₦airaland Forum

Ben-10:
Since GES911 exam was gulder, it means the teacher didn't taught us well.

our mod.,lng tym oh

valicious1: Haha dis is d worstest english I has ever hear am so dissapointment on you.

surest gbangaun

DAMIGHT: so many fools at nairaland """" this is joke """ dnt u see joke forum ? U ar a learner @ U

@whopls

Lil,i've always luv ur jokes,up til nw,u haven't disappoint me,kip it up

Luv dat

DAMIGHT: For the sake of safe SEX, NAFDAC
has introduce a protection cream
in place of Condoms. Its safe,
affordable and confortable.
Moreover, their will be no need to
use condom again. The advantage
of using this cream is that you can
M
now enjoy Flesh to flesh without
the fear of HIV/AIDs. Wow!! At last
we can now enjoy ourself skin to
skin. Go to any Pharmacy close to
you and request for ABONIKI
BALM. WARNING: whatever
hapoens to you my guy you are
on your own o.

see wat sniffing dey coz!

Sorry,is dis still d joke section or d romance section

realsammie: Your girlfriend must be foolish to be dating a mad man like u Dont u agree

waiting 4 my like...

nw dis is d real joke

Nyc 1,my guy

realsammie: ^^^

What is this one saying any interpreter

Next time u type in english and not Hebrew..
bull$hit

abi oh,sammie,

I kuku tell u to tell her

Another old tale,When will pple stop repeating jokes

mako007:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzVQy1U4Sx8

april fool on d 5th of April

*jst passing by*

Nigeria's first lady, Patience Faka Jonathan, returned to Abuja late afternoon after a medical trip that took her to Germany.
Mrs. Jonathan was welcomed by wife of the Vice President, Hajiya Amina Sambo, leading adelegation of party faithful numbering 100 bused to the airport in coaster buses.
A source at the airport said the first lady look tired and lethargic apparently drained from recent hospitalization in Germany.
Meanwhile, the first lady is billed to attend a payer"Breakfast Meeting" scheduledfor 8:00 AM. The breakfast prayer meeting will be anchored by Aso Rock Villa chaplain, John Kennedy Okpara.
The same chaplain presided over a multimillion naira thanksgiving service that hadsome 5,000 people in attendance. SaharaReporters gathered that the Presidential office donated N20 million to the event.
http://saharareporters.com/news-page/nigeria-first-lady-returns-abuja-another-medical-trip

An accident at Igbogui market along the Ore-Benin highway has claimed the lives of dozens of Nigerians. Eyewitnesses told Saharareporters that over seventy passengers died when a luxury bus belonging to the Young Shall Grow Transport Company collided with a Dangote tanker laden with pms(fuel). The Federal Road Safety Corp (FRSC), however, reported that 36 persons died.
In a press release issued by the FRSC, the agency gave the cause of the accident as atyre malfunction on the Dangote truck. “Preliminary reports from the FRSC indicated that a tyre from the Dangote truck suddenly pulledout and rammed into the Tanker which caught fire immediately,” the Press Release says. “The luxury bus which was on speed, lost control and ran into the blazing fire, consuming its occupants.”
The FRSC said it rescued three passengers while 30 others died from the luxury bus. The tanker driver and his conductor were also reported killed in addition to two children who died when the fire spread to a nearby mechanic garage. The FRSC reported that eight other vehicles were burned.
The luxury bus originated from Jibowu station and was headed for Enugu with 30 passengers.
The Benin-Ore highway is famed for its perennial maintenance problems and numerous safety concerns that periodically lead to accidents. Drivers on the roadare also known to drive recklessly.
The gridlock caused by the accident forced the FRSC to divert traffic away from Benin-Ore road at Oluku junction to Ifon-Owo-Akure road to Lagos.
According to the Press Release signed by the FRSC Public Education officer, JonasAgwu, the agency has been concerned about the recent spate of road accidents. The agency blamed speeding and reckless driving for the accidents. “The Federal Road Safety Corps has concluded plans to evoke its statutory mandate by instituting legal actions against the driver andtransport operators whose vehicles are responsible for such crashes,” Mr. Agwu said.
The FRSC also resolved “to assist victims and relations ofroad crash victims to seek compensation from such fleet operators.
http://saharareporters.com/news-page/nigeria-auto-accident-claims-70-passengers
http://naijarum.forumotion.com/t52-nigeria-auto-accident-claims-70-passengers#65

