ronkebp: Moremi dear, i was single here in the States before i got married, i met my hubby here, my marraige is not even up to 3 years yet...and i have mingled with ladies that know their worth and respect themselves. Maybe i do not attract nonsense people as friends that is why i find it hard to believe that some women are like that. We have gullible ones' and i have had very few friends that are just foolishly gullible and their arses had been dumped severally by the men in their lives...

What i can't stand is for one to be pretending, for who kwanu men!!!! all they need to build is their self-esteem...Any lady behaving the way you mentioned is just a looser!!! Sorry to say.

Hahaha! Thank God not all ladies are like you. Otherwise, awon boys go suffer for town. Madam strict-strict! Sha take-am easy.

ronkebp: ^^^^^yeah only because you meet loosers and not real women... , why would i ask a guy if he loves me after 1 year of dating? talk more of just meeting him after few weeks...Really who does that?? you must have been seeing all this secondary school girls....REAL/MATURED WOMEN DO NOT THINK LIKE THAT.

I do not have time for long thing.....if i am feeling you at the moment you will know...if i am not...you will also know...i do not have time for pretence....

Ronke you are married! You are thinking like a married woman! You really need to meet more of these single Nigerian ladies in the diaspora! They form grown and matured in church and to other ladies but in private, they throw all caution to the wind when they meet correct bobo! Desperation and insecurity does horrible things to otherwise great ladies (they start seeking confirmations of love as soon as they decide the man is a keeper). Of course, the guys will say anything to gain access.

But I only gave a romance example because I have never being married (btw, it wasn't the same girl that said all those things. It was different girls). However, almost all my close friends are married and they lie to their wives all the time to keep peace (I am pretty sure the wives catch some of those lies, but they seem to accept and like things this way.) We go out for drinks after work and they tell their wives they are still are work. They grossly inflate their work titles and work responsibilities. They withhold material facts about their past (e.g. educational accomplishments) and never tell their wives they slept with half the ladies in church before marriage. I could go on and on. Their wives are not complaining; they mistake silence for enigma and fetishize a man with secrets. Works for both parties.

I don't even understand your question. You don't want an SS child but you ALREADY have a child with her! At this point, it's too late to use SS children as an excuse.

A couple with AS genotype getting married is not the end of the world. There are solutions to this issue if you have access to good healthcare. You can test the foetus before birth and then decide whether to carry the child to term. Even if you don't have access to good healthcare, lots of Nigerian parents have SS children every year and their lives did not end.

Do the right thing. Make a honest woman of this lady and marry her. She's already the mother of your child and you don't want her curses trailing you for the rest of your life.

All bloody lies! Women don't know what they want and even if they do, they'll lie about it and claim the opposite.

Women claim they like straight-forward, honest guys but once the guy starts telling them the truth or starts being honest, they start complaining and accusing the man of being too emotional or too harsh or too insensitive. The truth is, ladies love to be lied to. They keep fantasies in their heads and minds and they usually seek men who will fulfill those fantasies even though those men are liars and posers. I stopped being completely honest with ladies many years ago. These days, I just tell them whatever it is they want to hear. Makes everybody happy.

My typical convos with a girl I just met a few weeks ago:

Girl : "Where are you?"
Me: "At home, thinking about you" (what I am actually thinking: "Eating dinner at another girl's place" )
Girl : "Do you love me?"
Me: "Yes dear" (what I am actually thinking: "Are you crazy? We just met" )
Girl: "I want to have your babies"
Me: "Sure" (what I am actually thinking: "God forbid bad thing" )
Girl: "I want a princess wedding in Paris and a blue box from Tiffany's (2 carats VVS minimum)."
Me: "Baby, we can make that happen if you like, no problem" (what I am actually thinking: "Oloriburuku onigbese! You and your family barely have a pot to piss in and you're dreaming of Paris wedding!" )

presido1: Thought Nigeria passport start with letter A plus 8 numbers. How come this one starts with 029

Good catch. Although South Africa is probably one of the most xenophobic places on earth (they don't even try to hide their hostility to other black Africans), this passport might be fake.

^^^^^ This is also an excellent way to attract kidnappers! Don't you have family or church members that can provide solid leads for domestic help? With the horrible security situation in Nigeria (and especially Port Harcourt), why would you seek someone to take care of your kids on the internet? Or are you part of a kidnapping ring looking to recruit new members?

vicoloni: VERY URGENT!!!
Please I really need help on this.
In which other country can I renew my International Passport in the schengen region.
I'm presently in Austria and passports are not issued here.
Where can I get one within a short time.
Thanks.

