Tacky cake. Besides, no one cares!

al-ahamad:
All these yeye Oyinbo mentality covering most of u in d brain.....

My ex Fiancee used to work in the bank...you knw how naija banks can drain you silly on a daily basis so whenever I land Naija, the little time I spend in Lag before going to Kano was always hurting for me cos I hardly see her....she closes late nd goes back to that cage very early.

For that I gave her a choice to quit the job nd run ma company for me since am not much arroun. Even though I'm to pay her far better, she refused my offer nd I simply cut her loose....broke up that relationship nd moved on with my life.....

Sink it into your brains that we are Africans nd we need the loving nd tender care of our wives in a maximum stretch then when kids show-up, they need u with them....how would u do that as a career woman.....?

Please spear me that crap....I also don't wanna think of going to jail cos if I can't see ma wife regularly, nd I find something fishy out.....I'm sure ya'll knw d rest.....gbam.....

Spoken like a true illiterate aboki! It's only bloody illiterates that equate rational thinking with "Oyinbo" mentality. First, you weren't married to this woman; and she was smart not to quit her job until your married her. Second, even if you were married, in your particular situation, the best thing for the FAMILY would be for her to quit her bank job (it's a win-win for her because she would have made more money running your company with flexible work hours). Your story is not a particularly relevant one and does absolutely nothing to support your "oyinbo" mentality claims.

There is no cut and dried answer for issues like this because every situation is different. Both the wife and the husband must put heads together as ONE to figure out what's best for the family as a whole. There is nothing "Oyinbo" about sacrificing your manly ego to do what is best for your family.

Daresh:

Haha! I can't believe this thread was resurrected. Well after much begging from him, SHE called me to beg me for forgiveness. Apparently my mother in law had sent word that she is coming to meet her husband to scatter her house. She apologized and wouldn't hang up until I said I forgave her. Right now she is even pregnant and I don't trust her story that her husband is responsible but we'll soon see. Apparently she has seen that marriage is not all fun and games and she says how sorry she is about everything but who is fooling who?
I've forgiven him and given him one last chance. He has been behaving, praying everyday and generally trying to show he has changed. He knows he's on probation but by God's grace, this stage will pass and all this won't be remembered.

Correct woman! Happy for you!

Busy_body:


Awww, I love sensitive men like you who are always not afraid to be in touch with their feelings. These too shall pass (((Hugs)))

Feelings ko, estrogen ni! Abeg, comot!

I have heard that this is mostly hype. Please read article here:

http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/28/11920006-16-year-olds-equations-set-off-buzz-over-325-year-old-physics-puzzler

Please, don't confess your PE problem to your family!!!! They will never forget and will bring it up in future to mock you. As a man, there is a limit to how much you can divulge to your family. Every man needs his own secrets. If you need help with PE, go see a trusted medical doctor or do some internet research. Good luck!

Can the moderators please move this to the Romance section? Thanks.

Oloriburuku President! Instead of fixing Nepa, he is "introducing" things that have been in existence for many years!!! What's next? He's going to introduce "computers" to the country?

Are those the few doctors with connections? Bloody thief-thief governor!

^^^^^ Madam CC, see the madness you don unleash now?!

Men should not allow their egos to get in the way of family progress. Both of you are in this institution of marriage TOGETHER and it is this notion of togetherness that should influence your decision. Two issues are salient about this situation:

1) It's a slam-dunk positive for your wife (career-wise and income-wise)
2) The move will be relatively hassle free for you career-wise because your skill-set is in high demand anywhere and you won't have any difficulty finding another job

In this situation, the best thing for the FAMILY is to move with your wife. Depriving your wife of a great career move without any good reason will only breed future resentment and marital strife. Men need to start seeing marriage as a true partnership between two individuals with perfectly aligned interests. You decision-making process has to progress from being "husband-centric" to being "family-centric". You should always make decisions based on what's good for the family as a combined whole because what's good for your wife is also good for you and your children. In this particular case, given the facts provided, the OP should move with the wife.

