-of-context and contain nothing solid to hold-on to? So if marriage is "not by force", then divorce is permissible? Is this what you're trying to say? Are you claiming that marriage is a perfect institution, except for the people in the marriage?!!! As in what? That doesn't make sense at all! What is a marriage if it isn't the sum of the two people in the marriage?

Oh my God! You're just as annoying and daft as ever! I see you haven't acquired new neurons since our last "encounter".

uzoexcel:
@ moremi...r u living in dz planet?

Look, I grew up in a home that always had several maids and in a neighborhood in which every house had at least one maid. I am speaking from my own personal experience and from my observations of the situation in my friends, neighbors and family members' homes. Most salary-earning maids are treated well and fairly. If you read my initial post carefully, you will notice that I made an exception for house helps that do not have anyone looking out for their interests (and this will include house helps sourced for free from extended family/the village).

Is anyone bothered by the fact that this isn't actually a boy but a full-grown man of 23-24yrs old? My initial impressions of the situation has changed a bit since the OP disclosed this information.

I am sorry but a grown man should not be "enduring" this kind of treatment, no matter how poor he is!!! The boy needs to grow some balls, go out there and make a way for himself. Haba! He might be short, but he is still an adult male! Let's close this case already. While is situation is indeed unfortunate, this man is an embarrassment to manhood. Lots of teenage boys from even poorer homes are fending for themselves in Lagos. A 24/24yr old man has ZERO excuses.

Tgirl4real:

If I catch u dis small boi, I will so strangle u

Btw, shouldn't u be happy that you are getting like request from a beautiful, fat 40 sum'n woman

Seriously though, hav also wondered what d importance of the friend request is. From my research, I gathered that, the post of your friends automatically show up on your updated posts. Means you add sumone you love reading their posts.

What? So if you added 30 friends, you would get notices when they post anything? That's just a recipe for inbox disaster!

ps - who is spreading this rumor that I am a small kid? Madam CC called me a college kid a while back! Is it because I sometimes log on here from a university IP address where I currently do consulting work? You silly moderators need to stop snooping!

darkhand:

How do we get in touch with her or you?

How did Ucheee become Darkhand? Somebody needs to shut this thread down.

ileobatojo: Wow. The details of the torture she mets out to the houseboy was so hard to read. So sad. I wonder why he has not run away.

Anyway, you are doing the right thing by speaking up against child abuse. You should not turn a blind eye to that no matter what happens. Since you said she takes her 'Christian faith very seriously', a tactic that might work might be to go through her pastor under the guise of him helping you both to reconcile. That way you can discuss what she's doing to the poor boy to him (of course you have to tell the pastor what caused the fight ) and maybe he can get her to stop it as well as bring you both together. Kill 2 birds with one stone.

I have absolute zero faith in almost all Nigerian pastors. They always side with whoever pays the largest tithes. But it's worth a try. Some women only listen to their pastors.

@ OP, although your intentions were pure and praiseworthy, I think you erred by reprimanding your mother rudely. Regardless of what she did, she is still your mother and there are better and more effective ways to reprimand one's mum. What you must do is swallow your pride and go beg your Mum in person. Kneel down, hold on to her legs and genuinely ask for forgiveness. She's your mum! She'll forgive you.

After reconciling with your Mum, you need to get the support of your siblings. Don't be confrontational. Just approach them individually with wisdom and express your concerns directly to them. Tell them your pastor had a vision and in that vision he saw your mother in front of a firing squad because she killed a small boy. You know your siblings best; do whatever it takes to get them to see what's wrong with the current situation.

Once one or more of your siblings are on the same page with you, you need to go back to your mum with humility and love to re-express your concerns properly. She's sowing serious bad karma by maltreating a helpless boy! You don't want your entire family paying for her sins for generations.

Tgirl4real:

Madam,

I planned on giving u *the hand* before, but decided to reply you for the sake of the likes of u who just talk **********

I took the pain to check your profile to see the post that was hidden/deleted. I even checked up to the 6th of May and we all Know dis thread was created on the 11th of May. The only hidden post during this period was on a pregnancy thread in the health sector. I even checked d beginning on this thread and also the pages that had hidden posts. I knew I didn't delete your post. I just wanted to fulfill all righteousness by checking. Na only baba God know werrin u dey yearn about o.

