₦airaland Forum

Lol re Beyonce - she's about as independent as a newborn baby. I hear Jay-Z just cut some fine guy out of her latest video.

LOL!! Don't apologise yet o. Lets cash the cheque first!!

Depends on the guy and the surroundings! Mine was with a forgettable guy I was at school with a million years ago - I regret it because it was sordid and I was too young and I wish I'd waited a few years to have given my virginity to my hubby. I can remember the guy, his name, what he looked like etc (in fact he tried to connect to me on facebook - I ignored him!!) but I have absolutely no emotional attachment whatsoever.

?? is this a serious post?!

Thanks chaircover you're so right.

He actually just called me to say that she dropped a post-dated cheque for the whole amount to his office today. I'll update the thread in October and let you know if the cheque clears!!

Rubi, You're right I think thats the real reason I am pissed off.
She has asked for the equivalent of my monthly salary which is NOT pocket money.

Wow. Just noticed how old this thread is!!! So - what was the ending? A happy one I pray,

I am so sorry for you. What an awful situation. There is nothing worse than bitter adults using poor innocent children as weapons of mass destruction.

I would honestly say don't do anything by force. Be as reasonable as you can and take as much BS as you can in order to maintain some level of communication.

Is there a possibility you could meet your ex without her parents around and to talk sensibly and practically about the future?

Plus - more importantly - he knows he can't say NO next time I ask for money!!!! Win win all round.

Thanks JJYOU, I hadn't thought about it from that side before. You're right, I also would much rather she took the money from "us" than a shady ex boyfriend or some other dodgy outlet.

Anyway I am going to try my bestest not to mention it again tonight, if I make wahala out of a molehill then my dear husband will stop telling me things.

I'm meeting up with her tomorrow night and would love to think she'll mention it to me then but something tells me that won't happen.

Thanks Ifeleke. I haven't established if she told him to deliberately keep it from me. If she did, thats bad manners on her part. Especially as she and I attend a wives fellowship each week and know it is wrong to encourage a spouse to keep secrets.

Re him being able to afford it - well I won't suffer if he gives it to her. Its the principle really.

That's a bit harsh?! Can't make such a generic statement.

I think globally its kind of a generational thing - I am certainly more affectionate and tactile with my babies than my parents were with me.

In Nigeria - you have the added angle of the respect given to the elders eg my husband calls his Dad "Sir" so there is automatically a barrier that is placed. They are still close though. Also, a few of the people I know in Nigeria were sent overseas to school when they were quite young so that also encourages them to be more independent from an early age.

This is very much a matter of personal choice.

In fact one of HSBC's current point of view ads uses a mum at home with kids all over her - three pictures of the same lady/kids in the same homely setting - priviledge, sacrifice or role model?

For me, well I tried it in between having my kids and my husband and I both realised pretty fast that it didn't suit us as a couple. He fell in love with me as a feisty young independent woman and found me stuck at home with no motivation kind of a turn off. I felt totally worthless and called him a million times a day out of loneliness!! Plus I am no domestic goddess. Drove me crazy that I even had to ask for money to get a pedicure or grab a coffee etc.

It was great to be around a bit more for the kids and to keep an eye on the cook etc but for us as a family, we are all happy with me working. I have a kind of flexible job so I can make sure I am home first, can do kids homework etc. and if my husband needs anything during the day, I will juggle whatever is happening in the office to put him first. Luckily I have a clueless boss so can get away with murder.

My husband told me last night that his brother's wife called him and asked him to borrow some money. Its quite a large sum. He thinks she must be desperate to ask him and so has agreed to give her the money. She says its a loan to be paid back but I don't think I have ever seen a loan paid back in Nigeria! If he gives her the money he shouldn't expect to see it again.

I have a few issues with this. I am really close with her (or so I thought) and I feel she is being sneaky going behind my back (and her husbands back) to my husband who already has plenty of expenses from me and our kids.

Things aren't great with her and her husband so I guess she can't ask him right now. HOWEVER, I know he gives her plenty of money for her and the kids so I can only assume she has overstretched herself - knowing her, its on jewellery or something equally as frivolous.

I'm happy that my husband is being a nice guy and helping her out and I'm happy he told me about it as if I'd found out later I would have been more pissed off. My biggest issue is how will his brother ever feel if he finds out about it?! Surely it will be a big drama that will end up being played out between the men.