I suspect you dont want to return to Nigeria at the expiration of your visa. Why dont you return to Nigeria, get your passport renewed and return to Europe? Why take the risk of staying abroad without necessary papers? Its not the best option except you have someone there who really really know the wherewither.

You can also try Paris. Passports are issued there.

The recruitment at entry/junior levels is the most equitable you'll ever find in Nigeria. However, at the most senior levels (i.e. AGM and above), a lot of hiring and promotion tends to be based on connections and deposits. Unfortunately, "connections" in Naija is very tribe-centric. I have never worked in Nigeria but I have family and friends that are senior bankers in Nigeria and they pretty much live and die by their high-level Yoruba connections at Yoruba-leaning banks (in particular, First Bank, Wema Bank and FCMB). The one bank that was truly diverse with regards to ethnic groups was the former Oceanic. Mama Ibru (as she was called before her spectacular fall from grace) is a true de-tribalized citizen of Nigeria. She hired across all ethnic groups as long as you could get her government deposits. Oceanic was famous for hiring the family members and mistresses of politicians in power

olaheavy: Why do fools keep referring to WEMA? It's a regional bank, for crying out loud! This honorable institution that has stood the test of time is owned by O'dua Investment Group which comprises all the states in the Western region! Why would they want to leave their own sons and daughters and blindly employ Igbo cannibals? My own question is why the Igbo-infested Diamond just didn't stay in Ibo land or the East, for that matter, when they knew they were going to be that tribalistic? At least you can be sure of seeing WEMA branches only/mainly in Yorubaland, why was Diamond bank extended to the West? We don't want any Igbo bank in the West tell them to pack up and leave!

You're a bloody tribalist and you should be ashamed of yourself. Besides, you don't know what you're talking about. Wema only JUST became a regional bank. It was a pure Yoruba bank even when it was a national bank (it was known for transferring Yoruba staff to its Northern and Eastern branches). For all its "Yoruba-ness", it is probably the worst bank in Nigeria after Unity Bank. It's a horrible and very backward place from what I hear from current insiders. Its senior management is so distracted with internal politics and fetish practices, that it's a wonder that the bank exists at all!

2mch:

Why are you talking about love? I thought that was not important. Bloody contradiction. Do you have a stable mind?

All I hear is a large fly buzzing... keep trying! Going forward, I'll pay attention to you only when you have earned it. Good luck!

2mch:

You dont have to like or agree with my opinion. You can move ahead, drop a comment and make a point. You can also keep it moving. I did not bother to read your comment because the previous ones did not make sense. If you insist on living in the 18th century, slit your throat and ask God to transport you back there. Life and reality is different. Make hay while the sun shines, or be stuck with gold diggers and leeches. The choice is yours.

Blah, blah, blah... and yet you quoted me! Bloody dunce! Get the fck out of here with your bullsh*T! It's nobody's fault that you're daft and inexperienced!

If it is almost impossible to love each one of your own children truly equally, how can you possible love children that aren't yours as much as you love your own? The most important thing is how your TREAT them. You should love them and treat them equally and fairly, not necessarily love them equally. If you get this right, you should be alright.

Search this forum for an older thread on whether to tell your boss he has body odor. Lots of good advice there.

2mch:
No its not. Love is a very very important aspect of marriage. Those your fore fathers had extremely miserable and unhappy wives, who were trapped in a loveless marriage because of financial issues and family frowning on divorce. A lot of them also eloped back then to avoid being forced into marriage. Also, life was much more different and less immoral. You expect her to marry and turn to the lady on the other thread who is now in love with a small boy and wants to fade with the old guys money. Madam, marry who you love and who loves you too. Never listen to all these desperate talks. I see 50+something year olds getting married to their widowed or divorced mates everyday. Nothing do you. Be proud of who you are and you will attract people with your confidence. Being a single mother is not the end of the world neither is it a handicap or a minus to you. If you respect yourself and make your child the focus of your life, you will attract a man that needs a wife that understands and values family

Blah, blah blah... love is nice to have but you can't base a marriage on a flimsy, transient emotion. If I married every woman I fell in love with, I would be a serial divorcee by now. The type of love you're describing will wear thin after a few years and what's left after that are the true makers or breakers of marriage: harmony, character, compromise, forgiveness, patience, faithfulness, selflessness etc. How old are you? You sound like a bloody teenager.

