₦airaland Forum

Question- who paid the hospital bill?
I guess the MIL. How else could she have walked out with her daughter and the baby.
I guess you must be guilty of neglect and abuse.
Elders would not normally be abused and sent away unless something serious went wrong.

It is inhuman to think of separating such a young child from the mother

queensmith when you fall in love and when you have children it will all come on it`s own. I like your rebellious nature, just do not overdo it and all will go well.

debrief, I did not in anyway attack you personality and as you did write, I have a right to my opinion, even if it is about you.
Besides succumbing was referring to all options not just cheating.

dare2think
for better for worse
not for best for worst and certainly not for better for hell.

You know the feeling!! The tears each month when the flow begins after you must have dug your hands up there a million times to see if it started.
Sorry but it is hard to calm someone on this issue.
You are saying it because it is the only advise one can give and does give.
You did not succumb, but sooner or later you might have, if you remained in the marriage.

Sorry does the poster already have a child? I read she lost it.

We all do the same thing and go on to condemn others.
I cannot imagine that single parenting is an issue today. The least of your problems should be what people think. If you can afford to emotionally and financially pull it through go ahead.

Amen Debrief, may God work through you, when do we start donating,

CC this one you are all sensitive to smells at the moment,
Is there something cooking on the oven for nine months

2nd thread now about smelling

CC her husband is not being nonchalant- he simply is scared of facing the option that those three kids may not be his biological kids.
Many women just go ahead and get their kids fathered else where.
It is possible he got a low Fluid count as a result of an infection afterwards but there is also a possibility the kids are not his.

People can write whatever they want here but the longing for a child can never be quenched.  DeBrief- being somewhat hypoc. here.
Besides you can never really love other children like your own. You can love them but not like your own.

My dear some people would advice you to pray, others to go discreetly and look for a Fluid donor outside (free of charge) the option is yours.

If i were the husband I would close an eye and let you fulfil your dream, he probably has three times already.

I love above everything else the smell of grass when it is cut or mowed. I like the smell of fresh earth, when it is damp, matches when lighted.

Virtuous woman,
sometimes we women make the mistake of believing that a man would love us because of the kids. But that is not completely right. you have to earn your love yourself and not through your child.
There are certainly mean and cruel men out there but that is not always the case. What of the instances where the woman has given birth to a beautiful baby and yet has also done so many negative things that make the love dwindle?
I remember once when I was pregnant I got so mad at my husband, I just felt he was not being caring and considerate and my hormones were rioting and going amok. He just sat there watching TV and was grinning at my comments, somehow a fuse blew and I went into the room and came out with his cloths and threw them on him. After the third wailing trip to the room (by this time, I was sober enough to drop them beside him) he asked me calmly to put all the cloths back and after that i needed to apologise because my behaviour was unacceptable. I was so hurt I just flung myself on the bed and cried myself out. But it soon dawned on me that I had done something ridiculously childish and rude. His calm reaction had also complicated issues. I knew I could leave those cloths but it would be more like a -do your worst - challenge. I felt pretty worried about going further to hurt his ego, so I went back to fold the cloths and put them back, still crying. He asked me if I was sorry, I replied no and he wanted to know why I was picking them up. I told him I did not know why. Anyway he helped even though it was not much, but I guess it was a gesture that spoke words. When we were through I went to him still sobbing, got down on my knees and apologised. I never meant to hurt him. He just took me in his arms and told me it was not my fault but the hormones, he knew I would never want to hurt him. He also explained that he was only trying to laugh over things so I cheer up and did not realise it was the wrong approach at that time.
This nasty incident only strengthened us because we learnt not to cross certain boundaries and most importantly that we needed to help each other, when boundaries are crossed. It is also very important for the other partner to recognise the help being offered.
He helped me in this instance by remaining calm and giving me the hint that I needed to correct my mistake.
I recognised this help and reacted first by putting back the  cloths.
He helped me further by helping me pick up the cloths. It was not much work but he was telling me, without words that he still stands by me and cares and he also takes some blame. This also made it easier for me to apologise. It was these gestures that earned my absolute respect and humility and got me down on my knees.
I try to imagine what if,  he had gone mad- fight escalates - no one ready to apologise,
Once the taboos are broken , it keeps reoccurring, no more boundaries, no more respect and the marriage breaks up or two people no longer in love co-habit .