Well, I don't care and I do not owe you an explanation. If I give any, I am only being nice.

And BTW, will be marking my 10th bday soon. Y'all are invited.


* strolls out humming Ebenezer Obey's song. . . . "ko sogbon te le da . . . . Ko si wa tele wu . . . Ko so na tele mo . . . Tele fi taye lorun o"**

Oooohhhh!!! Why did you even bother responding to her?! Shebi na Aigboma? The world-renowned doormat? You are too kind!

maasoap: Very faulty arguement. Sending him or her to school doesn't automatically mean the end of him/her performing household chores. Doing household chores doesn't mean automatically not having time for any other things like going to school under your care. Though I agree with you that @OP mixed two separate issues of maltreating and showering together. Or do you mean a houseboy/girl helping your family is condemned for life as long as he/she getting his/her salary? It is legally and economically justifiable but not morally justifiable.

What on earth are you talking about? You completely missed the point of my comment. Do you know what AIS/BIS stand for? That would probably explain why the sarcasm flew right over your head.

otokx: The other day my colleague in the office a woman was saying how well she treats her house help and calling on Jesus and all the host of heaven as witness. Not so long after then right in the office this woman sent the house help to go and wash her car right there in the office and it was then the whole truth became so clear. The fact that the house help or maid goes to school or church or party with your family does not mean she is not being maltreated.

So asking her maid to wash her car is maltreatment in your mind? Who should have washed it? The madam herself? You're ridiculous. I doubt you've ever employed anybody in your entire life.

735 i:

Like seriously....have you lost it again? Whats the big deal in someone looking for a wife online.....smh.. (i've said it times without number; we need to get rid of teenagers on nairaland!!!)

The big deal in finding a wife online in Nigeria? Is that how your father found your mother? Do Nigerians even find ordinary shoes online? Bloody dunce!

chaircover:

who told you? Im only 21 . . . ask my teenager

Right! The teenager you had when you were 8yrs old, just like a good-ole Hausa baby machine! All this contortion of reality in the name of denying Van Vicker?! Women are so treacherous! In love with you today, forsaking you tomorrow without a second thought!

ifyalways: Moremi i hope you'd first take your own words and mind your own business.Why would u or anyone take my words here?Are u so into nld that everything typed here means alot to you?Have u seen Uju here to affirm my claims here or otherwise?what made u conclude i know Uju or her marital status in real life?This is how the gossip mills start;folks pick on the meaningless things posted on nld and start having nightmares.Dude please,go pick another playground.

LOL! Look who's accusing me of taking NL seriously! Hahahaha! Did I catch you in a bold-faced lie? Bloody pathological liar! Telling tall tales that serve absolutely ZERO purpose!

chaircover:

It was a childhood crush . . . Ive moved on

No you haven't! And Van Vicker wasn't even acting when you were a child! Bloody porkies!

ifyalways: @Omosexy,whats wrong with her location and who says her NLD percieved location is same as her real life abode ?

Well to all her fans and at the risk of repeating myself,OP is very happily married to her rich,handsome prince,they've sealed their vows and kpekus with babies,their love growing unshaking each day and she is STAYING married for good.Can we all NOW move to another thread or y'all wanna know the "kpekus position and style" that got the man hooked ? kor-bra oh.

Mrs. PR Agent, wetin come concern you? Looks like you know more about her marriage than the woman herself! Did the woman ask you to provide all this information? What exactly is your angle in this? This is how home-breaking starts! Overly-concerned and overly-enthusiastic "friends"!

michelin89: I'm very disappointed in the cabal! from serious advisers to market women. please more posts about how to deal with annoying murders in law make i nor go throw person from my balcony tomorrow.