2mch: It is only the end of the world for you if you think it is. Does marriage define you? Does it make you a different or better person? What excatly do you really want? Please dont underestimate the need for mutual love. It is very important. I dont know how people say love is not important. They may be people that have had to settle because no one wants to be with them, maybe badlooks, no money etc. But when they somehoe get one of these things they start looking for love. You see them on NL saying i never loved my spouse and they irritate me etc. He knows what he wants from you an d has seen it, but that feeling has to be mutual. How can you marry someone you dont have feelings for? chei. Dont underestimate certain requirements of marriage if you dont want to be worse off than you are now. Your child deserves happiness and a healthy environment. That healthy environment can only come when mummy is happy. If this is not what you want for your life, wait for it. It will come. Dont rush.

2mch: It is only the end of the world for you if you think it is. Does marriage define you? Does it make you a different or better person? What excatly do you really want? Please dont underestimate the need for mutual love. It is very important. I dont know how people say love is not important. They may be people that have had to settle because no one wants to be with them, maybe badlooks, no money etc. But when they somehoe get one of these things they start looking for love. You see them on NL saying i never loved my spouse and they irritate me etc. He knows what he wants from you an d has seen it, but that feeling has to be mutual. How can you marry someone you dont have feelings for? chei. Dont underestimate certain requirements of marriage if you dont want to be worse off than you are now. Your child deserves happiness and a healthy environment. That healthy environment can only come when mummy is happy. If this is not what you want for your life, wait for it. It will come. Dont rush.

Our forefathers had happy arranged marriages. Love is much overrated. Please stop peddling the rubbish your colonial masters handed down to you from Sinai.

Can the moderators just delete this thread? This isn't a match-making service! Go find your ATM elsewhere!

^^^^^ LOL!!!! Nah you now!

chaircover: LOOOOLLLLLLL Moremi you are mad mad mad

Ok without spilling too many of my business secrets I can tell you that for ME Ibadan is more lucrative than Lagos

The Ibadan that you diss AKA Brown roof city LOL is not too bad. Inu ikoko dudu ni efo funfun tin jade Besides, where else apart from Oje market in Ibadan that you can buy a basket of oranges for N500.

The Zoo still dey o! and your friends are still there and at only N200 (I think) entrance fee its superduper value for money. Apparently they have a lot of sponsorship from foreign conservation departments. The animals are well fed and looked after and there are a lot of different species there.

. .. and what you said about animals escaping to Lagos is a family joke word has it that during the ogunpa flood in ibadan, all the animals at agodi gardens escaped and we tease the person who told us the story that when the python met up with the tiger in Abakaiki, the python asked the tiger if he had heard any news on the flood subsiding and if it was safe to go back to Ibadan

LOL! Jokes aside, I am happy things are working out in "IB" as my sister calls it. I didn't even know that naija oranges come in baskets! Just like tomatoes from the North? Chai! I learn something new everyday.

More power to you CC! Too bad I don't have any friends that would do their wedding shopping in Ibadan! I would happily send them your way!

chaircover: jenny that is the way it should be; the two hands washing each other to make the hands clean. The two covering each others back and being there for each other during rain or shine

Maybe because I have seen it a lot from my experience, I know that it doesn't always work that way. The IT contract market is very volatile (IT contractors will bear me witness to this) and you could be driving a flashy BMW today and be out of work for a whole year and before you know it be depending on friends to pay for transport money to the next interview.

I have heard of stories of many peeps I have worked with in the past who were doing really well but when their contact ended, never got another contract and their wives treat them like shit. Some have even divorced and some are living hand to mouth in friends houses where their friends wives too treat them like shit. These are men who used to send their wives to the US on holiday on business class flights, kids attended private schools etc Many of the wives didnt even have regular jobs and it was just mark kay & Avon & selling the odd handbag they bought back from holidays to France but they still lived very good lifestyles when the man was raking it in, only for them to turn against the man in his hour of need.

This is what I was trying to explain to Dayo and Moremi but they didn't understand. Its very very wrong for a woman to do that to her husband, but the truth is that it happens and I have seen it first hand. So they better say Amen to the prayer that I was praying for them that they end up marrying their own wives and not someone elses wife

This is one of the VERY few times I have seen you openly assign blame to a woman! I think if you do this more often, you'll get fewer accusations of gender bias and fewer mentions of your secret affiliations with The Cabal. We have allowed the sensational details of the horrible domestic abuse inflicted on Nigerian women by their husbands to crowd out legit criticisms of the bad things women do to cause marital strife. Although it is highly commendable that most of the regulars here have a zero-tolerance for domestic abuse, we can't allow the well-deserved finger wagging at men to create the impression that we think women can't be horrible spouses and horrible human beings too. In other words, we can't fall into the common trap of canonizing the victim as quintessentially immaculate. We should be as quick to condemn misbehaving women as we are quick to condemn misbehaving men. Perhaps this will kill this idea of a secret Cabal once and for all!