Gosh did not realise I got so long
Forgot to add-
Do I submit to my husband by letting him use me as his sex slave?- Certainly not!
I love him so much that I even call him sometime at work to hurry home, then I serve him a special meal, to get him ready for his night shift.
In fact there are days i even threaten to rape him

davidylan, you are mean
Queensmith
Stop vomiting, you might be spilling out the little sense you have in there. ow can you be taking paracetamol for stomach ache. Besides the way you home must be smelling now, have no fear n o man will intrude.
Submission certainly does not mean losing ones self.
We all submit every day in our life to laws and regulations. At work we submit to our bosses. If you have an innovative idea at work but the company does not want to implement it does it make you a slave or someone that is weak and without a mind? Do you get rude and storm out? This you do for a mere income.
Now here you have a woman in a family, there is more at stake than just a mere income and you think that submission is out of place- strange.
The few times I ever pleaded with my husband to let me have my way, even though he was against it always backfired. i had to come back and admit that it was a wrong decision and I wished he had stopped me.
Through my submission I have gained myself unimaginable freedom in my marriage. For instance my husband is not in any way a social person but he lets me go out even all night long. This is because he knows that he can trust me and that I would never do it without his blessing. Even if he says you can go if you want to, I will never go. He needs to let me know that he approves it. He also knows exactly where I am and most times it is a social function so he has no problems.
He has also never had a problem with women or men calling this house or visiting me.
Since most of my decisions are rational, he also hardly objects, so I find it hard to imagine where I am missing out.
Most time when he opposes my suggestion, I thank him for his advice. I am intelligent enough to reason that he is right and that I was on the wrong lane.
Sometimes it does happen that his own decision was wrong. Even then I still accept it. I certainly tell him my opinion but let him know that I submit to his decision.
Eventually he also comes back to me to admit I was right. I think making those mistakes was also very important in building our marriage because he had to make them to appreciate that I was right and also even more important- that i loved him and respected him enough to accept and stand behind the wrong decisions.
That`s how you build a marriage. Today we both know where our strong points and weak points are.
When it comes to decision making - I make most of them today because my husband knows I am very competent, most especially when it pertains to the children.
When it comes to finances- I submit to my husband. This is because in this regard he is more competent. I can be somewhat spontaneous and he is very reasonable with money. To be honest I had to struggle some years with that one,  
Do I loose my identity because I clean and cook, pet and spoil him?- certainly not he is my first baby in the house. I do the same for all my kids.
Do I loose my identity because I apologise, even when I am not necessarily to blame?- Certainly not because apologising is a good way of opening the door for the man to apologise and admit his fault, while retaining his pride. When you apologise you are apologising for what you did wrong, which might have been raising your voice or getting rude.

othernok. The child needs some attention. Children can sense when their mum is expecting even if they can`t put it into words. Take some time out for him alone. At the same time it is very important for him to know your limit and when you do not have time.
Enough sleep is also very important for toddlers. Most times they get in a bad mood of all clingy and crying because they are tired.

Some comments here are really totally out of place and rude. Why crack such jokes? This is about a child that is about to be born, no need throwing mud all over the place. Six months is somewhat early but not tragic. It does happen.

Happy birthday madam Chaircover. I hope you have covered the day and shared it with your loved ones

For someone who gave so much now wanting to take it all
LEAVE THAT HOUSE FOR YOUR PARENTS; THAT THEY ARE OCCUPYING IT DOES NOT MAKE IT THEIRS.
Besides if the house is in your fathers name you have little or no chance.
Please dust your feet and continue with life's journey.
Abomination to engage in war with ones parents.
Sorry you ahd to go through all this.

One month is not a long time.
Most eligible men and women are already in a relationship when the meet someone else.
You need to find out how he feels about you and you need to find out more about the girl. Has he made her any promises? Has the girl sacrificed so much for him?
The circumstances always determine how you have to react.
It is possible that you are his real love but it is always a risk.
So too you might have a boyfriend who goes ahead to marry someone else.

Young modern women, you need to set a sign and show the world how it is done.

I advice that during your traditional marriage, you stand up while giving your husband the wine or better still get him to kneel.
Already you go in on your knees and you ask if it is a thing of the past

Most of the problems in a marriage are a result f one or both partners not living up to their responsibilities.  If a woman does what is expected of her and runs her home and family competently. you even have  the man submitting to her in many ways. The man will be only too willing to perform the functions you assign to him because he sees how well the home is being run. There is also little need for him to intervene.