I have watchedwith patient annoyance, I have listen with patient distress, to thesights and sounds of our dear actress turn singer Tonto Dikeh. Like many others, I chosenot to talk about her but I was forced to know how wrong I was forkeeping silent by the words of Alibaba and OJB, two eminent personalities that means a lot to the entertainment industry.
Alibaba once tweeted “Playing a song of an artiste that you know is not good enough is noencouragement you are spoiling the market”, I don’t know what he had in mind. In an online interview with OJB he said
Foremost, I must say I admire Tonto Dikeh’s confidence and doggedness, but to what avail is it whenused in a wrong way. A cutlass is a good tool in thehand of a farmer, withoutwhich we cannot get foodto it, but that same cutlass can kill! Despiteher confidence there should be substance. Is music so hard to learn that she cannoteven get average in a year?
Tonto Dikeh has a well publicised relationship with one of Africa’s best music producers, DON JAZZY. She once took to twitter to say she was deflowered by DON JAZZY andhe replied saying “Me wey I still beV”. I don’t care about what they had together, my point is this, she enjoys a very good relationship with Don Jazzy,making it easy for her to haveapproached DON Jazzy if she truly wanted to makesome good music. My opinion is this, it is either Don Jazzy already told her she cannot sing or she personally knows she can’t and decides not to talk about it to Don Jazzy.
Many upcoming artistes out there have seen their career rescinded due to annoying words from, DJs, Media personnel and the likes and yet they make music that are 10 times betterthan that of Tonto Dikeh. The only difference is that she was a star before she started singing making it is obvious that all we worship in the entertainment industry is money and fame not True talent and ability.
If a lady with the world at her feet and the cream of the industry at her beck and call, comes up with a song as poor as “HI” (Auto tune on afalse tone (falsetto), how woeful?) and we accepted it, While there areseveral up andcoming acts outthere that can make music hasgood as that ofWizkid (I have met a lot that are better) stillroaming the streets.
This makes me wonder if Nigerian music has a body in place to monitor the type of music produced and released to themarket. I am not against Tonto Dikeh singing, I am against her singing NONSENSE! Ifshe can learn to sing well I’d be the first to clap for her once it is good music.
Several individuals in several capacities havebuilt Nigerian Entertainment Industry (especially the music sector) to this point of international recognition. Should we watch with folded arms as someone crumbles it recklessly? Is it true that we only work for money not passion in this industry? Will the labour of our heroes (and heroines) past go in vain.We have to stand up and support good music! True talent and a not just desire to be popular, a lust for fame!Let us remember that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere, Tonto Dikeh has to be stopped for thesake of the talented youthsout there!.

I have seen many faces,black, yellow, cream, etc.But a type of face that stands out is the one with tribal marks .
Tribal marks are peculiar to most tribes innaija. It was known to serve two purposes - identification and beautification.
These days i see peoplemock anyone with tribal marks. Calling them 'fightlion', 'tiger claws' , etc.
All i want to know is if there's anyone out there that will allow his/her kid to have a mark on the face.
I will love to read the opinion of people with tribal marks too.

Guess what, four of our very own Nigerian artistes are among the Africa's Ten wealthiest artistes. That is 2face, BankyW, D'banj and Psquare according to Africa Answers.
Senegalese singer Youssou N’Dour topped the list as he came 1st, Psquare 2nd, D'banj 3rd, 2face 7th, and Banky W 9th position.
Read the breakdown of their earnings below to make it clearer;
Psquare makes more than $150,000 per show. Their Squareville which is located at Ikeja is worth $3 million and as part of their brand support, they also havea 3 years deal with Globalcom; a Nigerian telecommunication company as brand ambassadors where they are paid a million dollars a year.
D'banj, they said, made$1 million dollars when he was paid by a T.V station to star on his own reality show called the Koko Mansion. He has a crib in Atlanta worth of $1.5 million andreportedly charges on the upside of $100,000 per show currently.
2Face has a vast investment in real estate across Nigeria, earns around $50k to$80k per show and owns a night club in Nigeria just to name a few.
For Banky W, they wrote he has been a brand ambassador for Etisalat mobile in Nigeriaand is currently the facefor Samsung products inthe West African nation. Out of his generous heart, Banky W has started off Mr Capable foundation; an educationcharity organization withthe aim to aid in the education of children from poor families.
Do you think this is a Credible List or Not? Comment & Correction are Acceptable!!!
http://www./forum/showthread.php?t_id=68686&page=1

bin gbagbo: as if he get head sef?