Hahahahahaha!!!! Better warn the man that the woman claiming to be carrying his baby is a she-demon! People like that NEVER turn out well in life. You can't raise your hands to your own mother and then go on to live a stable, normal life.

tpia@:
^do you know the meaning of wrong analogy, or are you fresh out of the beer parlour, lol.

My initial reply was NOT an analogy. It was an explanation. Stop confusing the two. You clearly don't know what an analogy is.

tpia@:


wrong analogy and misrepresentation of yoruba culture.

But it's true!!! I know because I am full-blooded Yoruba! I have like a thousand aunts and uncles and at least a dozen Mummies and Big-Mummies! It's just the way the culture is! We Yoruba people give titles to show respect! You would know this if you were Yoruba or if you had basic cognitive skills.

Last I heard, Ibadan Zoo is empty! All the animals escaped to Lagos! Even my "friends" at the zoo know better than to keep living in that dead village! I haven't been back there in more than a decade and I am surprised that giant, sprawling mess still exists!

From a business angle, are you sure an Ibadan bridal shop makes sense? Were you fleeing the saturation of Lagos markets or did you open the shop to capture the under-saturated Ibadan market? You do know that most people from Ibadan village travel to Lagos for shopping right? I know because I have this ancient aunt that used to stay with us on her regular shopping trips to Lagos to stock her fabric shop at a place called Bagi Market.

So tell us, how has the experience being so far? Is market selling? Do you take out ads in the dailies or on TV? Who is in charge of your shop while you're chasing Mr CC for kpekus in London? Has the person stolen you blind yet? I am so curious about people that run small businesses in Nigeria, especially in places outside Lagos. Much respect for your entrepreneurial spirit madam! Please make sure the children don't develop Ara-Oke accents!

dayokanu: Classic Chaircover,

When the men are maltreating their wives its the mans fault

When the women are maltreating their husband its still the mans fault.

Anyway i no blame you, Na so women be.

LOL! I am glad somebody else caught the classic evasiveness! Three gbosas for Iya Chaircover!

chaircover: n

OMG! Chaircover is a razz Ibadan mama, forming Lagos/London babe on Nairaland!!!! The wind don blow oh! And what the wind has revealed is rather shocking!

chaircover: Moremi Unfortunately that is the reality of life; People tend to do strange things when faced with adversity. Another example is where in most cases, when a man finds out that his wife can’t give him children will change his behaviour over time even if they are slight changes.

None of us know how we will react when faced with the trials and tribulations of life and all we can only pray for this that God helps us through these times.

Many men and women enter marriages with lots of vows and good intentions and In an ideal world husband and wife should support each other for better for worse, but you and I both know that when reality knocks people do strange things. May God help us to marry our own husband or wife.

Very evasive answer! Can't you just call a spade a spade and call the wife gold-diggerish? Classic Chaircover move! Talk AROUND the problem rather than blame the woman! High Priestess of the Nairaland Cabal!

chaircover: In my little experience, I am yet to see a marriage that remains exactly the same when the husband is out of a job for a long period of time.

Ive heard cases of otherwise good wives being accused of "disrespecting" their out of work husbands. Maybe it is human nature; maybe it is fear of the unknown, or the frustration I dont really know.

Many a time though, it is not always the wives fault and sometimes it is the man who becomes overly sensitive to everything the wife says or does and something that he wouldnt have read any meaning to before he lost his job suddenly becomes an insult and a very big issue in his eyes now that he is out of work.

All in all, it is a terrible thing and a big strain on the marriage when a man doesnt have a source of income to provide for his family. especially for the men who really want to work but just cant get a job.

Shouldn't a good wife be extra sensitive to her husband's emotions and feelings of inadequacy in these trying times? You don't marry a strong, good woman for the sake of good times, you marry her for when times are rougher than usual. It is during moments of trials and tribulations that a woman's true character really shines. Any common trollop on the streets can be a perfect wife if the cash flow is strong enough.

Just thank your lucky stars this came out before you tied the knot! Your eyes would have seen so much wahala from this marriage.