LOL! Abeg, madam, take am easy oh!

omomoller: Just got married to a london based woman,we spent some weeks together and she traveled back to london.She already filed in for me as her husband at the court but we are having some issues after 3 weeks of her absence.She said i am trying to control her and she hates it with a passion.And dat she has the right to her own fun after i complained about her status on bb.And i asked her y she married me,she replied and said she's fed up and that she cant bear it anymore,we should talk to our pastors to take a decision on the issue.I couldnt sleep all tru the night and am thinking maybe a divorce will help let go all these emotional pains and troubles.I dont knw wot to do right now.could you please advise me b4 i take the wrong step.

These are just teething problems and you guys are just working out boundaries. There are no grounds for divorce in your case. Work on your union with love and diligence. Sort out your immigration issues and live as a family for a while. Good luck.

jennykadry: @CC
BTW, of what use is this friend request anyways? too many people asking to be my friend.

This "friend" thing is just awkward. Is there a way to block friend requests? I have enough friends in real life; I don't want any friends from Nairaland!!!!

How do you even become friends with a screenname without actually knowing who is behind that screenname? How do I know Jenny isn't an old white man, that Madam CC is not Goodluck Jonathan's secret mistress or that Tgirl4real isn't a tranny for real?

jason123:
. . . And that is why it is imperative to PRAY TO GOD for WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING and the ability to be DISCERNING! [/b]It's only cowards who never loved their partners that would run awaydivorce. I mean, it is a family for goodness sake! [b][size=13pt]Would you, as a man, run away from your mother or sister because she did something bad to you?!!

As a woman, would you run away from your brother because he beat you?! (I used these examples because love goes beyond sex although, sex is important!)[/size] C'mon, what happens in the family STAYS in the family. If you are not ready, for better for worse, then don't make that vow!!!

You said people change, the question is, WHAT MADE THEM CHANGE?! It's always so easy to blame your partner without looking at yourself. You have to constantly improve yourself. A marriage is a life long learning process, you certainly cannot know everything about your partner (only God can).

Point is, DON'T SAY FOR BETTER FOR WORSE just so you can walk away at the slightest misunderstanding!


. . .and yes, it is a LIFE LONG SENTENCE! It is not a dating trip, you know?!

What in the world happened to the marriage institution?!

If we were all clairvoyant and wise as Solomon, then I guess the world would be a perfect place. Many pastors pray and fast for God's "direction" but still end up marrying the wrong spouses and consequently, getting divorced! Even then, what if you're not religious? Please save st[i]u[/i]pid arguments like this for Bible study.

Your argument comparing one's relationship to a mother/brother to a spousal relationship is a non-starter because its premise is simply false. Lots of people have estranged fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters! People choose to walk away from these relationships ALL the time! No sane adult woman will hang around an adult brother that beats her! Why should she then stay with a violent husband?

Stop advocating stuff you simply picked up from your pastor's interpretation of the Bible. Stop holding half-baked truths and figments of somebody else's imagination as dogma. Divorce IS an option! Nobody prays for a failed marriage but like I said earlier, marriages fail for thousands of legitimate reasons. This construct of marriage as eternal jail-cell is just plain daft.

Sure, you should give it your all but when your all isn't enough, then you have every right to move on with your life! After all, Jesus himself said that marriage isn't recognized in heaven!!! You'll be shocked that even God will laugh at you when you show up at the Pearly Gates before your appointed time because you allowed some earthly husband to beat you to death!

What is wrong with this section these days? Is this some kind of software glitch?

Vikin: OP, how far the update?

Her husband has truly changed and everything is beautiful now. Her perseverance and long-suffering paid off! At least that's what she is saying these days.

harakiri: Personally, i think people who do such are sick in the head. "House helps" are modern day slaves. Most of the abuse I've seen meted out on them are is usually from the wife of Oga. A real house help gets paid for services rendered and that's it (like a nanny). When you bring an 11yr old girl from the village,make her washes dirty baby diapers,dishes,sweep the house,fetch water (if there is no direct water supply),go to the market,rocks the baby and on top of that you castigate everything she does, nothing she does is ever right, you beat her regularly, she feds on leftovers and rotten food, etc...THAT IS SLAVERY and believe it or not, it's very very very common.