Why do women have a problem with submission. There are billions of people in the world and you can roar like a lion for every one of them, so what is the problem about submitting to one man?
Submission means not just obeying but respecting a man because he is worthy of respect. Having high regard for him and getting down from this ego trip while interacting with him.

Do you have to be submissive before the marriage?
Normally a woman should be feminine all the time and with every one. That includes qualities like being respectful, soft spoken, considerate etc.If a woman has those qualities she does not even have to make so much effort when she is married to fit into the role of a wife.

MY husband is everything and more to me. My best friend, my lover, my brother and my father, I do not consciously submit to him but it happens by reflex. I know already over the years how he would react to most things and so I make sure I do not do anything that would hurt him or anger him.
Initially it was a learning process for both of us but we got there or are getting there. Along the way allot of mistakes were made but being humble and open helps a long way.

First you are not his girlfriend, just some chick he is ,
At least at this stage. How long do you know him and what do you think about all this.
A woman has to have some pride

I thank God for you poster
What you need to do is thank God for redemption and ever forward, never backward.
You have been saved from years of agony

This is a very kind MIL if you ask me.!!!!
To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
She has told the girl the truth and nothing but the truth. This is the reality of life and life can be cruel. When the marriage gets older the man will be on the look for a male child.
As far as I am concerned the wicked one here is the man. He wants the wife to invest with him and at the same time has ended his family planning
I smell a big RAT!!!
The woman should try having a male child or get herself some solid legal advice. She should also get property on her own. The reality with property in Nigeria is that the in laws can take possession of the property and you might find yourself donkey years in court. During this period the may have wasted your life and besides the property would not benefit the girls much. They might even not be in the position to fight for it.

Why did your family take care of the bill for two months
You all are quite gullible. Do you think his people would not have come up with the money You all are enabling this man.

blank he cries for hours because he knows that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Carrying the child at the end just relays the message that "okay , I hve to cry harder and longer".You need to get the message across, that it does not work. It is very difficult but two three times and it starts to klick.

Saodish, It is okay for you to ask why they don`t want cereals, but I think you should just leave it out. I do not give my kids at that age anything sweet to KG. No cereals and certainly no juices. Sometimes a yogurt. At that age you could give him yogurt or fruits, like banana. There are so many different things that are healthy and convenient that a child can eat at that age.

gunshin, religion is the opium of the people and quite honestly I avoid getting into such discussions.
For people who do not believe in speaking in tongues, it is hard to accept and can sometimes be even frightening.  
I think it is wrong  for  people to react so harshly on him.
Gunshin does not love God less than anyone of you, he just finds his wife's method of prayer questionable and frightening. To everyone their own method. To be honest if my husband started speaking in tongues I would not find it conducive because I simply do not believe in it and that was not what i bargained for when I married him. So please respect that and no need to get rude.
Some people when they get the new calling just seem to think that they must detach themselves from worldly things and that can have a dramatic effect on your marriage.
Also I need to caution you, it can be a great danger to you when one partner gets fanatical. You may get under Psycho terror. God will get you and that can affect you drastically. The God I deserve is a loving and merciful God.
When my father suddenly got this way years back I lost a part of him because he could hardly communicate much to me. Every thing was a punishment from God etc.  Besides it is not only what one professes with their mouths that counts but the goodness of your heart.
You need to talk with your wife and I pray she is not so carried away that she can no longer see to reason.

He had no option but to resign. There have been calls for his resignation and he was constantly in the news. I think he just wanted to avoid this last humiliation o his immunity being removed.
I do not think that he did anything tragic. It was a mistake for Germany to appoint someone with a political background as president. The position is more that of custodian.

gunshin, it is all about religious tolerance. Everyone thinks only their church is the right one.
Religion is a personal relationship with God. You are not contending with man here but with God. I is about trying and not doing it right.
I envy your wife!!!
For years I have been searching fo closer relationship with God to no avail. I am even so lazy when it comes to prayer.
Maybe she can put me in her prayers that God will touch me as he has touched her.

gunshin I understand what you are getting at. She is a totally changed person and this is all too much for you to handle.
She needs to be advised on how to accommodate you with this her new found zeal. But you also need to give her time.
There is nothing wrong in worshipping God and you have to show tolerance for her.
Honestly I advice yo to show her that you respect her spirituality and even join her in prayer. A family that prays together, stays together.
I am sure she will be her old self in bed again.
Look it might be more your resentment than her new way of worship that is creating this tension in the house.

Model I get you. I was really mad when a child bit my toddler in the face.