I don't want to be a heartless bitch but should I advise him not to get involved?

A poster said it is the man's fault for succumbing. Whilst I agree, I also hold the chicks responsible - they lay themselves on a plate (literally) and it makes it hard for even the very best man to keep on resisting. I've seen the girls in action and they are like vultures, they don't give up and they are shameless in their behaviour.

Depo-Provera - contraceptive injection. Lades, please avoid it with your life. It turned me psycho (ok, more-psycho than normal). I have never experienced such rage and volatility in my life. Could have happily stabbed my husband. Oh yeah, and zero sex drive - worst 3 months of my life (even worse for Oga)

Lotuken:
Another format of yahoo yahoo boys.Foreigners,beware of these people cos you may loose several of hundred of thousands of dollars to them.Beware! It's not real!!

Anyone daft enough to fall for these scams deserves to lose their $$$$'s and dignity in my opinion!!

He's being a big baby. Fix it or replace it or whatever and I'm sure he'll be very sheepish about it.

I think its right to be concerned re their 2 seats. There was an interview with Griffin in the Independent on Sunday. I'd assumed he was an uneducated thug - turns out he is Cambridge educated - that really surprised me for some reason. Anyway - he actually believes that Muslims will take over Europe. He says that their plan is not to use violence, bullets or terrorism but they are making as many Muslim babies as possible (and are especially grooming non-Muslim women apparently) to become the majority. So his issues are more about religion and culture than SKIN colour?!

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/an-audience-with-a-racist-1704679.html

Sorry if I'm being slow, a lot of people have mentioned money as the incentive. Surely married men have more expenses to cover - wife, kids, family home etc, sure they may be more established in their businesses etc but they have more responsibilities too and its a very sick man who gives a groupie money before he gives it to his mrs or his children.

I know the question is re the girls but the guys are not innocent - as they are the ones who are married, if they act like its okay then the silly naive girls will follow their lead. There is also of course another element where the girls deliberately chase the married men - maybe some of them don't fancy being a wife or having kids yet and don't want all the responsibiilties and pressures of serious dating and planning a future etc.

Its twisted but it will be well. You reap what you sow and the cycle will continue.

best companies are CSL Stockbrokers and Chapel Hill in my opinion.

50K?!?!?!?!

Damn, I thought I was badly paid but I guess I'd better keep my mouth shut.

if you like bellanajia, you might also like www.tigertem.com

Banke is def the best and a really nice person too.

@ Poster - I wanted to come on here and tell you to go for it, follow your heart and get ready for some tricky times before, hopefully, a happy ending.

BUT

You've only been together 10 months? I think maybe you need to take your time a little? Maybe he's panicking as you're coming on too strong and need to take the relationship a bit slower.

I got my Yoruba guy in the end but I had his Mum on my side from the beginnng and trust me, she made all the difference in persuading the Dad. I also know that it was easier for my in-laws to accept a white woman than an AA or West Indian. Oh yeah and did I mention it took SEVEN YEARS!!! LOL.

Dear NL, I was always led to believe that the wife was the spiritual centre of the home - that it is the wife's duty to keep the home and her spirit calm and quiet and to educate the kids and husband in the christianly way. To chase everyone up to go to church and encourage bible readings, lead the family in prayers etc.

However at a fellowship last week, we were told otherwise - we were told as the submissive wife - we MUST let the husband lead.

What are your thoughts on this and how does one go about this in practice? I am bad enough at getting us to church and to pray but if I leave it my tired and overworked husband - I don't know when it will happen.

I couldn't support her. In fact I'd probably distance myself from her as much as possible. Of course I'd be back again to help pick up the pieces after her husband finds out and kicks her arse out of house!! That's what friends are for

@ Poster - sorry but if you'd had some high/stoned armed robbers with their guns in your face and their hands all over your body ripping off your jewellery and clothes - you would think differently.

I'm not coming out supporting jungle justice per se but when you realise that no one even tried to find these people and bring them to justice and no one gives a Bleep that you were almost raped and murdered, then its hard to turn the other cheek and wish them well as fellow human beings.

I appreciate that some of these people are a product of their environment but still not blameless - many people are in desperate situations but not all stoop to these levels.

And yes - overall the government are to blame. My own experience came post elections in 2007 when area boys were armed by the politicians in the run up to the elections and then left free to roam when the wannabe governors had no more use for them.