That's not how most househelps are treated. It might seem like a free-for-all situation but there are actually in-built checks and balances. First, it's hard to find a good househelp and most people that hire them tend to treat them fairly well. Second, if you treat a househelp badly, she will most likely run away. Three, the middleman that matches househelps with families will NOT work with you again if you treat one of the helps badly. Having said this, there are always exceptions, especially when the househelp has nobody to look out for his/her interests.

Almost every family I know back home have househelps and they are treated very well. My family is an example; we have always had househelps and they are paid and treated very well. Ditto for all the other families I know. The ones currently helping my mum earn 15k a month and they get free lodging, food and clothes (they also spend half the day sleeping and getting very fat).

jason123: I have heard so many stories where a wife will say she wants to leave because her husband cheats, beats etc. The question is, DID YOU NOT SEE THIS WHEN YOU ACCEPTED HIS PROPOSAL?!

Likewise the men, when they say their wives don't give them pleasure in bed, can't cook etc. Did you not see this when you proposed to her?

Once you are IN,its FOR BETTER FOR WORSE!

This idea that marriage is a life sentence in jail is antiquated. We have had this conversation over and over again in this section. Some people hide their true nature during courtship. Some people change after marriage. There are a thousand and one genuine reasons why marriages fall apart; the onus shouldn't be on the woman to "make it work" regardless of her husband's abuse and philandering. The real challenge is knowing when to draw the line and walk away.

If educational achievement is very important to your friend, then she needs to proceed with caution. The truth is that this man's educational status is unlikely to change and if this bothers your friend, then she needs to either find a way to become comfortable with it or move on. Even if she gets comfortable with her boyfriend's educational level, there is no guarantee that her boyfriend won't have ego-issues with her degrees. Some men end up resenting their wives' accomplishments and that is always a recipe for an unhappy marriage. Please tell your friend to look well before she leaps. This isn't a trivial issue to be glossed over because of impatience.

PS - Please, don't listen to anybody that tells you a PhD chases men away. A PhD (or any type of accomplishment) only chases bad quality, under-achieving men with ego-issues away. Overall, that's a good thing for a high-achieving lady because the quality of men that approach her will increase drastically. Besides, I know happily married women who have PhDs or were in PhD programs when they got married (and their husbands tend to be either PhDs themselves or also very highly educated). Tell your friend to pursue her dreams to her heart's content! Her true husband will find her while she's pursuing those dreams and love her for it!

Tgirl4real:

Thanks Moremi for this.

@least, u no insult *we fat, lazy 40 sumthn women

All this guilty conscience! Chai! I was only talking oh! I didn't know we had some real 40-yr old fatties in da house! Thanks for identifying yourself!

naijababe:

Yes now, you'd be looking after your feminine side plus women love such men . . . . . or so I think

Not interested. Men don't have feminine sides! All that "feminine side" nonsense is just Hollywood drivel.

^^^^ OK, that was funny! Where do these little girls with fake, hypothetical scenarios come from? Have the Romance Section and the Family Section merged?

CuteXclaim: Each passing day i wonder why some people maltreat thier maids, especially the younger ones.They do all sort of things they wouldn't do with their wards.I am just of the opinion that for the fact that are working for you does not make themslave , even if they were slaves they are some parents wards. So they should be giving a little opportunity to enjoy life, like go to good school,drop them in the in the morning instead of treking, play play station,etc. Pls what's your take on this.

Two separate issues here: maltreatment and pampering. The first one is simple; maltreating somebody else's child is bad and sows some serious bad karma. With regards to the second issue... well, when you start running your own household, feel free to send the house-girl to AIS/BIS and to buy your house-boy a PlayStation! If you like gan sef, adopt the maid. Then you would need to hire another house-girl/house-boy to do the other one's chores! Shebi nah your money?

naijababe:

So you be cabal member too?! I didn't know Madam CC allowed male membership

LOL! Why would I join a Cabal that isn't sharing petrodollars? What would I go do there? Paint my nails and listen to complaints about periods and breastfeeding? God forbid!

chaircover: Moremi the only way the cabal will go down is when us ladies go down to the shopping mall with a brand new CC with a balance of 10K each to spend as we wish, and I can promise you that you wont hear from us for a few days

Or I can just use that 10k go Vegas and make it rain on the strippers! You figure out the more desirable option.