₦airaland Forum

Nope. Not ever. It will cause more trouble than its worth. The fact that you kept a secret will end up being bigger than the secret itself - if you know what I mean!?

If its re other guys and jealousy - cut the ex OFF! Your current man is your man for a reason and your ex is an ex for a reason.

Just flip it and see how you'd feel if he were lying to you,

Big women are beautiful. Is this the same woman who is piercing her bits for you?!

topsy25:
IF YOU MARRY UR FRIEND, SHE WONT GET U BORED

I dated my wife for 9 years, 11mths and 17days before we got married. I dont see her just as a sex object, but as a lover, friend, mother, sister and my better half. I've never been bored with her and I can say same for her

Please dont get me wrong; we do have our problems and misunderstandings, but we'll always come together to talk about it cos we know shouting and nagging at each other will never solve our problems but rather add to it. Most importantly we pray together.

Yes I absolutely agree - FRIENDSHIP, COMMUNICATION and PRAYERS.

Chrisbenogor:
[b]Nairaland association of aspiring successful husbands and wives[\b]
Where are the married people to make sense of the question? How many of y'all are married? Or are you opinions based on years of play play relationships?

Hi All. I've been married for 7 years and it’s not always easy. Marriage is a wonderful blessing, particularly when the kids came too but it is HARD WORK. Especially for a woman! We have to try and find a compromise between being a respectful, submissive and Christian wife who can take care of the home, kids and also hold down a job/career - and yes, we also have to still try and look hot (weight, hair, nails etc) and be sexy when we've been up all night with babies, spent the weekend running around after in-laws and slogged away in the office. It is very easy to slip into the comfort zone and either be asleep or looking like shit in trackies by the time husband comes home after a long day. Its not what he wants to come home to! I try my best to have a clean and calm home for him to come home to - and a clean and cute looking wifey too!!  

Its super important to marry someone you genuinely cannot live without and someone who you really get on with - we are really good friends and I'm lucky enough that he talks to me about business issues and asks my advice on things to do with his office - HOWEVER we must be careful not to slip into the "best friend" role where the love becomes like brother/sister - and as most of the guys in this forum joyously pointed out - it IS about the sex, if that slips, all else fails, and interest wanes, and we all know how many chicks are waiting to service your man in Naija if you let them,

Of course, some guys are assholes and will get bored anyway, no matter what their wife does!  

Sorry - one last thing. He got busted cos she went through his phone - WHEN ARE THESE GUYS GOING TO LEARN - DELETE DELETE DELETE.

In this situation as a one-off - I honestly believe she didn't need to know so he could have saved her a lot of heartache by following the simple rules. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF.

Wow. Thanks for all the responses. Some varied morals here on NL!

Update on the situation - the wife found out (nothing to do with me - I took all your advice!!!). She is totally devastated, threatened to leave with kids etc but has chosen to forgive her husband - he swears it was a one off mistake and is genuinely remorseful. He's said all the right things and seems to mean them . Not sure if she'll really manage to move on properly - forgiving is one thing but forgetting is another. She's turned to the bible for comfort so good luck to her.

As for me - she doesn't know I was there so I guess she doesn't need to know. I feel bad. I really liked her husband - he seemed like a cool guy who adored her and the kids but I have now lost all respect for him, even if it was a "one off act of destructive behaviour".

I have an FCMB card. It worked fine in the UK recently and I've also used it online to pay some bills.

Starbucks tall skinny double latte with gingersnaps

Ah yes, a la Corinthians. I'd have to pray really really really hard on that one!

WTF? Shall I give you my bank details too?!

George_D:
why not forgive the lady first. or are you so angry that she gave your man
what she got?

ROFL. Yep too right!! Not sure how I'd get round that one. Kind of gutting for your lover to choose a skank over you.

Lol, besides when you love someone and want a future with them, its easy to forgive. Its way tooooooo easy to hate the chicks.

sistawoman:
It is not the OW that made the commitment to me. My issue would never be with her but with my husband. He is the one that stood in front of God, family and friends and vowed to be with me and only me forever.

I know what you mean and agree to a point but wouldn't it piss you off that this hussy seduced your man - knowing that he was your man? May sound weird but I would find it easy to forgive my partner than the ho.

I would say that it depends on the individuals. I was with my hubby for 10 years before we got married which I think was a bit too long but we had family issues to work out .

My close friend met someone only 18 months ago, within 6 months they were married and they have now had their 1st baby and they are really happy!!!

Just go with gut instinct,

ThiefOfHearts:
Quote
I was talking to one of our Project Managers (an American) the other day. Irritating man to say the least.
He has two official cars - A Prado and an Avensis, gets paid almost $20,000 after tax every month and everything down to his laundry detergent is bought for him and his family and yet he claims he feels "unwelcome here". In fact, just last week, he still said he should be more welcome and exonerated here because he protested African liberty and freedom on the streets on New York in his hay days

I work with a bunch of expats - American, Brits, French and Italian mostly. The Americans are terrible. They are so patronising to the Nigerian staff, bloody rude about the country and their wives are the worst!!! Sit around in eachother's luxury apartments complaining about the food, weather, domestic staff, armed robbers etc. They don't venture outside, they don't do work for NGO's, charities etc. they just complain for a living.