PS - I recently ran into an old friend who quit his engineering job last year to go be with his wife who is completing a cardiology fellowship at a top-notch hospital. He found a new job after a few months of searching. They are both very happy and the wife is particularly grateful for the sacrifice. That family is probably one of the happiest young families I have ever seen and I look forward to seeing them emerge as a top power couple.

LOL@ this thread. Nigeria is truly anything goes! All na packaging! Buyer Beware!

You know what... it just occurred to me that this "clearing my head" reaction is a bit odd for a woman that is so eager to marry you! Are you sure she hasn't found somebody else?

Tgirl4real:

I am glad you said "HOPE"



People may not . . . but words have a way of creeping into our subconsciousness with out we knowing it. Eventually, when making the decision, we find the traces of things we have read, heard, seen on it.

But then you can make the same argument for things we hear on TV or even on the streets! Nollywood is not going to stop producing foolish drivel and fantasies because they are afraid people will base important life decisions on what they see in the movies! Same thing for the internet! We can't possibly hold ourselves responsible for how people read or interpret our words on here! If an adult reads my opinion and decides to go act on it, the repercussions of his actions are his alone, and not my business. All we offer on here are words, opinions, jokes, insults, stories, lies, propaganda etc etc... readers make of those words make of them what they please. It's a free and very adult world, imho.

I can't believe some of the "take a bold step of faith" advice I am reading on here! If Nigerians think this way about something that is relatively easy to budget and plan for, I can't even begin to imagine their attitudes towards unforeseen circumstances! No wonder the entire country is upside down!

For as many "testimonies" of divine provision for a wedding, there is an equal number of stories of flop weddings/marriages. Our only saving grace is that family and friends usually contribute towards wedding expenses. If you're a man that isn't used to depending on favors and charity, then your best bet is to use your brain and plan accordingly. Your family and friends might chip-in for the ceremony but are they also going to feed your wife and children?!!! At the very minimum, make sure you have a steady source of income and cut your wedding plans according to your cloth. No woman deserves the unhappiness created by a jobless, newly-wed husband!

I'll be honest with you bros. Sometimes a man has to break away from wife and family to focus on his business/career. You did absolutely nothing wrong to shield your fragile dream/ambitions from an unbelieving or nagging wife/fiancee. Let her keep venting and making mouth; you just filter-out all her drama and stay focused on the goal at hand. This same woman that's screaming her head off at you for focusing on your business will be the same woman screaming at you if you returned home penniless and jobless. Women are emotionally needy creatures; don't allow that emotional need to cloud your vision and derail you from purposeful business. Good luck with your business! Hope there's a big turnaround real soon!

chaircover: Maybe because we dont have the full picture and we are not related to people who have these issues, but sometimes we are very hasty to judge situations without reading between the lines. We also fail to place ourselves in peoples positions. There was a thread where someone was asking what people will do if they found another woman in their matrimonial bed. many said many different things, but the truth is no one really knows what one will do until God forbid one gets there.

This man needn't have come here to share his story. I am sure that he has a number of friends and family who would have given him opposite sided of advice and all he had to do was to go with the one that suited him. A lot of the times, people have a conscience and they know right from wrong and all they need is confirmation. Most times its a cry for help.

The guy has some unresolved issues with his wife around the not being a virgin when they married etc which he needs to get rid off like yesterday, and he needs to move on from there. Ija lo de ti orin dowe and if the woman had given him triplet sons, I doubt he will be here talking about her not being a virgin. so he needs to erase this from his mind and move on from that.

I am a firm believer that the right advice in the right words and tone of voice do go a long way in hitting the right spot. No one knows the other person behind the computer and what the person is actually going through. I just hope that one day one of us (me included cos i can be rather harsh sometimes) wont be the cause of tipping an already vulnerable person over the edge.

All this internet "mothering" and deciphering of innermost thoughts rubs me the wrong way. You can't possibly have 100% complete information about any individual OP's situation. People reply threads based on what limited information has been provided. We can only hope that whoever is seeking advice on here is also mature enough to take any advice given with a grain of salt. Adults with normal mental capacities don't base important decisions solely on Nairaland opinions anyway. They only come on here to validate previously held views and to expose themselves to opposing arguments.