wetin do u?mtcheew

Walk into any wireless store, and you will find dozens of cell phone models for sale.These are the best cell phones for entertainment in 2012 and going into 2013:
Nokia Lumia 920
Nokia’s Lumia 920 has a 4.5-inch display built from bully glass , so it won’t scratch as easily as some other phones out there. The dual core 1.5 GHz processor and 32 GB of built-in memory will please smartphone power users, and the battery is powerful enough to support more than 15 straight hours of talking.
Nokia Lumia 920
With Windows 8, Microsoft has finally offered a gripping mobile proposal. While the operating system lacks many of the trendy apps available for Android and iOS, those apps should become availableover time as more phone users switch to Windows phones .
Apple iPhone 5
The Apple Maps fiasco aside, the iPhone 5 improves upon the 4S in almost every single category. With a beautiful 16:9 4-inch display , 1.3 GHz A6 processor and LTE support for incrediblyfast mobile data speeds, Apple’s newest smartphone is its best yet.
Apple iPhone 5
This smartphone is an easy choice for consumers who arealready empowered in the Apple ecosystem . Unfortunately, Apple fans whoalready own the 4S may wantto hold off on that upgrade until the next version is released in 2013. The iPhone 5 offers an improvement over the 4S, butthe 4S remains a very capable smartphone.
Motorola Droid Razr Maxx
Motorola Droid Razr Maxx
The original Razr was a bestseller nearly a decade ago, and Motorola’s newest model, the Droid Razr Maxx , aims to evoke the performance peak with equal memory and processor speeds to the Lumia 920 . Unlike the Nokia’s offering, the Droid Razr Max comes with a beefy 3300 mAh batterythat has 65 percent more capability than the Lumia 920 ‘s battery.
HTC Windows Phone 8X
HTC Windows Phone 8X
HTC is a company that has always been surpasses by Apple, Samsung and Motorola, but the Windows Phone 8X offers a competitive phone at a competitive price. While the Windows Phone 8X lacks some of the features and camera quality found on more luxurious phones , it makes up for those shortcomings with crystal clear call quality and a speedy processor.
Samsung Galaxy S3
The Samsung Galaxy S3 boasts a remarkable 4.8-inch display that runs laps around the competition when it comes to anything from playing games and streaming movies to browsingthe Web and text messaging . Without compromising on processor speed or memory, the S3′s battery won’t last as long as other phones, but most consumersare willing to overlook this shortcoming.
Samsung Galaxy S3
Most of what I consider the best cell phones can be foundor used on T-Mobile , whichwould have to include the extremely popular and often sold out Nexus 4 . Each phone emphasizes processor speed and display quality over battery life, and most consumers will probably want to stick with their current iOS, Android or Windows platform .
http://naijarum.forumotion.com/t51-the-5-best-cell-phones-to-ring-well-into-2013#64

As usual,smh

Akpos calls up the Hotel manager from his room.
AKPOS: Please come fast, I was having an argument withmy wife and she says shes gonna jump out of the window.
MANAGER: Sir, I am sorry I can't help you, this seems to be a personal issue.
AKPOS: You Idiot, this is a maintenance issue. The window isn't opening!

While watching a movie, the following conversation ensured between two friends
MARY: Hmmm....even with the death of Michael Jackson, hismusic still lives.
JOY: Michael Jackson is dead?
MARY: Yes...have you been ina hole or something? Even Whitney Houston.
JOY: [shocked] Really!!?
MARY: Even Neil Armstrong.
JOY: Oh no...
MARY: Even Julius Caeser, Cleopatra...
JOY: eeeey! What a pity, what is happening? All this NOLLYWOOD actors are just dying!!!

A Pakistani boy was admitted in an American school
TEACHER: What's ur name?
BOY: Mohammad
TEACHER: No, you're in America your name is Johnny from today
The boy went home
MOM: How was your day, Mohammad?
BOY: I'm an American, call me Johnny
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up, next day he was back to school bruised.
TEACHER: What happened Johnny?
BOY: Just 4hrs after I becamean American, I was attacked by 2 Pakistanis.

A Prof and Akpors was seating next to each
other in a long flight.
Prof said to Akpors: lets playa game, I will ask
you a question and if you didn't get the
answer, you will pay me $50,and if u ask me
a question and I didn't get the answer, I will
pay you $5000.
The Prof started :What is thedistance from
the earth to the moon? Akpors doesn't say a
word, he reaches his pocket and pulled out a
$50 and gave him. Now is Akpors' turn to ask,
He said: what goes up in the hill
with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs?
The Prof thought for a long time, searches the
net, and asked all his smart friends
but couldn't get the answer. He reaches his
pocket and pulled out a$5000 and gave it
Akpors.
Prof got mad and asked Akpors: well, what
the hell goes up the hill
with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs?.
Akpors just deep his hand into his pocket and
gave Prof $50 and said: I don't know also.

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class,
"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow
taller than guys?"
Akpors raised his hand and replied, "That's
because guys have balls andthat weighs them
down."
The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is
it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than
girls?"
Akpors countered by saying,"That's because
girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy's
balls."

For two years, a man was having an affair with a Nigerian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child. If shestayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how would he know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, nine months later, he come home to his confused wife. "Honey!", she said "you received a very strange post card today."
He said 'just give it to me and I will explain later'. She watched as he read the card,turned white and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti
Three with meatballs, two without...send extra sauce.
LIKE if you got it

A newly married couple brought a female househelp from the village to assist in keeping their home tidy so they would have time for their careers & other more important things.
One day, oga decided to givehis wife a surprise package. He moulded a Big Heart(LOVE)with the assistance of the househelp, a project which took almost the whole day.
Madam came back & met the househelp sleeping & snoring:
Madam: Will u get up now! Stupid girl. What have u beendoing since morning?
Househelp: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me & oga dey make love since morning. Na just now now we finish I say make I lie down small...
The househelp talk am well?
Have a pleasant week!

Who is the most disciplined when acting movie among these Nollywood actresses? Imean no kisses, no romance and no dirty act on the stage.Let me see if you have the same choice as me. Let's go there.
a. Chioma Akpotha Chukwuka
b. Stephanie Okereke
c. Yvonne Nelson
d. Yvonne Okoro
e. Mercy Johnson
f. Juliet Ibrahim

Hotdiamond: Kyle xy
secret life of the American teenager.
And all other high school series movies.

yeah,jst started watching the secret life of the American teenager and I think it is one of d best america seasonal college films.