And the expat staff all get atleast a 40% uplift on their basic salary (!!!) as Nigeria is considered a "hardship" location. They live in VI/Ikoyi in amazing apartments, have all bills paid etc and fly in and out to the US at will (return flight is about $8k). Whilst the Nigerian staff are given the junior and supporting roles on crap wages and no additional allowances. It's quite sickening.

Love IS different after marriage. It's better! It becomes a lot deeper and more soulful. Its easy enough to inject some excitement, kinkiness and flair into your relationship but the key is having some good pure love as the foundation. The love I have for my husband deepens and matures each year we're together. We know eachother's minds, moods, bodies intrinsically. I would hate to be a stranger with someone again.

@OP - maybe you should leave your wife. If you're tripping this much about someone else then maybe you married the wrong person.

I really like this and agree that all 7 are key - there are clear additional items too so I'll wait for Part 2. For me loyalty is a massive must-have.

My friend does none of these but she is an amazing cook so can be a total bitch then cook up a storm and be forgiven!! LOl.

I love Lost. It's so different to anything else. Think I truly overdosed on the whole 24/CSI shows so am enjoying this completedly unusual drama. I love all the connections and the whole 6 degree of separation thingy. I don't think too hard on the island and black smoke etc as none if it makes any real sense!!

The plot is described quite well here: After a mysterious and bloody airplane crash, 48 survivors are left stranded on a Pacific Island, miles off course. It soon becomes apparent that they will not have to cope only with the forces of nature, but with the island's secrets, including the Dharma Initiative, the 'Lost Numbers', the "others" (or hostiles) and the strange black smoke- to name a few. There is also much more than meets the eye, as it becomes apparent that everyone is connected in some way and that everyone has a purpose to live on the island, and for some, to die (Taken from imdb.com)

I'm enjoying season 5 but having to wait 4 hours for each episode to download over here in Lagos!!

ekakids:
its not that i dont get the monthly pay to stock up the house with food stuff,just that i feel i should be getting my own personal allawance

Ok sorry I thought you were the husband asking too! Sorry. Make a list of what you need each month - for both the house and for yourself - and ask him straight up for it. He should be taking care of you as his wife.

Lilian_Eve:
.My ex got my phone number through my cousin,she called me and i told her that i am married but we can still be the best of friends.

Dude. Your wife should be your best friend. Cut off your ex and go and spend the money on wifey.

Why can't you just ask him - non confrontationally and non aggressively? It sounds like you guys are close and have been together for years. I think you could ask.

I think its ok. I work but my husband gives me a monthly allowance to take care of the home, go to the market etc.

JJYOU:
being married to nigerian get you a naija passport quicker.

Being married to a Nigerian doesn't get you a Nigerian passport! The Nigerwives group managed to get the Obasanjo administration to allow foreigners married to Nigerians to work without a CERPAC card and we have an indefinite entry visa but they rarely give out the green passports. I did hear that you have to go to Abuja for a full on interview and quiz and have to be able to speak at least one ethnic Nigerian language, etc to even be considered! Not sure if that's true but there are older Nigerian ladies I know who have been here for 30+years and they still have no Nige passport.

Guys, here is a hypothetical question for you……,

If you see a married friend of yours about to make a stupid mistake with a chick – do you call him out? Let’s say you’re really good friends with his wife, Godfather to his kids etc. There are no issues in the marriage, it is just a stupid drunken situation and you can see your boy is about to cross the line.

Would you look the other way?
Would you take him aside and tell him to chill?
Would you get the chick away?
Or would you pat him on the back and say go on my son?

I ask because as a woman I wanted to step into such a situation recently and my husband told me to back off, that its none of my business. I’m really tormenting myself about it. I know his wife well and the guy was well out of line. 

Ok so now we all know the OP was a made up story but reading through the responses people pasted, its really interesting to see that almost everyone blasted the guy without mentioning the girl.

Now ok, he is the one who is married with kids and so he is the one who committed adultery.

But what about the chick? She was happy to keep on with him without giving a shit about the wife or kids. I see a lot of married men struggling in Lagos with very forward girls who really couldn't care less - or dare I say even prefer it (!) when they hear they have wives/kids etc. I can only pray that they do infact reap what they sow. One such girl I know of who tried it on with my husband (grrr) plus fckued another married guy I know for a few years (!!) , ended up pregnant by her player boyfriend who dumped her when pregnant and she's now a single mum. No sympathy. Feel sorry for the kid but she got what was coming (I know its bad to think like that, I am a Christian and I clearly have issues to work on Lol!)

I've lived in Nigeria for almost my whole married life and I'm wondering if this is a global issue?! I don't think my married or single friends in the UK behave the same way or am I being naive? Maybe they just cover their tracks better,

Hmmm. It would depend if I knew the person or not I think. If it were a girl I didn't know and it was one on one then honestly I wouldn't like it. I know he'd feel the same way if tables were turned.

Just ask her about it. Face to face.