I come here to be entertained and to learn a little bit about my fellow Nigerians. I could care less if somebody jumped off a bridge because of something he/she read on the internet (that person would have committed suicide anyway, with or without the internet).

Tgirl4real:

OMG!!!

How can you think or talk like this . . . I am in great shock. And please, most men do not think like you. We have a lot of responsible men out there.

What happens when you men also expire in the heart of the woman? Get a newer version, I believe . . .

And what happens when the new model you get also expires? You get another model abi?

I can only imagine!!! *SMH*

Somehow, i want to believe you said this just to get under the skin of the women . . . you don't mean it, do you

Why would you take this guy seriously? The so-called tranny-lover? Hahahaha! The guy is probably mentally unstable. Abeg, leave am.

BlueDiva:

Typical case of buyers remorse.
Actually, i could help to counsel you for a fee. . .

Now that Nigeria is going cashless, lot's of people are going to be in trouble.
The ATM is a quick way of spending money and i can't tell you to leave it at home because of emergencies.

Bottom line, condition your mind.
Make up your mind that you ain't buying anything except it is extremely necessary.

Best of luck.

Nigeria is not going to go cashless anytime soon! This is just another one of Sanusi's many delusions.

This is a very odd relationship. Please provide more details. How did you guys meet? Did you guys ever live close to each other? Or did the relationship start-out as a long-distance thing?

If you have never lived in close proximity, how can you call this a relationship?! From experience, extended long-distance relationships (i.e those over 1yr) only work if the couple has had the chance to bond very well before moving to different locations or in situations where there is some form of quasi-contractual commitment (i.e. an introduction or engagement). Please stop fooling yourself that you have a relationship! I don't think you ever had one, my sister. Free yourselves and only reconsider if one of you can find a way to move!

maclatunji:

I am beginning to suspect you with all of these events that keep happening to your friends and now your sister.

I was JUST about to write the same thing. First it's a friend that hasn't had s[i]e[/i]x in 4yrs. Then it's another "friend" that resents her husband and in-laws. All in the space of a few weeks! Na only you?! Haba! Aunty Amebo!

https://www.nairaland.com/933021/distressed-wife-pls-advice

https://www.nairaland.com/930978/no-intimacy-4-years-dis

Excelboi: Exactly. I bought a Bold 2 6days ago and it had some minor problem so i returned it. I was given a bold 3 and everytin seem okay but sometime i feel like returning it and collecting my money. A guy saw me today and saw the phone and was like this phone is not that good, bold 2 is better bla bla bla.... He convinced me to return it and have made up my mind to return or sell it tomorrow, do it worth the stress and how can i cure such a feeling, pls help.

You probably can't "cure" it. Some people's brain chemistry predisposes them to certain types of anxieties and moods. If you were based in the US, I would have recommended going to see a therapist. The best you can do in Nigeria is manage your feelings. Now that you have an idea of what triggers your feelings of depression, try to avoid those triggers. Never make big purchases without weeks of deliberation and without seeking 3rd party advice first. You can also try never leaving home with too much cash in your wallet so you don't buy expensive things compulsively.

I don't even know where to begin. How did the man let the situation get this bad? I am sure that wasn't the first time the woman insulted him. It only hurts this time because she said it in front of her parents. Are you sure she used the word "dumb"? It just seems more likely she would have used the term "know book". That would seem slightly better than dumb.

Do you have a problem with spending? Or are you a compulsive shopper? You might have a particularly strong case of buyer's remorse. In the West, you just return the stuff you bought the next day or week or month! But I am sure you can't do that in Naija and that might explain the depression.

Well, in all fairness, it's a public holiday in the US! LOL!

Hahaha! The bloody scammers are still angrily defending their 419 practices of fleecing their flock of their hard-earned cash to buy private jets and build fancy mansions!

Being a 4th wife has it advantages; your kids have a legitmate father and you get a distracted husband that won't pay too much attention to your side-runs and won't try to slow down your career. Might be a smart move after all.

ps - this woman razz small sha! I saw pics of her wedding on another thread and her cake was an outright disaster.